simple truths - Page:1

I love getting email jokes but a lot seem to be about how women are smarter, superior, and even stronger. But if they are so smart, why can't they figure out some of the simple truths of us men? Very simple rules to follow, and we'll be loving and content spouses. Here are 32 "Rules to live together by."1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. Yoou don't hear us complaining sbout you leaving it down.2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.3. If you think your fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Really, really listen to this one)6. Sometimes, we are not thinking of you. Live with it.7. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, or gulf.8. Sunday=Sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutly anything you where is fine. Really.11. You have enough clothes.12. You have to many shoes.13. Crying is blackmail.14. Ask for what you want. Lets be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calander.16. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.17. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we would be any good choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?18. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.19. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.20. A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.21. Foreign films are best left to foriegners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it dosen't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway...)22. Check your oil!23. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it dosen't matter which quiz.24. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.25. All comments become null and void after 7 days.26. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.27. Let us oogle. We're going to look anyway; its' genetic.28. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.29. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.30. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.31. If it itches, it will be scratched.32. If we ask whats wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. Simple enough, right?EnjoyTJ

Oh LordForge me in the fire of your mightLet your flames burn higher and brighterMake me pure and holy in your siteAnd cleanse me with thy consuming fire

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