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Forums > Social Discussion > Your diet and your relationship... a potential conflict?

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Is your dietary choice inflicting on your relationships?

Would you (for example as a vegan) have trouble with your carnivore partner? Or would you as a omnivore have trouble with your vegan partner?

Did you ever end a relationship due to differences in diet?
Did you ever avoid a relationship due to a different dietary choice?

I love you, but you love meat - article in the NYT

 Written by: Kate Murphy

No-holds-barred carnivores, for example, may share the view of Anthony Bourdain, who wrote in his book Kitchen Confidential that vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans ... are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit.

Returning the compliment, many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who eats meat. Vegans, who avoid eating not just animals but animal-derived products, take it further, shivering at the thought of kissing someone who has even sipped honey-sweetened tea.

(...)

Ben Abdalla, 42, a real estate agent in Boca Raton, Fla., said he preferred to date fellow vegetarians because meat eaters smell bad and have low energy.

Lisa Romano, 31, a vegan and school psychologist in Belleville, N.Y., said she recently ended a relationship with a man who enjoyed backyard grilling. He had no problem searing her vegan burgers alongside his beef patties, but she found the practice unenlightened and disturbing.

While some eaters may elevate morality above hedonism, others are suspicious of anyone who does not give in to the pleasure principle.

June Deadrick, 40, a lobbyist in Houston, said she would have a hard time loving a man who did not share her fondness for multicourse meals including wild game and artisanal cheeses. And Im talking cheese from a cow, not that awful soy stuff, she said.




*Humms that tune: "What's LOVE got to do with it"?*

umm wink

Enjoy


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:Maybe he is a Tina Turner fan?

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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spinningstarlet
SILVER Member since Aug 2006

spinningstarlet

enthusiast
Location: Bradford *rolls eyes*, United ...

Total posts: 271
Posted:I'm veggie, and the boy is not. My dad's a bucher, his is a farmer.

And y'know what? we don't have a problem with it at all. He dosn't eat much meat anymore, but we still buy meat as well as veggie stuff. The difference is i think is that we do both cook, and i don't mind cooking meat. We just do the same thing but cook the veggie stuff first before the meat.

Like Jo though, i am happy to have the same as everyone else just without the meat.


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Fire_Moose
SILVER Member since May 2007

Fire_Moose

Elusive and Bearded
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, USA

Total posts: 3597
Posted:I wouldnt mind dating a vegitarian, I may even cook for her (yummy quack-a-dillas) but i can't say i have met many healthy looking vegans. I ate all vegan meals when i was at Noels (http://joshuaploeg.blogspot.com/)......it was....bettter then i was expecting....odd textures and yer hungry again after a couple hours......but for the most part it was pretty good, but there is no way i could see eatign that way EVERYDAY. And when it comes to the RAW vegan food (and im not talking about apples and carrots) that's where i draw the line.....if i wanted mush squeezed together to form something id get a hamburger biggrin

O.B.E.S.E.

Owned by Mynci!

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 4525
Posted:Poje, I know what you mean! I went to stay with my Reiki master for a couple of weeks and she was on some crazy vegan detox so as I was her guest I joined her on it.
Instead of milk we had hazelnut milk, it was all grains and seeds, not normal honey but manuka honey- which is basically medicine and tastes horrible.

I lasted about 3 days and then I snuck off to the newsagents and bought a secret stash of chocolate to keep me going!! ubblol


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted:You can get vegan dark chocolate. It's quite nice! And made from nuts and seeds!

.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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blackrose1


blackrose1

member
Location: auckland

Total posts: 198
Posted:Iv been a vegetarian for 8 years as i belive in animal rights my partner was a meat eater as long as he brushed his teeth i didnt mind and yes he use to say my vital juices taste better and now hes gone of meat i find his better hahaha old meat stale sausage

please have patience when reading my posts as english is not my first language
Im blonde and irish all in one Explains all
Forgive me

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)

Total posts: 4145
Posted:POTENTIAL problem, yes. Seen from the pov that I have a colleague who got divorced from a woman who'd spray desinfactant all over the kitchen surfaces every time he cooked meat. And no, it wasn't the only reason for the break-up, but a frequent initiator of arguments if he is to be believed.

But then it's the same with everything, you have to have a bit of common sense, or anything can be a relationship killer.


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 4525
Posted:Urgh! Birgit that's horrible! If someone sprayed disinfectant everytime I cooked food I would be V V V angry indeed.
Why on earth did she do that?!! What a crazy.


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Gabe, I meant "bodily juices" of omnivores and their partners consuming them, putting them out of their (strict) vegetarian diet.

Some are taking their habits to extremes that make me question their true background...


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Kathain_Bowen


Kathain_Bowen

Good Ol' Yarn For Hair
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

Total posts: 422
Posted:I think it alls comes down to mutual respect. Obvously, bothering someone for their choice, spraying disinfectant everytime they cook, or otherwise making their lives difficult, isn't going to help a relationship. It's like living with someone who follows kosher laws. Once you get the hang of it and settle in, you can make it work and make both parties content with their diet through compromise.

However, admittedly, I've known a couple of vegans, and the ones I knew made me rather displeased by constantly badgering me whenever I made a meal involving meat to change my dietary ways. The Jersey in me wanted to print out that page from Maddox that said "For every animal you don't eat, I'm eating three," and whip it out everytime they started on their rants about my eating meat.

And +1 on the how in the devil can fish be a vegetarian food when you kill the fish to eat it? Is it like a held over belief from Catholic holy days that fish isn't meat?


"So long and thanks for all the fish."

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gita
SILVER Member since Oct 2003

gita

.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas, Australia

Total posts: 3776
Posted:i'm vego (have been for um...nearly 9 years i think!) but paul isn't...he cooks his own meaty meals & i cook my own non-meaty meals! we each have our own fry pans (cos an old housemate of mine badly burnt a steak on my old frypan & since then i'd prefer the new one i bought to be meat free!) biggrin



i just ignore paul's whinging about it being so much easier to take me out to dinner if i just ate meat & he tries to ignore my whinging about restaurants not being creative enough to even have one vegetarian dish on the menu! (especially one that's NOT a very easy pasta dish!!) ubblol it works fine!! biggrin


do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Kathain: fisheaters are still not considered omni- or carnivore, but "pescetarians"... shrug

Funny though how most vegetarians are ranting against non-veg appraisals and seem to do just the same vice versa... rolleyes


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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hamamelis
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

hamamelis

nut.
Location: Bouncing off the walls., Engla...

Total posts: 756
Posted:Well, I used to know a guy who was vegan for, so far as I could work out, the sole purpose of annoying everyone else.. I'm a basically-veggie-occasionally-eat-fish-even
-though-they're-not-a-vegetable person, and he drove me up the wall with it.

But I've also stayed with vegans, meat eaters, strict veggies, and barely noticed. I don't think it's the eating habits, but the deal people can make of it (this guy would throw a hissy fit if his flatmate put meat in the freezer)

Some people just expect everyone else to adapt to their eating habits, and it can cause as much trouble in a relationship as any other aspect that one person considers non- negotiable.


THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE EARTH!


If that's okay with you?

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Meaning that some ppl use their diet as an excuse to dominate others? Meaning that if it weren't for the diet, they would find other issues? Meaning that it depends on the individual person, not her/ his diet, when it comes to impose their views on others?

Meaning that if your partner gives you a hard time on your diet, maybe it's got nothing to do with love any way... ?


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted: Written by: FireTom


Kathain: fisheaters are still not considered omni- or carnivore, but "pescetarians"... shrug



I thought they were vegaquarians wink


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:which is so much easier to pronounce!!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:righto, they only eat seafroot rolleyes

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 4525
Posted:vegequarian!! ubblol

I have thought about it and would rather be with an omnivore who wasn't a fussy eater than a veggie that was a fussy eater. Fussy eaters really do my head in.


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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fake teeth and glue
BRONZE Member since Aug 2003

fake teeth and glue

Checking who's online, watching you!
Location: somewhere, England (UK)

Total posts: 1972
Posted:vegequarian...i thought they were called vergetarians, because they are on the verge...? ubbrollsmile

you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!

knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.

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.:* Moon Pixie *:.


.:* Moon Pixie *:.

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: .:*over the rainbow*:.

Total posts: 3492
Posted:hehe! ubblol Vegiquarian! i like it! biggrin

I'm Vegie.... have been for.... i don't even know... over ten years... and vegan for a while in there somewhere... but i like cheese too much... fetta is possibly my favorite thing EVER lol... so the vegan thing didn't quite work out for me ubblol

i must say though... some of the TASTIEST meals i have eaten have been Vegie, Vegan... and even one of my favorites is a RAW VEGAN meal. just because there is no meat or dairy dosen't mean it *has* to be bland or tasteless (tho i *have* tasted some frickin horrid vegan/vegie food aswell) it's all about what herbs and spices and things you put in your foods... regardless of weather it's meat, veg, vegan or raw.

but back on topic about the relationship thing... it's never been a problem for me

i say each to their own... eat whatever you like, and don't judge people for what they eat.

I'm not going to cook or eat meat myself, but i have no issues about my partner/housemate/family/friends eating or cooking meat around me.

i think if everyone respect's everyone else's choices in dietary lifestyle there really shouldn't be an issue.

smile

I'm not a veggie preacher, or anti-meat ...i just don't like to eat it myself. simple as... There have been a few occasions where meat eaters have tried to argue there views, or neeeeed to know *why* i don't eat... sometimes just all out of the blue as a topic of conversation or just fuel for an argument (not with partners just random people) Dose it matter? i just don't eat it what's the big deal, do i need to explain myself? Why DO you eat it? who cares? eat what you like.... So it gose both ways you see... the whole preaching thing... i have had people preach the eating habits of carnivores, just as much as i have heard the preachings of cruelty to animals etc etc.

I say each to there own

but there is also nothing wrong with being passionate about your own eating habits... whatever they my be... but pushing those habits or views onto others is probably where you'd have issues in regards to relationships.

anyways... all this talk about food is making me hungry!!!! biggrin .....:*flitters off to fix some lunch*:......




*:...one day all the fairy fridges will be aligned and my pixie world will be complete...:*

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Looper
GOLD Member since Feb 2004

Looper

grasshopper in training
Location: , Australia

Total posts: 124
Posted:I'm a vego and have been for about 6 years... not vegan but stay away from dairy and eggs, unless they come from my own chickens/goats.

Couldn't be with someone that eats meat in large quantities... the occasional, thoughtful meal would be alright. I guess that's what it comes down to for me... I can't help but question where the food comes from and what its doing to my body. For someone not to think and question like that would mean we have fundamental differences...

each to there own for friends... but for me to decide to be with someone with different fundamental ideals would be like comprimising my own.

I'm not big on comprimise and its easier to cook for one smile


There is a world made of air, one of earth and one of water.
And there is one made of fire, and all of them fight for supremacy. They are fighting now, in my head.

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted: Written by: Looper



... the occasional, thoughtful meal would be alright. I guess that's what it comes down to for me... I can't help but question where the food comes from and what its doing to my body. For someone not to think and question like that would mean we have fundamental differences...







Hmm thoughtful. This reminds me of a talk I attended many years ago by a Tibetan lama (Lama Zopa Rinpoche). He himself is is a vegetarian (which is actually unusual for a Tibetan, lama/monk or not).



He spoke at length on the folly of vegetarians thinking they were 'purer' or 'more thoughtful' than meat eaters. he talked about the number of small animals such as insects and even worms who died in the production and transportation of vegetable foods... His point was that feeling *exempt* from creating suffering for others, because one does not eat meat is self-congratulation or arrogance, based on a limitation of perception... only having compassion or a sense of connection with animals we could easily relate to; mammals or fish, for instance, not 'lesser' forms of life.



As he put it, in many circumstances eating meat would actually generate less suffering overall than the 'mass slaughter' of insects in agriculture.



So he strongly promoted generating thoughtful compassion before ANY meal: considering the benefit and harm to THEIR bodies, not just our own, and their value, rather than our own sense of worth.


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:It's interesting that you mention "mass slaughter" of insects in the production of food...I was killing caterpillars on my herbs the other day and thinking that herbs really aren't that animal-friendly after-all!!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Wow - Gabe, that's a heavy thought... even though offtopic.

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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onewheeldave
GOLD Member since Aug 2002

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom

Total posts: 3252
Posted:Lama Zopa Rinpoche should consider the fact that livestock animals subsist on vegetation (and all the insect consumption that that entails).

Then reflect on the fact that, because meat is further up the food chain, that an individual who gets their calories from meat, is, if 'responsible' is the right word, resonsible for at least ten times the plant/insect deaths, compared to an individual who simply eats the vegetation.

If there is any karma/resonsibility/moral issues with the eating of vegetation, then the meat-eater avoids none of it and, in actuality, ensures that more vegetation/insects die.


"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!

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Mr_Chutney
SILVER Member since Apr 2003

Mr_Chutney

Tosser
Location: Herefordshire, England (UK)

Total posts: 1711
Posted:I fear this is wondring off topic somewhat, onto what views people hold, as opposed to whether those views, held for whatever reasons, could or have affect ones choice of partner.

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted:I think LZR was trying trying to shake the complacency of the self appointed 'pure' rather than do the microcalculations per acre...

And that's why I think it is on topic.. because if a vego has an overt or even unconscious view of their carno partner as *less pure*, needing to be extra thoughtful, penitential etc.. then of course that affects the relationship. I have been on the receiving end of that from both intimates and housemates... and it sucked.


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Looper
GOLD Member since Feb 2004

Looper

grasshopper in training
Location: , Australia

Total posts: 124
Posted:Sorry newgabe... but I have no such notion. I understand your point though. I was referring rather to the fact I couldn't be with someone who lives on crap. Meat in particular because of some of the points that onewheeldave makes and many NGO's have been making for a decade or more now.

People who's diet consists of massive (ie every meal) amounts of meat, to me, are walking a different path.

Whatever if its an acquaintance... but if its someone I choice to spend my life with... it would feel like I am compromising something I feel strongly about.

I know I am no saint... realise that more then anyone else, probably smile

But I also like your thinking. Consciousness is not something that makes me feel like I am perfect... or that I am doing enough... but that doesn't mean I should be less conscious, does it?

And there is a thread somewhere about meat vs veg as far as harm goes somewhere... I remember it

hug


There is a world made of air, one of earth and one of water.
And there is one made of fire, and all of them fight for supremacy. They are fighting now, in my head.

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:alking about this tread?

The mere choice of diet is not turning anyone into a saint. It might provide certain energy and consciousness - but that itself does not mean anything (Hitler has been veg too)

We had the full discourse on "high volume meat eaters" being regarded as "low lives" (except for those who have no choice due to their environment/ climate) and contributing to global warming and a high scale suffering on the planet - I (for my part) have no intention to go back into that discussion.

If I eat my occasional cow, chicken, fish and my partner is having a essential problem - then be it. This has nothing to with love and accepting me the way I am.

I understand if someone has issues - just questioning their background. Been vegetarian for a few years, didn't work out for me, turned to "moderate omnivoration".

Like Rouge put it: "I have no problems with veg/vegans, as long as they can handle my meat (well)."


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Looper
GOLD Member since Feb 2004

Looper

grasshopper in training
Location: , Australia

Total posts: 124
Posted:so then... my background. I haven't ended a relationship because of dietry preference, but it did contribute to a general feeling of 'we are not supposed to be together', even though they were very considerate of my choices. And I have since (in the last year or two) become stronger in my convictions.

I would not get into a relationship with someone who ate whatever came their way... but I might with someone who ate meat occasionly.

Whats love got to do with it? I guess if I was in love with someone completely and then found out they were meat eaters (which would mean we hadn't spent much time in the 'getting to know you' phase eh?) then I suppose it would be something we would work out. But its a turn-off for me. Can't see myself falling in love with someone who ate crap. Don't think it would happen. Does that relate??

I am not sure if that's what your asking? smile
x


There is a world made of air, one of earth and one of water.
And there is one made of fire, and all of them fight for supremacy. They are fighting now, in my head.

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Page: 123

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