Forums > Social Discussion > Your diet and your relationship... a potential conflict?

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Is your dietary choice inflicting on your relationships?

Would you (for example as a vegan) have trouble with your carnivore partner? Or would you as a omnivore have trouble with your vegan partner?

Did you ever end a relationship due to differences in diet?
Did you ever avoid a relationship due to a different dietary choice?

I love you, but you love meat - article in the NYT

 Written by: Kate Murphy

No-holds-barred carnivores, for example, may share the view of Anthony Bourdain, who wrote in his book Kitchen Confidential that vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans ... are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit.

Returning the compliment, many vegetarians say they cannot date anyone who eats meat. Vegans, who avoid eating not just animals but animal-derived products, take it further, shivering at the thought of kissing someone who has even sipped honey-sweetened tea.

(...)

Ben Abdalla, 42, a real estate agent in Boca Raton, Fla., said he preferred to date fellow vegetarians because meat eaters smell bad and have low energy.

Lisa Romano, 31, a vegan and school psychologist in Belleville, N.Y., said she recently ended a relationship with a man who enjoyed backyard grilling. He had no problem searing her vegan burgers alongside his beef patties, but she found the practice unenlightened and disturbing.

While some eaters may elevate morality above hedonism, others are suspicious of anyone who does not give in to the pleasure principle.

June Deadrick, 40, a lobbyist in Houston, said she would have a hard time loving a man who did not share her fondness for multicourse meals including wild game and artisanal cheeses. And Im talking cheese from a cow, not that awful soy stuff, she said.




*Humms that tune: "What's LOVE got to do with it"?*

umm wink

Enjoy


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Pyrolific
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Member Since: 10th Jan 2001
Total posts: 3288
Posted:mmm I dont mind meat eaters - especially women because of their need for more iron in their diet, but people who think that they need to have meat in every single meal and people who think it isnt a meal unless it has meat in it just annoy me really, because its a wasteful, ignorant and unnecessary practice.

PS I'm not a Vego or Vegan smile


--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:So you don't mind meat eaters as long as... wink

Would it affect you in your choice of partners?

Still I dunno, what "love" has got to do with it...


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Vegetarian yes (as long as they can handle my meat!)

Vegan no.

I accept vegetarianism as a legitimate lifestyle choice, however let's just leave my opinion on veganism out of it tongue


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted: Written by: Rouge girl

Vegetarian yes (as long as they can handle my meat!)



This could/should have come from a bloke... a memorable HoP quote... rolleyes

You ever had to make that choice (against a partner), Rouge?


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:ubblol ubblol Head! Gutter! Out! Now!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Groovy_Dream
Groovy_Dream

addict

Member Since: 26th May 2005
Total posts: 449
Posted:I don't think it'd make much difference as long as they could accept my own meat eating. I'd probably be pretty open to vego/vegan food too, some of it is really nice (and wierd). Would be good to learn to cook some of it one day.

And the vegans who say they'd shudder at the thought of kissing a meat eater... i'd say in a lot of cases it's all talk. More of a way of expressing their passion for veganism.


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Pele
Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA
Member Since: 15th Dec 2000
Total posts: 6193
Posted:I've lived with vegans.
I cooked meat for a few of us in the house who were not.

We *all* respected each other immensely, including our choices. I don't necessarily agree with how they came to their choice but that is a different story and since they did not try to force their choice upon everyone else, and we did not on them, it was a peaceful kingdom.

There are variables here Tom and it is not so black and white.

If they are respectful then there would not and should not be a problem.

However if you get a PETA preacher with a carn, it won't work.
I could never be with someone who preached because that means they dont respect not only my carnivorous ways but also my family, who are pop control hunters.

Part of love is respect and I believe that you love someone and respect someone because of convictions, idiosyncracies and even what we may view of as "flaws", not in spite of them.

If you are preaching and trying to change someone, then that isn't really true love in my belief.

But, this is something that is completely individualized to the people involved in it and can not be answered with a yes, no or right, wrong.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:Personally yes I do have a problem with meat eaters in terms of partner choice.

Most of my friends and family are meat eaters, that's fine.

However, with a partner, I'm not prepared to cook meat.

I would rather have a partner who is a vegetarian.


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted:I've been a vegetarian for a few years now and each of my relationships have been with omnivores, which has never been a problem.

My 7 year old son has an omnivourous diet because his dad does, which I'm happy with so I do feel it would be hypocritical of me to expect different standards from a partner.



My reasons for being vegetarian mean that if someone was particularly for inhumane rearing and slaughter, that would cause conflict, but conflicts which would be more likely would be with someone who was pro-GM, anti-fair trade etc.



I'd go as far as to say I do prefer it when people make a point of eating good quality meats, not just red meat and often eating fish as an alternative.

I also prefer it when people don't insist that there is no meal without meat, as I've found that past relationships, I'm happy to tolerate their point of view but not the belly that comes with it tongue



I think that's what it boils down to for me: I'd appreciate as much concern about whether I'm eating properly as a vegetarian as I'd hope someone else would appreciate my similar concerns about the carnivourous part of their diet, as long as it is concern, genuine and sincere smile



Compassion In World Farming


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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Meeko_Kiddo
Meeko_Kiddo

journeyman

Member Since: 7th Sep 2006
Total posts: 84
Posted:I'm vegetarian... I don't drink milk (but eat products such as cheese) and don't eat eggs (but have stuff with egg in them, such as cake). No meat AT ALL. I am the only one in my entire family that is this way, and I've been this way literally since birth, my Mom couldn't ever get me to eat meat.

But I have never dated another relationship, and it's never affected my relationship. There was only a few times when pregnant I couldn't eat around my ex because he was eating some meat that I couldn't stand the smell of.

I LOVE the smell of ribs and steak, so none of that stuff bothers me. And as long as the meat isnt rare, it won't bother me that anyone eats meat around me smile


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newgabe
newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali
Member Since: 3rd Mar 2005
Total posts: 4030
Posted:The last serious bf was a vego and despite his avowed *tolerance* he could not resist exuding the haughtiness of the *pure*. As in *I will tolerate your lowly and unhealthy preferences as long as I am not tainted by them*. (He died of a heart attack last year!)



Not interested in an 'intimate' relationship these days... but who I live with as housemates is the issue. Prefer not to share kitchens with 99% of vegetarians and definitely not vegan or severe kosher for that matter cos its too much of an issue. What utensils touch what etc. Not to mention my brekkie bacon. And it's good to be able to share food/cook together without it always being to their specifications.



Having said that, I do understand that distaste/revulsion factor in intimate rels. I had a bf for a bit whose diet contributed to me turning off him sexually. I couldn't stand that his vital juices were informed by hot dogs and coca-cola!



But the comment above about meat eaters having 'less energy' made me laugh. I been vego and omni in my life; was a vege cook with a lot of understanding of proteins, nutrition etc; but when I started eating meat again it was like someone turned the lights on! Suits my body/mind type, no doubt about it. many people's.

I have seen so many vege/vegan friends waning over the years... and more than a few get energetic when they have taken up the lamb chops again.


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:BLoody hell, I'm glad I'm not that bothered about meat. I don't want to eat it, but I don't go to extremes!
When we have bbq's and things my veggie sausages are pretty much always crammed next to the meat sausages. i don't care, or mind. as long as I don't eat a meat one by accident.

Gabe I know what you mean about revulsion factor. I once went out with someone who couldn't eat any 'proper' food. Just baked beans and sausages and crap stuff really. I like to cook, so realistically I'd like a relationship with someone who will eat what i cook (wow it's starting to sound like a dating site!) x


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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GeoffonTour04
enthusiast
Location: Oxford
Member Since: 30th Nov 2005
Total posts: 360
Posted:My mother's always been a veggie so I'm quite used to all the strange foods/not using same pans etc. She became a veggie not through choice (lived with someone who was veggie so just didn't really eat meat, and then tried one day it made her ill so she just doesn't any more), and my sister is veggie through choice (they both still eat fish though).

Vegans can be a bit aggressive with their attitudes towards meat eaters (murderers/carnivores) which is irritating as I do have a prob with animal suffering, but I just buy free range meat as much as possible. I don't think I could handle the lack of variety without meat, I can only think of a couple foods I don't eat (blue cheese, ack) and I still get bored of eating the same stuff really easily.


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PinkNigel
PinkNigel

Pinker than thou
Location: A little pink world all my own...
Member Since: 4th May 2006
Total posts: 336
Posted:It's like religion really, make your own (informed) choice, respect other people's views and beliefs, and never ever try to force your own views on others.

 Written by: GeoffonTour04


(they both still eat fish though).
.



Yet even with my whole "hey people, why can't we just get along" spiel above, I could never be involved with a fish eater who calls themselves veggie. There is no part of a fish that can be planted anywhere to grow more fishes. Nor is it a product of the fish's lactation or ovulation that is eaten, leaving the fish to swim away. If you eat fish, you are not a veggie. Simple as.


A wise man once said: "You have two ears and one mouth, therefore you should shut the censored up and listen" (though, to be fair, he might not've put it _quite_ like that..)

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Mr_Chutney
Mr_Chutney

Tosser
Location: Herefordshire
Member Since: 18th Apr 2003
Total posts: 1711
Posted:Nigel, Amen.

I would prefer a partner who was a fellow meat eater- as yet in life it hasn't come up (well apart from one weekend, but thats another story). I would see it as a point of potential conflict- if 2 people wish to coexist together, eating and preparing food is a going to figure relatively promonently in that.

Whilst I will happily eat meals sans meat I do want to eat meat. While respecting another's views (which I do; your life, your choice) I would feel guilty for making it necessary for my significant and I to eat separate meals, cooked at the same time. To remove this guilt, I would simply not eat meat dishes- 1 meal, 2 people, great! But where there was guilt now comes frustration and possible resent, which can only end up being detremental to a relationship.

My 2.


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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:Chutters completely agree. I feel like a real pain in the bum sometimes for being veggie. Although I'm quite happy to eat whatever everyone else is having just without the meat.
But if I lived with someone and the meals were separate then that would be so inconvenient and would cause friction I think.


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:This is off-topic, but am I right in guessing that vegans won't wear wool?

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:umm I can't think of any reason why they wouldn't wear wool. No animal has to suffer for wool to be produced.

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Yeah but no animal has to suffer for honey or eggs straight from grandma's farm shrug

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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newgabe
newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali
Member Since: 3rd Mar 2005
Total posts: 4030
Posted:Google search results about vegans wearing wool



Seems vegans do not wear wool. Cruelty issues. Though some of the facts in one of the stories I read out of this lot were somewhat dodgy.

But it would be a bit offtopic to go into them here...


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Stone
Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne
Member Since: 13th Jun 2001
Total posts: 2830
Posted:It's a bit off-topic, but I thought I answer the question.

They might not want to wear wool for ethical reasons.

Retailer H&M boycotts Australian wool (HeraldSun, 16 Feb 2008)


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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LazyAngel
LazyAngel

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Cambridge UK
Member Since: 29th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2895
Posted:I actually just finished a month of a vegan diet:

As a vegan, the most annoying thing was how little provision was made for vegans in day to day life: most places will do veggie stuff, but hardly anyone can be bothered to fix vegan food.

Now, eating meat doesn't bother me too much, other than the life of the meat I'm eating... but that's another discussion.

The problem is, when cooking vegan food, you have to look at getting certain things into your diet to compensate for the fact you're not eating meat: pulses, nuts, tofu etc.

Noe consider the fact that in a relationship, particularly when you're living with someone, you tend to cook one meal for two rather than two meals, because you've had a long day at work, etc., etc..

This immediately means the default position is to make a vegan meal (its the lowest common denominator), but unless you're a half decent cook, it's not that easy to make a tasty vegan meal (IMHO) whereas most meat eaters will happily eat very simply prepared meat and veg. (i.e steak and veg)

I think what puts a lot of meat eaters off is the idea of bland meals (although obviously it is possible to make tasty meals) and for the vegans, depending on their motivation, I'd imagine the prospect of seeing someone eat meat would be fairly gross to them.

In short, I believe people are too lazy to hook up with someone who lives such a different lifestyle, as we perceive this as unneccesarily putting pressure on the relationship.


Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted: Written by: newgabe


Having said that, I do understand that distaste/revulsion factor in intimate rels. I had a bf for a bit whose diet contributed to me turning off him sexually. I couldn't stand that his vital juices were informed by hot dogs and coca-cola!




Does it really make such a big difference? Keeping it PG, but I thought "the taste of vital juices" would be depending on the individual (maybe just as well as based upon the diet). Honestly the worst tasting partner I had indeed has been a vegetarian...


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Bigfoot67
Bigfoot67

Member
Location: Bornem (Belgium)
Member Since: 10th Jun 2007
Total posts: 103
Posted:I'm a vegetarian for almost a year now and my girlfriend says 'my vital juices' taste better then those of non vegetarian people. But I don't think it only depends on eating meat or not, other factors influence taste too. Eating lots of fruit for example makes it sweeter I've heard...

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LazyAngel
LazyAngel

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Cambridge UK
Member Since: 29th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2895
Posted:eewwww.... I'm pretty sure we're crossing that PG boundary by now...

Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi

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fake teeth and glue
fake teeth and glue

Checking who's online, watching you!
Location: somewhere
Member Since: 31st Aug 2003
Total posts: 1972
Posted:eek i'm pretty sure that kind of thing makes you a non veggie... ubblol

you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!

knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.

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newgabe
newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali
Member Since: 3rd Mar 2005
Total posts: 4030
Posted:Surely Vegans would not be tasting vital juices. They come from animals wink Unless we have redefined humans as a species of artichoke...



ya Tom it did make a difference. That's what I'm saying!

and it wasn't taste (ew) it was just one day seeing him buy that sort of crap to eat (rather than chuck in the bin) and having a gut feeling of *YUCK no way*!


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Okay, certainly "what you eat is how you taste/smell" on many levels (sweat is another "vital juice", body fluid you corrupted minds umm wink ) Besides there is no 'eww' to it (thought there would be all natural Hippies in here) rolleyes

But on top of all this is the (judging) mind, no?

If I'd to be a veg(eteri)an, there are principles anchored in my mind about "how I behave in this world", with a strong ethical background. Now I'm in no way to judge upon these choices but I understand that ppl rule over what they want in their lives and what not.

It's not just that as a (vegetarian) partner you again are put at the end of the food chain by your (omnivore) partner.

I only am asking "what has love got to do with it?"


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Bigfoot67
Bigfoot67

Member
Location: Bornem (Belgium)
Member Since: 10th Jun 2007
Total posts: 103
Posted:Love's got nothing to do with it at all.

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newgabe
newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali
Member Since: 3rd Mar 2005
Total posts: 4030
Posted: Written by: FireTom


It's not just that as a (vegetarian) partner you again are put at the end of the food chain by your (omnivore) partner.

I only am asking "what has love got to do with it?"



Sorry Tom, I don;t understand what you mean.


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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