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Forums > Social Discussion > but it's MY dream: challenging others goals

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:So I have an exciting opportunity coming up and I was sharing the excitement and the nervousness I feel surrounding it with someone. To which it was responded..

"Why is that your dream? You could do so much better that something so stupid as that. Maybe you should try for something a little more normal because you're better than that."

Was that a pep talk?

See, this *is* my dream that I have a shot at. It's something I love and am quite passionate about.
I understand that this person believes in me/us (the group). I think that is wonderful and appreciate it very much but the disdain with which she conveyed this faith was overwhelming.

It's my/our dream. What does it matter to her anyway as long as we are happy?

Just eek at the presumptuousness of some.

Ever get that?
If she starts up again I need to find a nice, diplomatic way of telling her to shove it. I think that will involve blood loss through the biting of the tongue.

Oi! confused


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Bigfoot67
GOLD Member since Jun 2007

Bigfoot67

Member
Location: Bornem (Belgium)

Total posts: 103
Posted:I've experienced this too once... telling people they can do so much better than something what they're dreaming of is pretty foolish I think and really pisses me off too, it's like mocking with your dreams I can't see why someone would do that.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I completely feel like it's mocking my dreams, and it's more insulting than anything. As if my wants are not important enough to be valid to someone who supposedly cares about me.

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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polarity
SILVER Member since May 2005

polarity

veteran
Location: on the wrong planet

Total posts: 1228
Posted:Picture a French Waiter, cloth over his arm, standing in a field looking down upon a lonely little house, he had his dream. He fulfilled it and when someone didn't think it was good enough... His response...

FYILMOLIMOWIIWT!


Monty Python has got me through some rough times smile


You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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jarle
GOLD Member since Mar 2007

jarle

Lv15 Ranger
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1489
Posted:Haha, it's probably sad that I know the entire quote from just those letters.

Pele, if someone beleives that you're doing something far below your potential, get back at them by doing such an awesome job that they can't say such a thing in the first place! Bottom line though, some people are jerks and talk without thinking how it might affect others. hug


Kupo!

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:Pele, your friend needs to support you, well done for realising your dreams hug

one of my dreams is to make a patchwork quilt! It's not much but it's a goal of mine! Anyone have a problem with it? well you're gonna have to lump it! biggrin


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Lurch
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Lurch

old hand
Location: Oregon

Total posts: 929
Posted:Sometimes it's hard for a non-artistic type to understand us crazy people.. Things that seem insignificant to them hold incredible value to us.

That said, she doesn't sound like much of a friend if she doesn't support you in your goals/dreams. She can always encourage you to reach further but to downplay anything you have right now is just downright rude and unacceptable.


#homeofpoi -- irc.newnet.net Come talk to us we're bored frown

Warning: Please Do Not Jump On The Seals

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:I think it's unlikely that they'll listen to you saying that it's hurtful because they probably think that they're trying to "help" by showing you the "correct" path and telling you that you can be "better"

Perhaps you can turn it around? What do they do? Show them that you don't think that their job is a desirable job for whatever reasons.

Being a doctor, for example, is one of those "better" jobs. However there are lifestyle problems that are very undesirable; being on call, dealing with ickies, etc.
Barristers are a "respectable job" but that comes with problems such as defending someone you KNOW is guilty.


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I guess my dream is pretty "normal" (except I suppose it's anything but that, but it's accepted by society at large), so nobody gives me this.

I got more of the "Oh, you'll never make it" crap.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Phai
GOLD Member since Jan 2007

member


Total posts: 113
Posted:hahaha... my father used to be a barrister. DON'T DO IT!!!
eek

You'll end up the most boring, law abiding, risk assessing, occupational-healthy-and-safe individual I know....I remember always asking him "Dad, why weren't you a barista instead?"

Anyway, back on topic: Pele, ignore them. You're a fantastic, responsible, creative and slightly odd individual. And that comes with a license to aspire to do whatever you want to do. I'm glad you have an opportunity to chase your dream

hug2


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hamamelis
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

hamamelis

nut.
Location: Bouncing off the walls.

Total posts: 756
Posted:Did you ask what their dream was..?
umm


THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE EARTH!


If that's okay with you?

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Not knowing what it was about I have no idea if your friend was trying to help when they shouldn't have been, being stupid or jealous, or trying to save you from doing something stupid. Given that you're nervous about it, maybe they could feel that and thought you weren't 100% comfortable with the idea.

Whatever it is, I won't jump on the bandwagon and shout "oh, you're friend is sooooooooo stupid, dreams are wonderful!", without knowing what the dream is, who the friend is and if they've been wonderfully supportive of you before, and basically putting down someone I've never met or telling you how they should be doing better ubblol

I think challenging dreams is not the worst thing in the world, it makes people think about them (because some people just DON'T think about what they're going to do next and go with whichever sounds best and get themselves into all kinds of trouble), and in your case it has strengthened the wish to go and fulfill that dream - good for you! I remember a poster I had of a band ages ago, the quote was "It's amazing how many people told us, there's no way you're going to make it." - and they did. It adds a great deal of motivation if you can do something despite other people not believing in you/the idea. Also, in some cases, dreams can turn out to be nightmares, and then it's good to get a warning.

The important thing is, your friend was honest. Will she still be happy with you if your dream comes true, and stand by you when it fails? Probably, most good friends are like that. The bad ones are those that would say "oh, great, I'm SO happy for you" when they think you're doing something stupid, going out with an idiot, wearing something really ugly etc.


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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onewheeldave
GOLD Member since Aug 2002

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: sheffield

Total posts: 3252
Posted:Not knowing the dream or how good a friend she is, it's difficult to comment on specifics.



But Birgit makes a good point- friends who say what they really think, even if it's potentially hurtful, can be better friends than those who just go along with what they think you what to hear.



Earlier this year, after putting it off for a long time cos I didn't feel that she'd take it well, I had to broach the subject of a friends drinking.



It didn't go well and she's not spoken to me since.



Nevertheless, IMO, I did the right thing, in terms of being a friend, I couldn't, like everyone else around her, make out that downing 1 to 2 bottles of wine every evening, was normal or healthy.



Not that i'm saying that that's anything like your case, just that, as a basic principle, friends commenting on your dreams in a negative way, can sometimes be real friends.



You've got to be the judge, based on how good a friend she's been up to now.



If she did use those exact words-



"Why is that your dream? You could do so much better that something so stupid as that. Maybe you should try for something a little more normal because you're better than that."



then I think she could have put it a lot more diplomatically- using the word 'stupid' in that context is bound to cause aggravation.



How about if you imagine her saying what she said, but with her putting it in a better thought out and kinder way- would you still see her as being out-of-line?


"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!

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The Tea Fairy
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...

Total posts: 853
Posted:I don't know enough to comment, but I guess everyone has different priorities in life and attaches value to things in different ways.

I've decided recently that I might want to train as a teacher. Two of my friends think I'm crazy, because they see it as a hard and joyless job (they just would not enjoy it if it were them), another two of my friends think it's a great idea and I'd be suited to it quite well. Once I explained why I wanted to do it to the ones who thought I was crazy, they became more supportive, even though they say they still think I am slightly nuts for wanting to do it.


Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:good point Birgy Birgs biggrin

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Okay, was trying to keep it vague...

My dream (and we have an audition for it on Fri) is to be a main stage act at the largest Ren Faire on the eastern seaboard...and to top that off, we make the audition this week, we start on Sat and get to perform with one of my all time favorite bands, Albannach.

*That* is the dream she thought was stupid.

Honesty is one thing. Honesty for protection, something else.
She has nothing to do with Ren and thinks that all the people who go and are involved are idiot fan children. She's been my friend for about 4 years. Long enough to know this is what I've been aiming for since my accident set me back. Long enough to have said something before now. And in truth it doesn't even effect her.
Though, I do think there is a personal motivation behind it. Not necessarily jealousy but she has been trying to get her own business off the ground and it hasn't been working (more due to her own lack of focus than anything). I think this is more to do with her feeling down on herself about that than the opportunities I am being presented with.

I don't know.
What I do know is that since I've started on this journey alot of people have told me how stupid or this or that they think it is. It is a true testament to who the real friends are I feel. Those who go "Good god yer nuts! Go for it but be wary of...!" are the ones I feel are truer. They give both sides instead of just ripping it down.

Tea Fairy, teaching is hard. I used to do it. I chose to retire from it. I think anyone who has the patience and determination to be a teacher these days should qualify for sainthood! Best of luck to you!


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:whoah! I don't think that's a stupid dream, I think that sounds amazing! Go for it biggrin

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:Renfaire?!?
bounce TAKE ME WITH YOU bounce


It is a hard dream for some to swallow. Somethings just don't fit into what we see as realistic life. Now, knowing what was behind it is going to be important to know how to take what she said.

It's like they say "good friends will pick you up from jail, great friends will say " censored, how did we get here?"


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted: Written by: faithinfire


Renfaire?!?
bounce TAKE ME WITH YOU bounce


It is a hard dream for some to swallow. Somethings just don't fit into what we see as realistic life. Now, knowing what was behind it is going to be important to know how to take what she said.

It's like they say "good friends will pick you up from jail, great friends will say " censored, how did we get here?"



Absolutely...wanna know a secret? (we're hiring for next season early in the year. wink )


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:oooh sooo tempting
I've only ever been to Bristol


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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Kathain_Bowen


Kathain_Bowen

Good Ol' Yarn For Hair
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

Total posts: 422
Posted: Written by: Pele


Okay, was trying to keep it vague...

My dream (and we have an audition for it on Fri) is to be a main stage act at the largest Ren Faire on the eastern seaboard...and to top that off, we make the audition this week, we start on Sat and get to perform with one of my all time favorite bands, Albannach.



.... Tuxedo or CRF?


"So long and thanks for all the fish."

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted: Written by: Kathain_Bowen


.... Tuxedo or CRF?



PARF is the largest on the East Coast. With MDRF coming in and *extremely* close 2nd and KRF in 3rd.

I have a booth at CRF and I can tell you, it's really not so big.

Tux is not so large as much as it is vendor heavy and near NYC, so lots of people.

Wow...how geeky do I sound? lol


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Kathain_Bowen


Kathain_Bowen

Good Ol' Yarn For Hair
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

Total posts: 422
Posted: Written by: Pele


 Written by: Kathain_Bowen


.... Tuxedo or CRF?



PARF is the largest on the East Coast. With MDRF coming in and *extremely* close 2nd and KRF in 3rd.

I have a booth at CRF and I can tell you, it's really not so big.

Tux is not so large as much as it is vendor heavy and near NYC, so lots of people.

Wow...how geeky do I sound? lol



Well, doesn't the geekiness depend on what's worse; questioning which fair is the largest or being able to answer that question?

See, I had to ask since the opinion on the "largest" fair always seems to vary greatly from person to person. Some of my friends argue the amount of vendors, others argue the amount of shows, and others still argue the sie of the grounds. People had tried to get me into the great TRF vs. Scabbies debate (despite the fact that I've never seen either fair). I'm surprised that CRF isn't that large, but I've only have word of mouth and what I've seen passing through the area during the off season to go off. Sadly, I've never had the chance to see PARF or MDRF in person (although, from what I hear, I'm glad I've always missed the NJ ones), but, after constantly hearing my ex rave about Tuxedo, I had to make the trip up there (*sidenote: I do appreciate the sprawl of Tuxedo with all the little trails leading through the woods with the massive rocks and boulders about)

.... wow.... sounds like we're both geeks on this one.

Anywho. I suppose I'm getting the topic off track. Sorry 'en. I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread (unless everyone's cool with the ren fest reviews tangent).

I say, follow your dream. It wasn't too long ago that I shared a similar dream to you, but, sadly, I don't have the skills to pay the bills, so-to-speak. If it's in your heart that this is what you want, then stick with it and to hell with what anyone says about how foolish your dreams seems to them. They're not in your shoes and obviously do not understand your hopes, nor do they sound able to connect why you love what you do or why you would wish to work with ren fests. There aren't many people who understand the allure of working the fair, but I feel you on this one. The people I worked with were like a strange sort of family that I miss everyday.... especially Andy's awesome coffee (but, again, tangent). If you're doing it for the right reasons, and especially if they haven't experienced the obvious affinity you have for this profession, then they really can't offer you constructive advice on this potential employment nor any financial concerns tied to such an occupation.




.... long story short : do what you feel is right in this situation and tell everyone else to suck it.... in as polite and friendly of terms as possible so you don't lose friends. hug


"So long and thanks for all the fish."

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted: Written by: Kathain_Bowen


 Written by: Pele


Well, doesn't the geekiness depend on what's worse; questioning which fair is the largest or being able to answer that question?

See, I had to ask since the opinion on the "largest" fair always seems to vary greatly from person to person. Some of my friends argue the amount of vendors, others argue the amount of shows, and others still argue the sie of the grounds. People had tried to get me into the great TRF vs. Scabbies debate (despite the fact that I've never seen either fair). I'm surprised that CRF isn't that large, but I've only have word of mouth and what I've seen passing through the area during the off season to go off. Sadly, I've never had the chance to see PARF or MDRF in person (although, from what I hear, I'm glad I've always missed the NJ ones), but, after constantly hearing my ex rave about Tuxedo, I had to make the trip up there (*sidenote: I do appreciate the sprawl of Tuxedo with all the little trails leading through the woods with the massive rocks and boulders about)





PARF has the most vendors, the largest spread, the largest cast and near 100 shows. So it actually blankets all of them, which is how it got it's rep. Though, like I said, MDRF is *fast* catching up.

You know, I vended NJ this past year, and I'm sending some of the booths (I have 4 henna, 2 fairy, and now 2 juggling) back next year. It's not so bad for what it is, which is a small NFP run event. Same with Virigina.

I've been performing in Rens for 15 years, on and off. I've been on cast, had a solo stage show and everything..but PARF finale has always been my dream.

As for vendors, I've never worked for one other than me but I do know what you mean about the family thing. It's true for any theater but so very much in Ren. I love that you can walk away for a year and come back the following year and still slide into that family place. Though of all the areas I have worked I have *never* met a group as amazing as the New England Rennies. They really embody the meaning of family and community. It's awe inspiring.

Okay...yeah so... it is my passion. It is the most incredible thing to play these characters, put on these shows, bring people on a journey and give them permission to leave reality behind and make them feel or function beyond their comfort zones. People tend to be afraid to play, and my job is to get them to do it. And I get paid for it. It's the most incredible and magical job I could ever imagine. So, it was never a question of me not going for it...that I can assure you! wink

Thanks for the support all. hug


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Kathain_Bowen


Kathain_Bowen

Good Ol' Yarn For Hair
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

Total posts: 422
Posted: Written by: Pele

Okay...yeah so... it is my passion. It is the most incredible thing to play these characters, put on these shows, bring people on a journey and give them permission to leave reality behind and make them feel or function beyond their comfort zones. People tend to be afraid to play, and my job is to get them to do it. And I get paid for it. It's the most incredible and magical job I could ever imagine. So, it was never a question of me not going for it...that I can assure you! wink

Thanks for the support all. hug



Ah, I completely feel you on this one. I always loved the "fabricated reality" of the fair. At least, I always worked GARF, which is really strict on cast, crew, and boothies to maintain their "family atmosphere." I found it to be really rewarding mentally and emotionally to get paid to create this illusion of reality, where nothing truly bad ever happens and the hero always saves the day and gets the girl. I mean, I was employed in the fine art of making people believe in magic and forget reality, if only for one day and even though reality wasn't ever too far away (I always felt strange using the back gates to get around, even if it was the fastest way through the midday rush).

If that's the same feeling, then I've got a book you simply must try out. I bought it ages ago, when MTV decided for a short stint to print books (what can I say? It had a creepy cover and a neat premise). It's called Dreamworld by Jane Goldman. It's an awesomely strange book about a murder/suicide in a Disneyland style major theme park and the investigater, Sylvia Avery, who gets caught up in the corporate cover up (since nothing bad ever happens as amusement parks). If you feel the same way I do about fairs, this is definitely a must read book.


"So long and thanks for all the fish."

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:I totally think I read that...

*sigh* and then there's me stuck in WI with only Bristol near me...

Those fair sound fantastic and to do the finale, if it has all been thought through...go for it, have fun, and no, just go and have fun


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Well in that case I think you're probably right and a lot of her reaction's caused by her own disappointment frown Fingers crossed for you though!!

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Kathain_Bowen


Kathain_Bowen

Good Ol' Yarn For Hair
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

Total posts: 422
Posted: Written by: faithinfire


I totally think I read that...

*sigh* and then there's me stuck in WI with only Bristol near me...

Those fair sound fantastic and to do the finale, if it has all been thought through...go for it, have fun, and no, just go and have fun



If it helps, here's the blab from the back of the book...

When it comes to crime in Dreamworld, the sprawling Florida vacation resort might as well be never-never land. That's because the bad things that happen there never reach the press. As an ambitious rookie cop on the community's security force, twenty-five year old Sylvia Avery toes the company line, smoothing over disturbances that might tarnish the utopian image of Dreamworld and its hugely popular ImagiNation theme park.

But that flawless facade is shattered when a horrific murder-suicide takes place "on property." Thrown into a company-sponsored cover-up, Avery discovers bizarre and disturbing experiments taking place at Dreamworld's ultrasecret research center. Torn between her loyalty to her new boss- and lover- and a need to uncover the terrifying truth, Avery enters the dark and twisted world beneath Dreamworld's picture-perfect surface. Now, in a place where fantasy rules and illusion is everything, Avery is about to come face-to-face with a cold and deadly reality.

I don't often read a book enough times to absolutely destroy it.... but Dreamworld is actually one of those rare occasions. It's not a perfect mystery, and I'm not certain everyone would love it as much as I do. However, if you've ever worked for a theme park, have worked a ren fest, or are planning to visit either of this, I think you'll love it... especially if you read it RIGHT before you go or during your stint of working.

As per the being stuck with just Bristol thing, I'd always heard excellent reviews of Bristol? Is this not true? And, even still, have you contemplated getting hooked up with one of the guilds and using the network to find housing for fairs?


"So long and thanks for all the fish."

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