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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:So there's this woman I worked with last year. She's a dentist. At the beginning, we became friends. She seemed funny and vivacious. A good friend. We agreed, half-jokingly that if neither of us had kids by 35 that we'd have kids and raise them together (mind you, we'd known each-other for less than a month when we came to this "agreement").

And then I learned that she's such a sex fiend that she makes me look chaste (and that's not easy). The men she chooses are often older, sometimes married, usually quite wealthy, and (not that it should matter...except that she's not really looking for relatioships) uglier than a rhinocerous with an ingrown horn.

And after a few months it became obvious that she's crazy. Soon the phone calls started becoming incessant. "Pookie, I love you!"

At this point, some of her sexual escapades, I happened to learn, are arrangements where she spends a weekend with a guy, has sex with him, and then somehow comes across a few thousand dollars. Isn't there a word for that? And not that I'm all about morals and stuff, but that crosses a line, especially since she's a licensed dentist and SHOULD be earning money that way.

And now I've learned through a mutual friend that:
1) She feels that I am her "gay soulmate" (I haven't spoken to her in 6-7 months and I have studiously avoided her phone calls)

2) She is certain that she will become the mother of my children.

3) Said children will be concieved au naturale and that I will turn straight if I "would just censored her tight censored"

4) I will eventually turn straight and marry her.

OK, so she's delusional. No, seriously, she's having delusional thinking. Clearly I'm not going to turn straight and I'm not going to have sex with her and she SHOULD be educated and sophisticated enough to know that. Simple enough solution: I set her straight, inform her that I am quite gay to stay, I am not having sex with her, and I am moving to the West Coast and that she will not be the mother of my children and end the "friendship."

Problem: she also has serious issues with abandonment. She's called me sobbing once because a guy got up and ditched her in the middle of a restaurant when she went to the bathroom. Normally, I'd think the guy was a jerk, but honestly, he's probably just a more perceptive judge of character than I am and felt a need to run far away. And besides, delusional people often don't respond well to having their delusions shattered.

I'm afraid that if I simply told her that I didn't want her to be my friend anymore it might be such a blow to her that she might strike out at me in some way and try to harm me, physically or otherwise (she knows where I live, where I work, and my phone number).

Tonight she called me not once, not twice, but THREE times while I was at work. I didn't answer of course, but the first was cloying, the next was plaintive, and the third was almost angry.

I've spoken to our mutual friend about this, but she's not sure how to approach the issue, either. You'd think that if someone didn't answer your phone calls, E-mails, IM's and text messages for several months that you'd get the message!

Ugh. Why do I attract these people?

Any ideas how to surgically remove her from my life with minimum collateral damage?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by: FireTom


And I would sacrifice myself to act as the long lost twin brother. She's hot (Doc said) and I don't mind gettn laid....




If I did, it was in error. She THINKS she's hot. She ain't.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:okay, my advice: get outta there! Quick! I guess they would give you asylum in Oztrailia - just make sure to take your SIMcard, please. wink hug

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1733
Posted:Will your move west help? If she's not Borderline (wierd hearing it used as a clearly defined condition when, as Tom says, it's applied to anything to imply 'grey' areas - but i guess that should be 'gray' and proves Alistair Cooke's '2 countries divided by the same language' stance smile ), she's a (self-)obsessive and although she's persistent, it should eventually go away when it's clear even to her that it ain't gonna happen and she's not going to get her own way ie adopt the carry on regardless tack

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Nephtys


Nephtys

resident fridge magnet
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands

Total posts: 835
Posted:Yes, she needs help, but you cannot be the one to get that organised for her. Showing concern and trying to help her will only encourage her behaviour. What stalkers want more than anything is a reaction from you, whether that reaction is positive or negative - and trying to get her to seek help would probably be interpreted as positive.

The classic dealing-with-stalker advice is a one-time, completely clear and blunt communication stating that you have no interest whatsoever in any kind of contact with her, now or in the future. After that continue as you have been, by completely ignoring her, and including making sure mutual acquaintances don't tell her you've talked about her.

Urgh, nasty situation Doc... hope it is resolved soon!


everyone's unique except me

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