• All Purchases made this month instantly go into the draw to win a USD $ 200.00 credit to your HoP account.
 
Page: 123
Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Ok, I'm going to go ahead and stick my neck out here. There's a lot that's happened in my life these last several weeks and I'd like to talk about it briefly since I think it's time to be honest with this board.

A little over a month ago, a friend of mine and I were having dinner together and I said to her, "So...I think I might be gay." And that's how it started.

These last few weeks have been spent coming to terms with this truth about myself that I have so carefully suppressed for the last 25 years. I've lied to people (told them I was straight, lying through my teeth in the process), lied to myself, broken hearts, and caused too much mayhem. I decided that it was time to stop the insanity, it was time to stop having deep, dark secrets and being terrified of being discovered.

So, hi, everyone. My name is Mike. I'm the same Mike you've known since I first showed up here.

And I'm gay.

Anyone surprised?

Today was a major milestone: I came out to my parents and they took it reasonably well! So, for the first time in my life, I feel like a whole person, like I have a sense of my place in the universe, who and what I am, and where I'm going. No more secrets, no more lies, no more charades. I live in a really Queer-friendly town, my friends have all been supportive (or at least indifferent), and my profession is completely indifferent to what I do in my off hours.

Now, I'm not going to suddenly go loopy and start wearing Abercrombie&Fitch everywhere and getting my hair done at professional hairdressers and maincures and all that stuff. I'm still the grungy, slightly hippie candy raver that I always have been. I'm just very much at peace with myself now.

I know this isn't going to go over well with everyone on the board. Some people here think that it's a sin to be what I am. To them, I challenge them to ask if G-d made me just to condemn me to hell, given all the good I have to offer to the world, the lives I'll save, the people I'll help, and the discoveries I'll make. Can you honestly believe in such a cruel and malevolent god? I can't.

For the rest of you, I'm willing to discuss this. For starters, I'm curious as to the paucity of Queer spinners. Anyone else noticed that?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete Topic

spiralx
spiralx

veteran
Location: London, UK
Member Since: 1st May 2002
Total posts: 1376
Posted:Nice one, it's always best when you can be yourself both internally and externally

"Moo," said the happy cow.

Delete

King Of Bongo
King Of Bongo

addict
Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Dec 2002
Total posts: 522
Posted:yay for you, more women for me!!!

all the best men are not gay! look at meeeee!!!!

hmmm, whatever. Back to revision.


Your life is ending one minute at a time...
So live it.

Delete

Nathdaninja
member
Location: Manchester, England
Member Since: 1st Mar 2002
Total posts: 271
Posted:
I won't say well done, cos it sounds far too patronising, but I'll agree with everyones sentiments so far.
Another odd coinky dink, one of my doctor mates has also come out after 26 years. I think it's prolly the best thing he's done for himself in a while. He totally let his character come out, not in a camp "jump in the deep end" way, just more comfortable with himself. And I'm sure the same will happen for you too. Personally I have come to terms with what I am(slightly Bi I'd say a 80:20 split depending on how I'm feeling), but have decided not to tell many people(including my family) as it's just not worth it. I think people understand Bi's less than gay people in a way, well bi blokes anyway. That's certainly the case when it comes to gay people. It almost makes me sick when you see the prejudice levelled against Bi people from the gay community, it's almost like they haven't taken notice of the struggle they've had over the past X years to be accepted.


grrrr, huff and puff..rant over
oh and might I point out
Look at me! Single male 26, slightly swings....altho it does have to be said, just out of an extremely deep relationship..oh well 2 out of 3 aint bad.

...time for a methinks


boing...boing...When the naive man admits his naivete, he is no longer naive.Thus, all people are regarded by society as either ignorant or a liar.Wonders never cease, as long as you never cease to wonder.

Delete

Thistle
Thistle

old hand
Location: Nottingham UK
Member Since: 27th Jan 2001
Total posts: 950
Posted:

I hope getting it out in the open has made you feel better. Makes no difference either way to me. But I believe it will make a big load of difference to you.


Are we nearly there yet?

Delete

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:"Paucity" = relative lack.

By the way, did I mention that all of you rock? Just wanted to let you know that.

Now, anyone know of any cute, reasonably intelligent gay/bi boys?

Oh, and about the bi thing, I agree it's a travesty the way the Gay community treats them. It makes my blood boil when I hear someone who's gay saying "I don't believe in bis." or "Bis are just gays who are afraid to come all the way out." That may commonly be the case, but bisexuals DO exist and it makes me see red when members of a community that has suffered prejudice start practicing prejudice.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete

Jello
ambiguous
Location: Mpls, MN, USA
Member Since: 29th Jan 2002
Total posts: 646
Posted:Hey, sorry I'm late, internet died for quite some time.

First off Congrats!! Secondly I'm very envious of you, I have yet to come out to my parents and don't know if or when I will be able to. It just never happens, definitly a difficult thing to do.

And to the whole bi issue, I aggree, alot of people disrepect them and thats simply wrong.


_________________________________
Fuzzy Dice.......................................

Delete

Lajistical
member
Location: U.S
Member Since: 28th Mar 2003
Total posts: 9
Posted:Well i dont know you and all but it is cool to hear that you expressing whom you are has made you happy. I my self have never had to hide anything like that ; but i am sure it was very hard to do. Any way i thought i show a little support.

Delete

Matthew_Ne
Matthew_Ne

Northeast USA Firespinner
Location: Connecticut, USA
Member Since: 30th Dec 2002
Total posts: 122
Posted:About the paucity of gay/bi/les spinners.. not all that uncommon. Lightning, that was really brave of you to do that. I remember when I came out to my parents as a bisexual, and they took it really well. It was such a relief when that happened. Glad to know that you're not alone, right?

Delete

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Thanks again to everyone.

I am dealing with another issue, now that I'm out. The ladies on the board are undoubtedly familiar with the problem of unwanted advances. You know, people pinching your butt or otherwise groping you? I've been having this problem a lot lately.

Suggestions on how to deal with these freaks?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete

Astar
member
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.
Member Since: 8th Nov 2002
Total posts: 1591
Posted:Way to go. Now you can begin a new and honest phase of your life. Im glad for you.

Delete

Flynt
Flynt

Intrepid Penguin

Member Since: 12th May 2002
Total posts: 5635
Posted:*wanders in wearing her "i Mike Ginny" tshirt...*



xoxxoxoxxoxoxoxxoxo

So i guess that dream really WASNT about you then? shucks


Currently on the right side up of the world.

Delete

UCOF
UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel

Member Since: 17th Apr 2002
Total posts: 15414
Posted:mike mate..

these advances..

are they from blokes or lasses?

if lasses...

*wispers* can you give them my mobile number?

lol

can i have another kiss please?

to be perfectly honest...i never knew any of you (to the gay/ les/ bi people) that any of you were..

its just something you cant tell when you talk to them in type..


Delete

flid
flid

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Warwickshire
Member Since: 27th Aug 2002
Total posts: 3136
Posted:congrats mike!!

My parents think that I am and are happy with the fact that I am gay, even thou I'm not. They just don't get why having sent me to an all boys boarding school I didn't have a string of girlfriends as a teenager

But seriously don't let anyone who has a problem with who you are stand in the way of your happiness, chances are they are just insecure about themselves anyway. I've met and been friends with tonnes of LGBT people over the years and generally they are open minded, nice and friendly people to be around.


Delete

Bram....
member
Location: the arms of the Ganja Goddess
Member Since: 17th May 2002
Total posts: 1551
Posted:In case you haven't realised, I am too mike. So, you can come and be tied to my bed and have fun

You. Its whats for dinner!

As time passes, you realise all the mistakes you amde and the ones you wish you never did make.

The wave crashing on the beach

Delete

Rozi
100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:quote: am dealing with another issue, now that I'm out. The ladies on the board are undoubtedly familiar with the problem of unwanted advances. You know, people pinching your butt or otherwise groping you? I've been having this problem a lot lately.

Suggestions on how to deal with these freaks?
I am tempted to suggest that developing quality cellulite is the only remedy to this one

Couple of options:

1. If it is a gentle come on, laugh and play a line, the good old "don't touch what you can't afford".
2. The straightforward approach (gentle) - turn around, look them direct in the eye with a quiet self-assured smile and shake your head for no.
3. The straightforward approach for when the come on is strong, scary and unwelcome - Turn around looking confident & self assured and tell them you are not interested

Just because you are gay doesn't mean you automatically fall for every guy you meet, this means you have every right to turn people down.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

Delete

Myste - Queen of the Badgers
mushroom! mushroom!
Location: Next to my badger
Member Since: 2nd May 2003
Total posts: 809
Posted:What a courageous doctor! You have my full respect. I think it's wonderful that you told everyone! Have fun finding yourself!

I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it As you like it

Delete

Myste - Queen of the Badgers
mushroom! mushroom!
Location: Next to my badger
Member Since: 2nd May 2003
Total posts: 809
Posted:Hey c@ntus... wrong again! Does that mean you can all come back to my thread and play without being embarrassed?

I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it As you like it

Delete

Kaji
Kaji

Quantum Theorist
Location: Vansterdam
Member Since: 12th Dec 2002
Total posts: 564
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Lightning+++:
Thanks again to everyone.

I am dealing with another issue, now that I'm out. The ladies on the board are undoubtedly familiar with the problem of unwanted advances. You know, people pinching your butt or otherwise groping you? I've been having this problem a lot lately.

Suggestions on how to deal with these freaks? Well first off, Mike much respect to you being able to tell us all that. PLUR. It didn't change my opinion of you one bit, or lessen my respect for you in anyway.

as to the above problem as you said your still the same person you always were. Your not a pussy, you not Jack from Will and Grace, Smack the sh*t out of them next time. It'll stop really quick. They may not even be gay, they're just being arseholes.

my 2 bucks Canadian


In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird, now the world is weird and they take prozac to make it normal again.

Delete

SmallBoy - x
SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London
Member Since: 29th May 2002
Total posts: 2737
Posted:

Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Delete

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:I guess two nights ago, I had (yet another) freak violate my person (he ran his hands down my chest, over my stomach, and was on his way to points south when I caught his wrists and placed his hands at his sides, where they should have been from the start).

I won't repeat what I said to him, but it was really catty and bitchy. And I'm not that kind of person. Yeah, he needed an attitude adjustment, and he did look like a scolded puppy when it was all over, but I really need to find a way of dealing with this that isn't...what I did.



-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete

ivan..
ivan..

member
Location: Halifax, NS
Member Since: 12th Oct 2002
Total posts: 165
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Lightning+++:
[I really need to find a way of dealing with this that isn't...what I did.

[/QB]well there are a few ways that are harmless , stopping the hands and laughing then creating a very noticable space between yourself and the other person... good eyecontact when saying " I would prefer that you keep your hands to yourself "

it's all in the attitude ....

it doesn't matter what gender is doing the touching most people respect the fact that oyu are not playing that particular game at that particular time .. and if they don't then be as catty and bitchy as you want


thats right i look like an albino ape that has had a bad day.. go ahead say something stupid... i dare ya !

Delete

Jello
ambiguous
Location: Mpls, MN, USA
Member Since: 29th Jan 2002
Total posts: 646
Posted:Being 5'7" and 128 pounds, I do not quite have the ability to use brute force to stop such advances. Well I could try, I can fight, however I know my limits. Basically what I do is stop them before they even start with my blank stare. I don't make eye contact with anybody unless of course they're my definition of cute Sometimes I feel bad cause it can be rude, people walking by smiling at you and all you do is stare off beyond them. I'm fairly good at just looking ahead at nobody in particular.

This also works for getting into places you shouldn't, exmple my blank yet determined stare of into the beyond has gotten my past security guards and those annoying solicitors on campus. People think you have somewhere urgent and important to be so they don't even try to break you concentration.


_________________________________
Fuzzy Dice.......................................

Delete

Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Lightning+++:
I won't repeat what I said to him, but it was really catty and bitchy. And I'm not that kind of person. If someone's invading your personal space it's understandable you'd react like that, but if it's happening a lot (they're obviously queuing up to get their hands on you ) try and stay calm, whoever is making these advances will probably be more embarassed having been put in their place.


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

Delete

[Nx?]
[Nx?]

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both
Member Since: 5th Nov 2001
Total posts: 3749
Posted:yo,

I dont know about paucity, it seems there are a lot of bendy peaple about on the board, I can think on one at least

humm yeah, one of the scariest things about guys is thier physical size and strength (also one of the nicest things too.) which means you can feel really threatened by someone comming on too strong. There are diffrent rules for interaction with gay men, eye contact is pivotal, discussion is often sparce and 'im going to the toilet' dosnt mean sit and wait for them to return!

I use a very firm 'NO', sometimes acompanied with a bit of phisicality, push them away. If you got a real problem, get a bouncer. be consious of how you talk and look at peaple, if your new on the scene some peeps will see and try to take advantage, always remember that guys are no good, exploitative shallow animals. It works for women.


L8r

N


This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti

Delete

sea gypsy
member
Location: Cornwall
Member Since: 14th May 2003
Total posts: 51
Posted:Many people avoid things there whole lives, so well done.
Wanted to make a comment about the God thing you said at the top. I don't know about all Religions, but I imagine you might have had Christians in mind, seeing as how there is a bit in the Bible that says that Homosexuals will go to hell, and some of them tend to be a bit..well vigourous in their understanding of it.
I'd just like to point out that in the same passage it also says prostitutes will go there too and Jesus himself told prositutes they would share Heaven with him.
The Bible was written by men, to convey God's message, but I don't think it is his words.
The message is love, if a Christian says it isn't then their faith is crap.
So the message is love,
and I should think you've got plenty of that to give.
Don't let people's confusion drive you to anger against them, no matter how hypocritical they are being, remember they are all driven by fear and probably haven't been forced to face things like you have. Pity them gently.

Love never fails.

Yours

Sea Gypsy


PS unwanted advances? ...actually I'd better not say.


...never just an ordinary girl.

Delete

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Just had a talk with my mom. She's feeling conflicted about it. She wonders how this can possibly be when she saw no signs whatsoever. I think she's in that "how can this be happening to me?" phase.

She wants to know how I know, it's as if she wants me to somehow prove that I'm gay. I can do that, but not in front of my mom... And she wants me to see a therapist. So I told her that I'd be happy to see a therapist if she could tell me what the goals of therapy would be. She couldn't. I reminded her that there isn't a cure because if there was, I would have gone for it long ago.

So I think she's kind of slipping into some sort of denial, but knows she can't. It's bothering her more than it is my dad, I think, which is the opposite of what I expected to happen.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete

Flynt
Flynt

Intrepid Penguin

Member Since: 12th May 2002
Total posts: 5635
Posted:Ouch, thats not fun.

*hugz* hang in there. maybe point out to your mum that you are still the same person you were yesterday, lastweek, last year.... just less unhappy! every mum has to be happy about that. Give her time hon, she'll come round. not really much else i can offer you in the way of advice here....


Currently on the right side up of the world.

Delete

Dom
Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK
Member Since: 19th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3009
Posted:Sounds like your mum thinks that as she didn't know how can you know. Parents don't like it when it's revealed to them that they don't know everything abut their children. You just have to explain to her that you just know, just like you know you have to breathe. Or you might have to start mincing and wearing unfeasibly tight t-shirts around her.

Delete

manu t.i.h.t.
member
Location: Ghent (Belgium)
Member Since: 16th Apr 2003
Total posts: 16
Posted:hai,

glad to hear that you can finally be at peace wiht yourself

I think the things with your mom will take some time, they often see their plans for grandchildren obstructed, and often their plan for your future are washed down the drain. give her some time, but make it also clear that you're not going to change ,(not my intention to tell you how to handle your parents, it seems to me your doing great. )

I almost got thrown out of the house by mom last month after i went to the gay pride in Belgium,
even after i told her that i only went to the pride because a friend of mine asked me to go and support him (i'm not gay,but i support gay pride)

I also had a big fight with some guys in the ragga -reggea dancehall scene. I spin records in some underground squat parties in Ghent, and at one party that was ment to be a benefit for an anarchist library, the dj started to play ragga with homophobic lyrics, after i talked to the dj and told him that homophobic lyrics at an anarchist squat party are not the right things to play, he insultedme, after that i just got a bucket of paint, and threw it over his records, trashing all his 12" sleeves, and a lot of his records.

any way

much luck in the future and live your life in happiness
best wishes
manu


-Pinky do you ponder what I ponder???-Yes Brain, if you start my name with an O it is spelled Oinky

Delete

flowingchalice
flowingchalice

member
Location: Leicester, uk
Member Since: 30th Jul 2002
Total posts: 180
Posted:big 's to you. as for the groping issue... never had a problem myself I guess I'm either too pig ugly or I'm blessed to go to the places where that generally doesn't happen! Now you got me thinking... I guess being a bit of a scruff kinda deters the usual louts too

No help am I? nevermind.... NEXT!


Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside wakes C G Jung

Delete

Page: 123

Similar Topics

Using the keywords [closet] we found the following similar topics.
1. Forums > The closet [81 replies]
2. Forums > its man behind the curtain, not in the closet or last nights gathering [5 replies]
3. Forums > Closet freeview lovers [19 replies]
4. Forums > A mystery at work... [30 replies]
5. Forums > Novelty streamer, known as a poipois!!!! [25 replies]

     Show more..