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ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
Arsn Pulled a saying out of the blue the other day that made me piss myself laughing because I couldnt for the life of me, make head nor tail of it. The saying was "makes as much sense as a gerbil with a cardboard teeshirt on..."
I cracked up..Do you guys have any that will tickle my fancy? Might write a book about them...tee hee

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


PrometheusDiamond In The Rough
459 posts
Location: Richmond, Virginia


Posted:
Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?

BE ALERT! (We need all the lerts we can get.)

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

(On a signpost) "Wizard and Witch Parking Only! Violators Will Be Toad"

One last one...
Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will.
Prometheus' Law: Murphy was an optimist.

Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.


ShyFyshBRONZE Member
member
19 posts
Location: Normal, Illinois, USA


Posted:
I've always cracked up over this one

~That's about as useful as lips on a chicken.



ShyFysh <*}}}}><

In the Eyes of the Goddess...All are Equal, All are Worthy ~Pa'u Zotah Zhaan

I honor the Divine within ~Rev Bem


PrometheusDiamond In The Rough
459 posts
Location: Richmond, Virginia


Posted:
How about "Pretty as a mud fence"

Or "He's like a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest."

Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.


FlyntSILVER Member
Intrepid Penguin
5,635 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
The ones that always get me, are the ones that your Mum tells you. I dont know how i've managed to bite my tongue when she says something like this:

Do i look stupid to you?

Do you think i'm just saying this to hear my own voice?

Just WHAT do you think you're doing?>? (always said when getting caught swinging on the clothesline. I would have thought it was obvious...)

Do you WANT me to spank you?????

ahhhhh Mums, dont ya just luv em!

Currently on the right side up of the world.


ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
too true flynt...
My mum always used to say funny stuff like
"ARE YOUR EARS PAINTED ON?"
or "WHAT DID YOUR LAST SLAVE DIE OF?" to which I used to answer "Not doing what I said!!!"
or when I would whine "whats for tea?!" she would yell "pigs tit and parsley sauce!" yummo....

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


FlyntSILVER Member
Intrepid Penguin
5,635 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
Yum! go the parsley sauce!!

what always got me was, "DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUN FOR ME?" or "THIS HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU" just before i got the belt, I always wanted to swap places just to see if she was telling the truth....

Currently on the right side up of the world.


MozyBRONZE Member
*.. If ya can't be Good, Be Good at it..*
147 posts
Location: In Melbourne at the moment, Australia


Posted:
This would have to me one of my fav

"I see said the blind man to his deaf son"

how do you like that one

Loki

watching the world go by!!!!

Trick ferret on the making hehe!!!!
Everybodyknows me as (TriX)


Pyro_TechCrazy Nutter stuck in Farmidale...
264 posts
Location: Newcastle, Australia


Posted:
Hey Valura! Well, I was in need of a good chuckle and I did indeed get one upon stumbling into this thread...!

My father is the absolute master of one-liners and wierd gags - I have grown up loving them, whilst also PRAYING for him to keep his mouth shut when I had friends over...!

I've made a little list of ones that people have posted here and I'm going to read them to him when we have lunch tomorrow...he'll wet himself and then demand a copy of the list I'm sure...!

Anywayz - here's a few of his favourites...

- Useless as two tits on a bull
- Useless as a back pocket in a singlet

When a friend of my brother almost ate us out of house and home on a visit:
- "Holy shit, that boy could bite the ass off a low-flying duck!!"

His answers to obvious questions:
- 'Does a bear shit in the woods?'
- 'Is the pope catholic?'
- 'Does a duck's ass pucker in a death dive?'

There's a tonne of them - you could write a trilogy of books based purely on my father's very twisted (but very funny) sense of humour....!

Keep 'em coming!
Adios!

Rach

We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...


Pyro_TechCrazy Nutter stuck in Farmidale...
264 posts
Location: Newcastle, Australia


Posted:
Hey Valura! Well, I was in need of a good chuckle and I did indeed get one upon stumbling into this thread...!

My father is the absolute master of one-liners and wierd gags - I have grown up loving them, whilst also PRAYING for him to keep his mouth shut when I had friends over...!

I've made a little list of ones that people have posted here and I'm going to read them to him when we have lunch tomorrow...he'll wet himself and then demand a copy of the list I'm sure...!

Anywayz - here's a few of his favourites...

- Useless as two tits on a bull
- Useless as a back pocket in a singlet

When a friend of my brother almost ate us out of house and home on a visit:
- "Holy shit, that boy could bite the ass off a low-flying duck!!"

His answers to obvious questions:
- 'Does a bear shit in the woods?'
- 'Is the pope catholic?'
- 'Does a duck's ass pucker in a death dive?'

There's a tonne of them - you could write a trilogy of books based purely on my father's very twisted (but very funny) sense of humour....!

Keep 'em coming!
Adios!

Rach

We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...


Pyro_TechCrazy Nutter stuck in Farmidale...
264 posts
Location: Newcastle, Australia


Posted:
Oh, and I should add one that my best friend once used that earnt him a good number of smacks across the back of the head from the females he was out on the town with...

A girl that was not particularly gorgeous approached Jarrett and asked him to dance...he politely declined, but after she left, he leant over to the rest of us and said "Man , no way - she had a face liked a dropped pie" - Little shit.

We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...


StebbinsBRONZE Member
10th degree spoon weilder
171 posts
Location: Halifax, Canada (currently in Korea)


Posted:
Taker easy and if she's already easy taker twice.

-Beeaaatch please, I'm the macaroni with the cheese.
-This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.


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