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ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
Arsn Pulled a saying out of the blue the other day that made me piss myself laughing because I couldnt for the life of me, make head nor tail of it. The saying was "makes as much sense as a gerbil with a cardboard teeshirt on..."
I cracked up..Do you guys have any that will tickle my fancy? Might write a book about them...tee hee

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


CassandraFroggie ... Ribbit !!!
4,224 posts
Location: Back in Paris... for now !


Posted:
ROFL

I WANT MORE ... I have heaps of them in french ... so I cannot wait to read more in english

shine on
Cass

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"


KatBRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)


Posted:
I love some of the sayings by Marion Keys

I'm so hungry I could eat a Nuns arse through the gate of a convent

I'm so hungry I could eat a baby's arse through the bars of a cot

etc etc

Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.

- W B Yeats


ASTRO FAERIEBRONZE Member
ummmmmmm.............
724 posts
Location: Rotherham, UK


Posted:
Eat yoghurt and get cultured!

a saying for your letters: For reply, send a self-abused stomped antelope to:

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Time may be a great healer, but its a lousy beautician.

Its not a bald patch its a solar panel for a sex machine!

If your'e too open minded your brains will fall out.

I find em funny, hope somebody else does!!!!

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909


fireboyAn angry young man with a passon for metal
252 posts
Location: Wagga Wagga, N.S.W, Australia


Posted:
Drunken quotes:
* of cource i have a drinking problem i am out of vodka.
* someone call VB i am zero to drunk in 10 dollars.
* *reading vodka lable at the time* AUSTRALIAN VODKA, i think it will be safer to stick to the turpentine.
* Jesus is that you, i thought you were some one else.

sober qoutes:
* well you must of been dropped on the head as a child.
* stupidity is my middle... wait what is my middle name.
* i love you money i mean *insert current girlfriend name here*.

Fireboy

<<SINister miNISister>>
remeber kids jesus slaves


ChorinBRONZE Member
member
217 posts
Location: Dorking, Surrey, United Kingdom


Posted:
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.

Welcome to Hell...Here's your accordion.

He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.

Never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fists.

Happiness can't buy money.

True friends always stab you in the front.

The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.

Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

Skydiving - Good to the last drop.

If a tree fell on a florist, would he make a sound?

A day without sunshine is like ... night.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Dyslexics of the world untie!

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense.

Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom -
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either!
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampedeing through peanut butter!

Oh yeah.... Don't tell the ants


Ningalmember
23 posts
Location: So Cal


Posted:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

If someone says that you are too good for them - believe them.

It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. (cause you have to eat the crow if you make a mistake yucky)

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

Living well really is the best revenge.

Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Anything we have isn't really ours. We just borrow it while we're here.

and my favorite is
I am becoming the man I always wanted to marry.

>^o^<


sunbeamSILVER Member
old hand
1,032 posts
Location: Madrid, United Kingdom


Posted:
The sooner you fall behind the longer you've got to catch up

"I don't take drugs. I am drugs" - Salvador Dali

sunny


flidBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,136 posts
Location: Warwickshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
i find that if you just take 2 words and use them to fill in the blanks in the following sentence

more _____ than an uzbekistani goat herder's _____

normally does the trick. Oppologies to any goat herders out there, i'm sure you're nice people really

PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
note: I was really tired when I originally said this....

Messed up phrase..."Use the fork loose"

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,688 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
- It's times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother
- Why? What did she say?
- I don't know I wasn't listening

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


the mind gap.old hand
829 posts
Location: Brigadoon


Posted:
believe it or not (and quite frankly, i don't) these are all genuine proverbs from around the world:

do not remove a fly from your friend's head with a hatchet

god preserve us from pitchforks, for they make three holes

good luck is an eel in the pond of fools

first he asks for your walking stick, then he wants your pet daughter

what a pleasure to sit in the fire, having on strange trousers

when you go to a donkey house don't talk about ears

he who lives longest has the most old clothes

wherever you go, there you are.


ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
"keep a hammer by the bed in case a nail falls out of the roof during the night!!!"

When a very rude man was staring at my breasts when he was talking to me.... "Wake up girls hes talking to you!!!"


I love the fly from your friend head with a hatchett one!!! Keep em coming little chickens

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


chilipeppermember
85 posts
Location: Cheshire


Posted:
My grandma is the best person to ask about those little sayings, she seems to have a new one everytime i see her:

'couldnt even swing a cat in there'

i cant think of any now, but ill make a visit to a very wise person!

chili pepper

High Class Hippy #5'One day i WILL own a VW Campervan''i'll sell a liver, u can live with just one, cant u?'Jebus...Jebus


AdeSILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia


Posted:
silly ways of insulting people's intelligence:

he/she's a sandwich short of a picnic

they're a roo short in the top paddock

a stubbie short of a six pack



that's more fun than a short poke with a sharp stick

FlyntSILVER Member
Intrepid Penguin
5,635 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
continueing on that theme...

A fry short of a happy meal

a bannana short of a bunch

a few cards short of a deck

You're so special, you rode the short bus to school!

and the one my ex used on me one time (i think he was trying to be cute...)

"awwww honey, you're so special, your parents must have been retarded!"

Currently on the right side up of the world.


ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
one that is said constantly by a good friend of mine "LOCK IT IN EDDY" (love u puk)
and a real aussie one (shake of the head)
"its just not cricket"

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


AdeSILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia


Posted:
on the cricket theme -

cricket's not a matter of life and death...

it's much more important than that


FlyntSILVER Member
Intrepid Penguin
5,635 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
This one was big when i was in highschool.....

when ever someone said something that was obviously true...

"Nah, NAH, nah mate, NOOOOOO, nup, no, nah, no.... Come on now." (said in a really exagerated manner...)

and, "on your bike, tiger!"

Currently on the right side up of the world.


ChorinBRONZE Member
member
217 posts
Location: Dorking, Surrey, United Kingdom


Posted:
these are some of my main man Dilbert's sayings -
"Accept that somedays you are the pigeon, and somedays you are the statue!"
"On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the escape key."
"Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?"
"There are very few personal problems that can't be fixed with a suitable application of high explosive."

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom -
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either!
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampedeing through peanut butter!

Oh yeah.... Don't tell the ants


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,688 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
They're not only not the sharpest knife in the drawer - they're not even the sharpest spoon

Just when you thought they'd hit rock-bottom, they pulled out the pneumatic drill

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


Dazmember
47 posts
Location: Exmouth, England


Posted:
This saying has five words

What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.

Come alive!


PukSILVER Member
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia


Posted:
Thank you miss chicken
Well i can come up with six million of these Hehehe .

Hears one to start . See you when i looking at you next .

Maybe im just a little wacked .

that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk


vaperloc...the mightylook @my member
466 posts
Location: Ft worth Texas


Posted:
Theres some old country song thats says:
Sometimes your the windhsheild sometimes your the bug.

I also saw this on one of thos refrigerator magnet zen word kits.

drunken monk misuse monastery pond.

There are no obstacles only challenges.
Very funny scotty now beam down my pants.
[colour."green"}What would willie do?

AHH theres too many wee leprechauns i cannae squash them all


Raphael96SILVER Member
old hand
899 posts
Location: New York City, USA


Posted:
One of my favorites is "We will cross that bridge when we come to it."

Now, I understand what the intent is. However, I think its good to point how just how difficult it would be to cross a bridge BEFORE you get to it!


Raph

JinXmushroom collector
208 posts
Location: JHB, South Africa


Posted:
well these are not sayings but they definatly show the human race is stupid

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that
would be how???...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)




ok now when you think you are the dumbest SoB out there realize your not alone

JinX : If it doesnt kill you it makes you stronger

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up twice their bodyweight when dizzy.


sunbeamSILVER Member
old hand
1,032 posts
Location: Madrid, United Kingdom


Posted:
the silliest one of all is "it's always in the last place you look"...

... well duh!

Also my friend told me a great one the other day:

"never criticise someone til you've walked a mile in their shoes... then you're a mile away from them... and you've got their shoes "

"I don't take drugs. I am drugs" - Salvador Dali

sunny


PukSILVER Member
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia


Posted:
God try makeing some up !. For example at the moment (a Queenslander in N.S.W) .I feel damed like a cane toad in sydney ( it's tooo cold for them some so it would never happen ).

that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk


DioHoP Mechanical Engineer
729 posts
Location: OK, USA


Posted:
If you want a plethora of absolutely incredible sayings, go to

www.engrish.com

for a collection of ways the Japanese have butchered the English language in their own culture.

My favorite was a punk band named "The Michelle Gun Elephant" and a 5-yr old GIRL wearing a tshirt that read: "I trusted the government and now my dick glows in the dark."

What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.


Pele'sWhippingBoymember
442 posts
Location: Rochester, NY, USA


Posted:
"Slicker than snot." - John Chrichton, Farscape

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

On the stupid ones:
If brains were money, you couldn't pay attention.

FYI: I am not Pele. If you wish to reply to me and use a short version of my name, use: PWB.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England. - Homer Jay Simpson


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
One of my favorites is:

"Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades."

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


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