Forums > Social Discussion > Can you have true love without sex?
Login/Join to ParticipatePart-time genius
59 posts
Location: Netherlands
59 posts
Location: Netherlands
Posted:
A point that's come up on another forum I frequent. Do you think it's possible to be 'in love' without there being passionate exchange?
This leads, I suppose, quite neatly onto the question of whether abstinence before marriage is wise.
Discuss. I'll add my own views when it seems appropriate
Joe x
A point that's come up on another forum I frequent. Do you think it's possible to be 'in love' without there being passionate exchange?
This leads, I suppose, quite neatly onto the question of whether abstinence before marriage is wise.
Discuss. I'll add my own views when it seems appropriate
Joe x
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
i have chosen not to have sex right now. my best relationship was one that had almost no sex in it...
my second closest was one that started off as a one night stand and we discovered the sex was too good not to see each other again, and then we got to be friends and then dated and were friends for a bit after
i think it can complicate things...things are complicated now and so therefore i figure why complicate things more...
mostly, i think it would have been better if sex had never become an option
i have chosen not to have sex right now. my best relationship was one that had almost no sex in it...
my second closest was one that started off as a one night stand and we discovered the sex was too good not to see each other again, and then we got to be friends and then dated and were friends for a bit after
i think it can complicate things...things are complicated now and so therefore i figure why complicate things more...
mostly, i think it would have been better if sex had never become an option
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
Yes you can.
Long distance relationships do it all the time.
I think it's different for every person and for every relationship and that there is no one correct answer (ie: abstinence) that works for everyone.
Yes you can.
Long distance relationships do it all the time.
I think it's different for every person and for every relationship and that there is no one correct answer (ie: abstinence) that works for everyone.
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
Insufficient input...
Define "true"
Define "love"
Both terms are words only (usually with conditioned content) - need to know what exactly you attach to these terms in order to process your query
Insufficient input...
Define "true"
Define "love"
Both terms are words only (usually with conditioned content) - need to know what exactly you attach to these terms in order to process your query
the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Posted:
Without any sex at all or just not very often?
Personally I think no, but thats just an opinion. I think iot entirely depends on the individual.
Without any sex at all or just not very often?
Personally I think no, but thats just an opinion. I think iot entirely depends on the individual.
BRONZE Member
newbie
24 posts
Location: Kelowna, B.C., Canada
newbie
24 posts
Location: Kelowna, B.C., Canada
Posted:
Heck yes you can.
My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, and we're both still virgins.
We figured that for us, physicallity of a relationship isn't
as important as our emotional wellbeing, so we decided to
just focus on building our relationship and making sure that
we're completely, absolutely, positively 250% compatible
with each other.
We're engaged to get married in the spring of '08
EDITED_BY: silly_rilly (1170137288)
Heck yes you can.
My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, and we're both still virgins.
We figured that for us, physicallity of a relationship isn't
as important as our emotional wellbeing, so we decided to
just focus on building our relationship and making sure that
we're completely, absolutely, positively 250% compatible
with each other.
We're engaged to get married in the spring of '08
EDITED_BY: silly_rilly (1170137288)
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
awww
good on you guys! I guess you rock! Pls let us know 
awww
good on you guys! I guess you rock! Pls let us know the best smiles are the ones you lead to
Scientist of Fortune
1,189 posts
Location: Edinburgh
1,189 posts
Location: Edinburgh
Posted:
I'd say it is possible, but is generally less desirable than love and sex.
I'd say it is possible, but is generally less desirable than love and sex.
According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Dynamics, we may already be making love right now...
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
i agree with Maus
i agree with Maus
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
SILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Posted:
I agree with Pele! It happens all the time, but it's very much a personal thing, as different people attach different meanings to sex and sexuality, have different needs etc.
Also depends what you mean by being in love, and 'passionate exchange', does that include kissing and foreplay too?
I agree with Pele! It happens all the time, but it's very much a personal thing, as different people attach different meanings to sex and sexuality, have different needs etc.
Also depends what you mean by being in love, and 'passionate exchange', does that include kissing and foreplay too?
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
but what after your married and you then realise that your not sexually compatible
however good on you for your path
i have one son, me and my partner don't have safe sex... and im scared the hell to death of her getting pregnant, but then i feel that im giving her the cold shoulder all of the times that i dont want to have sex because of that which are my feelings and i have talked with her... yet she is persistent half of the time and it annoys the hell out of me. Plus i dont like using condoms
.
A relationship i had for 4 years with some one... she was at uni during the day and work at night and i worked days... we hardly ever saw each other to have sex, but i loved her, shame i left, shame it took me too long to realise what i had thrown away... so in my opinion yes you can love with out sex.
as said above... its what you attach to those words
Written by: silly_rilly
Heck yes you can.
My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, and we're both still virgins.
We figured that for us, physicallity of a relationship isn't
as important as our emotional wellbeing, so we decided to
just focus on building our relationship and making sure that
we're completely, absolutely, positively 250% compatible
with each other.
We're engaged to get married in the spring of '08
but what after your married and you then realise that your not sexually compatible
however good on you for your path
i have one son, me and my partner don't have safe sex... and im scared the hell to death of her getting pregnant, but then i feel that im giving her the cold shoulder all of the times that i dont want to have sex because of that which are my feelings and i have talked with her... yet she is persistent half of the time and it annoys the hell out of me. Plus i dont like using condoms
.A relationship i had for 4 years with some one... she was at uni during the day and work at night and i worked days... we hardly ever saw each other to have sex, but i loved her, shame i left, shame it took me too long to realise what i had thrown away... so in my opinion yes you can love with out sex.
as said above... its what you attach to those words
GOLD Member
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angels Landing, USA
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angels Landing, USA
Posted:
I guess parents don't have true love for their children then?
I guess parents don't have true love for their children then?
To do: More Firedrums 08 video?
Wildfire/US East coast fire footage
LA/EDC glow/fire footage
Fresno fire
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
almost precicely what i was gonna say. how can you know you're 250% compatible if you know nothing about your sexual compatibility?
Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, yes, you can have true romantic love without having it, but not without wanting it. And to marry somone without knowing about sexual compatibility, IMHO is outrightly foolhardy. If you turn out to be completely imcompatible in the bedroom it could be relationship ending.
What if she turns out to have some strange fetish that you find completely and utterly disgusting? Both being virgins, it's entirely possible, and even probable, that you're not entirely sure what you yourselves are into, and therefore won't even be able to discuss it with any real depth...
*le sigh* Standard Disclaimer: I mean no offence, i just wish to give my opinion on a matter about which i feel strongly, and to present a point which had possibly not occured to persons who are considering taking a certain path.
Written by: PK_Written by: silly_rilly
Heck yes you can.
My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, and we're both still virgins.
We figured that for us, physicallity of a relationship isn't
as important as our emotional wellbeing, so we decided to
just focus on building our relationship and making sure that
we're completely, absolutely, positively 250% compatible
with each other.
We're engaged to get married in the spring of '08
but what after your married and you then realise that your not sexually compatible
almost precicely what i was gonna say. how can you know you're 250% compatible if you know nothing about your sexual compatibility?
Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, yes, you can have true romantic love without having it, but not without wanting it. And to marry somone without knowing about sexual compatibility, IMHO is outrightly foolhardy. If you turn out to be completely imcompatible in the bedroom it could be relationship ending.
What if she turns out to have some strange fetish that you find completely and utterly disgusting? Both being virgins, it's entirely possible, and even probable, that you're not entirely sure what you yourselves are into, and therefore won't even be able to discuss it with any real depth...
*le sigh* Standard Disclaimer: I mean no offence, i just wish to give my opinion on a matter about which i feel strongly, and to present a point which had possibly not occured to persons who are considering taking a certain path.
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
that is why their other relationship (the one outside of sex) is important...
but also they are virgins so how do they know even if they aren't compatible
sex is only as important as you make it in a relationship
i think it is sweet and very special that there is something that your husband or wife will only experience...that is only for them
people put to much importance on sex in a relationship. if you aren't having it people ask you a bunch of questions. that's part of the reason why i am single now. i don't want to, he did. now it wasn't a casual relationship, but i wasn't sure if i wanted to expose myself like that. or even be tied to him through a child. not now. maybe later.
i don't know if true is the right word, but maybe real, or deep and abiding, true can be contorted and distorted.
perhaps, sex can be seen as a way to affirm the relationship and not a seperate physical act. if they cuddle well, i bet they will grow into each other sexually.
it will be awkward at first, like it was for all of us, but i bet they will have a great sex life because of the deep connection they have outside of sex
that is why their other relationship (the one outside of sex) is important...
but also they are virgins so how do they know even if they aren't compatible
sex is only as important as you make it in a relationship
i think it is sweet and very special that there is something that your husband or wife will only experience...that is only for them
people put to much importance on sex in a relationship. if you aren't having it people ask you a bunch of questions. that's part of the reason why i am single now. i don't want to, he did. now it wasn't a casual relationship, but i wasn't sure if i wanted to expose myself like that. or even be tied to him through a child. not now. maybe later.
i don't know if true is the right word, but maybe real, or deep and abiding, true can be contorted and distorted.
perhaps, sex can be seen as a way to affirm the relationship and not a seperate physical act. if they cuddle well, i bet they will grow into each other sexually.
it will be awkward at first, like it was for all of us, but i bet they will have a great sex life because of the deep connection they have outside of sex
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
if (and this is a completely hypothetical situation, of course) they were to find that they didn't enjoy haing sex with one another, obviously, they're not compatible.
you can have sex without that happening. people do it all the time
and that is how i see it. still, there can be elements within sex that an individual may or may not need, that are not present within other aspects of a relationship.
it's quite probable, still, personally, i feel that marriage is something that should last forever, and shouldn't be entered into lightly. *i personally* couldn't marry anyone that i wasn't *positive* that i would be 100% compatible with in *all* aspects of our relationship. Including mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically *and* sexually.
Written by: faithinfire
but also they are virgins so how do they know even if they aren't compatible
if (and this is a completely hypothetical situation, of course) they were to find that they didn't enjoy haing sex with one another, obviously, they're not compatible.
Written by: faithinfire
or even be tied to him through a child. not now. maybe later.
you can have sex without that happening. people do it all the time
Written by: faithinfire
i don't know if true is the right word, but maybe real, or deep and abiding, true can be contorted and distorted.
perhaps, sex can be seen as a way to affirm the relationship and not a seperate physical act.
and that is how i see it. still, there can be elements within sex that an individual may or may not need, that are not present within other aspects of a relationship.
Written by: faithinfire
if they cuddle well, i bet they will grow into each other sexually.
it will be awkward at first, like it was for all of us, but i bet they will have a great sex life because of the deep connection they have outside of sex
it's quite probable, still, personally, i feel that marriage is something that should last forever, and shouldn't be entered into lightly. *i personally* couldn't marry anyone that i wasn't *positive* that i would be 100% compatible with in *all* aspects of our relationship. Including mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically *and* sexually.
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
true but both me and my brother are proof that accidents do happen
not having previous sexual experience they have no reason to think the sex they have is not like the sex that other people enjoy, therefore compatiblity should not be an issue
true but both me and my brother are proof that accidents do happen
not having previous sexual experience they have no reason to think the sex they have is not like the sex that other people enjoy, therefore compatiblity should not be an issue
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
Hobo Gaylord
329 posts
Location: I am worldwide and lush
329 posts
Location: I am worldwide and lush
Posted:
You can certainly have good sex without love...
You can certainly have good sex without love...
*no moves there are no moves there are no moves there are no moves there are no moves there are no*
"Oooh, what a shiny new move!"
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
yes
yes
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
that i wouldn't know about...
Written by: Chronofracture333
You can certainly have good sex without love...
that i wouldn't know about...
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
.... and most certainly you can have GREAT sex - including love.
Why does it seem so absurd, that some couple do not emphasise on sex so much these days? To some, sex is the highest possible merge between man and woman - what's all that fetish talk got to do with it - there's more to it than they teach in movies
(disclaimer: excuse me for sounding cocky, no offense meant)
.... and most certainly you can have GREAT sex - including love.
Why does it seem so absurd, that some couple do not emphasise on sex so much these days? To some, sex is the highest possible merge between man and woman - what's all that fetish talk got to do with it - there's more to it than they teach in movies
(disclaimer: excuse me for sounding cocky, no offense meant)
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
I think you're mixing up "love" and "fulfilled relationship".
I think love without sex is possible.
A fulfilled relationship without it isn't, for me, in the long run. If there are medical or psychological issues it can be tough, but more often than not there are ways around it.
About the fetish talk, well, I've never seen more than a few minutes of porn, but that's nothing to do with that. If two people for whom the physical side is important prefer completely different ways of making love it gets difficult, period. And while you can never tell what you will be into in a few years' time (some people don't discover their kinky side or other preferences until way into their sex life), it is completely impossible to predict whether you'll be compatible if you haven't tried it at all.
Although, if a couple decides that sex is only a minor part of their relationship and can do without it for years, I guess it won't matter so much.
And pk, try something other than condoms? Lots and lots of things around, and not all mess with hormones if that's a problem for your lady.
I think you're mixing up "love" and "fulfilled relationship".
I think love without sex is possible.
A fulfilled relationship without it isn't, for me, in the long run. If there are medical or psychological issues it can be tough, but more often than not there are ways around it.
About the fetish talk, well, I've never seen more than a few minutes of porn, but that's nothing to do with that. If two people for whom the physical side is important prefer completely different ways of making love it gets difficult, period. And while you can never tell what you will be into in a few years' time (some people don't discover their kinky side or other preferences until way into their sex life), it is completely impossible to predict whether you'll be compatible if you haven't tried it at all.
Although, if a couple decides that sex is only a minor part of their relationship and can do without it for years, I guess it won't matter so much.
And pk, try something other than condoms?
Lots and lots of things around, and not all mess with hormones if that's a problem for your lady. "vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
Forget puppy power, Scrappy's just gay
632 posts
Location: Southampton Uni
632 posts
Location: Southampton Uni
Posted:
I've been in long distance relationships all of my adult life, and I've finally found someone I've fallen in love with. We've been together for almost 2 and a half years now, and we're engaged to be married in 2009, but I don't think the sex would be nearly so fulfilling had we both been virgins when we started.
I do think it is possible to have true love without sex, but I also think experience can make that side of the relationship more enjoyable. But if you feel that this is the right way for you 2 to go, then go for it, and I hope you 2 are very happy together
I've been in long distance relationships all of my adult life, and I've finally found someone I've fallen in love with. We've been together for almost 2 and a half years now, and we're engaged to be married in 2009, but I don't think the sex would be nearly so fulfilling had we both been virgins when we started.
I do think it is possible to have true love without sex, but I also think experience can make that side of the relationship more enjoyable. But if you feel that this is the right way for you 2 to go, then go for it, and I hope you 2 are very happy together
Spin, bounce, be one with the world, because it is yours to enjoy...
SILVER Member
member
186 posts
Location: San Francisco, USA
member
186 posts
Location: San Francisco, USA
Posted:
Dood, sorry, but... no. Just, no.
Stop and think like an adult for a minute here:
Which do you 'not like' more?
Practicing safe sex?
--OR--
Living in fear of (someone else's!!) unexpected pregnancy, AND responding to healthy affection from your partner with anger? AND hardly ever getting any?
Are they making condoms with spikes and alcohol on the inside now, or what? How bad can they be?! Which is worse? The discomfort of the condoms, or the discomfort of having to force out an 8-pound screaming infant??
Her body should not be victim to your convenience. If you don't want another child, take precautions for your sake AND hers, even if she's crazy (or lovesick enough) to want you even unprotected.
I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't be this harsh, but... this sort of casual disregard really turns my stomach.
Written by: PK_
me and my partner don't have safe sex... and im scared the hell to death of her getting pregnant, but then i feel that im giving her the cold shoulder all of the times that i dont want to have sex because of that which are my feelings and i have talked with her... yet she is persistent half of the time and it annoys the hell out of me. Plus i dont like using condoms
Dood, sorry, but... no. Just, no.
Stop and think like an adult for a minute here:
Which do you 'not like' more?
Practicing safe sex?
--OR--
Living in fear of (someone else's!!) unexpected pregnancy, AND responding to healthy affection from your partner with anger? AND hardly ever getting any?
Are they making condoms with spikes and alcohol on the inside now, or what? How bad can they be?! Which is worse? The discomfort of the condoms, or the discomfort of having to force out an 8-pound screaming infant??
Her body should not be victim to your convenience. If you don't want another child, take precautions for your sake AND hers, even if she's crazy (or lovesick enough) to want you even unprotected.
I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't be this harsh, but... this sort of casual disregard really turns my stomach.
"Ours is not to question The Head; it is enough to revel in the ubiquitous inanity of The Head, the unwanted proximity of The Head, the unrelenting HellPresence of The Head, indeed the very UNYIELDING IRRELEVANCE of The Head!" --Revelation X
BRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted:
i agree totally to Gnarly Cranium here........!!!!!!
in my view there are different kinds of love
passionate ones and ones without passion
even in a one night stand you can be in real love for the moment
and you can love a whole life without pasion at all
just my view....
i agree totally to Gnarly Cranium here........!!!!!!
in my view there are different kinds of love
passionate ones and ones without passion
even in a one night stand you can be in real love for the moment
and you can love a whole life without pasion at all
just my view....
What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
... answers my question about
"true" and
"love" - I reckon
leading me straight to the next one: what is "sex"?
NO that's a rated bb - please
As for the "kinky" side - I guess that really depends and any which way I highly respect the choice of a couple who decides to do it their way
... answers my question about
"true" and
"love" - I reckon
leading me straight to the next one: what is "sex"?
NO that's a rated bb - please As for the "kinky" side - I guess that really depends and any which way I highly respect the choice of a couple who decides to do it their way
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
SILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Posted:
On another point, sexual preferences and behaviour can and do change over time. We're not born with built-in programming that tells us our favorite position, wether or not we enjoy bondage, how noisy we are etc. Culture plays a part in it, but this is all stuff we should explore as we go along. Lots of people who never thought they'd get into 'kinky' stuff find that they do in later life, some people who are into hardcore bondage games eventually get bored of it and calm it down, or begin to crave something more sensual.
So in response to the whole 'what if you're not sexually compatible' thing... I'm not sure if it's that black and white. What makes someone sexually compatable, really? I don't think it's a case of finding someone who likes doing things exactly the way you do, that doesn't sound like it's as much fun as exploring what your partner likes too.
What if sexual compatability grows through love? I think if you love someone, you're attracted to them physically, you want to please them and they want to please you, you feel comfortable around each other and you talk easily about how you feel... surely that's going to lead to some mind-blowing sex?
From my (admittedly somewhat limited) experience, the first time with anyone is always a bit awkward and never as good as the second time round, regardless of how many notches you have on the bed post.
On another point, sexual preferences and behaviour can and do change over time. We're not born with built-in programming that tells us our favorite position, wether or not we enjoy bondage, how noisy we are etc. Culture plays a part in it, but this is all stuff we should explore as we go along. Lots of people who never thought they'd get into 'kinky' stuff find that they do in later life, some people who are into hardcore bondage games eventually get bored of it and calm it down, or begin to crave something more sensual.
So in response to the whole 'what if you're not sexually compatible' thing... I'm not sure if it's that black and white. What makes someone sexually compatable, really? I don't think it's a case of finding someone who likes doing things exactly the way you do, that doesn't sound like it's as much fun as exploring what your partner likes too.
What if sexual compatability grows through love? I think if you love someone, you're attracted to them physically, you want to please them and they want to please you, you feel comfortable around each other and you talk easily about how you feel... surely that's going to lead to some mind-blowing sex?
From my (admittedly somewhat limited) experience, the first time with anyone is always a bit awkward and never as good as the second time round, regardless of how many notches you have on the bed post.
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
I disagree with this completely, from personal experience. I can think of a couple first times that were AMAZING and the second time was just eh, even enough to cause me to not even concider a third time.
I can also think of a couple first times that were really quite..not the best but then grew into the wow thing.
There are alot of factors that go into it. Comfort with one another, passion (in the moment), setting, etc...
I do agree that preferences change as we mature and grow through our experiences...for some people. Some people don't change.
Faith, how would they know if they hadn't been with someone before? Well, because curiousity and drive kick in. Haven't you ever felt something was missing and didn't know why or what? Same thing applies here.
I've known virgins who hooked up and couldn't fulfill one another after time, and I know the same for those where were more "experienced". In both cases I think it has more to do with a lack of compromise and communication though than anything else...which is essential for a relationship, especially in the intamacy dept.
Written by: The Tea Fairy
From my (admittedly somewhat limited) experience, the first time with anyone is always a bit awkward and never as good as the second time round, regardless of how many notches you have on the bed post.
I disagree with this completely, from personal experience. I can think of a couple first times that were AMAZING and the second time was just eh, even enough to cause me to not even concider a third time.
I can also think of a couple first times that were really quite..not the best but then grew into the wow thing.
There are alot of factors that go into it. Comfort with one another, passion (in the moment), setting, etc...
I do agree that preferences change as we mature and grow through our experiences...for some people. Some people don't change.
Faith, how would they know if they hadn't been with someone before? Well, because curiousity and drive kick in. Haven't you ever felt something was missing and didn't know why or what? Same thing applies here.
I've known virgins who hooked up and couldn't fulfill one another after time, and I know the same for those where were more "experienced". In both cases I think it has more to do with a lack of compromise and communication though than anything else...which is essential for a relationship, especially in the intamacy dept.
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
Part-time genius
59 posts
Location: Netherlands
59 posts
Location: Netherlands
Posted:
Crikey, I'm away for a few days and look what happens. Plenty to go on here, good work, guys
OK, I'll try and clear up some of what I meant in the first post and offer some of my own opinions up.
1. By 'true love' I guess I meant a completely fulfilled relationship, thanks for whoever said that, I couldn't express what I meant at the time.
2. Sex as I used it is pretty all encompassing; physical affection of an erotic nature. The operative word being erotic, we're not talking kissing your granny here.
Now on to my 2p. I'm in what I would term my first serious relationship, we've been together romantically for about 9 months, and were friends (though not extremely close) for about half a year prior. I (however inexperienced I may be relatively) think I'm onto a really good thing, I'd call it love but that raises too many problems of definition. Suffice it to say we get along very well and thus far have proved that we're willing to and capable of resolving difficulties posed to the relationship. (Distance and absence, being two big ones) I do, however feel that one of the reasons that it's so good is a very fulfilling and loving sex-life, and I can't imagine the same completeness of feeling without it. Hence my question
Joe x
Crikey, I'm away for a few days and look what happens. Plenty to go on here, good work, guys
OK, I'll try and clear up some of what I meant in the first post and offer some of my own opinions up.
1. By 'true love' I guess I meant a completely fulfilled relationship, thanks for whoever said that, I couldn't express what I meant at the time.
2. Sex as I used it is pretty all encompassing; physical affection of an erotic nature. The operative word being erotic, we're not talking kissing your granny here.
Now on to my 2p. I'm in what I would term my first serious relationship, we've been together romantically for about 9 months, and were friends (though not extremely close) for about half a year prior. I (however inexperienced I may be relatively) think I'm onto a really good thing, I'd call it love but that raises too many problems of definition. Suffice it to say we get along very well and thus far have proved that we're willing to and capable of resolving difficulties posed to the relationship. (Distance and absence, being two big ones) I do, however feel that one of the reasons that it's so good is a very fulfilling and loving sex-life, and I can't imagine the same completeness of feeling without it. Hence my question
Joe x
BRONZE Member
newbie
24 posts
Location: Kelowna, B.C., Canada
newbie
24 posts
Location: Kelowna, B.C., Canada
Posted:
First of all, thanks for the input... and no offence taken
But I'm pretty sure that we'll work it out. For me, being sexually compatible with someone means having a sex life that is fulfilling to both parties.
And if we find that we don't like having sex or aren't sexually compatible with one another, then we just won't have sex... it's not that big of a deal for us.
Besides, just because we're (technically) virgins doesn't mean that we're totally inexperienced. It just gives us more practise with perfecting our foreplay!
thank you! It's nice to see another true romantic.
And I totally agree that sex is only as important as you make it.
I mean, right now my girlfriend is in Europe for ten months, and I'm stuck here in Canada finishing up my classes. And of course the physical seperation was hard at first, but we're managing. I figure that if we can make it through this then we can tackle just about anything!
Written by: FoxInDocsWritten by: PK_Written by: silly_rilly
Heck yes you can.
My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, and we're both still virgins.
We figured that for us, physicallity of a relationship isn't
as important as our emotional wellbeing, so we decided to
just focus on building our relationship and making sure that
we're completely, absolutely, positively 250% compatible
with each other.
We're engaged to get married in the spring of '08
but what after your married and you then realise that your not sexually compatible
almost precicely what i was gonna say. how can you know you're 250% compatible if you know nothing about your sexual compatibility?
Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, yes, you can have true romantic love without having it, but not without wanting it. And to marry somone without knowing about sexual compatibility, IMHO is outrightly foolhardy. If you turn out to be completely imcompatible in the bedroom it could be relationship ending.
What if she turns out to have some strange fetish that you find completely and utterly disgusting? Both being virgins, it's entirely possible, and even probable, that you're not entirely sure what you yourselves are into, and therefore won't even be able to discuss it with any real depth...
*le sigh* Standard Disclaimer: I mean no offence, i just wish to give my opinion on a matter about which i feel strongly, and to present a point which had possibly not occured to persons who are considering taking a certain path.
First of all, thanks for the input... and no offence taken
But I'm pretty sure that we'll work it out. For me, being sexually compatible with someone means having a sex life that is fulfilling to both parties.
And if we find that we don't like having sex or aren't sexually compatible with one another, then we just won't have sex... it's not that big of a deal for us.
Besides, just because we're (technically) virgins doesn't mean that we're totally inexperienced. It just gives us more practise with perfecting our foreplay!
Written by: faithinfire
that is why their other relationship (the one outside of sex) is important...
but also they are virgins so how do they know even if they aren't compatible
sex is only as important as you make it in a relationship
i think it is sweet and very special that there is something that your husband or wife will only experience...that is only for them
people put to much importance on sex in a relationship. if you aren't having it people ask you a bunch of questions. that's part of the reason why i am single now. i don't want to, he did. now it wasn't a casual relationship, but i wasn't sure if i wanted to expose myself like that. or even be tied to him through a child. not now. maybe later.
i don't know if true is the right word, but maybe real, or deep and abiding, true can be contorted and distorted.
perhaps, sex can be seen as a way to affirm the relationship and not a seperate physical act. if they cuddle well, i bet they will grow into each other sexually.
it will be awkward at first, like it was for all of us, but i bet they will have a great sex life because of the deep connection they have outside of sex
thank you! It's nice to see another true romantic.
And I totally agree that sex is only as important as you make it.
I mean, right now my girlfriend is in Europe for ten months, and I'm stuck here in Canada finishing up my classes. And of course the physical seperation was hard at first, but we're managing. I figure that if we can make it through this then we can tackle just about anything!
Stalking amidst the desert, carrying an oversized scalpel...
1,019 posts
Location: Huddersfield + Hull Uni... UK.
1,019 posts
Location: Huddersfield + Hull Uni... UK.
Posted:
Asexuality. No?
Written by: FoxInDocs
almost precicely what i was gonna say. how can you know you're 250% compatible if you know nothing about your sexual compatibility?
Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, yes, you can have true romantic love without having it, but not without wanting it. And to marry somone without knowing about sexual compatibility, IMHO is outrightly foolhardy. If you turn out to be completely imcompatible in the bedroom it could be relationship ending.
Asexuality. No?
Willy - is bad for your health...
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
ok so ... in regards to the post about being a responsible adult!... and me being casually disregardful about safe sex.
Ok i have one son, that was not planned, but i wouldn't change him for the world. He was born 2lbs 6oz and 3 months premature, (photos in my gallery).
Basically shortly after my girlfriend became pregnant, she also became seriously ill.
After an emergency c section and her near death due to illness, our little one was born (just!!, but thats another story).
after a year battle to find "A" doctor to help and diagnose the situation the hospital basically left her to die because they didn't know what was wrong with her, then a nurse said oh maybe it is this! LUPUS. (turns out one girl died at this hospital in 2003 from Lupus)
Basically for the rest of her life she is on medication, she has to take a sack full of them to stabilise her system. Lupus attacked her immune system and she also suffered a Stroke in the brain that left her paralysed and with memory loss for several weeks, the paralysis for a lot longer.
The choice of contraception ... doesn't leave much option... pills are out of the question for a start and every thing would have to be done with her practitioner in Pisa.
Today's medical visit drawn the conclusion of a tumour in her (privates) .. so with that and her other medical problems the chances of another baby are very slim.. like minute!, plus there is the chance that she would abort or miscarry or if the baby was not to miscarry it would be another premature baby.
Basically my problem is that i dont want to go through all of the heart ache, trauma ... basically the worst year of my entire life all over again, the only good thing that survived from 2006 is my son and GF alive.
I have to support my girl, who cant go in the sun, in the heat, walk very far, eat the things that she did before, work, drive, look after our son on her own... plus a one year old with medical problems too
safe sex isn't what im bothered about.... however i recommend it.
I will leave you to decide....
sex can give you all the satisfaction you need but it gave me my son.. thank god for non safe sex in my case, i got my child with my partner whom i love whilst i had the chance to do so, accidentally or not!.
end.. cos talking about all of that hurts and brings back bad memories of seeing my GF and son in hospital.
ok so ... in regards to the post about being a responsible adult!... and me being casually disregardful about safe sex.
Ok i have one son, that was not planned, but i wouldn't change him for the world. He was born 2lbs 6oz and 3 months premature, (photos in my gallery).
Basically shortly after my girlfriend became pregnant, she also became seriously ill.
After an emergency c section and her near death due to illness, our little one was born (just!!, but thats another story).
after a year battle to find "A" doctor to help and diagnose the situation the hospital basically left her to die because they didn't know what was wrong with her, then a nurse said oh maybe it is this! LUPUS. (turns out one girl died at this hospital in 2003 from Lupus)
Basically for the rest of her life she is on medication, she has to take a sack full of them to stabilise her system. Lupus attacked her immune system and she also suffered a Stroke in the brain that left her paralysed and with memory loss for several weeks, the paralysis for a lot longer.
The choice of contraception ... doesn't leave much option... pills are out of the question for a start and every thing would have to be done with her practitioner in Pisa.
Today's medical visit drawn the conclusion of a tumour in her (privates) .. so with that and her other medical problems the chances of another baby are very slim.. like minute!, plus there is the chance that she would abort or miscarry or if the baby was not to miscarry it would be another premature baby.
Basically my problem is that i dont want to go through all of the heart ache, trauma ... basically the worst year of my entire life all over again, the only good thing that survived from 2006 is my son and GF alive.
I have to support my girl, who cant go in the sun, in the heat, walk very far, eat the things that she did before, work, drive, look after our son on her own... plus a one year old with medical problems too
safe sex isn't what im bothered about.... however i recommend it.
I will leave you to decide....
sex can give you all the satisfaction you need but it gave me my son.. thank god for non safe sex in my case, i got my child with my partner whom i love whilst i had the chance to do so, accidentally or not!.
end.. cos talking about all of that hurts and brings back bad memories of seeing my GF and son in hospital.
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