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DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,688 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England

Well, as everyone seems to be getting very introspective at the moment thinking about the future and past etc, I'd thought I'd ask a simple question:

What's the most defining decision you've ever made or had made for you that put you where you are now?

For me it was leaving Southampton University early. I was doing french there and having a bit of a cack time.
If I hadn't left I would never have gone to music college, would probably have split up with my girlfriend (due to a year out in France) and would NEVER have got into poi
The cascading effect of that one choice is crazy, my whole circle of friends, outlook on life, ethos, future career were all completely changed.

Quite cool really...

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

2,419 posts
Location: la-la land

If I'd never come to this country at 14 - I would have probably still be in Belguim, working as a translator or something. My languages befor I came to UK were wicked - french, german, dutch, flemish, the chance of learning thai again.. ahh the possiblities, I would never have had to go to that shite college, never have been bullied to the point of suicide - would never have found out that I can consume quite so many drugs of different sorts, probably wouldn't have had my breakdown - so I would most likely been a bit calmer and a bit more sure of myself.. not the nutcase I am these days.. but that may have been a wee bit boring.. but then again - I would never have met my WONDERFUL friends and never got into poi.. so I think I'm happy the way things have turned out - at least I can give good advice

I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

DomBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK

The biggest change made for me was moving to the UK when I was a kid. Who knows what would have happened if we'd stayed in Brunei!

Either that or the decision of my parents not to sell my to an Arab sheik when I was a baby and we lived in Dubai. I could have been living in a palace with a dozen fast cars to choose from. Or a white slave!

The biggest decision I've made myself was to accept myself openly as who I am. That put we where I am today, and happy to be me

PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA

Keeping my son and leaving Spermdonor. It saved my life. I am fully convinced that if I had have given my son up for adoption that Sd would've beaten me to death and I would not be here to torment ya'all right now!

I am very grateful for my son!
The other big change was finally having the strength to say F&*K it, I am going to do what I want. I am much happier now.

Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

ChorinBRONZE Member
217 posts
Location: Dorking, Surrey, United Kingdom

I guess the most profound part of my life was when I realized that it doesn't matter a damn if people don't like me so long as I like myself and have a good time then it doesn't really matter what people who aren't my friends think of me. Thankfully i realized this just before I was going to top myself so I guess you could say it was life changing.

It's a crazy crazy world we live in so be happy and damn the man!

Dilbert's Words of Wisdom -
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either!
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampedeing through peanut butter!

Oh yeah.... Don't tell the ants

61 posts
Location: bristol,uk

so chorin, just what made it suddenly not matter what people thought. ID LOVE to not care but i doooo! so much that i worry what every person says or does about me or with me! what changed so suddenly? yes, i realise i may be going off on a tangent here. but im interested....

Never doubt that a small group of crusties, activists, and politicos can change the world... in fact, it's the only thing that ever does ;-)

SpannerBRONZE Member
remembers when it was all fields round here
2,790 posts
Location: in the works... somewhere..., United Kingdom

The biggest change in my life wasn't having a baby because I'd hoped that would happen anyway. A few years ago the father of my half-brother and three of my half sisters died (they're half siblings but we're very close). They argued throughout his illness and after his death, one of my sisters cut herself off from them and our mum. I was only 17 at the time and nothing could have predicted this situation where they don't talk, which makes it difficult to understand the reasons they disagreed in the first place. In one year our family changed so much. Not a positive difference, but pretty life changing all the same, feeling like you're walking on broken glass when you're discussing one with another.

"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.



MalcolmSAPPHIRE Member
HOP admin
1,064 posts
Location: New Zealand

7 years or so ago my life hit rock bottom, my ex left me for someone who had money. A fire (caused by some school children) had burnt down half my house and destroyed much property including my electrical business. Under insurred. I even ended up in hospital very ill.

After a while I went to a "life" councilor who explained many things to me and helped me find my real goals and my values in life. Material goods I lost had a very low value compared to my health and knowledge.

So I discovered more about who I am and what I needed to be happy. This was my turning point.
I listened to me and my heart. And did what I wanted to do. Others thought I was a fool because of what I was doing, but now I hear of some talking highly of my courage, love, determination (stubborness) and lack of spelling ability .

It is a life journey and now a good one (especially with Cherry, Seven and my good friends at my side).

May your balls always burn

4,308 posts
Location: York, England

The biggest descision made for me was to let me be born.... if i hadn't been born my life would probably be a lot different.

ok, no more horrid jokes. but it is true, the descision part.

Myself, i'd have to say the two biggest descisions were to leave home a little before i turned 17 (found a new "home" of sorts for a year, all good) and to go to a certain party, where i learnt poi and over time met a lot of crazy people etc, etc......

And cause of all that, i have met the specialist people... *hugs* yay!

I'm not gonna start doing especiallys, cause someone always gets left out. But one boy in particular should know who he is, cause he means an awful lot to me! And if i could give him a hug tommorow, i would!

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

tiamat_22580I will kill all mods
210 posts
Location: mods suck

When i let GOD into my life!!

becBRONZE Member
521 posts
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

the biggest change... although there is not defining moment when I decided to make it happen...
was when I learnt to play...* and to dance through life a little lighter... it didn't take away from being "responsible" or "sensible".. but to let down my guard a little and believe in being able to live as an artist full time... to take "the road less travelled"... and to live my passion...*

54 posts
Location: Ottawa, Canada

When I realised it doesn't matter WHERE you live, it's the people you surround yourself with that matter most.

And my family and friends are the most important part of my life.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, But by the moments that take our breath away.

Trippie HippieBRONZE Member
old hand
733 posts
Location: Bewildered state of nothingness, United Kingdom

Not sure if i should post this or not, but here goes nothing!!
The biggest change in my life was a sequence of events really. Bit of a long one so if your not arsed look away now
It's a little self indulgent i know, but it explains why so much changed in my life.

I was living in Spain with my girl friend of 4 years who I loved with all my heart and soul; we had been out there together for nearly a year and things turned 'unbelievably' sour.

We were arguing continually and one night while I was asleep she started to beat me around the head with an ornament *I'm pretty sure that she was trying to kill me*, which resulted in the biggest argument I have ever had to this day.

Things went from really bad to a dam site worse and resulted in me putting my knee clean through the bathroom door in a rage of temper.
*Unbeknown to me, later I would regret this as there was a bacteria on that door that entered my body through the cut on my knee and it very nearly killed me*
So to stop her from trying to beat me and scratch my eyes out I picked her up by her arms and threw her out of the door.
(To this day I have never said this to another living sole, not even to my best friends, but I could have beaten the living shi*t out of her that night and left her for dead)
*Please don't judge me or class me as some sort of women beater, or psyco I have not, I am not and could never hit a women* But she really tried me that night.

Time passed and as she was quickly telling every one in Fuengirola (SP?) that I was a women beater, and as I only had a hand full of people standing by me I decided it was time to leave (*Stroke of fate #1), *There were other reasons but they are surplus to this story*
I arrived back in Britain and started work again, then one day a few weeks later whilst working (for the first time with someone else there (* Stroke of Fate #2) I collapsed and started to fit, I continued to fit for 6 hours.
(Saturday September 15th 2001 Aged 19)
When I woke I was in hospital, thinking that I was 16 years old, l had mentally regressed by about 3 years. Everything I said, was said as if you were talking to me 3 years previous.
The doctors told me I had, had a stroke. But could not start me on medication until they were sure.
After numerous tests they were pretty sure I had had a stroke, but by chance a doctor from another hospital who was in the hospital to see a doctor friend, saw the results and ordered that there be a full head and body scan (* Stroke of Fate #3)
The scans showed a head abscess, which apparently scared the doctors half to death, the abscess took up 1/3rd- 2/3rd of my headspace.
I was rushed from Crewe hospital to a neuro unit in Liverpool where a few hours later I was having brain surgery fully conscious without any drugs
I was in hospital in a tropical diseases ward for months.
Due to the on going treatment I lost a year of my life.
The doctors later told me that I should have died long before I even got anywhere near the hospital.

As a result of this illness, I had to learn to read and write again. I also lost and have still lost many memories for my past. The whole experience left me mentally unhinged for a while and I had to go to anger management classes as part of my rehab.

But what came out of it all????
From the illness side of things, I have found strength inside myself that I never knew I had, through the whole experience I was never worried about dieing and yet refused to.

Previously, I spent most of my time chasing skirt, not giving a dam about tomorrow, living recklessly and not caring about any one but myself.
Now, above all else in my life are my friends and family. I have all the time in the world for other people and am truly interested in what they have to say.
So much can be learnt from others and their experiences.
I learnt that death could be just around the corner, but there is no point in worrying about it, just live and let live, if it’s your time then it’s your time and there’s nothing you can do about it.
My friendships have become much stronger and I have found out what makes me tick, what I’m about and where my priorities lie in life.
Every aspect of my life has changed. The old Roman Zaremba is just a distant memory.

From the relationship break down, I can’t let anyone of the opposite sex get close, I just don’t want to get hurt again. Once bitten twice shy and all that. Where before i used to fall for women VERY easily.
But I am happy the way things have gone, I wouldn’t change those events for all the tea in china.

I have become myself, rather than trying to be the person that I wanted to be.

*Sighs and wipes brow*
Taking it easy

Last night i met some pixies and we danced around a stone.
High Class Hippy No:1
N.E.W.B. Agent #012
"I Got Soul"
Non-Https Image Link

Trippie Hippie- Monty Dons secret love child

Fly like a mouse, run like a pillow, be the small book case.

"Last night i met some pixies and we danced around a stone".

Because dressing up is fun.

thanks for sharing that with us TrippyHippy...that must have taken some guts.


Something that shaped me as a person quite considerably was my best mate getting cancer.

Watching and supporting him through 7 years of malignant cancer (the type he had has a greater than 70% kill rate) chemo, Amputation, bone infection, many high risk operations and other related complications (as well as a stack of medical negligence) has really opened my eyes as to what is important and what isnt.

I think I'm a far less stressed person because most stuff that stresses most people out I believe is totally trivial in comparison to having a life threatening disease.

I know there is a lot of other bad shit out there (I work with Asylum Seekers - some of whom have horrific stories) - but seeing what this did to my mate and his family, and how he's clawed his way back into being a successful person has been one of the single greatest factors that has made me who I am.


FlyntSILVER Member
Intrepid Penguin
5,635 posts
Location: Australia

What doesnt kill you makes you stronger!!

Four defining points in my life:

age 16: brain surgery
16 1/2: stroke, parilysed right side
17: medication induced weight of 140kg and scarring to 60% of my skin.
18: Realising that it didnt matter what i looked like, or how often i trip over, or how often i'm going to get asked where all my scars came from. I'm beautiful.

sometimes the hard lessons are the best ones to learn from!

Currently on the right side up of the world.

SpArKiE*shiny shiny*
218 posts
Location: Townsville, QLD, Aust.

for all you beautiful ppl who have had it hard to get to where they are now...

and yes flynt- u are beautiful. everyone is.

oki. well... for me to get where i am now... i had to leave my hometown Townsville... (where i had lived basiclly 8/10ths of my life) and at the same as i moved, my b/f now (who back then i used to chat to via ICQ and MSN) was moving up from NSW. just as friends we started hangin out. then me and my b/f (then) had a huge fallin out... so there was my mate who ended up becoming my other (and best) half.

if i had stayed in T'ville... gawd- i woulda finished skool, probly be in tafe full time- doubt i woulda made it into uni. i wouldnt be a 2nd year apprentice printer and dropped outta skool at the end of yr11.

also i wouldnt be with my b/f (been together for 2yrs and a month now)

im guessin i wouldnt be movin out next week...

and i deffinately wouldnt be into fire twirling!!! OMG!!! hehe.

but im glad did move in many ways and im also still regretin the fact that i did move to brisbane. i have made many new friends, but i also left alot in tville.

but if i had stayed in tville- i would be (and i know this) still depressed, probly receiving 'help' from someone and not as open, and happy about my weirdness.

And wherever you've gone and wherever we might go. It don't seem fair. Today just disappeared.

Fluffy poimember
38 posts
Location: Bradford,England

the biggest change in my life was leaving my mum as she was a destructive person in my life in turn my sister moved to live with her dad as did my brother my siblings and i get on better even though we don't see each other. and i too think i am a better person for what i went through 5 years ago. the other thing that changed my life in a bizare twisted way was meeting my dad how right my mother was about that one .but now when ppl meet me they say im level headed go figure that one out cos i never could.

right im off to play with my ball of pink fluff

Helz BellzSILVER Member
lovin' it...
2,444 posts
Location: Bristol!, United Kingdom

For me, breaking up with boyfriend, which meant moving out of the house we lived in together and back to my parents . But that meant I moved to London and met BamBam who in turn introduced me to HOP and all the London Hoppers.

If we'd have stayed together, I'd probably be married with kids staying home doing housework all day. Nothing wrong with that but it's just not me right now!

Live well, love much, laugh often...

Official O.B.E.S.E. cheerleader

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