15 posts
Location: IL, USA

I dont post that often, so its not like anyone reconizes who I am as like some people on the boards but oh well.
This is a pretty pathetic post but yeah, Depressed, yes. My life sucks, everything I do always seems to go wrong, Im a 15, male whose now in drivers ed. My dad took me out driving stick today and I stalled three damn times. I wanted to scream, I just sat there saying shit and fuck with my dad right next to me. He didnt even say anything, if it was any other time he would of been so pissed and yelled at me.
The sad thing is that isnt the start. Today I stayed after in school to go and work in the woods shop, I'm making a long bow. I was sanding the back of it up on the belt sander, It slipped, got pulled into the exaust, cracked, and I cut my finger open on the fucking peice of wood. I cant even hold a pick now to play guitar, that and poi are all I can do, I suck at drawing even thought I do that all the time too.
Topic of friends, first of the name Wasian, comes from what everyone calls me at school. I have maybe 1 white friend, otherwise everyone is asian. I am completly white. My room, infested with asian stuff, I have somewhat of an extensive knowledge on japanese history, being able to out-knowledge my geography teacher when we where talking about japanese history in class. But yeah, since there asian, they think there better then everyone else (no offense to asians, if I was racist I would not have all the crap I do have) and since I'm the one fucking white kid I'm the one that gets the shit. No less when I was in 3rd grade I broke my nose and its been crooked ever since, so I have to listen to these immature faggots call me crooked nose, and push there nose sideways with there finger. Yes these arnt good friends, I dont even hang out with them. I sit at home all day.
My average day, wake up, go to school, talk to people a little after school, come home, take a nap, do h/w, go to sleep. I go online when I between all this and while I'm doing h/w. No one IM me beside a couple of people ever so often, every so often meaning maybe a couple people a week. All I do is look up more info on japanese history, and on sword forging (I'm looking for a sword smith to learn from). I live in the suburbs of chicago.
As for the poi matter, its the one thing I can do. I dont mean to sound stuck up, but I could probably battle anyone around an I would win. The only thing I cant really do are air wraps, and I have a couple of those now but there not perfect. But the thing is, there isnt even anyone around that I know to go hang out and spin with, everyone who did it was glowstickers, and they all say thats old now. When I spin fire for the few partys I go to (I dont even go to any anymore because I'm isolated away and no one asks me to do anything) people usually say its cool and your good, but then I also get the, your a dumbass, your going to start yourself on fire. They see bounces and thats like the first thing that comes out of there mouth, how simple can you be.
The sad thing is I wish I had someone to turn to, I mean for anything, just to, I dont even know. I will never admit when I'm depressed (besides for the occasion) because everyone is immature and makes fun of it. Only one person I know doesnt, and I'd like to think that we where good friends but then we started fighting and now we figured things out but we still dont talk, I miss having him as a friend. I there is a link to his site at the bottom, cheak it out. We used to be able to talk, but now I dont even talk to him, I feel so lonely. This is so pathetic that I'm making a post of this hoping to get some sypathetic remark out of someone just to cheer me up.
Tonight like every night, I'm going to get off the computer, go upstairs to my room, turn off all the lights and lye in bed for an hour listening to music (current music being Dahsboard Confessional).
For the matter of school, this is the best year for grades ever, my GPA being like 4.1 or 4.2, thats not even good. The only reason I do that is because I have an A in band(yes I'm a band dork, although I hate it, and have no friends in band either) and I have an A in art. I used to have the coolest english teacher ever, but because of my luck I had to switch classes, and now I either have a D or im failing english.
I'm sorry that if anyone has read to this point, that I've waited your time. sorry...

My friends site:

My site, nothing special, just art:

Raymund Phule (Fireproof)Enter a "Title" here:
2,905 posts
Location: San Diego California

First off, I would like to say welcome and prop your feet up and to make yourself at home.

Lemme tell you something, the first day I had my learners permit, I just about crashed the car! It probably would have killed my dad too. I got better though dont ask Nyx, she will tell you otherwise. heheh

Driving a stick is like balancing a scale. Too much on either side and you stall. Dont worry, I am gonna tell you how you fix that.

Start up the car with the parking break on, put it in gear and slowly let go of the clutch, dont step on the gas! Get a feel for when the car is about to stall. Now once you have a feel for that, release the break and start releasing the clutch, but this time try to push in on the gas. As the clutch comes up the gas goes down, do this very very slowly. All it takes is some practice and your Mario Andreti

I work with guns for a living, the other day I was inspecting a pistol and the slide catch failed, well my pinky finger was just barly in the weapon when the slide slammed forward just about cutting off the fingerprint part of my finger. For a few days I couldnt type or do anything with that finger. Within a few days it healed up and now all I have is a scar. Wounds heal and projects can be started over.

You got a lot farther in wood shop than I did, I am quit impressed that you could make a bow.

Those guys arnt your friends so dont worry about them. Right now I am in Japan, stationd here, I find the people here can be friendly at times, but suffer the same as everyone else when it comes to rudeness. I guess man is just plagued by this disire to lift ones self up by putting someone else down. Dont worry about them making fun of your nose. You took your licks that day and got back up, be proud of that.

I dont know where you live but in San Diego I know a guy who is a classically trained blacksmith. If I was still there I would get contact info for you. There are still people who are masters of that wonderfull craft. Maybe not in your area but hey they that there.

I too love swords and all things from the 11-13th century. I even make chainmaile as a hobby.

Everybody gets the jerks when they spin but you know what? When they tell you that your gonna set yourself on fire, tell them that you already have and that it isnt that bad. It will usually shut them up.

I was in band too, played the sax and was a drummajor for my senior year. It was fun but not always what it was cracked up to be. I quit band during the second semester.

Dude all I can say is that your 15, these problems that you have now are hard to deal with right now, but you will look back on things and realise that those idiots you called friends were not friends. Hindsight is 20/20 but dont worry. Life goes on.

I too lock myself in my room alot, I dont go out with the people I work with that often. It is just life and you live it and move on.

The people you know today will not be the same people tomorrow. 20 years from now, who cares what they thought of you. Dont worry about anyone but you, and live your life to the fullest.

Things will get better, trust me.

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

KajiQuantum Theorist
564 posts
Location: Vansterdam

heh I've had my learners for 2 years don't feel bad.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird, now the world is weird and they take prozac to make it normal again.

15 posts
Location: IL, USA

Its not just the driving, its like everything, and I know I'll get over it sooner or later, but till I do it sucks, and so yeah. I Thought I said it but I live in the suburbs of Chicago. And I hate you for being in Japan right now, haha.

brainstormaBRONZE Member
old hand
1,184 posts
Location: under the fairie wheel, Australia

let me jsut say welcome to your teen
i know this sound patronising but you will find that so many of us have had the some issues as you are going through now

the problems you have now although they seem big now you will relise are nothing compaired to the ones you will go through as an adult but they will do one thing for you
they will tech you to deal with the problems you have to deal with in later life

i to was ostrasised in high school
o grew up in a small industrial city here in australia. i was a skip (means white austealian as in skippy the kangaroo) but i wasnt into surfing (this was a coastla city) so i didnt fit in with the other skips, i was in to electroninc music ut because i was a skip i didnt fit in with thwe masos (short for masadonians the pradominant ethinc group in my school other than australian they were in to electronicn dance music) i was highly inteligent but because i was very left wing avu gard artist i did not fit in with the geeks so to speak of the school because they where pradominatly very divout christian

because they could not fit me into any group and because i was very out there difrent to every one i was branded a fagot. i this was true i wouldnt give a shit because a great number of my friends are gay but to brand soem one gay just because they could not be catagrised in any of the groups within the school realy pissed me off

out of the 170 student in my year at school there is only two i spend any time with and one of them was one of the christen freaks (i only us the tirm freak in that they were very much the bible pushing types) she has dont a complet chang in personality, has come out as a lesbian adn found happyness, the other is still the same as ever but he was a very crazy person so that prity good

so you see you are not alown
all i cant say to you is gont let them get to you just live your own life how you want to live it

ps what is stick is that meaning manual colum shift or manual drive (where its down next to you not up on the steering wheel)??

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, and screaming "WOO-HOO What a ride!"

little phenoixmember
14 posts
Location: austin,tx

Hey dude,whats up. Ya feel like shit ahe? Well I'm glad to inform you that it sounds like your a perfectly normal 15yr. old male. I'm 23yr. and I went through the same stupid shit, and knowing what I know now, I would trade places with you in a heartbeat! But since I cant maybe I can give some inside info. on the next couple years. First of all,highschool is A BIG FUCKING JOKE!!! Now all I know about you is what I've read, dont get me wrong,I did have a small group of friends and I did go to parties but I made the very same mistake your making, I let all that stupid shit bother me! I know,"thats easy for me to say." But it's even easier to see, and if you try you will begin to see it too. YOU are completely insignificant to the ediots that fuck with you,it has nothing to do with your individualsim,those people are going to fuck with anyone who dosent conform with that image of what is cool that they have manifested inside their head. If you were a big popular jock,you wouldnt hear even half the shit you hear about being white or having a crooked nose,atleast not to your face. Another example; when that dumbass makes fun of you spinning fire,remember,if the big popular thing was to spin fire,that guy wouldnt be standing alone still making fun of you. Those kinds of people will NEVER EVER stand alone no matter what the trend is,who they are can switch with a slight change of the wind. And let me make it clear that this is not just WHAT IF,this JUST IS. Its not about figureing it out,just open your eyes and you will see it. Trust me my friend,I know that its hard,its only natural to want to fit in. But try not to attach yourself to it. What are ya? A freshman? Sophmore? OOOOH OH OH MAN!!! I'd give ANYTHING to go back,Im only 23 and Im already sayin that. Its only been 5yrs.HOLY SHIT its been 5 fuckin years. Thats another thing,it flies by quick,what was it that Ferris Bueller said,"Life moves pretty fast,if you dont stop to take a look around it just might pass you by." Take my word for it, when highschool is over whether or not people thought you were cool isnt gonna matter,beleive it or not you just may end up being good freinds with some of the very motherfuckers you hate now,why?Because some people do grow up. Reguardless of whether or not this helps or ya think I'm crazy,this isnt the first time you've felt like shit and it wont be the last. Just remember that when you wake up in the morning,dont get up to impress everyone else,get up for yourself,LIVE FOR YOURSELF AND STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM DRUGS, you think your shit is fucked up now? Drugs will really fuck your shit up! OOOOOOOOOKAY, Ive probably written way more than your lookin for and I could write a lot more.The problems you desribed are VERY normal and a lot of people would trade their problems for yours anyday. You should try getting into some martial arts,if your not already,particularly something that isnt attached to one certain style and something with weapons,weapons are lots of fun! That kind of activity and enviroment will help build your selfesteem and turn you on to a new kind of people to make friends with.


little phenoixmember
14 posts
Location: austin,tx

I saw your profile looks like your already into weapons,whats up,no chuks?!

167 posts
Location: Bergen , Norway

Life can be though some times.... but it allways works out in the end....allways.....thats the only thing we can believe in anyway...

Originally posted by Wasian:
I cut my finger open on the fucking peice of wood. I cant even hold a pick now to play guitar
But thats bad.....as a guitar player that hurts to even read....got to take care of those hands man.. ..For anyone playing an instrument the hands is the most precious part of the body....
If I permanently hurt one of my hands....can't even imagine what I would do........


I like Fire.. :)

Raymund Phule (Fireproof)Enter a "Title" here:
2,905 posts
Location: San Diego California

Dude Wasian, I'll trade ya! You can come to Japan and I will go be home to San Diego.

I am past my 6 months here and I am ready to go home... not to mention a little drunk so come here and Ill go home.

*hands Wasian a rootbeer*

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

15 posts
Location: IL, USA

Im not really in any martial arts, just because there arnt a lot of good schools of the type I would want to take. Which include, tai chi, tai chen, shaolin (lol, yeah right), judo, aikido, kendo, and iado. I do know what Im talking about when it comes to that shit

And I do understand what your trying to do, and your probably going to still say the same thing or say that yeah we thought the same thing to. But the fact is, I dont think I know anyone who been so stuck on one topic, my asian obsession for ext, that there life revolves around just getting to senior year, so he can leave school and go to another school to work on cars, and get into college to take japanese, and and japanese history so I can go to Japan. Well I have to go to school now so yeah later

DeepSoulSheepGOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland

Dude, your not gunna want to hear it but things will get better. I'm not trying to sound condecending but in some ways growing up is one of the hardest things you'll do. It's when you figure out who you are and where you fit into this great big jigsaw.

Believe in yourself and you'll come out the other side. I had a tough time growing up and it sounds a lot like your story. Although it sucked I don't regret any of it now because it has made me a stronger, more compassionate person who won't take any shit off anyone. My life till now is what made me who I am so I wouldn't change a thing.

Things'll get better I promise you.

I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

little phenoixmember
14 posts
Location: austin,tx

Do you know you keep hearing people tell you the same thing? BECAUSE ITS TRUE! I had people tell me the same thing when I was your age and I still thought my situation was uniuqe at the time.I hope it dosent dissappoint you but most of what your gonna hear is people tell you about their experience and how they went through the same thing. Take our word for it,one day you'll look back and probably laugh at being 15 and the more you can laugh at,the better of a job you did!

61 posts
Location: bristol,uk

wow. i wanna say a few things.
i have similar feelings to you. although im alittler older-20-, i am lonely, and i am suffering from depression. amd when people say things will get better and you will look back and laugh, i dont agree. it doesnt help me to here that atall. one comforting thing is that we are not alone. it used to seem that everyone else but me have this oh so perfect life and they all have loads of friends, but have you noticed the number of depressing posts on this site recently! i'm lonely. so i try to enjoy the time i have at the moment to myself- and learn to enjoy my own company. you sound like a far far more interesting person than the people that put you down. just from what i have erad i would reather spend time with you than some 24/7 party going shallow and boring person who drinks and takes drugs to enjoy their teenage life. by the end of school you are going to come out a much stronger, able and most importantly, interesting person than they are, and then you are going to gho of and make a life for yourself. i am determined to make the best of a bad situation, so when i feel bad, im patient and let the depression pass and think how lucky i am to be lying in a warm bed and food and a family. just dont let it take over your life. just enjoy this time; read, write, poi, do art, spend time with your family. and one thing- dont worry about trivial things like driving. will it really make your life better anyway? i know people say i woudlnt change a thing about my past blah blah, but i would. my mistake was to have all these millions of ideas, feelings, regrets, and stufff inside me, and have no one to tell them to- and thats what messed me up. so i know you dont have a any close friends, but think about counselling. your parents dont have to know,and your school will probably provide it. if not- just open up to youtr parents. it will do nothing but help. daunting as it sounds, and as hard as i found it to start to talk about my feelings and accept that maybe i wasnt being melodramatic and that i did have a problem, i know it is doin me good. and when you are lying in bed at night, thinking about the negative life yopu think you lead, just think about one positive thing you did that day, whether you managed to do a hard bit of homework, you made dinner, or you smiled all day, it will make you realiese that that day was wortrhwhile after all. you have a long journey to your ideal, to a happy state, but i think of my journey to happinesss as a kind of project!and wjilst i am doing so, there are highs and lows, but i am learning more about myself, and becoming a more interesting person. i know you natuarlly compare yourself to others, just like me, and strive for perfection to be the best, but try not to.look foward to the day when someone will come into your life and see you as the amazing person you are- it happens to everyone. i keep saying i know i know, im sorry. but you will come round and find happiness. meanwhile, enjoy growing as aperson, and enjoy the smaller things in life that we all forget. smile

Never doubt that a small group of crusties, activists, and politicos can change the world... in fact, it's the only thing that ever does ;-)

DioHoP Mechanical Engineer
729 posts
Location: OK, USA

Hello my friend! I am also from the Chicago suburbs. I'm 23, but that don't mean we can't hang out, in fact I'll be home next week (March 16th thru the 21st) on break and could use some plans. I wanna see what kinds of skills you got with the poi, staff, whichever. If you're interested, PM me and we can hang while I'm home and I could maybe introduce you to the fire crowd up in that area (they are some of the absolute best people in the world, I was in shoes similar to yours when I met them and they've been nothing but kind to me). Hope to chat with ya later!

What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.

LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-singlemember
536 posts
Location: beneath a cloak of self-torture

First Of all....
Your Title Should be...

Because that is what it is to be mad not depressed....
I know what it means to be depressed,...
and mad...
Hey, look at least you have a dad...
at least you have parents that trust you with the car....
I turned 15 today and my mom still doesn't trust me...
I was held back in school...and that year my friend moved away, my best friend ever....he was the only one that understood me. Then to plus it all i'm fat....Y-O-U have N-O idea what D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D means...
When You wake in the morning and want to die, when you look in the mirror and want to die, when you lay your head on a pillow at night and try to strangle your self, but then realize that your family needs you to survive...and that you cannot leave them....
And no one around you even notices it,...
(the fact that you can never scream loud enough, hurt yourself enough,help yourself, or even commit suicide.)
that is when you are depressed....
You are just angry about a sucky outturn of events....
i hope i have helped if not,...whatever...

-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

531 posts

Lunchbox,what makes you so sure you know what it means to be truly depressed?I used to think I did when I was your age until I was shown the difference between thinking you are and actually being depressed.

I can relate to what you are both coming with because even at 22 I still feel this way from time to time.Whenever I do though rather than focus on what I don't have I focus on what I do have.It may not make you feel better at the time but it will give you the perspective of "hey my life sucks but at least I don't have it as bad as this guy or that guy."

And no it doesn't get better as you get older.The only way things will get better is if you change your perspective on the things that bother you. The change has to start with you.

BTW if you have the choice of learning to drive with or without stickshift,go for without.As a beginning driver you need to learn how to maneuver the vehicle and how to properly apply the brakes and gas.Trying to learn how to shift at the same time is not gonna help at all.It will be easier learning how to drive standard if you are already familiar with driving automatic.Also it is easier to learn standard on an older vehicle than a newer one.

little phenoixmember
14 posts
Location: austin,tx

I agree,if you think you have it that bad you should try focusing on how bad it could be for a day or 2. Do any of the people claiming depression know what its like to be blind,or deaf,or to have no legs or arms,or to be dirt poor homeless. Imagine a disposition there is NO ecscape from. You can always lose weight or make new friends. Fact is nothing that anybody says is going to make your feelings do a 180. It does help to talk but you have to take into consideration what people are saying. And unless you ARE missing limbs,dont tell me I dont know what its like.My life is NOT all shits and giggles but I have come a long way by making a change and not waitng for change.

29 posts
Location: Portland, OR USA

I just wanted to lend my support to the people who have posted here on this thread saying that they are depressed. Depression sucks!!! I have been battling it off and on over the years since I was 16 and it is a hard thing to deal with. There are times when it does not seem like life is worth living, but then I have found that if I can make it through, I usually feel differently after some time passes.

Loneliness is a natural part of being human. I think that we are all lonely at times. And I want to encourage you to think about finding people to talk with, and not just people your age. A school counselor, teacher, or other adult can often lend an ear, give some good advice, and be a shoulder to cry on. There are people out there who want to be there for you. Trust me!

Take care of yourself and listen to the wisdom in the above posts. You can already see that there are caring people who want you to feel better.


LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-singlemember
536 posts
Location: beneath a cloak of self-torture

i know what it feels like to be deaf or blind.....
Not for reals but in a mental sense...
i was below poverty, for like 5 years....
then my moms got a good job...at a car dealer ship...
But the fact of the matter is,...
Shit happens and there is nothing we can do about it,...
we just have to wait for it to happen.
You can't stop it from happening, but you can change the outcome...
damn...thats all there is to it...damn....

-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

KaliBRONZE Member
577 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany

And no it doesn't get better as you get older.The only way things will get better is if you change your perspective on the things that bother you. The change has to start with you.
Amen to that, brother. I gotta say that really what changes depression is changing the way you're viewing the situation you're in. I know I go through depressive cycels a lot (one of my college roommates pointed out that there is a high correlation between depression, intelligence, and creativity).

Recently, I found myself getting really depressed really quickly, which was hard because I'm living in Berlin right now and hadn't found a community yet. So I took what little money I have (and it is VERY little) and scampered off to London for the weekend to hang out with some lovely people I know from this very board. Let me tell you, it really did the trick.

You just gotta hang in there and remember above all else that this is your life and NO ONE is going to live it for you. If you go around relinquishing your power to make your decisions and make yourself happy, you're never going to be happy.

By the way, I tried to learn stick too and managed to stop the car right before I ran up a curb my first time out with my uncle. It's hard. That's why I wussed out and went automatic.
Take it easy, man and remember that you've only just begun to live. Depression can be a hard trap to get out of. Just stick with it though and you will.

Beauty is the conscious sum of all our perversions.-Salvador DaliHope without action is hopeless.

1,591 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.

Ok the people like little phenoix are the ones I know definatly don't know what depression is. Wasian, lunchbox its hard to know if you guys are depressed because I don't know you and im not exactly qualified to make those kinds of decisions but don't let people like phenoix tear you apart just because your not happy and you don't have blindness or some shit. You don't have to be blind to be depressed, you don't have to be a orhpan in a war torn ghetto in somalia and you don't have to have fucking cancer. People who have ideal lives suffer from severe depression. Phenoix you better be careful spouting things like that. It's things like that which convinced me to ignore the fact that I have been depressed for my whole life practically. Everyone around me was telling me I couldn't be depressed because my life isn't so bad. So I believed them and I wasn't able to recognize the fact that I was depressed untill I found myself in the hospital for attempted suicide. Even then I quickly denied the realization that I was depressed and dodged all the help that was being forced apon me and ended up in the hospital yet again. It wasn't untill I started to consider the possibility that I was depressed and had been for a very long time that I began to be able to improve my life.

So next time you think your a know it all about human emotions keep it to yourself, because all your doing is discouraging people from helping themselves or reaching out for help. Just letting time pass isn't going to do it for some people. Because guess what not everyone goes through life the same way you do. I totally agree with holly and poiaholic. Things don't just get better. If you just go about life the way you are living it now if you are depressed then you will be 25 and in the same spot. You need to make it better. It can be hard but it feels good once it gets going. Join a dojo, even if they are teaching generic karate or tai kawn do you will be learning something. More importantly you will meet people with parallel interests to your own, which makes it a lot easier to make friends. If you still think all the schools suck and you don't like that idea find something else. Hang out with dio, Join boy scouts (this sounds pokey and you might hate it, but it's worth a try, I was in the scouting movement for 11 years, and atleast in my area it's not as bad as movie and television cliches make it out to be. As other people said see about seeing a counselor, or talk to your parents.

You may not be clinacally depressed or you may be. The end result is your not happy and things may or may not get better when you grow up. But that isn't a reason to work now to make your life better now. I know you want to change it or else you wouldn't have made this thread. Now you have to actually start takeing action. Don't put it off because it's the type of thing you can end up putting off for way to long.

The way I feel about life if at any time the thought occurs to you that life can be better seize the momment and make it better, don't settle for less then you can get.

Ok so this is a big rant without any paragraph breaks and im sorry but I just had to type it out.

NickCMonkey Wrangler
183 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada

Originally posted by Astar:
The way I feel about life if at any time the thought occurs to you that life can be better seize the momment and make it better, don't settle for less then you can get.

41 posts
Location: UK

i have to agree with astar here, depression is something that can happen to anyone. No matter how good their life is. I grew up in an affluent family, was top of my school, top of my degree and a national champion dancer. It has to be understood that no-one is perfect and we all have our troubles, Its how we deal withthem thats important. I cant say how to go from here Wasian, I'm not out of it yet myself but I had the same problem, i moved from a university life to something else, no friendship groups and no support network. But i've joined a hundred gorups and found a hundred friends by doig that. You have to make a move. Go with Dio, have some fun and carpe diem.

all the best

p.s. never heard of someone so obsessed with japan? I went to sixth form to go to uni, uni to do my masters, masters to do my PGCE, PGCE so i can teach in Japan. There is nothing wrong with having a goal mate, its not obsession, its ambition.


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