Forums > Social Chat > Nursery rhymes.. a scientific slant

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Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:Got this by email recently
If Scientists Wrote Nursery Rhymes
How many can you solve? (Answers below)

1. A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly
descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure. Subsequently, the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction taken by the first member.

2. Complications arose during an investigation of dietary influence:
one researcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue and another was
unable to consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fiber. By reciprocal arrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the
viands under consideration was achieved, this leaving the original container
of the viands devoid of contents.

3. A young male human was situated near the intersection of two supporting structural elements at right angles to each other: said subject was involved in ingesting a saccharine composition prepared in conjunction with the ritual
observance of an annual fixed-day religious festival. Insertion into the saccharine composition of the opposable digit of his forelimb was
followed by removal of a drupe of genus prune. Subsequently the subject made a declarative statement regarding the high quality of his character as a young male human.

4. A triumvirate of murine rodents totally deviod of ophthalmic acuity were observed in a state of rapid locomotion in pursuit of an agriculturalist's marital adjunct. Said adjunct then performed triple caudectomy utilizing an acutely honed bladed instrument generally usedfor the subdivision of edible tissue.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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coleman
coleman

big and good and broken
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay
Member Since: 29th Aug 2002
Total posts: 7330
Posted:jack and jill

jack sprat

little jack horner

three blind mice



that was wicked!



more, more! biggrin





cole. x


"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

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maus
maus

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Member Since: 14th Jul 2005
Total posts: 4191
Posted:Well....i got really excited then thinking I had solved them all and was deciding if i should post then up or not when that bloody Coleman beat me to it.

Let the war commence gringo....


tongue wink


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lilith_in_london
member
Location: floating about
Member Since: 29th Jun 2005
Total posts: 149
Posted:tee hee that's well funny clap

c'est pas nous qui sommes la rue, c'est la rue ktanou!

1st official camden town (uk) meet 21st october! see the events bit

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UnclassifiedLeggyGirl
UnclassifiedLeggyGirl

One day penguins will take over the world
Location: Derby
Member Since: 15th Aug 2006
Total posts: 916
Posted:thats really cool! who came up with them?! do you have any more?

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

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Pen Draven
Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 1st Sep 2005
Total posts: 1363
Posted:Class D: As has been said.... We Want MORE ubblol

Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

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Mysterio - Lord Of Confusion
member
Location: I came from somewhere of this ...
Member Since: 23rd Mar 2003
Total posts: 65
Posted:Good evelyn.

Speaking as a fictional character whose raison d'etre and aristotelian function is the obstruction of literal sense; I APPLAUD this endeavour into the obfuscation of peadorythmic contextuli.

my applause is depicted below in octriplicate:
clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap

My only boneaparte with these exampli is that not enough of the words were hemdifferised or made up. No doubt some would expatulate that this was their very knesis, but such people probably own Apple Macintoshes. Or possibly beards.

This all takes me back to the occasion on which I proffered my legal services to a young master C@ntus, with regards to a liability action against three ursines and seven miniature geological prospecters.

Unfortunately my magnaminous offer was rebooberated by the phlogistonistic young man. Still, one cannot expect too much in the way of legal nous from a tiny furry troglodyte who makes his home in the caverns beneath a remote marine beacon.

I remain,
Yours,
Not entirely truly,
But the gist of it is probably 70% accurate,

Mysterio wink confused hug


"Thats very confusing"

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Mysterio - Lord Of Confusion
member
Location: I came from somewhere of this ...
Member Since: 23rd Mar 2003
Total posts: 65
Posted:Case Notes: Subject 39 - Day 1
Subject 39 is a mature female who is ingestating an insect of the order Diptera. The events that brought about the ingestion are unknown, as is the risk of fatality to the subject.
Our team of highly experienced "scientexperts" are to tomorrow attempt a remarkable and highly laudable leap forward in the field of lateral medicine.
They plan to administer to the subject an arachnid of the order Aranae through the oral cavity. The arachnid should act as a counter agent to the invasive entity.

Case Study: Subject 39 - Day 2
Though the arachnid ingestion has gone entirely as planned, thanks to the heroic and near reckless endeavourship of our "scientexperts", Subject 39's condition seems to be worsening. From our subdermal imaging systems, we have determined that the arachnid appears to be displaying unexpectedly high levels of invigoration and vibration while inside Subject 39. Our Extreme Research faculty members have been drafted in to come up with a satisfactory anti-counter agent to this development. It must be stated again, for reasons of supplementary emphasis, that the events that brought about the original ingestion are still unknown, as is the risk of fatality to the subject.

Case Study: Subject 39 - Day 3

The situation has spiralled out of all control.

I apologise for any lack of formality in the following report, but emotion run high in the laboratorium.

Three days ago, the Board of Extreme Research Approval passed a proposal for Avian Insertion.

In hindsight, it may become necessary to consider that this was a somewhat rash move. It should be noted for completeness sake that the A.I. was to counteract the invigorated arachnid, which had itself previously been adminstered to Subject 39 in order to neutralize the Dipteran agent, which has now been identified as being of the family Drosophilidae. Though this bold move was undoubtedly a cognitiotastic expression of "scientexpertism" in its purest form, the drastic side-effects of this pioneering technique swiftly made themselves apparent.

There followed a desperate struggle by Professor Septimum Grope - Chief Surgeon and Head of Meta-Hippocratism. His herculean performance was tempered by baseless criticism from unfashionably sceptical members of the Institute. Accusations of narrowness of focus grew more noticable as the procedure reached it's fifth hour.

By this time the Professor had, in a stroke of improvisational brilliance, attempted to reverse the A.I. with the aid of Horace, a stray cat that had taken to inhabiting the alleyway next to the Institute's Advanced Genetic Misinformation Hub. Unfortunately insufficient care was taken when finding a secure anchor to which to tether Horace. Horace was ingested, along with the aforementioned avian, arachnid and member of the family Drosophilidae.

At the hearing, it was determined that, for the purposes of legal definition, this was the juncture at which the Professor passed an imperceptible line that took him from amiable eccentricity, to criminal derangment.

The events that followed were a that has shaken my very belief in the validity of the Scientific Method to its most very molten inner core.

Subject 39 is now known to contain members of the Genus Bos, Capra and Canis. This is in addition to Horace, the avian, the arachnid and member of the family Drosophilidae.

It should be noted that these agents were planned have in turn ingested those mentioned latter to themselves, and thus occupy only the space taken by that of the greatest volume (though combined mass is substantially greater than that of the theoretical final agent, as the preceding agents increased their successors density). However, Prof. Grope, in a fury brought on by the magnificient aesthetics of the scientific endeavour, seemed to have overlooked that none of the last three agents mentioned were effective counter agents against their respective predecessors. That said, a substantial amount of aggressive behaviour was observed between Horace and the Canis Lupus Familiaris, before Horace was violently expelled from Subject 39's oesaphagus, incidentally by his own volition. Joyous celebration was felt for a few scant moments before it became clear that the Canis Lupus Familiaris was firmly lodged within the subject.

The introduction of the fairly docile Capra, and the subsequent ruminant, failed to aid matters. As counter-agents they were extremely unsuccessful. Again, in hindsight this seems unsurprising, though the avenue seemed like an effective one when considered temporanously with the given situation.

It is now only left to our famed RAS team (Reckless Assault Scientexperticians) to attempt the final procedure - Operation Equus. Perhaps this grotesque episode can be resolved, though the prognosis given by short-sighted conventional "experts" has been doubtful to say the least.

Surprisingly, subject 39's condition still appears stable, and the risk of fatality remains an unknown quantity. The original cause of all these events is likewise, unknown, and may very well remain so.


"Thats very confusing"

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Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water.
Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.



. A human female, extremely captious and given to opposed behavior, was questioned as to the dynamic state of her cultivated tract of land used for production of various types of flora. The tract components were enumerated as argentous tone-producing agents, a rare species of
oceaninc growth and pulchritudinous young females situated in a linear orientation.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

Bek66
Bek66

Future Mrs Pogo
Location: The wrong place
Member Since: 27th Aug 2006
Total posts: 4728
Posted:I know! I know!

clap bounce2 clap

Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mistress Mary Quite Contrary

I like these!


"Absence is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small, enkindles the great."
--Comte Debussy-Rebutin

Delete

Moka
Moka

is a medium/large scary man
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Mi...
Member Since: 31st Jul 2005
Total posts: 420
Posted: Written by: Mysterio - Lord Of Confusion


Case Notes: Subject 39 - Day 1
Subject 39 is a mature female who is ingestating an insect of the order Diptera. The events that brought about the ingestion are unknown, as is the risk of fatality to the subject.
Our team of highly experienced "scientexperts" are to tomorrow attempt a remarkable and highly laudable leap forward in the field of lateral medicine.
They plan to administer to the subject an arachnid of the order Aranae through the oral cavity. The arachnid should act as a counter agent to the invasive entity.

Case Study: Subject 39 - Day 2
Though the arachnid ingestion has gone entirely as planned, thanks to the heroic and near reckless endeavourship of our "scientexperts", Subject 39's condition seems to be worsening. From our subdermal imaging systems, we have determined that the arachnid appears to be displaying unexpectedly high levels of invigoration and vibration while inside Subject 39. Our Extreme Research faculty members have been drafted in to come up with a satisfactory anti-counter agent to this development. It must be stated again, for reasons of supplementary emphasis, that the events that brought about the original ingestion are still unknown, as is the risk of fatality to the subject.

Case Study: Subject 39 - Day 3

The situation has spiralled out of all control.

I apologise for any lack of formality in the following report, but emotion run high in the laboratorium.

Three days ago, the Board of Extreme Research Approval passed a proposal for Avian Insertion.

In hindsight, it may become necessary to consider that this was a somewhat rash move. It should be noted for completeness sake that the A.I. was to counteract the invigorated arachnid, which had itself previously been adminstered to Subject 39 in order to neutralize the Dipteran agent, which has now been identified as being of the family Drosophilidae. Though this bold move was undoubtedly a cognitiotastic expression of "scientexpertism" in its purest form, the drastic side-effects of this pioneering technique swiftly made themselves apparent.

There followed a desperate struggle by Professor Septimum Grope - Chief Surgeon and Head of Meta-Hippocratism. His herculean performance was tempered by baseless criticism from unfashionably sceptical members of the Institute. Accusations of narrowness of focus grew more noticable as the procedure reached it's fifth hour.

By this time the Professor had, in a stroke of improvisational brilliance, attempted to reverse the A.I. with the aid of Horace, a stray cat that had taken to inhabiting the alleyway next to the Institute's Advanced Genetic Misinformation Hub. Unfortunately insufficient care was taken when finding a secure anchor to which to tether Horace. Horace was ingested, along with the aforementioned avian, arachnid and member of the family Drosophilidae.

At the hearing, it was determined that, for the purposes of legal definition, this was the juncture at which the Professor passed an imperceptible line that took him from amiable eccentricity, to criminal derangment.

The events that followed were a that has shaken my very belief in the validity of the Scientific Method to its most very molten inner core.

Subject 39 is now known to contain members of the Genus Bos, Capra and Canis. This is in addition to Horace, the avian, the arachnid and member of the family Drosophilidae.

It should be noted that these agents were planned have in turn ingested those mentioned latter to themselves, and thus occupy only the space taken by that of the greatest volume (though combined mass is substantially greater than that of the theoretical final agent, as the preceding agents increased their successors density). However, Prof. Grope, in a fury brought on by the magnificient aesthetics of the scientific endeavour, seemed to have overlooked that none of the last three agents mentioned were effective counter agents against their respective predecessors. That said, a substantial amount of aggressive behaviour was observed between Horace and the Canis Lupus Familiaris, before Horace was violently expelled from Subject 39's oesaphagus, incidentally by his own volition. Joyous celebration was felt for a few scant moments before it became clear that the Canis Lupus Familiaris was firmly lodged within the subject.

The introduction of the fairly docile Capra, and the subsequent ruminant, failed to aid matters. As counter-agents they were extremely unsuccessful. Again, in hindsight this seems unsurprising, though the avenue seemed like an effective one when considered temporanously with the given situation.

It is now only left to our famed RAS team (Reckless Assault Scientexperticians) to attempt the final procedure - Operation Equus. Perhaps this grotesque episode can be resolved, though the prognosis given by short-sighted conventional "experts" has been doubtful to say the least.

Surprisingly, subject 39's condition still appears stable, and the risk of fatality remains an unknown quantity. The original cause of all these events is likewise, unknown, and may very well remain so.



I Know ubbidea ubbidea ubbidea

There once was an old woman who swallowed a fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly, perhaps she'll die...

YAY!


Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.

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Bek66
Bek66

Future Mrs Pogo
Location: The wrong place
Member Since: 27th Aug 2006
Total posts: 4728
Posted:Had never heard of that one.
How have I never heard that one?
I was raised by a teacher and have two kids!
confused
Oh, Well.

Next!!! bounce2 heart bounce2


"Absence is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small, enkindles the great."
--Comte Debussy-Rebutin

Delete

Chelly
Chelly

Niraffe
Location: Up north
Member Since: 17th Mar 2006
Total posts: 884
Posted: Written by: Mysterio - Lord Of Confusion




My only boneaparte with these exampli is that not enough of the words were hemdifferised or made up. No doubt some would expatulate that this was their very knesis, but such people probably own Apple Macintoshes. Or possibly beards.





Bravo sir!! I came here to preach the qualities of accumagation, but I see you are well versed in such matters, so I shall take my leave.... ubblol


"Lots of beeping. And shaking and tinfoil." Chelly

"Are you sure it's a genuine test and not a robot heroin addict?" Cantus

---set free by the rather lovely FireTom---
--(right arm owned by Fyre)--

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Moka
Moka

is a medium/large scary man
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Mi...
Member Since: 31st Jul 2005
Total posts: 420
Posted:WE WANT MORE!!!

Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.

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rainbowgirl
rainbowgirl

member
Location: London/Southend-on-sea
Member Since: 26th Aug 2006
Total posts: 70
Posted:An elderly gentleman was the reigning monarch and generally thought of as being a convival individual. On one occaision he requested that he was brought a a shaped instrument with which he might smoke, a shallow receptacle he also requested the company of a triumvariate of individuals with stringed instruments.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars

"To alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all of lifes problems!"

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rainbowgirl
rainbowgirl

member
Location: London/Southend-on-sea
Member Since: 26th Aug 2006
Total posts: 70
Posted:A young human female perched upon a low stool was consuming the separated elements of a common dairy product. A member of the arachnid family descended in close proximity which caused great trepidation and a swift departure from the scene on the part of the aforementioned female.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars

"To alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all of lifes problems!"

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Moka
Moka

is a medium/large scary man
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Mi...
Member Since: 31st Jul 2005
Total posts: 420
Posted:Old King Cole, and Little Miss Muffett!!
YAY I love these!!


Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.

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rainbowgirl
rainbowgirl

member
Location: London/Southend-on-sea
Member Since: 26th Aug 2006
Total posts: 70
Posted:im running out of nursery rhymes - can we start on fairy tales or aesops fables?

I might have to start researching these - i dont do the research for my studies but i'll research for this, thats just warped!


You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars

"To alcohol, the cause of - and solution to - all of lifes problems!"

Delete

Moka
Moka

is a medium/large scary man
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Mi...
Member Since: 31st Jul 2005
Total posts: 420
Posted:They all sound good... I'm enjoying telling them to my little smart-arse cousin who thinks he's too old for nursery rhymes... lol

Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.

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