Forums > Social Chat > men vs. women: an age old dilemma...

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Le Skunk
member
Location: NYC, New York, USA
Member Since: 2nd May 2001
Total posts: 84
Posted:this may settle the issue once and for all...my girl and i started doing poi around the same time, about a year ago. as a matter of fact, a year minus one week. anyway, at first i was picking up the moves a little faster than her, but not much. we were both very quick learners with all the moves, but it took her a bit longer to get the flow. btw, neither of us has any prior dance/gymnastic/acrobatic background to help us along. by i digress again...so i would say that anything i could do for a while, she would be able to do the following week. then when i started learning the behind the back stuff, she fell a little further behind, like maybe 2 weeks, but eventually she caught up.At this point, we both have a lot of the same moves, but very different styles. also we are both at the point where we can do everything we've ever seen done before (not to brag, but all the poi people we know have been learning and practicing together and we share a common basic pool of moves).so this is where we had to get creative. start making up moves on our own. which raises another problem. I make something up, go "honey, come check this out!" she goes "oh wow that's really cool!" and then i come home the next day to find her doing my new move, twice as good as i can. Now that's not fair! i work like 20 hrs a day, and most weekends! she goes to school, chills out, listens to music, sleeps, practices poi and works only on the weekends. She's got loads of practice time. and when i think about it, this is so diabolical, she's stealing my moves and she knows she can get away with it cause she's so damn cute and she allows me to have my way with her sacred temple of a body every so often.So the point is, oh wait a minute, i didn't make a point really, just ranting about my girlfriend. but beware, people!!! don't start dating people you practice poi with for they are evil!!! EVIL I TELL YOU!!!No, the point is a man can't be better than a woman, a woman can't be better than a man. It's like playing pool (or snooker for you non-americans). sure a man can run and swim faster and have bigger muscles, but if you're talking about a sport where the primary skill is hand/eye/body coordination we are equal. we all have grace and we all have skills, and we're all very good. she's bouncy, i'm funky, she's smooth, i'm chunky, it's all about fire dancing, whooshing, sweeping, twirling, mezmerising, glowing, flowing all around your head, slow, fast, fast, slow, faster, faster, out. and then it's all about beautiful and pretty, not better or worse.My 2 and a half cents.peax,Skunk

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Posted:I think an interesting topic of discussion which comes from what you have said is this;IS it good to have a partner who is as into twirling as you are?My girlfriend is also a poi twirler, we started at the same time, and when shes not feeling self-conscious (god knows why) I think she is really good. However, due to personal differences (and the fact that she doesnt have access to this website) lately I've been improving at a faster rate than she has. This has meant her natually competitive nature has caused her to 'slow down' so that we arent in competition (cuz if we were, it would be grief stricken - I can tell you).This is a real dilemma for me, as I love twirling with her more than anyone else, but the more I twirl with her, and show her things I've learned, the more she feels she should just leave the twirling up to me...Catch 22.does anyone have any advice, or perhaps insight into this?Josh

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Posted:So maybe it isn't a good idea for us competitative guys (by the way, that doesn't include me - I hate competition!)to share our twirling hobbies with our girlfriends. I've had no problems in the past as I come from a good old fashioned balls'n'clubs juggling background and I find that most girls are not very good at the old throwing and catching thing. This is not to say that girls are born unable to throw and catch but that i think guys spend more time throwing and catching and playing those kinds of games when they are young (when I was a kid throwing stones was my life!). For example I have seen some very good female jugglers on tv at times... and although my last girlfriend wasn't a great juggler she was certainly much, much better than her brother (who couldn't catch a cold)and I think would have made a great juggler if she had caught the juggling bug and set her mind to it. P.S...... maybe a topic for one of malcoms polls - the comparative difficulty of different forms of juggling/twirling/manipulation. I got myself a staff quite recently and was amazed a how easy it was when compared to the hours of practice I have spent with my balls(no smutty jokes please). But having raised the difficulty question I have to say that I don't really believe in the concept - either you like doing what you do or you don't, the only thing that changes is the time scale on which it takes to learn tricks. I also think that something that effects the "difficulty" question is the amount of practice it takes with a toy to be able to impress other people... balls take a long time , I think (or maybe my standards are too high?).

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Twist
member

Member Since: 4th Apr 2001
Total posts: 160
Posted:heh.while we were dating, my ex-girlfriend claimed poi was "her's" and refused to show me anything.when we broke up i taught myself and got better than her in about four weeks because she is not disciplined in her practice.she pretty much hates that.

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protozoa
member
Location: Baltimore, MD USA
Member Since: 2nd Feb 2001
Total posts: 148
Posted:Skunk:I know how ya feel. While my husband isn't a poi guy at all (he's interested in learning the basics and enjoys watching but didn't really take to it like I did for whatever reason..he's got his own hobbies hehe) I was the first person to really start spinning poi in the city I live in. I started teaching my friends and they learned a lot faster than I did. (Hell, I spent four months squinting at the animated gifs on this site to learn; they actually had an experienced person right there to explain and help them learn!
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) So there was some jealousy I had to wrestle with there. I got over it.Anyway, a healthy sense of competition set in after my two first and fastest students got really good; I sorta felt some pressure to stay ahead of them. I didn't wanna give up my "queen bee" status, I guess. Heh.Oh well. It's good for me, really. I'm so proud of all the locals whom I've been priveledged enough to teach and cultivate and help them grow. And I know I have lots to learn not just from people who are loads better than I am (i.e. you and Deb
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) but from the people I've taught or started after I did. It's the nature of learning any craft I suppose.Yours in humble mortality and imperfection,-protie


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Shibaki
enthusiast
Location: Tampa, Fl
Member Since: 28th Mar 2001
Total posts: 309
Posted:I wont really step too much on this one, cause I havent ever dated a girl who spins. I personally have a competitive nature though. Not to out-do someone, but to push myself so I can be better. My skills increase rapidly when Im with someone else who is very good. Its all about personalities though. Some people have to be better than others to satisfy some part of their ego. If I could see beforehand that a girl I was going to see in the future was going to feel the need to compete with me on something that I love to do, I would think twice about getting in a relationship with them. I figure though, if two people can share a synergistic relationship about anything, especially twirling, which gives so many of us joy, that is a very beautiful thing. Reminds me of a saying by Thich Nhat Hanh: If you can make one peaceful step, then peace is possible. Dont forget the sunshine and a crisp sea breeze, everyone...------------------~I dont care if they eat me alive, Ive got better things to do than survive. ~Ani

Wow

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Girl From Mars
Girl From Mars

member
Location: Liverpool, NY, USA
Member Since: 17th Apr 2001
Total posts: 168
Posted:ah, twirling with your partener. i believe i can help

the music feeds my soul that glows and grows with every spin i take.

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Girl From Mars
Girl From Mars

member
Location: Liverpool, NY, USA
Member Since: 17th Apr 2001
Total posts: 168
Posted:so this is my story. i began getting into twirling glowsticks last summer and one day i showed n8 and he wanted to learn. i had some basics down so i taught him the moves i knew. he picked it up fairly well after a couple hits in the junk. so we were both very enthused to do this together and he went and made some strings. with me and n8 jealously pretty much doesn't exist (unless you are talking about the relationship between me/ NO DOUBT/ and n8) this is the part of our relationship no one can comprehend. at first i would learn tricks first and show him then teach him right there and he would get it. then when i was back at school he had much more time to practice and i didn't even pick them up for a long time. he would always message me saying he learned a new move. this kinda discouraged me a little cause i wished i had the time to practice so i could try out these new moves. finally that day came, my class work schedule chilled out and i had time to practice. i practiced so much that week and n8 was wondering why all of a sudden i'm practicing like crazy. like i was getting competitive on him. but really i was just making up for all the time i lost myself, it became very personal for me to practice to satisfy me not to get as good as him if not better. so now it's back to he learns a move and teaches me and i learn a move and i teach him and it has nicely evened out so there is no competition. we take it more as making our relationship closer by learning and teaching together. i love to twirl with him the most cause our vibe hit eachother and just mesh, there is no tension to try and out do. which makes it great to be able to chill outside and just twirl for hours. soo if you have a twirling partener try eliminating the compatition sense of things and think of it as i can learn from this person to improve myself and visa/versa. and if you get couple moves down it's even better. but we think it will definatly improve both your skills and your relationship at the same time if you just let go of this thing that makes you jealous or competitive. love to all PLUR~the martian------------------the music feeds my soul that glows and grows with every spin i take.

the music feeds my soul that glows and grows with every spin i take.

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N8
member
Location: NY, USA
Member Since: 10th Apr 2001
Total posts: 336
Posted:Word.

Care of other people's approval and you become their prisoner.Live fully, Rave wholly.Fluid are the movements of my strings...

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Superman
Superman

member
Location: Houston, Texas
Member Since: 13th Mar 2001
Total posts: 829
Posted:N8, and the Martian are so cute...they spin together, and create double moves together..Im jealous. Mine like to watch me spin sticks, but not for very long. Then she gets bored.I can watch soemone spin for hours..i wish she was a little mre interested, but then again, i do gripe when we are in the mall for more than 5 minutes...so i guess we are even.Super'------------------"Only the warrior that hears the call will know when to leave, Where to go" -unknown"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams"- Willy Wonka

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear.


- Mark Twain

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adamrice
adamrice

poo-bah
Location: Austin TX USA
Member Since: 19th Dec 2000
Total posts: 1015
Posted:I guess I've got one of the weirder stories in this respect. My ex-wife Jenny has been a firedancer for about 2 years. I started making equipment for her when we were together, and around the time we divorced--about a year ago--started making it commercially.It was only in January this year that I actually started practicing poi myself. Started using fire in February.Last month, Jenny landed a paying gig (she's been performing for money almost since she began), and invited me to partner with her. It went really well, and we've gotten several partnered gigs since. Being able to do partner moves with someone you know and trust really well makes a big difference. Just being able to pick up on the significance of a raised eyebrow or that sort of thing.

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

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ykaterina
member
Location: east randolph, VT USA
Member Since: 16th Jan 2001
Total posts: 107
Posted:my partner does kendo but not poi...we have dogs and a house and a lot of stuff to look after, so he just takes care of all that and puts the bonfire out for me when i'm too tired and all my friends and i head back in for drinks.
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i think it's pretty cool that he doesn't spin. of course, if he did, he'd get it way faster than me - he's really good at that stuff.


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Posted:Thankyou all for your insight
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What I have gained from this;-an appreciation that the competitive nature of us both, is detrimental for both of us (in our twirling ability)...after all, she has moves I dont - and a style I'm not even close to
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-a direction. That is, to undertake to trade all the moves I know, for moves she knows - so that the teacher / student roles are switched equally...this should reduce the catch 22 situation I described..hmmm good one guys - you're the coolest
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Josh


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N8
member
Location: NY, USA
Member Since: 10th Apr 2001
Total posts: 336
Posted:Supes,you can spin with us anytime my firend. That is, any time your in new york.
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------------------Care of other people's approval and you become their prisoner.Live fully, Rave wholly.Fluid are the movements of my strings...


Care of other people's approval and you become their prisoner.Live fully, Rave wholly.Fluid are the movements of my strings...

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Shouden-CrD
Veteran Member
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Member Since: 30th Apr 2001
Total posts: 495
Posted:N8,Does that go for me and my best friend too????
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We're planing on taking a trip to NY in the next couple years. Would be awesome to light up with some fellow twirlers. We, as well, have a unique twirling relationship. Right now it is teacher/student as she hasn't reached "that critical threshold"...hell..I've barely reached it..
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But it is a lot of fun to spin with another person. I get entranced easily...hehe------------------ [PLUR]-=Crazy Raver Dude=-


-=razyRaverude=-

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