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Location: Queensland
Member Since: 18th Dec 2002
Total posts: 28
Posted:Well i suppose im keeping with the "soon to be valentines day" theme.....in a kinda strange way!

Anywho....Ex's....what to do..what to do....

whats the verdict....


(im kinda torn and need some help)

Deep into the darkness peering, long i stood there wondering, fearing!


Location: London
Member Since: 1st Dec 2001
Total posts: 1810
Posted:Embrace them as a friend.

You became close to that person for a reason, just because the relationship no longer exists doen't mean that you can't grow together a friends.


A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.


big and good and broken
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay
Member Since: 29th Aug 2002
Total posts: 7330
Posted:...unless you still love them - then trying to their friend is a recipe for disaster.

just my humble opinion of course

me? bitter? nooooo...

good luck, whichever way you choose to go.

"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

Location: Kent
Member Since: 24th Jan 2003
Total posts: 26
Posted:depends on how it all ended... if it was an agreement you both agreed to then yeah mates is cool. but if one of you still feels something more than this, it is a constant reminder...
maybe you could go out with a group of mates and just laugh it by...have a drink and not a cry..


Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Sep 2002
Total posts: 2617
Posted:ooooo the question.

This is a toughy. From my experience your best off moving on and perhaps becoming aquaintances.

It's difficult to know how to be a friend to someone who was your whole world especially if it was for a long time.

Any person who you meet in the future is NOT going to like it regardless of how things are or what you say.

I think your inviting insecurity on future love unnecessarily. Perhaps after a year or two when you have both well and truely moved on a satelite friendship might be possible. But I'd be carefull and make sure you don't just want to keep the person close because of your love for them and visa-versa.

I live in a world of infinite possibilities.


The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 8th Nov 2001
Total posts: 2523
Posted:I'm with Bam Bam on this one.

Embrace them as a friend.
Even if it hurts you both to be in each other presence,
If it pains you to hear each others name mentioned,
and it tears at your head to remember each other.

Think of them fondly.
And Remember the good times.
Time heals.

If you can, think of them as a close friend who you're not talking with them just right now, you know, taking a break form each other, like if they've gone travelling to the other side of the world, they step out of your life for a while, but one day, they will return and one day you will be close again .

Love them as the friends in your heart, even if you're not communicating at the moment.

Now why would you ever think that you mght want to embarrase them? To seek Revenge, thats not healthy for you. It will tie up a little knot in your heart.

hugs to ya all, even the ones I'm not talking with just right now, you know, the ones where we're kinda taking a break from each other and the ones who have gone of round the world.

Listen to your heart, it speaks the truth.

[ 08. February 2003, 07:35: Message edited by: glass ]


old hand
Location: Nottingham UK
Member Since: 27th Jan 2001
Total posts: 950
Posted:My advice would be to take some time out from seeing the ex to heal the wounds from the break up, about three to six months is average. Then embrace them as a friend.

In the initial period after breaking up, especially if you were the one who was dumped, it is very difficult to be a true friend to your ex. Once you are over the heartache then it can be fantasic to have a friend who knows you so well.

Are we nearly there yet?

Location: Brisbane, Qld, Australia
Member Since: 8th Mar 2001
Total posts: 383
Posted:okay... have very strong feelings about this... but I'm just going to vent the (il?)logical ones

Obviously, it depends on the situation. If they were a good friend to you while you were together, then certainly, there is a possibility to be friends in the future. But I also agree that wanting to be too close a friends with them doesn't work. (But I'm sure there are the very few out there who can do it.)

If they weren't good friends to you while you were going out with them (let's face it, cheating on you is the *lowest* really) then I don't see how this could ever be fertile ground to be 'friends' with them. Sure, forgive them, get rid of any negative light you may hold them in, but once you've done this I feel its REALLY important to move on.

Sometimes we're with people for seemingly no reason (when you look back on it).. but we learn a little bit of this and that from everyone we're involved with. I believe that sometimes once you've learnt what you came there for, and its over, then its time to say out with the old and in with the new.

I don't like ppl who lie to me. I *really* don't want a friendship with someone who has lied to me, cheated me, held me in any context that is less than respectful. I try to respect strangers (to the best of my ability, I really really give it a go), but I fully FULLY respect my mates. They're worth more than anything to me.

Sooooo... definitely in agreement with Deep Soul Sheep...

It all depends on the situation...

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.- B.B.King

SmallBoy - x
SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London
Member Since: 29th May 2002
Total posts: 2737
Posted:Embrace........keep your friends close and your enemies closer - lol

No, I'm friends with all of my ex's (including the one I had to go see this weekend).
Didn't want to, on the basis that she's not in a good way physically or emotionally and it hurt.
I didn't want to avoid her just because we're no longer together, it actually helped me move on that little bit further, and gave me peace to know that I'm there for her.

Screw valentines day though, 18th is far more important as celebrations go..........

Small Lardy Person In Disguise

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