Forums > Social Discussion > My mum and cancer

Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that...

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side

Huge hugs Clare.

I recommend Ainsley Harriot's Roasted Vegetable Couscous for your mum! not only is it yummy, it only takes 5 minutes to cook AND there's a picture of Ainsley Harriot's handsome face on the packet! Surely it'll cheer even the glummest of times



failing that, bit of pasta maybe?!!

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Lol... it can't be anything 'fancy'

(And by fancy, I mean anything that isn't potato or root-irish-vegetable based... her stomach can't take anything rich, or new)

I got a good recipe for stuffing for giant mushrooms yesterday... which might be good.

Getting to the other side

Step (el-nombrie)

Best thing to do with vegetables is either steam them or stir fry/shallow boil them in a little water in the pan then coat/toss in olive or sesame oil with the seasoning of her choice like pepper or garlic.

I highly reccommend something like brocolli as it's supposed to have same seratonin-raising properties as chocolate. I know I love them!

In terms of stuffing vegetables, have you tried using oats in place of breadcrumbs for things like garlic-mushrooms?

If she's rejecting meat, she may develop a protein-deficiency, in which case I recommend this grain/seed called QUINOA which you can get all most health-food shops nowadays. Just cook it like you would rice or cous cous!

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

Rumbledethumps is what you need!

Potato, swede, cabbage and a little cheese. It rocks.

Gayle.....!

I like the idea of mixing, it's very romantic
I forgot which culture it was but they used to carry their ancestors ashes in a pouch around their neck...so a locket isn't creepy either, like you said it was the symbolism. Other people do locks of hair...
So and my prayers are with you and family

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

*huggles for clare*

kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

Getting to the other side

 Written by: _Clare_

PS: George... thank you so much. It was a lovely surprise



I love it when no-one else knows your little secrets!

On the ashes front - welll, we are getting ahead of ourselves but I think it's an important step to have taken. Now you have all confronted the reality, and it's out in the open. Now it's just a matter of time and everything else is pretty much "a detail". I don't mean that to sound callous, but I think emotionally having acknowledged the reality, from now on it's not downhill - it's actually onwards and upwards and the event itself whenever it occurs will not be so much of an emotional drain. I think you faced your biggest emotional low already.
Of course there'll be low days in the future, but I bet, not as low as the last few days for you. Hopefully the timing of our little secret was right on the mark when you needed it.

As for ashes, my first exposure was when we had to work out how to scatter some from a Skyhawk travelling at 400knots. We took 3 attempts to get that right.

I agree about letting go.

Lots of Clare

George

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.

rice and fish

Step (el-nombrie)

George



It's the mornings and evenings when it's worse... when there's nothing else to distract me and I can only think about mum and other stuff that's happened over the last few days.



Y'know when something bad is happening in your life, you wake up and for a split second forget everything?



It's lovely and calm... and then, a split second later, reality lands on you like a tonne of bricks and you remember the place you are in for the rest of the day (somewhere underneath the rubble)?



I find I miss that split second of relief when it's gone.





Your timing was perfect George, they arrived at my mum's house and she brought them with her when we visited the funeral home yesterday. It was so lovely, and made me smile (I still have a little bit of the chocolate left )



Mum said the same thing as you when we left the home... that we have dealt with the inevitable... but it really doesn't feel like it's getting better. I think for her, it was even more scary - more ways to be reminded of reality. And we still have to visit the cemetery... she wants to pick a spot for her tree.



Bizarrely, after all this time, the death is still going to be a shock.



I'd love to think that it's getting better... or hope that it might... but I'm not in the right head space to feel hope or optimism right now. Rather pathetically, I'm kindof wallowing in self-pity and sadness.



Which doesn't help anyone.



The Skyhawk must have been interesting... how did you open the windows?!



Gnor, thanks lady, but sushi is neither or Irish or root-vegetable based

Lol... she really doesn't like the idea of raw-ish fish.



But thanks anyways



x

Getting to the other side

Getting to the other side

Actually, I find it to be a very strengthening thread because it shows the support that everyone has and I think it's wonderful that you can come to us for that support

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

Clare 'wallowing in self-pity' is only self-indulgence if you don't have anything to be sad about

Btw. Sushi isn't always raw fish! Lots of veg is involved. My favourite involves avocado!

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

There's a recipe in your inbox
I think the mixing idea is lovely and not wierd at all, especially as in a way, mum + dad also = you

"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

Thanks lads...

Hmmm... think 'vegetables you could buy in Ireland 30 years ago'... so that's potatoes, turnip, parsnip, cabbage, cauliflower, potatoes, carrots, broccoli, peas, mushrooms, beans and lentils, tomatoes, onions, corn and potatoes.

Getting to the other side

 Written by: Gayle......!


Rumbledethumps is what you need!

Potato, swede, cabbage and a little cheese. It rocks.







UCOF

Gayle.....!

Jesus.

Just got a call from Dad.

Mum's blood tests yesterday showed a big drop in her red blood something-or-other. So she's gone into the local hospital for a blood transfusion.

I'm starting to hate visiting hospitals.

Getting to the other side

Clare, ditto what jonny said. We're with you.

Please don't apologise for this thread. It's not depressing. I agree with Rouge, it shows the love and support we have for each other. We're here for you, and one day we'll need you to be there for us!!

Let yourself cry, scream and go mental! It's totally normal to do that.
Don't bottle things up, just let yourself feel how you're feeling.

On the plus side, your mum might be receiving Spiderman's blood, and that would mean she'd be awesome at parkour!

I remember when my mum had to have a blood transfusion, I hoped and prayed she'd be given blood from a super hero

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Everything else seems trite so, , and I hope the transfusion goes well

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

Sushi with raw fish is icki..thats sushimi or something. I make it with chicken and sushi rice and whatever else is handy. Cut into small peices and its yummy yummy....mmmm....or roll the rice into a ball with all the stuff inside and eat it like that after its set in the fridge.

George you are a leg end

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

 Written by: Gnor

George you are a leg end


You mean like a horrible smelly stumpy big toe?
Yeah, and I'm thick too - I finally worked out what you meant (before reading all these posts) in the shower this morning and like "doh"!
But I was still a little con-fuzzled as I thought the nori was seaweed so vegeterian??
And fyi sashimi is sliced raw fish (and yummy!). Yes, some sushi has raw fish in, some purely vegetarian etc. I personally haven't been game to eat the salmon roe sushi or the sea-urchin egg gunky sushi, but all the other types are generally yummy! (But always taste better in Japan)

Clare , I already told you off for telling yourself off - this thread is brilliant (if it wasn't for the reality behind it ) - it's the first thread I check now and I make time to check a couple times a day when I didn't use to look at the board much at all (shame on me I know - sorry all). So you have brought me more regularly here which is surely a good thing?

So, what they all said - use this thread to vent, rant, offload, cry, smile, celebrate the little victories, whatever - but if you blame yourself or apologise again I swear I'm gonna come over there and violate our new anti-smacking law!



and - Touch your nose
George

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.

Ok then...

Well... where to start?

What a difference an afternoon makes!

Skully and Jon
Thanks so much lovely peoples... you guys rock and I think you're great Skully, thanks for the message tonight (am working late, so don't want to respond after midnight). Twas appreciated. The books would be great too, but if you don't want to post them you could always pick out a couple of choice recipes? Let me know what you would prefer.

Jo thanks lady... Hmmm Spiderwoman eh? Lol, that would be cool... although, for some reason Iceman (the guy who made the cool ice slide to get around) was always one of my favourites... hehehehe... picturing my mum zooming about on a giant ice slide... heheheh.

Thanks fif and Gnor for your ongoing, and greatly appreciated support and advice...

And George... Just cos

Also... Spanner You are wonderful. Thank you for your balance and good sense.

And Lady Bams... I love you lots. The message was very reassuring and thank you for your openness. Looking forward to seeing you somewhere soon


Ok then... to explain.

As you all know... I've had a fairly rubbish few days.
It's been a dark place, that I'm still in, and my friends have done all they can to see me through it (I'm so humbled and delighted by the love and warmth from you guys)... but this afternoon, things got much better (at last!! And Rob, Durbs, Meg... breathe a sigh of relief... I won't cry on you for a while, hopefully )

It got a bit worse to begin with... in the afternoon I got a call from Dad about the transfusion... I know the procedure was for the best, but I hate the thought of her being back in hospital. So I got a bit more worried (all small dramas becoming tragedies when things are dark).

Then, later in the afternoon, I got a call from someone I really needed to hear from, which cheered me up no end, released a lot of stress and made me smile lots.

Then... I went to visit Mum... and, it turns out, the doctor had changed her anti-sickness medication - yeep, what a difference!!

I haven't seen her so well, bouncy and chirpy in weeks!

She had colour in her cheeks, was alert, sitting up in the chair, eating food, and telling me off for being late - just like normal!

Hurrah!

It appears she was on the wrong medication for her, but now it's been changed she feels much better and is able to eat food (ahem, including meat . That said, keep sending easy to make, basic veggie recipes, because it's probably better for her anyways).

She'll be in hospital overnight and is getting three units of blood - which should give her more energy too.

At last night's fire gathering I did a little Beltaine clearing thing... letting the dark energy go into the fire and asking for some good bright energy for the rest of the year... and then the next day, this

So mum and I had our usual enthusiastic debate over whether this was an act of God or just requested good energy (or if, perhaps, it's possible for it to be both the same thing?!)

I think I may be bringing her round to accepting that it's ok for me to think like that (even though it is, of course, not the 'right' way).

Which is great... I really don't want her dying wish for me to become a Christian. That would be very difficult. I was a Christian once, when I was a teenager, and decided that it wasn't for me.

*deep breath*

Ahhh... it's nice to feel like a part of the living again... hellos



Am going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts...

Getting to the other side

Yay for Clare! Yay for Mum!
(Does she know how famous she is?? How about a photo of her in this thread?)
 Written by: _Clare_


:So mum and I had our usual enthusiastic debate over whether this was an act of God or just requested good energy (or if, perhaps, it's possible for it to be both the same thing?!)


Go with the compromise! Different names for different beliefs - but I think it's the same thing.
I was raised in the Presbyterian faith, grandson of a whole family of ministers but am also walking a different path these days. That's a whole other thread but for here I'll say stay with what you know and belief.


(and right back at ya! and for good measure!)

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.

I was raised a Presbyterian too... Mum still is, needless to say.



G'night
X

Getting to the other side

yay!!! Go Clare's mummy!!!

That's such good news

hooray!!

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.