Page: ......
_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side smile


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
ubblol

But that's why women are stronger... to make sure they aren't scared smile

Getting to the other side smile


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


ubblol

But that's why women are stronger... to make sure they aren't scared smile



no women are stronger cos they have to push a melon through a VERY SMALL HOLE!

wink

Step (el-nombrie)


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
ubblol

Not all women... some keep their strength for other things rolleyes

Getting to the other side smile


GnorBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia


Posted:
Its not a melon. Its a block of flats with the awnings out.

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Yeuwww...

ubblol

hug

Getting to the other side smile


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
 Written by: Neon_Shaolin


nana #Step's a lovely sweetheart! Step's a lovely sweetheart!# nana

You've been found out! ubbloco





Dave hun, some of us have always seen that in Mech. I've never known Mech to be anything other than a kind hearted loving person that has a bit of a pervy quirky side (that I happen to adore).

More than once, and probably without even realising it, Mech has said things to me that have changed how I feel about life, myself and people around me... and they were always good things, so I'd like to say Huzzah for Mech and for him putting into words what I was finding hard to articulate to Clare.

Clare I will type out a few recipes... I haven't forgotten. I'm just a bit slow at typing these days. Maybe I'll ask Jon to do it. He types 30x faster than me.

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
RIGHT!



YOUR SEEING MY WILLIE TO!



wink



(your faith in my, humbles by soul)
EDITED_BY: mech (1178799208)

Step (el-nombrie)


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
if i say something nice about you Step, will you show me your willy? ubbangel

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
bah, ill show you my willie any time jo, you just need to get me drunk wink

Step (el-nombrie)


BansheeCatBRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada


Posted:
Clare, it really does get better. It takes an amazing amount of time, and happens little by little, but know that one day you will wake up, and there wont be a huge dark cloud over you, and you will have energy, and time to think about frivilous things, and your life will feel easy again. Really, it will. I could not beleive it, as I was going through my hell, but now I find myself back to the me I recognize-- thank god. For a while there I thought the overwhelmed half mad scared angry and exhausted me had become the reality of my life. Not so.



Some coping skills can be learned from grief counselling and hospice care programs-even ones on line have some tips and descriptions of behaviours that you may identify with. They do help, and at least to recognize that what you are going through is NOT crazy, not at all. In fact it is just a little talked about but integral part of the human experience.We are all dying.



This bit is probably the hardest, the undetermined state. Waiting, anticipation, making up possible stories in your mind. It gets better. I remember feeling releif when my dad died( little did I know things actually could get worse, but that was a different story, not the case for most people- my step mom went awol, and I spent six weeks not knowing what had happened to his remains and if in fact my step mom was even still alive... yikes)



But at first, I thought, yes, Death is a release. Okay, now the wounds can close, and the healing begin. And they will, in time. Treasure the time you have with your mom-- hell with everyone, we never know who is checking out when. It does serve to teach us to live in the moment.Appreciate it.



Clare, you mentionned not being able to trust, not being able to count on anything. I know that feeling well. In Buddist philosphy is demonstrates a core human reality- everything in our existance is transient. There is nothing to count on, stability and security are an illusion, and clinging to the illusion causes more suffering then it cures. Working with that awareness actually did not serve me during my grief and confusion, it made me feel more hopeless, drowning in despair. I needed something to hang on to. I beleive it to be true- all is transient- but what I needed was something more comforting, not so stark.



What I found was in a book by John O Donohue, called Echoes of Eternal Longing. Got it a Tara , the weekend I was with you and James et all. It helped so much, to just remind me that though we may not be able to count on anything, not even ourselves-- we can take solace in the connections we share with everyone- community, friends, family, and share our expereinces. Share them, not necessarily solve them. He talks about how we find ways of bearing our burdens, by redistributing the balance. If you are interested I can pm you more about that.



I isolated myself to a large degree also. And people isolated themselves from me- like the death and the darkness were catching. I got sick of talking about it, and sick of not taking about it, pretending it was all okay was not working either. Out of necessity I got pretty blunt about assessing and expressing my ability to be open or closed with people at any given moment, communicating my needs--as it changed constantly and it was unreasonable to expect any one to be able to discern what I needed from them, never mind actually offer it!



Hanging with my cats and swimming were the best releif in that sense.No pressure. But slowly, I did find those who could share my story, and contribute , and grow through it with me. I stopped judging and being angry with people who could not support me, and forgave that-- accepting they too have their weaknesses, their own lives to live. Ultimately the ability to support yourself through crisis is a useful tool-- it does not mean you will always shut others out. If you do that it is by choice. You can do what needs to be done, and yet still accept help love and support as it is offered ---without depending on it.



Everything is always changing hun, sometimes that is a good thing! and this too shall pass. You will get a break, and heal, and move on.... More will come your way, it always will, but know you will get some peace and move through thte dark times.



Sending lots of love to smooth the way... sorry this is so long!I hope it does not sound like a sermon. I trust you know what is best for you. What you wrote just touched me deeply , as always, because it was so much like my own experience.



The caring and grief process will bring gifts, and you will feel better, really, you will...



xoxox

a

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
BansheeCat how beautiful, thank you for that

you are amazing, and i am so glad that you are here for clare, thank you and a blessing on your soul.

hug

Step (el-nombrie)


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Yep smile

Thank you Andrea, for taking the time and sharing your soul so freely.

It's not at all a sermon... in fact, you should know I've taken a lot of comfort from what you've written...

I don't want to respond to anything in your post... but just read it, absorb it and take love from it.

Thank you so much hug

Hope you're doing ok xx

Getting to the other side smile


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


Yep smile

Thank you Andrea, for taking the time and sharing your soul so freely.

It's not at all a sermon... in fact, you should know I've taken a lot of comfort from what you've written...

I don't want to respond to anything in your post... but just read it, absorb it and take love from it.

Thank you so much hug

Hope you're doing ok xx



right this is all to nice....

time to ruin it again


Non-Https Image Link


and i choose to belive he is talking about


Non-Https Image Link


ubbangel

Step (el-nombrie)


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


but then, apparently I think too much at the best of times rolleyes




eek The fiends! Who's been saying such lies wink

hug

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
tongue

Fiendish indeed... Fiendish is a lovely word. It slithers over your tongue.

I apologise.

Much as I would like to spend my time wandering about not thinking about anything at all... (god, that actually sounds really appealing for once), I can't.

Too easily distracted.

Most often, by mental images of you poncing about in an opera tongue

Miss ya!

xx

Getting to the other side smile


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
Mech and BansheeCat - your Karmha points just doubled! Well said, well said.

Clare - whenever and for whatever, I am here (wish I was there tho). Use me, abuse me, rant, cry, laugh - I suspect everyone else who has responded feels the same. Don't shut us out - while we all transient, while we are here, we are all here for you.
grouphug
hug hug hug hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
ditto george is right! sunny kiss

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
clare, me jonnie and skully chatted this morning, and we think you are ace

plus some other dirty stuff, but on the whole fookin ace biggrin

(ps skully didnt join in the dirty dtuff, cos she was nice smile )

Step (el-nombrie)


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
redface

Lol... I can just imagine how that conversation went (I mean, the rude one) rolleyes

biggrin

Thanks lads... it's good to know that people are thinking about you. Makes you feel good grouphug

And... as it happens... I'm doing rather well today smile

Had a massive chat with someone on the phone yesterday and they gave me really good, practical advice about how not to miserable. Which was cool, and muchly appreciated smile

Honesty is good. I like it biggrin

Also, the sun is shining, mum is doing grand and I'm starting to get back into my work.

Hurrah.

So, I'm off to change my phone (02 are ridiculously expensive... trying Vodafone instead)... and buy some munchies for Eurovision tonight.

Antti's in the final show smile
I hope the cameras pick him out lots.. so I can heckle from my sofa ubblol

Have a great weekend

xxx

Getting to the other side smile


animatEdBRONZE Member
1 + 1 = 3
3,540 posts
Location: Bristol UK


Posted:
oooh... which part of the show is he in?

or do I really have to sit through the whole thing just to spot him...? :s

Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Final show...

Y'know the way Riverdance was the final show a few years ago?!

Well... Antti posted in his intro thread about it (I think)... it's going to be a circusy show... with him in it?!

I expect you only need to watch the end... but it'll be worth the build up biggrin

x

Getting to the other side smile


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
clare - your lush (jo is telling me im spelling wrong, but i dont care.....!)

can i come over and see you soon?

(ps this is step smile )

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Yep... you can.

All my friends are welcome here... smile

(Bring Jon, Skully and Jo with you too!!)

Take care
Clare x

Getting to the other side smile


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
Yippeeeeeee! I can't wait to come and see you Clare (this is Skully again now. I wrestled Mech off the laptop). As soon as funds allow I'm so on the Ferry!!! kiss

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
me too!! bounce hug ubblove

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
Ok so finally I get around to typing out a few recipes... Yes I know, I'm a slacker. Sorry!

I'll start with some soups that you can make in advance and freeze. That way even on days when there is no time to cook your mum and dad can have something filling and yummy without any of the work.

Buckwheat & Potato Soup

Medium sized Potato 1
Medium sized onion 1
Vegetable stock 1 1/2 pint (900ml)
Buckwheat 4 oz (100g)
Parsley, chopped 2 tbsp (30ml)
Oregano 1/2 tsp (2.5ml)
yeast extract (Marmite)1 tsp
Milk 1 pt (568ml)
Soya sauce 1 tsp (5ml)
Salt and pepper to taste

Chop the potato and onion. Bring the stock to the boil in a saucepan, then add the buckwheat, Vegetables, Parsley, Oregano and yeast extract. Simmer, covered, for about 1/2 hour, until the buckwheat and vegetables are tender. After 15 mins, check to see if the cooking liquor has been absorbed. If necessary, stir in half the milk. When cooked allow to cool slightly and blend down the mix whilst adding in slowly the remaining milk. Add the soya sauce and seasoning, then reheat to serving temp. More or less milk can be added in his stage to bring the soup to the required thickness. Serve with grated cheese on the top.

Potage Malakoff

Medium sized onion 1
Medium sized potato 1
Large carrot 1
Large tomato 1
Butter or margarine 1 oz (25g)
Few sprigs parsley
Garlic clove, crushed 1
Bay leaf 1
Vegetable stock 2 pt (1.2 lt)
Soy sauce 2 tsp (10ml)
Yeast extract 1 tsp (5ml)
salt and pepper to taste
Spinach, finely shredded 4 0z (100g)

Chop the vegetables. Melt the butter in a saucepan and sauté the onion until transparent. Add the remaining ingredients except the spinach. Bring to the boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 mins. Allow to cool before blending. Return to the heat and add the spinach. Simmer for a further 10 mins. Season to taste.

Russian Vegetable soup

Medium sized onion 1
Medium sized potato 1
medium sized parsnip 1
carrots 4 oz (100g)
Butter or margarine 2 oz (50)
Parsley, chopped 2 tbsp (30ml)
mixed herbs 1/2 tsp (2.5ml)
Nutmeg to taste
Vegetable stock 2 pt (1.2 Lt)
small leek 1
Cabbage 2oz (50g)
salt and pepper to taste

Chop the onion, potato, parsnip, and carrots. Melt half the butter in a large saucepan and sauté the vegetables gently, stirring occasionally, until the onion is transparent. Add the parsley, herbs, nutmeg and stock and bring to the boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 mins. Leave to cool before blending. Meanwhile, finely shred the leek and cabbage and sauté them in the remaining butter until just tender. Add to the blended soup, simmer gently for 10 mins, and adjust seasoning to taste.


I'll type out a few more later. I hope this is the kind of thing you are looking for smile
kiss

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


LazyAngelGOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK


Posted:
tea is on the way smile hug

Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
On to vegetarian savouries....

Country pasties

Mixed root vegetables, chopped in very small cubes (onion,turnip,carrot,potato, etc) 8 oz (225g)
Cheddar cheese, grated 4 oz (100g)
Sage 1 tsp (5ml)
Salt 1/2 tsp (2.5ml)
Oil 2 tsp (10ml)
Shortcrust Pastry (buy ready made unless you like making the stuff ubblol ) 15 oz (425g)
Egg for glazing (optional)

Combine the first 6 ingredients in a mixing bowl. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured surface and cut out four 7" (18cm) rounds. Brush the edges with water. Spoon the filling into the centre of each and bring the edges up and together to form a pasty. Seal the edges well. Glaze if you wish with a bit of egg. Place on a baking sheet and bake in the oven at 200 C (400 f/ Gas mark 6) for 15 mins, reduce heat to 170 c (325f/ Gas mark 3) and cook for a further 15-20 mins, until the vegetables are tender when tested.

Serve hot or cold. Again these can be made in advance and kept in an airtight container in the fridge for a couple of days... The pastry does go a bit soggy though with age smile

Basic savoury nut mix

This mix can be used in loads of ways and provides a good protein source. It's also quite more-ish so might help when your mum isn't feeling so much like eating.

basic ingredients

Medium sized onion 1
Butter or margarine 1 oz (25g)
Mixed nuts, peanuts, walnuts, cashews etc 8 oz (225g)
Wholemeal bread 4 oz (100g)
Vegetable stock or water 1/2 pt (300ml)
Yeast extract 2tsp (10ml)
Mixed herbs 1 tsp (5ml)
salt and pepper to taste

First use, Nut roast-

Chop the onions and sauté in butter until transparent.Grind the nuts and bread together in a blender until quite fine. Heat the stock and yeast extract to boiling point, then combine all the ingredients together and mix well - the mixture should be fairly slack. Turn into a greased shallow baking dish, level the surface, sprinkle with a few breadcrumbs, and bake in the oven at 180 c (350 f/ gas mark 4) for 30 mins, until golden brown. Garnish with fried onion rings. Serve with veg, roast potatoes... anything you like really.


second use Nut Loaf-

Follow the basic recipe above, but add only 3-4 tbsp (45-50ml) of the stock to give you a firmer mixture. Press half the mixture into a greased and lined 1 lb (450g) loaf tin. Cover with 2 sliced tomatoes and 2 oz (50g) grated cheese and top off with the remaining mixture. Bake as for the above roast. Leave to cool in the tin, then remove carefully. wrap in cling film or greaseproof paper and put in the refrigerator for 1-2 hours. Serve cut in slices with salad or veg. This is also good for picnics in the park, if your mum feel like a bit of fresh air.

Third use Rissoles-

Make up the mix as for the Nut loaf but shape the mix into 6 round patties. Dip the rounds into beaten egg and then breadcrumbs and fry in shallow oil for 3-5 mins each side unil golden brown. These can be served hot or cold.

Forth use Cottage pie-

Make up the mix as for the nut roast, but add sufficient stock to give a loose texture, spoon into an ovenproof dish and top with 1 1/2ib (675g) of seasoned mashed potatoes (you can add a bit of grated cheese to the mash if you want to fatten her up a bit smile Bake in the overn at 200 c (400 f/ gas mark 6) for 20-30 mins, until the potato is crisp and golden.

Fifth use Veggi Scotch eggs-

Follow the recipe for the nut loaf. Shell 4 hard boiled eggs and leave to cool. Encase the eggs in the Nut loaf mix dip into a little beaten raw egg and then into breadcrumbs then deep fry until golden. Drain and serve hot or cold (again a good one for picnics in the sunshine)

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
hug

Thanks so much Skully and Guy

hug

Getting to the other side smile


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


Antti's in the final show smile
I hope the cameras pick him out lots.. so I can heckle from my sofa ubblol




HAH! I SAID it was him and noone believed me!! The Apocalyptica bit at the end with all the dancers and acro and fire was probably the best part of the night smile

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


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