Page: 1...2021222324...30
_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx


Getting to the other side smile

Delete Topic

_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Thanks George... I know you're right hug


But:
"Clare my girl, it's part of letting go. You have to let her go."

Nooo. Dammit. (pouting and childish stomping of feet)


Hmpf.


Getting to the other side smile

Delete

Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:I can understand you're upset about your aunts and uncles claiming your mum's time. I'll get a little story off my chest, maybe that'll help a bit.

My grandmother died of cancer when I was 8. She'd been sick for as long as I could remember, though it was stomach/bowel cancer and came in waves, years apart.

She moved into a flat in the house that my dad designed for us all, we moved in there when I was 4, and my parents knew she wouldn't be able to care for herself forever.

When things got worse and worse, we did one of the rooms in our part of the house up nicely, and got one of those beds, and a nurse to come round every day, just like you are planning to do. At first she could still get up, then she couldn't. I can't tell you much about the details of caring for her, because my mum (her daughter-in-law) was bearing the load mostly on her own, and my parents were trying to keep my sister and me from seeing our gran unwell.

All I saw was at lunch, when she couldn't keep her food down anymore, and I went into her room when she was well enough, which wasn't often towards the end.

She only had 1 child, my dad, but both her brother and sister were retired and in walking distance and well. They hardly ever came by.

When she was dead, her sister was one of the first people to go to her flat though, and take stuff that she wanted, even though she knew my dad would've liked some of it as a memory of his mum, and without even asking mum, me or my sister. Funnily enough, some of the more valuable stuff was among that, which wasn't annoying because we wanted to sell it and make money, but because of the whole way she went about it.

Later, when she herself was in the hospice and dying of cancer, and her daughter had nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, and it was my mother again who did a lot of the visiting, bringing things, cheering her up and helping the nurses bringing her to the bathroom, she apologised, but that was too late for my grandmother.

So in other words, don't get upset at your aunts and uncles. They can probably see how hard things are on you and your dad, and want you to be able to pay the rent as you say, and take some of the load off you, and to let your mum know they love her and want to spend some time with her while they still can.

I'd much prefer to know that my grandaunts and -uncle would've chased my mum out of the room a bit more often to live her own life and spent some time with my gran smile

But then again, everyone has their own way of dealing with these situations, noone's perfect, and no way of coping is perfect either, and we'll all get "I wish I had..." moments later. We're all selfish about the ones we love, and it's only natural that your aunts/uncles want your mum's time, too smile


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

Delete

jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:I just keep on sending you my love heart

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Delete

georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


Nooo. Dammit. (pouting and childish stomping of feet)
Hmpf.


smile frown

hug hug hug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

Delete

Basstones
Basstones

Do you do the poiz?
Location: Brisbane
Member Since: 24th Mar 2006
Total posts: 530
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


ubbcrying

Thanks so much everyone...

Mech... Lol, what can I say dude... Mime's used to unnerve me, until I met Johnny Murphy from Dublin - he rocks... smile


Ok.

This is all quite awful, basically.

She's in the cancer ward in hospital, and we're trying to figure out what to do.

She can barely keep her eyes open, hasn't the energy to talk, and is uncomfortable (fortunately, not in pain).

She had an X-Ray this morning, which showed the tumour in her lungs, liver and some other places... her blood results are all over the place.

The drip that had been fitted started bleeding, and they couldn't stop it, so she has a huge bandage on her arm. The doctors will have to deal with that tomorrow.

Dad and I sat with her all day. It was fine... just talking nonsense, keeping in good spirits, and dealing with it.

The hospice nurse will come in tomorrow to help us decide the best course.

We could take her home, as planned, but it will be incredibly difficult to get her to the toilet and back (practicalities are important). Also, if she starts bleeding again, there's nothing we can do. But, she had originally wanted to go at home.

Alternatively, we can go to the Hospice, where she will receive all the good care and help... but we don't want to have to leave her... and it may mean she will never come home again.

Balls.

ubbcrying

hug


Hi Clare,

I wasn't intending on posting this but read this post and changed my mind. My mother passed away a week ago today (they originally gave her 9 months but it spread so rapidly we only had 5 weeks with her). The last week I stayed in the hospital by her side alongside my brother and step-father. Even with the 3 of us there the hospital staff were invaluable, we wouldnt have been able to do it without them and vice versa.

Since the day she was dianogsed we wanted to get her home where she was comfortable which unfortunately for us never happened. At the end though it was made alot easier being in hospital, I can't even dream of what we would have done if we hadnt had the nurses there at times. Especially with their expertise in those wards (We were also in the care of a cancer specialist who had specialised on pain relief) so we knew that mum wasn't in pain at all.

Whichever choice you decide to make sure you give yourself time off. It can be so emotionally and physically draining if you don't make sure you spend some time doing things as normally as you can. It helps when you know she is being looked after by the people you know will look out for her. Follow your heart though and you will be fine

These are hard and sad times but you are surrounded by friends and those who care grouphug hug


"In the end there is only fire and a waterfall"

Delete

Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:hug Basstones, I'm so sorry to hear your mother has died. For her I am glad it was fast and as painfree as possible, but for you, the speed of it all must have been a terrible shock. hug

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

Delete

newgabe
newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali
Member Since: 3rd Mar 2005
Total posts: 4030
Posted:Tony! I didn't know! I hope to see you tonight at West End. Otherwise I will phone you. Huge warmth to you in this cold weather... hug

.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

Delete

Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted: Written by: georgemc



The relatives thing - it's inevitable (someone told me recently the saying "where there's a will there's a relative"). Remember that you have had the full attention of your Mum and Dad over the last wee while and you've (hopefully) said all the private things you need to have said and you've enjoyed each others company. Now everyone else who wasn't as physically close as you is coming to try and do that too but they will never share the same level of feeling that you and your Mum did. Of course it's going to feel crap because you feel like you "did all the work" and now they're coming in at the last minute and you are relegated to the back of the queue. Clare my girl, it's part of letting go. You have to let her go. But you will always have those special times with her that none of them did to hold in your heart.







Very true.



Clare, this is partly what I meant in my PM when I said that I'd seen the stage you're about to go through and that it's not pretty: not just what's happening to your mum, but also the way it tends to make relatives behave, usually very short-sightedly.



Your mum's no fool: she's always insisted on being aware of exactly what's going on and as ill as she is, I'd bet she can see the dynamics within your family as much as she ever did and has her own opinion of it.

The only difference now may be that she's less able to show it, but that doesn't mean you should change yourself as well.



I get the impression you've been the "non-conformist" one in your family (and thank goodness you have wink ).

Put it to good use again now by not stooping below your level of dignity to theirs.



Even if you have only recently realised it and I know it hasn't always seemed this way, this is a spirit you share with your mum.

Birgit said we'll all get "I wish I had..." moments: I'd say that whether you're ready to let her go yet or not, one thing you can do now is to show her - and yourself - that you're not letting that spirit go too.



Yes, this may mean taking a step back while your more distant relatives have their "turn": maybe your mum and dad will prefer it to be just the 4(?) of you at home anyway.

But whatever they do, their behaviour isn't going to change anything between the two of you now and never will, so as much as it may hurt you, it's nothing you can't rise above.



Keep your good grace, keep your head up - most importantly, keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, as the poem goes...



Much love to you hug

and also to you Basstones hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

Delete

_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Thank you Spanner-lady...

There's a few PMs I haven't responded to yet... am sure I'll get round to it smile

Thank you for that post... as with many posts recently, lots of it rang true hug

Basstones... I'm so sorry to hear about your mum... I've been thinking about you.

It was so terribly quick for you. My thoughts, and love, go out to you and your family.

Take care of yourself... hug

fni... I know you read here... again, I'm sorry for non-MSN or PM response... but I'm thinking about you and your family too hug

Take care darlin...


So then... she had a bad night and didn't get much sleep, so she's not too happy today.

She'll get Part 2 of the blood transfusion today, and the doctors said she may even be allowed home on Monday (if we can get cancer nurses sorted out by then).

She's also getting another scan to see how her lungs are.

My brother is home to stay a while... I'm reserving judgement on how I feel about that.

Must go... will be back later.


In the meantime... I want everyone who reads this thread, posts (or not) and sends good wishes to mum and the family to know that I/we appreciate it very much.

Thank you for sending your energy and love... I check this thread in the morning and evening (or if I'm in work), and it really gives a lift to see all the constructive ideas, lovely thoughts and shared truths.

This thread has gone on for a year, through lots of different times and emotions, and thank you for supporting me through it.

With love
Clare x


Getting to the other side smile

Delete

newgabe
newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali
Member Since: 3rd Mar 2005
Total posts: 4030
Posted:No worries, mate wink

.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

Delete

faith enfire
faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin
Member Since: 27th Jan 2006
Total posts: 3556
Posted:I think most of us wish we could do more
hug Clare and Tony


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

Delete

maus
maus

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Member Since: 14th Jul 2005
Total posts: 4191
Posted:As with many people on here I have followed this thread from the start, and believe I've not posted since the very beginning, due to lack of words. All of the best advice in the world has already been given here, so I'll just add another one of these hug a lot of this ubblove and as much of this sunny as you may need.

Take care lady. smile


Delete

mech
mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"
Member Since: 9th Jun 2003
Total posts: 6207
Posted:thannk you all for you kind words and hug's

i know it is all being taken in

thank you for your warmth,and your energy


Step (el-nombrie)

Delete

jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:Nice one maus...

I think there are loads of lurkers in this thread who are sending you continual love and support, Clare, but who, like Maus, know that advice has already been said.

I think you have most the hop community sending your family love and blessings!! hug


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Delete

Neon_Shaolin
Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Member Since: 13th Jul 2005
Total posts: 6120
Posted:Hey Clare. Like the others here, I haven't posted much recently because I think I've said all I can on the matter.

I will say that I definitely see the benefits of what Helen of Poi recounted regarding the death of her mother (Helen: hug). My friend whose mother died 5 years ago lives with her dad in the house that was supposed to be their retiring home, but now they are moving out due to reasons of practical locality but also for the reason that the house brings back too many bad memories. There is no right and wrong answer to both home or hospice, only practical. The emotional reasons are just that - emotional.

My own mother it fiercely independent and has expressed her desire that we 'let her go' if she ever was in this kind of position. She has seen her mother-figures (her mum is still alive) waste away to nothing in homes and does not want to suffer the same fate. Time will tell whether when that time comes if I could bring myself to abide by her wishes... Not a decision I look forward to.

Basstones. Sorry to hear about your mum. You said you knew but I hope this thread confirms to you that everyone here is more than willing to offer support when you need it. hug


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

Delete

Gayle......!
Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol !!!!!!
Member Since: 9th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2444
Posted:hug

I've been away for a bit and have settled down to read this, as i always do, and have been all choked up ubbcrying but also biggrin at the amazing-ness of HoPpers.

Clare, you are so lucky to have all these fabulous people giving the most sensible, heart-warming caring advice and love. They really do rock.

I regulary think of you and come and read this thread. So, sending you and your gorgeous mama hug2 and ubblove


Gayle.....!

Delete

georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted:Tony - wow, so sorry to hear that news. I remember your post saying about the news of the diagnosis like it was only last week. frown Lots of hug hug for you too.

Clare - ditto - just ditto I can't add more. hug

Thinking of you guys & trying to do Jedi thought transfer of strength and love...


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

Delete

FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Clare - everyone has a different way of dealing with the unacceptable. I might be wrong, but I guess I am reading that your brother has his very own and not one that you would like to see. Now it's up to you anyway, but after all he's your brother.

Some live through it and allow themselves to be affected. Others simply close the gates, let down the blinds and pretend they are not at home. Usually those are the ones who wake up a little later. And - presuming that this is the case - he will need your support by then.

What you're going through is one of the toughest experiences. Reading through this thread made me reconsider my approach to my own mum. She's over 70 now and she's a very strong woman, but who knows just how long she'll be around for. I will take opportunity to spend more time with and invite her over to India this winter. After all, we never know and the least I would want is to ask me (again, as after my grandmother died): Did you do enough?

I send you as much hug ubbangel ubblove and sunny as I can spare right now. After all, love is something that gets more, the more you give it.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

Delete

BansheeCat
veteran
Location: lost
Member Since: 29th Jul 2005
Total posts: 1247
Posted:love to you and your family, Clare.
I think of you often, and hold you in my heart.
xoxo
a


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

Delete

Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:You can hire commodes and things like that so that its a very short lift to them from bed. Or use adult style nappies and so catch any accidents.
Pallative care units here are amazing places that are a better final place than standard hospitals and support familes and the loved ones. Also means any visitors do not need to be looked after or tended and so all your attention where you want it to be.
If you choose to take mum home, will you be able to deal with those final images in your house. For me Dad passing in pallative care was easier. I choose to spend many of his final hours with him but I chose not be there right at the end. The 1/2 country drive after a night awake at his side made me make the decision that I would be unable to drive safely back to his side and knowing my mother and brother were there at his side I knew he was not alone. If I had of known how soon after my leaving he was going to pass I dont know what my decision would have been.
I like having my images of Dad at home are of him at his best. My images of his passing are associated with the hospital.

hugs to you
Gnir


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Thank you everyone... hug



This post isn't going to be pleasant... and I expect they will get worse.



I'm not going to do the chronological thing this time... probably better just to write about things in my head as they come up.





Mum has been on a very steep decline this week... to the extent that when I left her in the hospital tonight she was barely able to move (getting from the wheelchair to the chair, or chair to bed is a major struggle that requires about half an hour of oxygen afterwards); she can barely use her arms or legs; keeping her eyes open is a struggle; she isn't eating... and because her blood is so thin, she has had a nose bleed (from both nostrils) all day (and it hadn't stopped when I left).



She continues to say that she isn't in pain (as such), but is very uncomfortable... she can feel something 'sticking into her' inside her body. Her legs and stomach have swollen massively, and the skin is very tight... I can feel a kindof gel underneath the skin when I press it. She can't go to the toilet and she can't shower and clean herself.



She is on a constant cocktail of drips and tablets to try to fix the fluid retention, or thinning blood, or ulcers in her mouth...



The heartbreaking bit is how frustrated and cross with herself she is... she is fighting every single thing that breaks down. She won't let herself relax, worrying constantly about everything and everybody around her... but is too weak to actually do anything about it.



To an extent, the fighting is a good thing... but it is also horrifying to watch your mother fight against herself... and know that it isn't going to get better.



She isn't ready to let go yet, and we have to be patient with her until she is...



She isn't sleeping at night, and then there's either visitors or doctors, or the annoying lady two beds up who keeps making strange shrieking noises (like an upset cat) regularly.



Earlier in the week we had been thinking of bringing her home... now we don't know...



We're still waiting for hospice nurses, or a place at the hospice... or even a side room off the ward.



There's nothing my dad and i can do, other than find little things to make her more comfortable. It's too late for nice food, books, things to do... anything really, other than the physical basics.





My brother flew home on Wednesday... and it immediately prompted some kindof weird jealous rage in me (many thanks to m'lovely friend who got that one in the neck... frown hug)



On Thursday I actually felt like killing him... I mean, who was he, this stupid boy, to try to take over? Boys are useless at the practical stuff... and I felt 'what does he know'?

My brother and I have never gotten along... we are very different people and I felt cross.



Y'see, in my mind... I had been there all along, and now he was back home to take over and push me out... (I realise this may not be altogether sensible, but hey, that's how it was). It wasn't helped by my aunt telling me to stop being emotional.



I was really teary and upset, and got quite cross in general...



Anyways... after a bit of an emotional day, it was ok and forgotten on Friday... After watching my brother try to do some practical stuff, I realised that mum and dad still need me, so have gotten over my ego.



Also... I have been appointed Visitor Police (which makes me feel useful, and relatively important rolleyes)



Mum had been getting 10/11 visitors a day - and she never tells them to leave when she's tired. Apparently, if they make the effort to visit... she should make the effort to talk (and she rolled her eyes and told me to keep quiet when I argued that one).



But now that things are worse, we have to start enforcing a visitor schedule... so that's going to be happening from tomorrow.







I don't know how I'm doing in my head.

Being practical, getting stuff done for Mum... it's easy to prioritise this over the other stuff.



(there is other stuff... of course, that's life... but i don't have the energy to think about it)



Anyways... that's it for now



xx


Getting to the other side smile

Delete

georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted:hug hug hug
 Written by: _Clare_

This post isn't going to be pleasant... and I expect they will get worse.


When I read that I thought you were going to yell at us and tell us all off! ubblol

hug hug hug
repeat the mantra...
All my strength, ubblove sunny grouphug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

Delete

Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:Sibling jealousy rage is normal and healthy in my book. Especially if he is a golden boy.
hug hug hug


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:Clare, I'm with Gnor. I think if I were in your shoes and one of my brothers came swanning in trying to take over, weeks down the line, I wouldn't just have a bit of inner rage about it, I'd probably throw a full on toddler tantrum with foot stamping, screaming and throwing myself to the floor with a cry of "I've fallen over, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" ubblol

So, well done on not being as childish as me biggrin


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

Delete

Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:Ive found when I am sick I like to have people around me talking, but not necessarily to me. So when you reach that lovely critical mass of people interacting I sit back and absorb the energy. I know this sounds trite compared to what your mum and your family is going through but it I guess it means so much to your mum that they care enough to come visit.

Its a very fine line for you darl. Hopefully if you quiet word and explain it to people or even perhaps write a small caring note to the regulars it might help. Short sweet visits.
Your mum is so special to so many people that all want a chance to be there for her. Dont be scared to pass out all those jobs that still need doing at home. It makes people secure to be needed. Feed the cat, drive by the house so there is a presence, weed the garden, walk the dog, trim the hedge, sweep the drive, paint the house wink, prune the roses, baskets of ironing.
All those things that you guys havent time to do right now but are too tired to do when you get home. Jobs that if they are missed wont break hearts but releive the pressure and make other loved ones feel important.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

Helen_of_Poi
Helen_of_Poi

lapsed spinner
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Member Since: 28th Apr 2004
Total posts: 412
Posted:Basstones: I'm so sorry to hear about your mother hug It sounds as though it has been very sudden for you all. I can't imagine how hard that must be - I had 15 years to prepare myself. My thoughts are with you.

And for Clare, another rambling post in no particular order:

I can totally understand how you may feel resentful about your brother's arrival, and his "taking over". Remember that what feels like him "taking over" may in fact be him trying to give you a much needed rest, and recognising how much of the burden you have carried thus far. And possibly his feeling of guilt about not being there to help out earlier.

In terms of home care - it sounds like you're all preparing really well for it, and that you have good nursing support etc. I can't see any reason therefore that everything your mother needs, like transfusions etc, won't be available to her whenever she needs them. Just make sure that she is also seen by a doctor regularly, as nurses may not have the authority to make some decisions e.g. if she needs strong painkillers etc. But it sounds like you have all this stuff covered, so I'm sure she'll get all the care she needs.

Don't be afraid to tell visitors away - i had to, lots, and they all understood in the end. Gnor is right, give people jobs. It takes the load off you, and makes them feel that they are helping.

From my own experience, once my mother went really into decline, things happened very quickly. Tumors were appearing every few days, on her bones. Her arm, ribs and collarbone all broke because of the pressure from the tumors. Then it spread to her spine, and she lost all feeling from her waist down. This also meant that she lost control over her bodily functions. She was so breathless that it was a huge effort to speak.

I'm not telling you this to scare you. I'm not saying that any of all of this will necessarily happen to your mum. Instead i'm just saying it because when it was my family, nobody warned us that any of these things could happen. It was terrifying and unexpected.

I keep going to call you, but then you may want your line to be available in case of emergency, so that's why i haven't. I always feel that my posts here are full of doom and gloom, and I'm sorry about that. I'm sending you all the energy I can, and thinking of you all the time. hug


Helen_of_Poi

EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team

Delete

Nephtys
Nephtys

resident fridge magnet
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 835
Posted:hughughughughughughug

everyone's unique except me

Delete

jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:
Non-Https Image Link


Clare, thought you'd like to know that 2bags, Momma 2bags, Amber the dog, me, Spanner and Yakumo all send you lots of love!! xxx


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Delete

_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:!!!!!



Oh my god... Jo... that's great, thanks so much biggrin



What a beautiful picture of lovely people hug Hope to see you all sometime xx



And thanks Helen and Gnor, Skully, George and Neph... hug2



I was woken by the phone this morning to say that mum tried to get out of bed last night, unaided (argh!), and fell over (I told her she was just trying to escape, but it didn't help much).



She cut herself badly along the leg, and needed 12 stitches.



The bleeding and seeping won't stop... that will probably never heal now frown



It's changed everything... we're really uncertain about bringing her home, and will be asking the Macmillan nurses tomorrow about possible spaces in the hospice.



We NEED to get her out of that ward... the screaming lady is driving mum (and us) mad. All the other ladies are very old and very sick, and the one next door to mum has no control of her bodily functions... which can get very smelly.



Mum is really angry at herself for falling, and the shock has just knocked her further. She didn't talk much today... hardly ate anything... and can't really do anything any more (including toilet and suchlike).



But she's uncomfortable, so continually wants to move from bed to chair, and back again, or change positions in the chair... (hence why she fell last night)... and each move takes it out of her.



I don't like my mum having to be treated like a baby. She doesn't like it either.



She was quite sharp with Dad and I, and although we know she doesn't mean it... it's very hard to hear.



I was at the hospital all day, and now I'm tired.



thanks xx


Getting to the other side smile

Delete

jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:oh no Clare!

Poor mum, I don't blame her. I think if I was in her position I would have exploded and gone bezerk ages ago!! ubblol

Keep strong my girl, sending all the love in the world to you and the family hug ubblove kiss


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Delete

Page: 1...2021222324...30

Similar Topics

Using the keywords [mum cancer] we found the following similar topics.
1. Forums > My mum and cancer [871 replies]
2. Forums > The Cure For Cancer -- A rant [46 replies]
3. Forums > New York Marathon - In aid of Breast Cancer Care
4. Forums > Kylie has Cancer [38 replies]
5. Forums > They [mess] you up, your mum and dad..... [18 replies]

     Show more..