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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx


Getting to the other side smile

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mech
mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"
Member Since: 9th Jun 2003
Total posts: 6207
Posted:firstly HOLLY [censored]! 2bags has a mother!

i always heard of him refer to a mother, but i thought it was a mother"ship" that brought him from the planet juggle 12, after visiting juggle 6, balance stuff 4, weird hair 16 and the planet of the gingers wink

clare, we (and you know who we means) will be here for you no mater what, and i suspects that those in other countries owuld be calling you if they could...


Step (el-nombrie)

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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted: Written by: mech


firstly HOLLY censored! 2bags has a mother!

i always heard of him refer to a mother, but i thought it was a mother"ship" that brought him from the planet juggle 12, after visiting juggle 6, balance stuff 4, weird hair 16 and the planet of the gingers wink




ubblol I really am LOLling!! hahahha

toobs' mum rocks! biggrin ubblol


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:That's where he gets his stunning good looks then (and 2bags... rarrrr... the hair suits you smile )


xx


Getting to the other side smile

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Oh Clare, I check this thread every time I'm online and reading it brings me close to tears. Your strength is wonderful and I often think of you even when I' not online.

hug


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:Clare, can we make your mum an imaginary hospital escape tunnel that she can use when all the noise and people get too much. It can be the sounds of someone crawling down a tunnel and coming out at the other end to a beautiful place that she'd like to be. If she has an MP3 of it on some headphones, whenever it all gets a bit too much for here she could put on the headphones and drift away into a dream of being somewhere else, be it by a stream eating a picnic or up a mountain with the wind blowing through her hair.

The mind is an amazing tool and can transport you to many places without you ever having to take a step. I'm sure amongst us on HoP there must be someone able to record some high quality restful sound tracks for her. I'm willing to crawl through a muddy hole to get the tunnel sounds. I love getting muddy biggrin

hug

2bags isn't an alien..... I've seen his belly button. smile


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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mech
mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"
Member Since: 9th Jun 2003
Total posts: 6207
Posted: Written by: Skulduggery



...take a step...


take me where?


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:smile

Thanks for the thought Skully... but would you believe that already it seems too late?

I've just had Dad on the phone... it seems the hospital were in touch this morning because mum is really distressed about losing her engagement ring...

I know she had it on when she went in to the hospital, but now they can't find it.

The nurses say she's become very confused... we'll see what happens when i get up there this afternoon. Methinks it will be a hard day.

xx


Getting to the other side smile

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Look, we're all with you to support hug

Turns to the crowds and shouts: "Who loves Clare, please raise their hands!"



Non-Https Image Link


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Anyone any ideas on how to deal with confused people in a way that doesn't agitate or upset them further?

x


Getting to the other side smile

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Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:Stay calm, calm music, say stuff to placate them if possible.Then go away and have a cry and a rant. I imagine the cocktail of drugs plus the pain will mess with your mums mind alot. frown...more so as time goes on

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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_Aime_
_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings
Member Since: 2nd Jan 2004
Total posts: 4172
Posted:Give them time to speak.

Try not to finish their sentances, and if you must - do it gently.



Listen, and make it look like you're listening.



Try an initiate things where you can, so they dont have to start the conversation and get muddled half way through.



For example when I see a resident touch their face and look around on the table I'll say "Oh dear I forgot to put your glasses on, let me try and find them for you - save you getting up".

With out me intervening or being there they would have tried to get up and look for their glases themselves, and most probably forget what they were looking for halfway way through looking, be up out of the chair in a dangerous position, confused, and angry at themselves for being confused.



It's going to be a challenge, best of luck to you.



hug

EDITED_BY: Aime (1183370026)


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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:smile

Good... thanks girls... that's good advice.


Getting to the other side smile

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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:I'm sorry to hear that Clare. hug

Aime, you are wise beyond your years hug

Mech, where do you want to go? Anywhere for you sweetie! How about a trip to a fun fair. You can have fun watching me go on all the rides and being sick ubblol


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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mcp
mcp

Flying Water Muppet
Location: Edin-borrow.
Member Since: 20th May 2003
Total posts: 5276
Posted:
Non-Https Image Link


"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.

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BamBam
BamBam

Pooh-Bah
Location: London
Member Since: 1st Dec 2001
Total posts: 1810
Posted:Stay calm when you're around her Princess, you will have time to reflect, but right now you need to stay strong.

We're all thinking and praying for you and your family.

Lisa
xx


A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.

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BansheeCat
veteran
Location: lost
Member Since: 29th Jul 2005
Total posts: 1247
Posted:hug ubblove hug grouphug hug2 ubblove ubbangel

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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bluecat
bluecat

geek, level 1
Location: everywhere
Member Since: 15th Dec 2002
Total posts: 5300
Posted:as you know, ros and i are thinking of you a lot, darling.

hug


Holistic Spinner (I hope)

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faith enfire
faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin
Member Since: 27th Jan 2006
Total posts: 3556
Posted:maybe we can write an escape story to help cheer her up, and get her out of the hospital just for a little while wink

my grandfather has dementia so the confusion we are used to. what I can suggest is never tell them their wrong in so few words. try "well, we can try *blank* Oh you know, maybe we could do *blank* too" Because then they don't feel silly for making a contribution and you validate it. He has a hard time with the timeline. My aunt also tried the swooping in and saving the day, but my dad knew that it helped her feel important and he knew what he did. It was frustrating but she wanted to feel like she did something to help.

I know this part is hard, try deep breaths and go for a walk when you need to. And remember we are all thinking of you and sending mental hugs hug


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:frown

Very quick update as I'm going to stay at dad's for a couple of days...

Mum's confusion this morning was most likely due to a night of non-sleep.

My brother and I are getting on better since Thursday... it's grand, I got over my ego smile

Mum deteriorated this afternoon... She's in bed now... and she said goodbye to my brother and I before we left tonight ubbcrying

But... we're trying to get her into a Hospice for tomorrow or Wednesday, so that's good.

She's like a little, pale, bag of potatoes under some hospital sheets...

hug


Getting to the other side smile

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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:frown hug ubblove

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Yakumo
Yakumo

veteran
Location: Oxfordshire
Member Since: 31st May 2006
Total posts: 1237
Posted:I've been through this to an extent, with 2 girlfriends, and a good friend (their fathers in all cases).

much sympathy, and empathy.

hug


Blinded by Hyperlights, please donate generously grin

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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:I hope you get her a hospice place tomorrow hug

We're still here if you need us hug


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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squarefish
(...trusty steed of the rodeo midget...)
Location: the state of flux
Member Since: 23rd Sep 2002
Total posts: 403
Posted:Eimear and I are holding you and yours in our thoughts and our heart.

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The Tea Fairy
The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2004
Total posts: 853
Posted:hug Good luck with everything.

Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Hope the day was okay at least. hug

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Glåss
Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 8th Nov 2001
Total posts: 2523
Posted:Hugs to you clare hug

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strugz
strugz

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Southampton - Possibly...
Member Since: 6th Mar 2002
Total posts: 3964
Posted:I cant express how much i feel for your loss in words, text, pictures or anything.......

all i can do from here is give you lots of these:

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

It just doesnt seem enough....

My thoughts are with you and all your family smile

Will call you when i get out of work hug


"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."

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Helen_of_Poi
Helen_of_Poi

lapsed spinner
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Member Since: 28th Apr 2004
Total posts: 412
Posted:To clarify Strugz's post above, Clare just sent a message around saying that unfortunately, her mother passed away at 1.45pm today.

Hon, I am so sorry. These are dark and difficult days. You'll be really busy, there will be people everywhere, there will be decisions to make...it's a hectic time. Or it was for me at least. I never knew that my family had so many friends, and so many people to support us - it was really helpful and comforting. It also meant that I never had a minute to myself and came near to having panic attacks from something ressembling claustraphobia.

Remember, there are no "right" and "wrong" ways to grieve. Don't listen to anyone who tells you what you "should" be feeling. Lots of feelings will come, in their own time. Not necessarily when you expect or choose them to.

This is pretty much as dark as it gets. There is no more bad news to hear. The finality is horrible, I know, and the loneliness is acute.

I wish there was something helpful I could say, but instead i'll just send hugs

hug hug hug


Helen_of_Poi

EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team

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UCOF
UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel

Member Since: 17th Apr 2002
Total posts: 15414
Posted:What I said in the text smile

hug


Forever.


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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:hug frown

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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