Page: ......
_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side smile


_3C_Daywalker
215 posts
Location: Dublin!


Posted:
Hey Clare, I know i haven't posted in a looong time, but my thoughts are always with you!

hug

Speed of Dark: As yet unmeasured, but believed to be faster than light owing to its ability to move so quickly out of light's way. -- Terry Pratchett

[total number of times I've been hit in the head with poi: 10! <--- Double Digits!!!!]


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Thanks everyone...



And thanks for your thoughts... as always, spot on biggrin xx



I put my emotions to one side when I'm with my mum, obviously, because you just do...



But, I don't think I have anyone close enough to me who feels they have to put my emotions before theirs on any type of regular basis.... fortunately for them, I guess.



There's a couple of people on here who have had to listen to me cry, hard, about my mum... thank you Step and Rob hug



I'm glad you had someone like Cole Lisa... smile



It's a strange little hierarchy of grief and support... with each person taking some of the pain and diluting it.
EDITED_BY: _Clare_ (1180636204)

Getting to the other side smile


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hello again...

I could probably witter on for hours about my fragile emotional state... but it's even boring me at this stage.

To say it's 'not good' isn't really news to anyone.

As for mum and dad... she continues to get slower, and is having good days and bad (yesterday was good, today is shaky). She's still in good spirits, though.

He is still being great.. and is finally taking time to himself by doing the garden. He does seem exhausted, though.

Instead... I thought I'd point out some of the amusing physical things that have happened to me on the journey...

These are all a result of being run down, sad and not really looking after myself as well as possible...

* Hair loss... goddamit, my hair is falling out. It's become really thin and even more fuzzy than usual! My hairdresser says it's due to stress and a bad diet. I'm taking vitamins smile

* Spots in strange places... Probably due to 'stress' and bad diet too. I don't often get spots, but I have some itchy ones on my shoulders and occasional lurkers around my mouth. They're not really spots though... more like kindof red lumps. Urgh.

* Dry lips... I always get this anyways, but it's through not drinking enough water or looking after myself.

* Sore shoulders... I'm guessing through keeping tension in my shoulders. If I was more disciplined, I'd stretch every night, but I'm not, so instead I have sore shoulders.

* Brittle nails... as with dry lips and thining hair.

* Losing weight... I'm still eating something, so not really sure how this is happening.

* Physical symptoms of exhaustion (bags under eyes, general paleness)... because I'm not sleeping properly, or crying myself to sleep which leads to a restless sleep.


Hmmm... when you stand back and look at it with a bit of perspective and distance, it's interesting to think of the effect the mind and heart can have on the body...


x

Getting to the other side smile


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
(and yes... I am oh so hot right now ubblol)

Getting to the other side smile


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
Hot? your always "hot" lovely lady devil

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
But seriously Clare, all those symptoms go with extreme stress. Take the time for yourself like everyone keeps telling you. spank
Walk around with a water bottle if nothing else - that's pretty easy (can you drink the tap water in your neck of the woods like we can here?? if so, should be easy to refill it as you walk past the tap).

I could go on but you've heard it all before! smile It's time for you to start touching your nose instead of just trying to do it...

Look after yourself girl.
hug hug heart hug hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Bah... I'm trying, I just get distracted easily...

I don't have any excuse... especially since Durbs bought me an attractive pink Princess water bottle for my birthday ubblol


Non-Https Image Link

Getting to the other side smile


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
Make sure to get some minerals, too... calcium and magnesium for the nails and iron helps with the hair and the paleness, too smile

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
b6 and general b complex helps with joints and deep sleep
don't take too much though cause you could sleep walk like I did

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
marmite - that's what you need - it's full of B vitamins and other such goodness!!

biggrin



(love the drink bottle - great choice Durbs!)

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Yes indeed... my friends love me biggrin

Not sure what's in the vitamins I'm taking (ahem)... but it's an A-Z vitamin and also vitamins specifically for hair and nails... should do the trick... eventually smile

And marmite tastes like burnt slime. Bleurgh.

G'night x

Getting to the other side smile


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
A-Z usually has the minerals in it. Otherwise they couldn't be saying Z for zinc biggrin

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


devkevSILVER Member
discoverer of phat and poigling
292 posts
Location: North London.. England


Posted:
love and hugs to you ...big hugs
hug hug hug hug

its all about the fun fun fun fun and more fun...


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
good call on the marmite clare! It IS burnt slime!! ubblol

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
eek How could you say that??!!

It's such a versatile and helpful item, it should be called "black gold"! You can use it to zesty up soup's or casseroles, but of course it's at it's best when mixed with approx equal parts marg/butter & spread on toast.
If that's burnt slime, then I better start bottling and selling slime before someone else twigs to it!

Now if you'd said "Vegemite is burnt slime" well THEN I might have understood... ubblol

George

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Urgh either way...

tongue

Jo, hope you're doing ok... thanks Birgit...

Good to see you kev... was thinking about you yesterday smile hug

I'm off on a boat trip with the parents... it's sunny and warm and I intend to get slightly crispy.

(lobster red is better than deathly white, yes?!)

Then I'm off to Lisa's big house/pool party later tonight... that should be awesome smile

Have a good weekend

x

Getting to the other side smile


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
Have a great weekend Clare.
Remember look after yourself! *nag nag*

hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


newgabeSILVER Member
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia


Posted:
Indeed! Let earth receive your feet, the green trees fill you with life and the blue sky open your mind to infinite love!
(Oh and have a good weekend...)

.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
oooh boat trip have fun, and let your mind drift like the boat hug

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
smile

Thanks m'lovelies...

Has been an interesting few days...

Friday's boat trip was great... parents really enjoyed it, it was great weather and very pretty. But mum completely overdid it, flapping about, worrying about stuff, and she practically ran up a very steep gangway that she shouldn't have... with the result that on Saturday and Sunday her energy was completely gone.

She spent both days sitting in the living room, kindof slumped in the chair and not even able to speak. She said her eyes and head felt cloudy and she just couldn't do anything.

But, yesterday she was much better, much happier, relatively bouncing and delighted that the energy slump of the weekend was not permanent.

So all is as normal as can be right now.



I had a good time on Friday day, and it was good to see Dad wandering round the boat, enjoying the time by himself.

Friday night at Lisa's (faberge) party (which was great smile ), I cried on a few people then spent the rest of the night spinning - so that was great. Lisa (bams) warned me that parties were hard... and she's right.

It's a strange situation - people want to ask how you are, but you don't really want to go into details, cos you know you will cry on them accidentally, and you also know some people can't handle that... you have to pick and choose your victims smile (none of whom minded, of course, because they rock biggrin)

Saturday was spent bimbling about in the rain, then visiting mum that night... it was so upsetting to see her that low... I ended up crying on them too. Came home that night and contacted about 11 people to see if they were available for emotional stuff... and no-one was. This was a bit hard, but also good practice.

Johnny has been reminding me recently about how this is a very special time for me, when I will become much stronger, with less need to rely on others in all parts of my life... times like Saturday night is the practice for that - so it was positive, in the end.

Sunday was spent under the duvet feeling miserable, then seeing parents, who were also feeling miserable... lol, it was raining heavily all day though, so it kindof fitted. And I brought round some of the lovely Jasmine tea LazyAngel sent from China... so we watched the jasmine bulbs expand and grow in the water smile (thanks mister!!)

Monday, all was better. Mum was happy, with energy again... so it passed on to the rest of us, and we were all happier too.

I even did some shopping smile So I can eat now... yum.

Hmm... think that's it... she's back on steriods again, so her stomach and face are very bloated, but she's in good spirits, so that's the most important thing.

take care
Clarex

Getting to the other side smile


bluecatgeek, level 1
5,300 posts
Location: everywhere


Posted:
hug

tongue

Holistic Spinner (I hope)


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
Sounds like an ace weekend biggrin

I know what you mean about parties... I usually stay away from people when bad stuff happens, but you can't do that forever (and the "good" ones will notice anyway). But if someone cries on me, I LOVE to give a hug and some advice, but it always makes ME cry, too, which is a bit stupid. Especially considering that I'm usually "tough" and "unemotional" when it's about myself ubblol

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
hug hug hug
It's all "training" Clare! Keep it up.

George

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


LazyAngelGOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK


Posted:
glad you enjoyed the tea smile
hug

Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Things were good this week... but it's been a bit down this weekend.

It comes in waves, feeling good - you know it won't last, and it doesn't.

That said, did productive things yesterday... Dad came round to help me cut back the jungle that was my garden, so it was nice to spend some time with him. Then mum and I finally got on with my question/answer thingy...

And I found out that mum had about 80 boyfriends before she married dad, aged 35!!!

And before you are horrified (like I was - as well as mildly amused), we're talking about a very strong Christian woman from rural Ireland - so a 'boyfriend' was someone you went out for dinner with, or out for a walk with. It was never more than hugs or, on the very rare occasion, a kiss! ubblol

(Certainly not, she said in a disgusted tone, 'the kindof jumping in and out of bed with everyone that passes by that goes on nowadays'! smile )

Still, can't help but laugh when she talks about her 'one night stands'... the meaning has changed a bit since she was a girl!

Meh... guess this is what it's all about now... sharing stories.

She even told me last night that she had a tape of my grandfather (who died three years before I was born)! I'd never heard it before... it was interesting... he sounded like a country man with a cheeky sense of humour.



Anyways... back to the bad stuff.

Despite the sunshine and 'every reason to be cheerful'... I'm just not feeling it.

Everything is piling in on my mind at the same time - so all of these things are there, and take turns at being my main cause of worry throughout the day...

* Mum: guilt about not being there enough and not coping well enough. Mum also told me yesterday that when her Dad died she didn't mourn him until well after the funeral and after everybody else was ok. She said she didn't let it affect her work... I don't think she understands why I'm so affected, and I think she feels I'm not coping well enough (well, it's a bit more than I think it... I know it). Dad is working too hard and I'm worried about what's going to happen to him when she goes.

(That said, BamBam gave me great advice (and it's great life advice too) about not mourning things before they happen... I've been trying to keep with that)

* Work: guilt about not doing enough, not getting enough gigs, not paying people quickly enough (because they always ask). There's always more to be done and more demands and pressures to meet. It sucks up so much time, and never seems to get anywhere. People say they understand, but I don't think anyone really does... it's my problem, so they don't feel like they should be inconvenienced.

* House: it's a complete mess and stuff keeps breaking (like the washing machine). I realise this is a small point, but it's just another thing I don't seem to have control over.

* Friends: Still having big problems with having to do this alone.
I feel angry and frustrated that I've spent so much time being there for other people so often and now no-one is here for me (please don't be offended by this... I know I have lots of people I can call, and it is very, very appreciated, and thank you for the support (I'd be fcked without it), it's just a different thing from actually having someone here).
I really am that childish. I want to stamp my foot and cry out 'why'?
Some friends I can rely on to be there, some I can't, but I feel guilty for being negative so often to these people who phone up to check that I'm ok. It feels like some are avoiding me because of it.

I'm also getting more paranoid because of this... I asked a friend today if that negativity was why she hadn't been in touch... she replied 'but we didn't talk much before this either'... and that was true.

I've been very open about this with people I don't really know so well, and so shouldn't be hurt when I don't hear from them.

I have no idea why I am... I guess I just can't understand much these days.

If you're my friend and reading this... please, don't be offended by my last point. I use this thread to be open, it's not necessarily sane or logical or true... it's just what is in my head at the time.

There's no advice anyone can give me on what I'm doing right or wrong...

The only reason I'm writing this down here is because it gets it off my chest and because maybe other people will identify with it when they're going through a similar experience.

It's just part of this crappy journey.

Sorry frown

Getting to the other side smile


UCOFSILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales


Posted:
*lick*
Thinking of you Claire kiss


(also, I found you a new Friend ubblol )

_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Lol, god that would be so appropriate... biggrin

I was thinking of getting a dog or cat... or fish (better than a baby, anyways biggrin).

(but am allergic to cats, also to dog's teeth)

When in my normal mind, I don't think you should substitute feelings of insecurity by giving love to a small, defenceless creature (or expecting it back)... but right now, I can appreciate why it would be a distraction.

smile

Maybe I should get an electronic pet... so I just have to change the batteries when it dies smile

Getting to the other side smile


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
Do you not already have one of those...? rolleyes

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
No, that's a quote from Glass, not from Clare, Neon... read those signatures properly! spank

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


GlåssDIAMOND Member
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom


Posted:
how about an old dog with no teeth?
biggrin

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