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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx


Getting to the other side smile

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Durbs
Durbs

Classically British
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Member Since: 23rd Sep 2001
Total posts: 5688
Posted:(Hot milk & nutella usually inspires feelings of warmth and yum)

wink

hug


Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

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georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted:hug hug hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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duballstar
duballstar

slack rating - 9.5
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay
Member Since: 3rd Sep 2003
Total posts: 2216
Posted:Awwwww... Clare - you have my thoughts and love.

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug


It is our fantasies that make us real. Without our fantasies we're just a blank monkey' - Terry Pratchett

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Neon_Shaolin
Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Member Since: 13th Jul 2005
Total posts: 6120
Posted:I think the numb feeling is just your mind's way of allowing you to cope with the formalities and practicalities without the emotional baggage hindering you at every step reducing you to being able to do nothing but wallow in the sadness.



Also (sorry for the very cold analogy) after more than a year on a rollercoaster, the ride is over. The constant to-and-fro-ing from ups and downs has come to a standstill and everything is still now. So not feeling anything isn't that surprising.



It may be that once everything is 'done with' ,as it were, it may come back and will almost certainly be overwhelming. It's far too early to expect to feel yourself 'feeling alive'.



Instead of trying to control your feelings and thinking 'If I don't stop feeling like this I'll go mad!'. Instead think 'I'm mad anyway!' and just ride with it.



All I offer you are more of these... hug hug hug spank hug


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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Brenn
Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 28th Jun 2004
Total posts: 3286
Posted:Numb interludes during and after hardship is normal, I can assure you hug Just ride it out.

There is no right or wrong way to feel, just feel what your mind and body wants to feel. suppressing that is destructive.

Keep fighting the good fight. hug hug hug hug


ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

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Dom
Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK
Member Since: 19th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3009
Posted:The mind can be clever. It'll turn off all the switches and then flick them on one at a time and slowly work back to a new fullness.

hug


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BansheeCat
veteran
Location: lost
Member Since: 29th Jul 2005
Total posts: 1247
Posted:Let it be...You will come back to yourself ! Dont dwell on it in the meantme-- trust, stay simple, and the flow will begin again. Maybe try seeing it as restful?
Chocolate nousse helps... wink hug


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Glåss
Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 8th Nov 2001
Total posts: 2523
Posted:I prescribe a visit to play festival in a couple of weeks.
With all the fluffy happy people.
That'll sort you out wink


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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:Glass I'll raise you a visit to play, bar of chocolate and a sleep over at Hyperloop central with some of her favourite HoPpers.

Come and Play Clare. We love you!


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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splinterific
splinterific

enthusiast

Member Since: 12th Mar 2007
Total posts: 248
Posted:a bit late in my response yes, but I feel I should post. I first met you a few months ago and i have to say, your personality shone (SP?), you struck me as an incredibly strong person and then when i read back on all that has happened then im overcome with awe.

I'm sorry you have endured such pain but i know your mother is very proud of you for what you have done and god knows I'm proud to know you.

you have many friends down here but if you ever happen to be stuck in Dublin airport gimme a shout cause im only near...

my thoughts will be with you all day and I wish you all the best for the future

Mark


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faith enfire
faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin
Member Since: 27th Jan 2006
Total posts: 3556
Posted:more hug
one from scrappydecooke too hug
IOW, SE Wisconsin sends it's hug


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:It's numb and angry today... but more than anything, just sad.

I'm feeling lonely in company - despite the inevitable bread, chocolate mousse and beautiful guitar wink

You know I'd love to go to Play lads, and you know I can't frown


Am trying to keep on doing stuff and stay positive... I'm not really horrendously sad or upset, like I was in April and May... but just... kindof like this:


Non-Https Image Link


Getting to the other side smile

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:(but thanks for sticking by me and always sending love... xx)

Getting to the other side smile

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Durbs
Durbs

Classically British
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Member Since: 23rd Sep 2001
Total posts: 5688
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


...but just... kindof like this:


Non-Https Image Link




What? Sneezy?

Oh wait...

hug


Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:hug

Getting to the other side smile

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strugz
strugz

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Southampton - Possibly...
Member Since: 6th Mar 2002
Total posts: 3964
Posted: Written by: _Clare_



You know I'd love to go to Play lads, and you know I can't frown





Yes you can!! biggrin rolleyes

hug

Do it do it do it!

ubbrollsmile


"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:umm

Getting to the other side smile

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_Stix_
_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land
Member Since: 15th Feb 2002
Total posts: 2419
Posted:if you want to come Clare, then do.. I don't know your reasons for not being able to come, nor do I want to but if they are to do with other people, then throw caution to the wind and just do what *you* want to do..

you are an incredabley strong lady and I'd love to meet you..

just ignore everyone and follow your heart.


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:I have no intention of posting my reasons.

But they are justified and I'm really not as strong as you all think... I can't be put through anymore painful experiences right now... I think i'd probably collapse in a heap - and that's not fun for anyone.

but thanks xx


Getting to the other side smile

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Durbs
Durbs

Classically British
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Member Since: 23rd Sep 2001
Total posts: 5688
Posted:I know the reasons, but I still think you should come (as you know smile )

But it's your choice, and you know what's best for you...


Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

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Helen_of_Poi
Helen_of_Poi

lapsed spinner
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Member Since: 28th Apr 2004
Total posts: 412
Posted:hug

Sorry we had to head off so early the other day, hope to see you soon. Call if you ever need to hug


Helen_of_Poi

EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team

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_Stix_
_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land
Member Since: 15th Feb 2002
Total posts: 2419
Posted:re the not as strong as you think comment... I think you don't give yourself enough credit hunny hug but one thing at a time.. baby steps.

and the collapsing in a heap..? we all do this from time to time - I'm just picking myself up from stuff that happened to me during the first few months of the year and from what I've read there are plenty of people willing to catch you, soften your fall with you and roll around in the mud with you untill you smile again.. ubbrollsmile

anyway - I shall butt out now as it's not really my position to try to influence you. As I said before 'follow your heart'


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Durbs... I know you do... and thanks. But don't underestimate how massively fcked up I am right now...



Helen... I'm sorry I didn't make it back to the house in time to see you off.



It was really wonderful that you and Martin made the trip up to support us... and thank you for that.



It helped so much to see all my friends there at the church, and the crematorium. Don't know what I would have done without youse!



xx


Getting to the other side smile

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The Tea Fairy
The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2004
Total posts: 853
Posted:I think you're doing ok Clare, even though you say you're really fcked up, you've just been through one of the biggest hardships that life could possibly throw your way.

I can relate to the numbness, and the random bouts of feeling angry or frustrated about things... not from bereavement in my case, but a form of post-traumatic stress disorder I went through. The numbness in particular... I used to have days where I just felt almost like I wasn't really there, I couldn't react or relate to anything at all... no joy, no excitement or curiosity, no interest in the world, even sadness became a kind of neutral state of being.

What everyone says is right though, eventually you will slowly start to get back to your normal self... even that feels a bit uncomfortable at first, because sometimes it just feels like what has happened is so big, so profound, that it should not be forgotten and things should not be able to just go back to normal...

In a way, things will never be quite the same again, but one day you'll find yourself smiling, or laughing, or feelings flooding back that you haven't felt for a long time... you'll grow in new ways and find new ways to be happy. hug


Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted: Written by: The Tea Fairy


even that feels a bit uncomfortable at first, because sometimes it just feels like what has happened is so big, so profound, that it should not be forgotten and things should not be able to just go back to normal...





Nodding my translucent head.

Thanks hug


Getting to the other side smile

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Wild Child
Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2004
Total posts: 1733
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


I have no intention of posting my reasons.

But they are justified and I'm really not as strong as you all think... I can't be put through anymore painful experiences right now... I think i'd probably collapse in a heap - and that's not fun for anyone.

but thanks xx



Clare, been following the thread , not posting but sending thoughts to you anyway hug

Don't come - it's too soon, you'll be too worried about other people worrying about you and you need all your reserves (energy and emotions) just to keep going. you're in a dark cave and that's the right place to be - the entrance is open, you know there's light and love and friendship and support there when you want or need it - the dark is not lonely it's comforting and soothing and allows you to rail and hit rock bottom without hurting yourself or others.

Sorry if I'm being controversial and absolutely no criticism of all your wondeful friends who only want the best for you but I've been through similar and know you'll soon be ready to move to the next step - just not yet.

hug


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted:hug

*makes glowing trail through the dark places in the cave for Clare to follow out when ready*
*makes big bonfire in the clearing out front and sits down waiting for the circle to form*
*sends lots of strength and love into the cave so she doesn't feel alone*

whenever you're ready lovely lady...
I know you're stronger than you say you think you aren't - touch your nose.
hug hug hug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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Neon_Shaolin
Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Member Since: 13th Jul 2005
Total posts: 6120
Posted:Definitely agree with Wild child (hug). Would love to see you again but she's right in you needing your space... frown

If you are still thinking of having a meet in Ireland (understandable if you don't) when you thinking of doing it?

Clare : hug hug hug hug hug hug


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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Brenn
Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 28th Jun 2004
Total posts: 3286
Posted:My deepest condolences, Clare. frown hug

ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

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Icarus
member

Member Since: 30th Sep 2003
Total posts: 165
Posted:Hugs from a stranger... hope tomorrow is better then today... everyday.
hug hug hug


... simplify ...

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