Page: ......
_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side smile


burningoftheclaveySILVER Member
lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
926 posts
Location: over yonder, New Zealand


Posted:
hug hug

on spam robots - "Burn the robot! Melt him down, and then we can make lots and lots of money from his shiiiny juices!"

Owned by Brenn smile


Wild ChildSILVER Member
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
hughughug

'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus


Kombi guyBRONZE Member
HOP OM
225 posts
Location: HOP Central, New Zealand


Posted:
Hey Clare, just sending a BIG hug from the otherside of the globe.
Hope you have good friends helping you through in your time of need.

Sooooo sorry to hear about your loss.



Hugs from NZ

Chris.
hug

SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
Thinking of you today Gorgeous. We will be having a little bit of a silence in our house at the time of the funeral. I'm so sorry we couldn't be there in body for you, but we are most certainly there in spirit. kiss

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


FireTomStargazer
6,650 posts

Posted:
Me 2 hug heart hug

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
*Singing "Funeral for a Friend" to myself on the way home from Kendo*

ditto
Take it easy today Clare. Wish you strength for the day and the masses of people. hug hug hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


BamBamPooh-Bah
1,810 posts
Location: London


Posted:
Thinking of you honey.

XX

A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.


_Stix_Pooh-Bah
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land


Posted:
me too..

I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
i meditated on your mother this morning, and tried to send some energy your way honey

Step (el-nombrie)


=Flashpoint=SILVER Member
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom


Posted:
thinking of you and yours.
hug

ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
ubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmile


BasstonesGOLD Member
Do you do the poiz?
530 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
Clare,

I'm so sorry to hear the news. The fact that she was in clear mind til the end and pain free is an incredible blessing. Reading your posts has had tears rolling down my face, I can't express how sorry I am for your loss.

Something that my dad told my brother and I after mum passed has stuck with me. Although mum may physically be gone, it doesn't still mean you can't talk to her. Not necessarily praying but deep inside you know how she would feel to any question you ask. I have found myself turning within myself and knowing that mum is right beside me and supporting me with my decisions. If you are in doubt you can still turn to her and know what she would say. To the extent that I can even see her facial expressions.

This thread is a legacy for the amount of love and support that there is for you. People all around the world have been drawn to you and your mother and the love that you have shared, that support and friendship will still be here when you need it.

Scream, laugh, cry, smile... Don't ever feel you are not grieving correctly. We all go through stages which aren't worth fighting, just let it out.

"In the end there is only fire and a waterfall"


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
hug



Thanks everyone...



HoP crew... thanks so much for the wishes, thoughts... and everything else you have sent to me and my family smile



Not really going to go into details just now...



But for the first time in my life I can't feel anything.



People I have spoken to (usually guys) say they don't feel emotion... and I haven't been able to understand them because I feel so many emotions, fully, all the time.



But now I don't... I just don't feel anything.



And I really don't like it. It feels like I'm living half a life... without the colour, the fullness and the experience. It's just existing.



This is a big time of change, and the change will be welcomed... though I'm unsure of what will come from it.



With love

xx

Getting to the other side smile


burningoftheclaveySILVER Member
lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
926 posts
Location: over yonder, New Zealand


Posted:
i know the feeling clare, like your hearts suddenly gone numb..i think its all part of the motions.. dont worry about it even while others around you are really feeling the loss, its ok not to cry too! lots of love your way hun, thinking of you today lots of big squishy hugs

on spam robots - "Burn the robot! Melt him down, and then we can make lots and lots of money from his shiiiny juices!"

Owned by Brenn smile


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
(Hot milk & nutella usually inspires feelings of warmth and yum)

wink

hug

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
hug hug hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


duballstarSILVER Member
slack rating - 9.5
2,216 posts
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay, United Kingdom


Posted:
Awwwww... Clare - you have my thoughts and love.

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

It is our fantasies that make us real. Without our fantasies we're just a blank monkey' - Terry Pratchett


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
I think the numb feeling is just your mind's way of allowing you to cope with the formalities and practicalities without the emotional baggage hindering you at every step reducing you to being able to do nothing but wallow in the sadness.



Also (sorry for the very cold analogy) after more than a year on a rollercoaster, the ride is over. The constant to-and-fro-ing from ups and downs has come to a standstill and everything is still now. So not feeling anything isn't that surprising.



It may be that once everything is 'done with' ,as it were, it may come back and will almost certainly be overwhelming. It's far too early to expect to feel yourself 'feeling alive'.



Instead of trying to control your feelings and thinking 'If I don't stop feeling like this I'll go mad!'. Instead think 'I'm mad anyway!' and just ride with it.



All I offer you are more of these... hug hug hug spank hug

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


BrennPLATINUM Member
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia


Posted:
Numb interludes during and after hardship is normal, I can assure you hug Just ride it out.

There is no right or wrong way to feel, just feel what your mind and body wants to feel. suppressing that is destructive.

Keep fighting the good fight. hug hug hug hug

ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy


DomBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK


Posted:
The mind can be clever. It'll turn off all the switches and then flick them on one at a time and slowly work back to a new fullness.

hug

BansheeCatBRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada


Posted:
Let it be...You will come back to yourself ! Dont dwell on it in the meantme-- trust, stay simple, and the flow will begin again. Maybe try seeing it as restful?
Chocolate nousse helps... wink hug

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."


GlåssDIAMOND Member
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom


Posted:
I prescribe a visit to play festival in a couple of weeks.
With all the fluffy happy people.
That'll sort you out wink

SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
Glass I'll raise you a visit to play, bar of chocolate and a sleep over at Hyperloop central with some of her favourite HoPpers.

Come and Play Clare. We love you!

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


splinterificGOLD Member
enthusiast
248 posts
Location: Ireland


Posted:
a bit late in my response yes, but I feel I should post. I first met you a few months ago and i have to say, your personality shone (SP?), you struck me as an incredibly strong person and then when i read back on all that has happened then im overcome with awe.

I'm sorry you have endured such pain but i know your mother is very proud of you for what you have done and god knows I'm proud to know you.

you have many friends down here but if you ever happen to be stuck in Dublin airport gimme a shout cause im only near...

my thoughts will be with you all day and I wish you all the best for the future

Mark

faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
more hug
one from scrappydecooke too hug
IOW, SE Wisconsin sends it's hug

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
It's numb and angry today... but more than anything, just sad.

I'm feeling lonely in company - despite the inevitable bread, chocolate mousse and beautiful guitar wink

You know I'd love to go to Play lads, and you know I can't frown


Am trying to keep on doing stuff and stay positive... I'm not really horrendously sad or upset, like I was in April and May... but just... kindof like this:


Non-Https Image Link

Getting to the other side smile


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
(but thanks for sticking by me and always sending love... xx)

Getting to the other side smile


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


...but just... kindof like this:


Non-Https Image Link




What? Sneezy?

Oh wait...

hug

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
hug

Getting to the other side smile


strugzBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,964 posts
Location: Southampton - Possibly..., United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_



You know I'd love to go to Play lads, and you know I can't frown





Yes you can!! biggrin rolleyes

hug

Do it do it do it!

ubbrollsmile

"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
umm

Getting to the other side smile


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