Page: ......
_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side smile


BamBamPooh-Bah
1,810 posts
Location: London


Posted:
Stay calm when you're around her Princess, you will have time to reflect, but right now you need to stay strong.

We're all thinking and praying for you and your family.

Lisa
xx

A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.


BansheeCatBRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada


Posted:
hug ubblove hug grouphug hug2 ubblove ubbangel

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."


bluecatgeek, level 1
5,300 posts
Location: everywhere


Posted:
as you know, ros and i are thinking of you a lot, darling.

hug

Holistic Spinner (I hope)


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
maybe we can write an escape story to help cheer her up, and get her out of the hospital just for a little while wink

my grandfather has dementia so the confusion we are used to. what I can suggest is never tell them their wrong in so few words. try "well, we can try *blank* Oh you know, maybe we could do *blank* too" Because then they don't feel silly for making a contribution and you validate it. He has a hard time with the timeline. My aunt also tried the swooping in and saving the day, but my dad knew that it helped her feel important and he knew what he did. It was frustrating but she wanted to feel like she did something to help.

I know this part is hard, try deep breaths and go for a walk when you need to. And remember we are all thinking of you and sending mental hugs hug

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
frown

Very quick update as I'm going to stay at dad's for a couple of days...

Mum's confusion this morning was most likely due to a night of non-sleep.

My brother and I are getting on better since Thursday... it's grand, I got over my ego smile

Mum deteriorated this afternoon... She's in bed now... and she said goodbye to my brother and I before we left tonight ubbcrying

But... we're trying to get her into a Hospice for tomorrow or Wednesday, so that's good.

She's like a little, pale, bag of potatoes under some hospital sheets...

hug

Getting to the other side smile


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
frown hug ubblove

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


YakumoSILVER Member
veteran
1,237 posts
Location: Oxfordshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
I've been through this to an extent, with 2 girlfriends, and a good friend (their fathers in all cases).

much sympathy, and empathy.

hug

Blinded by Hyperlights, please donate generously grin


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
I hope you get her a hospice place tomorrow hug

We're still here if you need us hug

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


squarefishSILVER Member
(...trusty steed of the rodeo midget...)
403 posts
Location: the state of flux, Ireland


Posted:
Eimear and I are holding you and yours in our thoughts and our heart.

The Tea FairySILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...


Posted:
hug Good luck with everything.

Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan


FireTomStargazer
6,650 posts

Posted:
Hope the day was okay at least. hug

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink


GlåssDIAMOND Member
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom


Posted:
Hugs to you clare hug

strugzBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,964 posts
Location: Southampton - Possibly..., United Kingdom


Posted:
I cant express how much i feel for your loss in words, text, pictures or anything.......

all i can do from here is give you lots of these:

hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

It just doesnt seem enough....

My thoughts are with you and all your family smile

Will call you when i get out of work hug

"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."


Helen_of_PoiSILVER Member
lapsed spinner
412 posts
Location: Dublin, Ireland


Posted:
To clarify Strugz's post above, Clare just sent a message around saying that unfortunately, her mother passed away at 1.45pm today.

Hon, I am so sorry. These are dark and difficult days. You'll be really busy, there will be people everywhere, there will be decisions to make...it's a hectic time. Or it was for me at least. I never knew that my family had so many friends, and so many people to support us - it was really helpful and comforting. It also meant that I never had a minute to myself and came near to having panic attacks from something ressembling claustraphobia.

Remember, there are no "right" and "wrong" ways to grieve. Don't listen to anyone who tells you what you "should" be feeling. Lots of feelings will come, in their own time. Not necessarily when you expect or choose them to.

This is pretty much as dark as it gets. There is no more bad news to hear. The finality is horrible, I know, and the loneliness is acute.

I wish there was something helpful I could say, but instead i'll just send hugs

hug hug hug

Helen_of_Poi

EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team


UCOFSILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales


Posted:
What I said in the text smile

hug


Forever.

SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
hug frown

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
honey - nothing can express the feelings i have for you right now

the dark may never have seen closer or stronger than it does now for you. but you are strong, and while youdont feel it, you are.

there will be things you will regret, there always is, but at least you wrote your letter, and you know you have said thinsg to her you where afraid to say.

i am sorry for your loss honey, but really she is not gone, not forever, she lives on is you, and if you choose to have children, she will live in them

she helped to make you teh woman you are, be proud of your mother.

She is proud of you.

i wont call you, mainly as there iwll be lot of people you need to ring, and lot of other trying to ring you, i dont want to add to the pressure of all that.

but i am sending you feelings and energy, please dont think i am not thinking about you, and your family.

grieve how you want. you have earnt that.

you have been a star in teh dark for your family, and now you have to focus your light on yourself to rebuild what you think you have lost.

i will always be around if you need me.

dont be afraid to cry, or to be upset

but please dont focus on the bad, try to wash it away with thoughts of the good times, and happy feelings.

the process may take some time, but it will change

hug

Step (el-nombrie)


animatEdBRONZE Member
1 + 1 = 3
3,540 posts
Location: Bristol UK


Posted:
FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK.

I'm not going to try and console you and tell you everything is ok, because nothing I say has the power to make anything alright again, nor the power to change things.

I will however, say that I'm thinking of you and your family at this very unfortunate time.

Sending you loads of Hugs, and the offer of a crying shoulder anytime. Look after yourself.

hug

Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
When i received your text, my heart plummeted. I am here for you.

All my love. x

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


Pink...?BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom


Posted:
hug2 You know you have a whole load of friends who would drop everything and do whatever you want, whenever you want for you honey.

hug *many many hugs and much sympathy* hug

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
I can't add to what's been said. One thought only (and excuse me if this sounds patronising or tactless, I'm finding it hard to express, but it's really not meant in any negative way).

It feels now that her decline was awfully quick - you all would've wanted to spend more time with her. But you said she was feeling worse, suffering more, getting confused. I'm so sad to hear that she's gone, but I'm also happy, for her, that as Spanner said she lasted longer than expected, and was relatively well for most of it. She didn't have to spend weeks or months completely without control over her mind and body and in unbearable pain, and that is at least some blessing.

All my good wishes for you and your family hug hug hug

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


FireTomStargazer
6,650 posts

Posted:
ubbcrying


Non-Https Image Link

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink


TheBovrilMonkeySILVER Member
Liquid Cow
2,629 posts
Location: High Wycombe, England


Posted:
hug

But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
So... frown frown frown

No words can bring any comfort or bring her back.

I'm glad that her suffering has ended after so long and that you no longer have to 'stay strong' for her.

All I will say is that if at any time you feel guilty about moving on with your life when you feel you should still be mourning, don't. It's early days yet, but carrying on with life isn't disrespectful to her, you'd be honouring her if you did. She raised you to live your life the way that makes you happy. On the other side, don't feel like you need to be cheery when with friends and say you're okay when you're not. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel.

If I wasn't such a f*ckwit and lost my phone with your numbr, I'd text you but I'm sure you don't need another one doing your head in with the bleeping. But do know that I and everyone else are here if you need to talk, cry, rant, laugh, toke, strip, get away. Don't hesitate...

hug

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


YakumoSILVER Member
veteran
1,237 posts
Location: Oxfordshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
hug ubbcrying

Take your time, find your space.
But don't miss out on being with those you love, and who love you, never hide from them thinking they wont want to deal with you when you're upset hug

Blinded by Hyperlights, please donate generously grin


misscorinthianSILVER Member
old hand
784 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom


Posted:
I'm so so sorry to hear that Clare ubbcrying

I haven't posted in here before because I haven't had anything useful to say, but I now feel that I need to thank you, for taking the time to start this thread.

Terminal illness is not a subject that people like to talk about, and so (for me at least) I think there is a great deal of ignorance surrounding it, and fear of the unknown. I thank you for having the courage to talk openly about your experiences, and your mum's journey over the past year or so. For me this thread has been incredibly informative, and it is uplifting to know that there are so many genuinely caring and supportive people in this community.

You and your family are in my thoughts. hug

XLenX

Devoted although mostly absent owner of the 1, the original... Asena


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
hug hug hug
When the cellphone goes in the wee small hours you know it's unlikely to be good news.

As I said in the reply, at least she is at peace now. Take some comfort from that.
If you need anything just holler.

Love, light and strength.
George

* puts on "Funeral for a Friend" *

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


StoutBRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
1,872 posts
Location: Canada


Posted:
frown hug

RaveRepresentSILVER Member
addict
567 posts
Location: USA


Posted:
I send as much hugs as I can, Clare. hughughug

I know times are hard.. But you've got to look up. If you ever need any help, or need to talk to anyone, you can PM me, and I'll reply as quick as I possibly can.

And just like misscorinthian said, I also must thank you for having the courage and bravery to talk about this. I thank you, and I wish you, and your family the best.

hughughug

"I don't know what you are talking about"

"Cardinal!!! Poke her... with the SOFT CUSIONS!!!!"

"Its not working my lord!"

"Have you got all of the stuffing on one end?!"


GnorBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia


Posted:
The post we have all been dreading. Hugs to you and yours.

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu


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