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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx


Getting to the other side smile

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georgemc
BRONZE Member since Oct 2006

georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 2387
Posted:Must be kinda like a truce in the fighting during a war - nice while it lasts but you know the bullets and bombs will be flying again soon...
(well, sorry about that comaparison, but it measn something to me anyway!)

Keep touching your nose girl.
hug hug hug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth

Total posts: 5814
Posted:Kids around me are going off at the minute.

Adults are seesawing and cranky.

Energy does strange things though shrug


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:your roller coaster will stop at some point honey, and you will be able to get off, i know at the moment you are feeling down,and there is little anyone an say to ease your mind.

you cant see the woods for the trees, and its hard, its dark and it is lonely, all the periods in our lives that we face, that are truly harrowing, are lonely times.

take comfort in your mums words, she says them because she loves you, not because she has to, but because she needs to tell you them, before she passes,so that she knows that she wont regret anything, and that you know you are loved.

no matter what happens, nor how your life will change, remember the love she has for you, and while it is easier to remember the bad times, try and hold on in your heart to the good times, like the mazing holidays you had, or the day you went out somewhere and you all laughed.

know you are loved, and even if you don't think you are strong now, the strength is in you, and one day it will come back to you.

faith, not in anything else but you and the love you hold.
its hard honey, you must feel so low, and with so little energy, yet you still fight, im so impressed.

i don't know what you are feeling, all i know is that it must be hard, and it must be hard for you mum to see the hurt and the pain. but you both need to see it.

its times like this you find out who really cares for you, and who is just fare weather friend.

now, go buy a large bar of chocolate, or a new cd, or something to make you feel better, and try to spend 5 mins a day outside of your body.

relax and chill...

hug

laterdays step


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:hug2

Step... you rock.

Thank you so much for your lovely words... you know just the right thing to say smile

Am sending love and hugs... and hope to see you soon hug

Take care mister
xxx


Getting to the other side smile

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


hug2

Step... you rock.

Thank you so much for your lovely words... you know just the right thing to say smile

Am sending love and hugs... and hope to see you soon hug

Take care mister
xxx



right, next time i see you, im showing you my willie

and that should correct the cosmic balance wink

(you are welcome, i wish i was able to say them to your face, i wish i was able to take some of the pain for you, i wish i was able to let you sleep well at night, i wish i was able to make you feel warm and safe again, i wish lots of things for you honey

however what i cant wish for is what i think you wish for most, and for that im sorry)


Step (el-nombrie)

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:nana #Step's a lovely sweetheart! Step's a lovely sweetheart!# nana

You've been found out! ubbloco

Having images of you balancing the cosmos on your willy now Step...

I should do a painting... smile


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:(Dave spank rolleyes)



Step...



Hahahha...



Don't be so scared about being lovely... if more guys had the courage to look into their souls and speak from the heart, the world would be a lovelier place biggrin



tongue



Thank you...



xx

EDITED_BY: _Clare_ (1178795847)


Getting to the other side smile

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


(Dave spank rolleyes)

Step...

Hahahha...

Don't be so scared about being lovely... if more guys had the courage to look into their souls and speak from the heart, the world would be a lovelier place biggrin

tongue

Thank you...

xx



no the world would be full of men who where scared to have sex, and so teh human race would DIE!
wink


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:ubblol

But that's why women are stronger... to make sure they aren't scared smile


Getting to the other side smile

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


ubblol

But that's why women are stronger... to make sure they aren't scared smile



no women are stronger cos they have to push a melon through a VERY SMALL HOLE!

wink


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:ubblol

Not all women... some keep their strength for other things rolleyes


Getting to the other side smile

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth

Total posts: 5814
Posted:Its not a melon. Its a block of flats with the awnings out.

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Yeuwww...

ubblol

hug


Getting to the other side smile

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted: Written by: Neon_Shaolin


nana #Step's a lovely sweetheart! Step's a lovely sweetheart!# nana

You've been found out! ubbloco





Dave hun, some of us have always seen that in Mech. I've never known Mech to be anything other than a kind hearted loving person that has a bit of a pervy quirky side (that I happen to adore).

More than once, and probably without even realising it, Mech has said things to me that have changed how I feel about life, myself and people around me... and they were always good things, so I'd like to say Huzzah for Mech and for him putting into words what I was finding hard to articulate to Clare.

Clare I will type out a few recipes... I haven't forgotten. I'm just a bit slow at typing these days. Maybe I'll ask Jon to do it. He types 30x faster than me.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:RIGHT!



YOUR SEEING MY WILLIE TO!



wink



(your faith in my, humbles by soul)

EDITED_BY: mech (1178799208)


Step (el-nombrie)

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:if i say something nice about you Step, will you show me your willy? ubbangel

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:bah, ill show you my willie any time jo, you just need to get me drunk wink

Step (el-nombrie)

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:Clare, it really does get better. It takes an amazing amount of time, and happens little by little, but know that one day you will wake up, and there wont be a huge dark cloud over you, and you will have energy, and time to think about frivilous things, and your life will feel easy again. Really, it will. I could not beleive it, as I was going through my hell, but now I find myself back to the me I recognize-- thank god. For a while there I thought the overwhelmed half mad scared angry and exhausted me had become the reality of my life. Not so.



Some coping skills can be learned from grief counselling and hospice care programs-even ones on line have some tips and descriptions of behaviours that you may identify with. They do help, and at least to recognize that what you are going through is NOT crazy, not at all. In fact it is just a little talked about but integral part of the human experience.We are all dying.



This bit is probably the hardest, the undetermined state. Waiting, anticipation, making up possible stories in your mind. It gets better. I remember feeling releif when my dad died( little did I know things actually could get worse, but that was a different story, not the case for most people- my step mom went awol, and I spent six weeks not knowing what had happened to his remains and if in fact my step mom was even still alive... yikes)



But at first, I thought, yes, Death is a release. Okay, now the wounds can close, and the healing begin. And they will, in time. Treasure the time you have with your mom-- hell with everyone, we never know who is checking out when. It does serve to teach us to live in the moment.Appreciate it.



Clare, you mentionned not being able to trust, not being able to count on anything. I know that feeling well. In Buddist philosphy is demonstrates a core human reality- everything in our existance is transient. There is nothing to count on, stability and security are an illusion, and clinging to the illusion causes more suffering then it cures. Working with that awareness actually did not serve me during my grief and confusion, it made me feel more hopeless, drowning in despair. I needed something to hang on to. I beleive it to be true- all is transient- but what I needed was something more comforting, not so stark.



What I found was in a book by John O Donohue, called Echoes of Eternal Longing. Got it a Tara , the weekend I was with you and James et all. It helped so much, to just remind me that though we may not be able to count on anything, not even ourselves-- we can take solace in the connections we share with everyone- community, friends, family, and share our expereinces. Share them, not necessarily solve them. He talks about how we find ways of bearing our burdens, by redistributing the balance. If you are interested I can pm you more about that.



I isolated myself to a large degree also. And people isolated themselves from me- like the death and the darkness were catching. I got sick of talking about it, and sick of not taking about it, pretending it was all okay was not working either. Out of necessity I got pretty blunt about assessing and expressing my ability to be open or closed with people at any given moment, communicating my needs--as it changed constantly and it was unreasonable to expect any one to be able to discern what I needed from them, never mind actually offer it!



Hanging with my cats and swimming were the best releif in that sense.No pressure. But slowly, I did find those who could share my story, and contribute , and grow through it with me. I stopped judging and being angry with people who could not support me, and forgave that-- accepting they too have their weaknesses, their own lives to live. Ultimately the ability to support yourself through crisis is a useful tool-- it does not mean you will always shut others out. If you do that it is by choice. You can do what needs to be done, and yet still accept help love and support as it is offered ---without depending on it.



Everything is always changing hun, sometimes that is a good thing! and this too shall pass. You will get a break, and heal, and move on.... More will come your way, it always will, but know you will get some peace and move through thte dark times.



Sending lots of love to smooth the way... sorry this is so long!I hope it does not sound like a sermon. I trust you know what is best for you. What you wrote just touched me deeply , as always, because it was so much like my own experience.



The caring and grief process will bring gifts, and you will feel better, really, you will...



xoxox

a


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:BansheeCat how beautiful, thank you for that

you are amazing, and i am so glad that you are here for clare, thank you and a blessing on your soul.

hug


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Yep smile

Thank you Andrea, for taking the time and sharing your soul so freely.

It's not at all a sermon... in fact, you should know I've taken a lot of comfort from what you've written...

I don't want to respond to anything in your post... but just read it, absorb it and take love from it.

Thank you so much hug

Hope you're doing ok xx


Getting to the other side smile

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


Yep smile

Thank you Andrea, for taking the time and sharing your soul so freely.

It's not at all a sermon... in fact, you should know I've taken a lot of comfort from what you've written...

I don't want to respond to anything in your post... but just read it, absorb it and take love from it.

Thank you so much hug

Hope you're doing ok xx



right this is all to nice....

time to ruin it again


Non-Https Image Link


and i choose to belive he is talking about


Non-Https Image Link


ubbangel


Step (el-nombrie)

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Durbs
BRONZE Member since Sep 2001

Durbs

Classically British
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England

Total posts: 5688
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


but then, apparently I think too much at the best of times rolleyes




eek The fiends! Who's been saying such lies wink

hug


Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:tongue

Fiendish indeed... Fiendish is a lovely word. It slithers over your tongue.

I apologise.

Much as I would like to spend my time wandering about not thinking about anything at all... (god, that actually sounds really appealing for once), I can't.

Too easily distracted.

Most often, by mental images of you poncing about in an opera tongue

Miss ya!

xx


Getting to the other side smile

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georgemc
BRONZE Member since Oct 2006

georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 2387
Posted:Mech and BansheeCat - your Karmha points just doubled! Well said, well said.

Clare - whenever and for whatever, I am here (wish I was there tho). Use me, abuse me, rant, cry, laugh - I suspect everyone else who has responded feels the same. Don't shut us out - while we all transient, while we are here, we are all here for you.
grouphug
hug hug hug hug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:ditto george is right! sunny kiss

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:clare, me jonnie and skully chatted this morning, and we think you are ace

plus some other dirty stuff, but on the whole fookin ace biggrin

(ps skully didnt join in the dirty dtuff, cos she was nice smile )


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:redface

Lol... I can just imagine how that conversation went (I mean, the rude one) rolleyes

biggrin

Thanks lads... it's good to know that people are thinking about you. Makes you feel good grouphug

And... as it happens... I'm doing rather well today smile

Had a massive chat with someone on the phone yesterday and they gave me really good, practical advice about how not to miserable. Which was cool, and muchly appreciated smile

Honesty is good. I like it biggrin

Also, the sun is shining, mum is doing grand and I'm starting to get back into my work.

Hurrah.

So, I'm off to change my phone (02 are ridiculously expensive... trying Vodafone instead)... and buy some munchies for Eurovision tonight.

Antti's in the final show smile
I hope the cameras pick him out lots.. so I can heckle from my sofa ubblol

Have a great weekend

xxx


Getting to the other side smile

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animatEd
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK

Total posts: 3540
Posted:oooh... which part of the show is he in?

or do I really have to sit through the whole thing just to spot him...? :s


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Final show...

Y'know the way Riverdance was the final show a few years ago?!

Well... Antti posted in his intro thread about it (I think)... it's going to be a circusy show... with him in it?!

I expect you only need to watch the end... but it'll be worth the build up biggrin

x


Getting to the other side smile

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:clare - your lush (jo is telling me im spelling wrong, but i dont care.....!)

can i come over and see you soon?

(ps this is step smile )


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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