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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx


Getting to the other side smile

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animatEd
animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK
Member Since: 31st Aug 2004
Total posts: 3540
Posted:hug

no words, just hug


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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Glåss
Glåss

The Ministry of Manipulation
Location: Bristol
Member Since: 8th Nov 2001
Total posts: 2523
Posted:PS. Clare, I Like your new signature smile

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UCOF
UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel

Member Since: 17th Apr 2002
Total posts: 15414
Posted:Aaaaaaw Clare, congratulations for writing one of the only posts on HOP that has ever made me cry smile

I think you are fantastic my dear. kiss
I think we all think you are fantastic. kiss

I hope you know you are fantastic. hug

(cos you are smile )


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georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted:ubbcrying
hug hug hug
So proud of you girl...


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:hug hug

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:Phew, I'm glad I wasn't the only one crying after reading this, I thought my tough image might get serious damage!!

So pleased to hear she wasn't in too much pain at the end hug


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted:Yep, that set me off as well ubbcrying but I'm also glad to hear that she went peacefully and pleasantly surprised to find you here with the peace in yourself to share that with us at this time - and to offer condolence to others as well - thank you so much.

You never fail to amaze me, lady hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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squarefish
(...trusty steed of the rodeo midget...)
Location: the state of flux
Member Since: 23rd Sep 2002
Total posts: 403
Posted:Crying now , will see you tuesday.

martin


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faith enfire
faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin
Member Since: 27th Jan 2006
Total posts: 3556
Posted:hug before I head home...I'll be sure to include you and yours in my prayers tonight that you find some peace

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:I'm glad to here there are other HoPpers crying over this post or I'd feel kinda stupid redface

hug grouphug hug2
It is wonderful that you could be there for her and I am sure she appreciated it greatly


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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jo_rhymes
jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops
Member Since: 10th Apr 2005
Total posts: 4525
Posted:Clare, Jonny's right, you are fantastic, and I'm so proud to call you a friend!

hug sending you all the love in the world hug


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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georgemc
georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch
Member Since: 16th Oct 2006
Total posts: 2387
Posted: Written by: UnderControlOrFailure


Aaaaaaw Clare, congratulations for writing one of the only posts on HOP that has ever made me cry smile


Now Jon, we ALL know that deep down you're a caring sensitive guy biggrin
But dammit, I caught myself the other day (or rather Clare did) - getting upset while we're supposed to be the ones being strong to help her...
Like the eloquent Mr UCOF said Clare - you are Fantastic with a capital "F" and we are all proud of the way you have been coping with all this and putting yourself out there through this thread. You are helping an awful lot of people and I don't know how we can thank you properly for that. (And you thought it was all about you??!)

Take care. I'm going searching for the otter house myself later - I think that's grand.
hug ubblove


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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Yakumo
Yakumo

veteran
Location: Oxfordshire
Member Since: 31st May 2006
Total posts: 1237
Posted:That really did bring tears to my eyes too, thank you so much for going to the effort of writing that for us, I don't think we've ever actually met yet even fleetingly, but I've enjoyed seeing you on HoP, and your so cared for by people I love very much it rubs off, I wish I could join you on Tuesday, my thoughts will be with you.

Blinded by Hyperlights, please donate generously grin

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BansheeCat
veteran
Location: lost
Member Since: 29th Jul 2005
Total posts: 1247
Posted:I hope we all end up playing together in the Otters house one day...

cant stop crying today Clare, but am strangely hapy for you too, you did so well, and gave us all so much.
love
a


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Ade
Are we there yet?
Location: australia
Member Since: 14th Mar 2001
Total posts: 1897
Posted:Clare I have no words for you, except thank you for being an amazing human being

smile


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pineapple pete
pineapple pete

water based
Location: melbourne
Member Since: 20th Sep 2004
Total posts: 5125
Posted:im amazed by you clare.. your presence on HoP already has really shown me how strong you are hug

"you know there are no trophys for doing silly things in real life yeah pete?" said ant "you wont get a 'listened to ride of the valkyries all the way to vietnam' trophy"

*proud owner of the very cute fire_spinning_angel, birgit and neon shaolin*

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strugz
strugz

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Southampton - Possibly...
Member Since: 6th Mar 2002
Total posts: 3964
Posted:Clare, that was a beautifully written post, your strength in this situation really shines through in it smile

Your mum had a peaceful death, enhanced by the proudness she must have felt for having a daughter like you.....

hug


"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."

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Gayle......!
Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol !!!!!!
Member Since: 9th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2444
Posted:ubbcrying

hug


Gayle.....!

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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:Clare, I'm so glad to be able to say that you are my friend. It's rare to have friends so eloquent, strong, brave and pretty.



You did an amazing thing for your mother. In the last few days, she must have been laying there looking at you and feeling a sense of pride and fulfilment. She and your dad have raise a beautiful woman. That must have given her a lot of joy to see.



Allow the emotions to come and go as they need and remember when the tough ones come along, you have a huge network for friends out here willing to hold you up when your knees buckle. None of the feelings are right and none of them are wrong. They are just stages you need to go through to heal the pain.



I'm thinking of you, as are Jon and all the other people here.



hug

Lynne


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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The Tea Fairy
The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2004
Total posts: 853
Posted:hug I have a tear in my eye too! I think you dealt with things in the best way possible near the end and you are an amazing person for dealing with it all the way you did. I am glad she passed over peacefully. She will still be with you always. hug

Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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BamBam
BamBam

Pooh-Bah
Location: London
Member Since: 1st Dec 2001
Total posts: 1810
Posted:I'll second that George smile

Clare you've been so brave and strong. I just want to throw my arms around you honey hug hug

When dark times come remember to breath - you have a pure bond that can never be broken.

I love you my friend. hug

Lisa

angel


A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:frown

Was doing ok yesterday when I wrote it...

Not so well today...

I used to feel mum's energy... and can't anymore ubbcrying

Feeling a bit paniky.

To those who can see what I'm going through and act accordingly, thank you hug


Getting to the other side smile

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BamBam
BamBam

Pooh-Bah
Location: London
Member Since: 1st Dec 2001
Total posts: 1810
Posted:PM darling

A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.

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Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:You could spend time in photo albums and cry heaps. Crying must be important as we do it heaps. Lots of us are crying with you babe.

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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bluecat
bluecat

geek, level 1
Location: everywhere
Member Since: 15th Dec 2002
Total posts: 5300
Posted:still crying.

hug


Holistic Spinner (I hope)

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Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted:You reminded me of something I thought of the other day during the bad weather we've had recently, regarding depression, but which could just as well apply to your mum's energy:



It's not really the sky which is grey, just the clouds covering it.

You can't always see the blue sky and sun behind them, but they're still there and always will be.



I think what you speak of is something I've been brought up to believe in as the soul.

I know it must feel scary not to feel it right now and I wish I could tell you when you'll feel it again, but I know that you will, probably when you least expect it and it'll make you smile again too... hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:There is so much sorrow these days, it's hard to take. I'm happy for you that you had the chance to say farewell and that your mum has lived a life and raised such a daughter. She must have been a great spirit and what a tragic loss for you and your family.

I hope she can take Maddi by the hand as you said, because I think Maddi was everything but ready to go.

You don't need to be strong now, Clare. Take your time.
Everyone is with you as much as they can - me too.

If I was to be a light my dear, you are a chandelier.

Lots of love and as much support as you need. hug


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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LazyAngel
LazyAngel

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Cambridge UK
Member Since: 29th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2895
Posted:hug
condolences to you, lady, but I'm glad it was a peaceful passing for you mother

strength,love, light
hug


Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi

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Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:Clare hun, don't worry. She is there. She will always be there, because she is forever and will always be part of you.



My dad has been dead nearly 13 years and I still talk to him all the time in my head. When I need help making a decision or I need advice I just ask him and I guess I knew him so well the answers just come to me. Some people choose see that as him talking to me from somewhere else. I just see it as him being part of me forever.



I truly believe that when a person dies a part of who they are is held in everyone that ever loved them, so your mum can never leave you, she is part of your make up now. Maybe for now you are too upset to tune into her presence in you, but you will get it back. I promise you.



ubblove


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:Your mother has seen the circle of life close, in that before she died she realised that she has raised a daughter who's grown up into a beautiful, talented young lady, who was there for her and cared for her when she needed it. I think she knows that you're confident and will make your way, and she is at ease now.

From what you've said about your mum, she was a practical, no-nonsense person. I think it would be like her, even in spirit, not to linger on for long if there are things that need doing. Part of her energy, I think, has simply found its place. Maybe she's reunited with people she's lost, or found someone who is lonely and needs her. I agree with Spanner that from time to time you will feel her presence, maybe it will just take some time to tune in because it's from further away now than it used to be, like when you come out of a noisy club and can't hear someone whispering next to you.

The other part is within you, your brother, your dad, and all the other people she's touched. You can't feel it yourself because it is a part of you, but it will always be there, as Skully says. It's part of what makes you so special, and other people who knew her, I'm sure, can see it when they look at you, hear you talking, watch you perform etc.

hug2


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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