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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx


Getting to the other side smile

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Yep... you can.

All my friends are welcome here... smile

(Bring Jon, Skully and Jo with you too!!)

Take care
Clare x


Getting to the other side smile

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Yippeeeeeee! I can't wait to come and see you Clare (this is Skully again now. I wrestled Mech off the laptop). As soon as funds allow I'm so on the Ferry!!! kiss

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:me too!! bounce hug ubblove

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:Ok so finally I get around to typing out a few recipes... Yes I know, I'm a slacker. Sorry!

I'll start with some soups that you can make in advance and freeze. That way even on days when there is no time to cook your mum and dad can have something filling and yummy without any of the work.

Buckwheat & Potato Soup

Medium sized Potato 1
Medium sized onion 1
Vegetable stock 1 1/2 pint (900ml)
Buckwheat 4 oz (100g)
Parsley, chopped 2 tbsp (30ml)
Oregano 1/2 tsp (2.5ml)
yeast extract (Marmite)1 tsp
Milk 1 pt (568ml)
Soya sauce 1 tsp (5ml)
Salt and pepper to taste

Chop the potato and onion. Bring the stock to the boil in a saucepan, then add the buckwheat, Vegetables, Parsley, Oregano and yeast extract. Simmer, covered, for about 1/2 hour, until the buckwheat and vegetables are tender. After 15 mins, check to see if the cooking liquor has been absorbed. If necessary, stir in half the milk. When cooked allow to cool slightly and blend down the mix whilst adding in slowly the remaining milk. Add the soya sauce and seasoning, then reheat to serving temp. More or less milk can be added in his stage to bring the soup to the required thickness. Serve with grated cheese on the top.

Potage Malakoff

Medium sized onion 1
Medium sized potato 1
Large carrot 1
Large tomato 1
Butter or margarine 1 oz (25g)
Few sprigs parsley
Garlic clove, crushed 1
Bay leaf 1
Vegetable stock 2 pt (1.2 lt)
Soy sauce 2 tsp (10ml)
Yeast extract 1 tsp (5ml)
salt and pepper to taste
Spinach, finely shredded 4 0z (100g)

Chop the vegetables. Melt the butter in a saucepan and saut the onion until transparent. Add the remaining ingredients except the spinach. Bring to the boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 mins. Allow to cool before blending. Return to the heat and add the spinach. Simmer for a further 10 mins. Season to taste.

Russian Vegetable soup

Medium sized onion 1
Medium sized potato 1
medium sized parsnip 1
carrots 4 oz (100g)
Butter or margarine 2 oz (50)
Parsley, chopped 2 tbsp (30ml)
mixed herbs 1/2 tsp (2.5ml)
Nutmeg to taste
Vegetable stock 2 pt (1.2 Lt)
small leek 1
Cabbage 2oz (50g)
salt and pepper to taste

Chop the onion, potato, parsnip, and carrots. Melt half the butter in a large saucepan and saut the vegetables gently, stirring occasionally, until the onion is transparent. Add the parsley, herbs, nutmeg and stock and bring to the boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 mins. Leave to cool before blending. Meanwhile, finely shred the leek and cabbage and saut them in the remaining butter until just tender. Add to the blended soup, simmer gently for 10 mins, and adjust seasoning to taste.


I'll type out a few more later. I hope this is the kind of thing you are looking for smile
kiss


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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LazyAngel
GOLD Member since Jul 2004

LazyAngel

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Cambridge UK

Total posts: 2895
Posted:tea is on the way smile hug

Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:On to vegetarian savouries....

Country pasties

Mixed root vegetables, chopped in very small cubes (onion,turnip,carrot,potato, etc) 8 oz (225g)
Cheddar cheese, grated 4 oz (100g)
Sage 1 tsp (5ml)
Salt 1/2 tsp (2.5ml)
Oil 2 tsp (10ml)
Shortcrust Pastry (buy ready made unless you like making the stuff ubblol ) 15 oz (425g)
Egg for glazing (optional)

Combine the first 6 ingredients in a mixing bowl. Roll out the pastry on a lightly floured surface and cut out four 7" (18cm) rounds. Brush the edges with water. Spoon the filling into the centre of each and bring the edges up and together to form a pasty. Seal the edges well. Glaze if you wish with a bit of egg. Place on a baking sheet and bake in the oven at 200 C (400 f/ Gas mark 6) for 15 mins, reduce heat to 170 c (325f/ Gas mark 3) and cook for a further 15-20 mins, until the vegetables are tender when tested.

Serve hot or cold. Again these can be made in advance and kept in an airtight container in the fridge for a couple of days... The pastry does go a bit soggy though with age smile

Basic savoury nut mix

This mix can be used in loads of ways and provides a good protein source. It's also quite more-ish so might help when your mum isn't feeling so much like eating.

basic ingredients

Medium sized onion 1
Butter or margarine 1 oz (25g)
Mixed nuts, peanuts, walnuts, cashews etc 8 oz (225g)
Wholemeal bread 4 oz (100g)
Vegetable stock or water 1/2 pt (300ml)
Yeast extract 2tsp (10ml)
Mixed herbs 1 tsp (5ml)
salt and pepper to taste

First use, Nut roast-

Chop the onions and saut in butter until transparent.Grind the nuts and bread together in a blender until quite fine. Heat the stock and yeast extract to boiling point, then combine all the ingredients together and mix well - the mixture should be fairly slack. Turn into a greased shallow baking dish, level the surface, sprinkle with a few breadcrumbs, and bake in the oven at 180 c (350 f/ gas mark 4) for 30 mins, until golden brown. Garnish with fried onion rings. Serve with veg, roast potatoes... anything you like really.


second use Nut Loaf-

Follow the basic recipe above, but add only 3-4 tbsp (45-50ml) of the stock to give you a firmer mixture. Press half the mixture into a greased and lined 1 lb (450g) loaf tin. Cover with 2 sliced tomatoes and 2 oz (50g) grated cheese and top off with the remaining mixture. Bake as for the above roast. Leave to cool in the tin, then remove carefully. wrap in cling film or greaseproof paper and put in the refrigerator for 1-2 hours. Serve cut in slices with salad or veg. This is also good for picnics in the park, if your mum feel like a bit of fresh air.

Third use Rissoles-

Make up the mix as for the Nut loaf but shape the mix into 6 round patties. Dip the rounds into beaten egg and then breadcrumbs and fry in shallow oil for 3-5 mins each side unil golden brown. These can be served hot or cold.

Forth use Cottage pie-

Make up the mix as for the nut roast, but add sufficient stock to give a loose texture, spoon into an ovenproof dish and top with 1 1/2ib (675g) of seasoned mashed potatoes (you can add a bit of grated cheese to the mash if you want to fatten her up a bit smile Bake in the overn at 200 c (400 f/ gas mark 6) for 20-30 mins, until the potato is crisp and golden.

Fifth use Veggi Scotch eggs-

Follow the recipe for the nut loaf. Shell 4 hard boiled eggs and leave to cool. Encase the eggs in the Nut loaf mix dip into a little beaten raw egg and then into breadcrumbs then deep fry until golden. Drain and serve hot or cold (again a good one for picnics in the sunshine)


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:hug

Thanks so much Skully and Guy

hug


Getting to the other side smile

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted: Written by: _Clare_


Antti's in the final show smile
I hope the cameras pick him out lots.. so I can heckle from my sofa ubblol




HAH! I SAID it was him and noone believed me!! The Apocalyptica bit at the end with all the dancers and acro and fire was probably the best part of the night smile


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:I just found this recipe that might help on days your mum wakes up feeling a bit nauseous

Gingernuts

Butter or margarine 2 1/2 oz (60g)
100% wholemeal self-raising flour 6 oz (175g)
Raw brown sugar 2 1/2 oz (60g)
Black treacle 4 oz (100g)
Bicarbonate of soda 3/4 tsp (3.75ml)
Ground ginger 2 tsp (10ml)

Rub the butter into the flour until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs. Stir in the sugar. Warm the treacle in a saucepan, stir in the bicarbonate of soda and ginger. Add the ginger mixture to the dry ingredients, knead well to form a soft dough. Roll the mixture into walnut sized balls. Place well apart on an oiled baking tray, flatten slightly. Bake in the oven at 180 c (350F/ gas mark 4) for 15 mins. Allow to cool slightly before removing them from the baking tray onto a cooling rack.

Ginger is great for calming the feeling of nausea and the sugar in them will boost her blood sugars long enough to get her going.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:Skully, that nut mix sounds lush cool

I can also highly recommend ginger smile



PM coming soon, Lady Clare - been absent (minded) with a cold over the weekend hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Thanks everyone smile



So, the rollercoaster is at the bottom of the hill again (but at least I can realise that one day it won't be).



Things are a bit pants altogether.



Been feeling down for a couple of days... went to see my parents on Sunday and didn't really say much. Just sat there.



Mum got frustrated at my general downness and told me 'There's something wrong with you, and you have to sort yourself out'.



She knows I've gone through periods of downness since I was about 13, and it really annoys me that she can't bring herself to understand that it's just something I have to get through.



Anyways, I walked out in a mood.

(which made me feel like crap, but I just couldn't sit there)



On Monday night, in my regular 3am moment (middle of the night, no other distractions, so I focus entirely on what is going to happen and upset myself alot), I felt her calling to me and thought she had died - it was very upsetting.



So, I went round again yesterday for a while.

She's starting to lose the power of her legs. She can't walk far or stand even.



It must be horrendous for her, and it's incredibly frustrating for her too. Dad is knocking himself out trying to do everything, while keeping positive. Both of them are finding strength in each other though, which is good.



I feel like I'm a terrible person for not being there cooking and cleaning and looking after the place. People are saying to prioritise, so maybe that's what's needed.



On the other hand, I have shows to organise, proposals to email to people and performers needing to be paid... all of this has to be done too. So, I sit and stare at my computer screen. Trying to do it, failing, and ending up posting on here because it's not so hard.



When I got home from the workshop/firegathering thing last night I ended up about as low as I've ever been.



If her legs are giving up now, it's another reminder that there's not long left.



Interestingly, I cried so hard that I eventually stopped (lol, that's Irish smile )



No, it was like reaching the bottom. There wasn't any lower to go, and that brought me an interesting kindof comfort, that stopped the tears. Once you get to the bottom, there's nothing left to be afraid of.



(Although, I'm sure my levels of 'lowness' will alter soon).



Anyways... another cheery post from me.



I have a good friend, who practises shamanism, coming to visit me tonight... I'm hoping that even being present in his company will help a bit... he's good at calming people.



Best wishes to you all... and thanks for the lovely posts and PMs.



xx

EDITED_BY: _Clare_ (1179319794)


Getting to the other side smile

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted: Written by: _Clare_



No, it was like reaching the bottom. There wasn't any lower to go, and that brought me an interesting kindof comfort, that stopped the tears. Once you get to the bottom, there's nothing left to be afraid of.





totally know what you mean honey hug

I am here for you always. I hope you know that hug


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:*ANNOYING CLICHE ALERT*

When you hit rock bottom, the only thing to do is look up at the sun. And perhaps find a penny...



Don't hate yourself for not being there to do the cooking and cleaning. You are only making a life for yourself, as I've said before, it's something your mum raised you to do.



People say to you be true to who you are...



Whether if who you are is someone that wants to help you mum out in trivial domestic chores at the expense of your own life or someone who carries on with their life at the request of the ailing, no one is gonna fault you for whatever decision you make. And let's face it - it's not for anyone else to judge you for what you do at this time. You seem to be the only person doing that. The way I see it, the only right and wrong in this matter is life and death, but that's something that is completely out of your hands.



Also remember, moving away from you, that your mum and dad have had a life together before you arrived, the vow they've made - love, cherish, in sickness or in health, honour and obey (ha!) till dealth do they part. You are still the baby and the responsibility, still lies with him, though if you do, it would be a welcome bonus.The triviality of domestics in the face of what's to come may only provide more frustration.



And by your own admission, all you did was mope when you were there and your mum wouldn't not want to see you like that, just like you don't want to see her the way she is. She already knows you love her, you don't need to do anything to prove it to her.



I have no end point to this rant. Only to say that hope the session with your shaman friend proves fruitful...



and this hug


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:pm sent honey,

nothing special, just my number incase you need me


Step (el-nombrie)

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:hug

Thanks everyone...

Dave, I consider myself told... which is a good thing smile


Getting to the other side smile

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:First the bottom is sometimes a comfortable place

Second, it's a hard time for all of you

Third, your work does need to get done, because the last thing you need is another source of chaos (well, more chaotic than normal), but give yourself some slack. We have either been in a situation where we lost a loved one to cancer, or known someone who has, and we will give you some slack if you will take it

hug

EDITED_BY: faithinfire (1179324134)


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:*puts a trampoline at the bottom of Clares roller coaster ride*

That should boing you back up a bit smile

You only have 2 hands lady. Stop being so hard on yourself or I'll make some very tall hansom man come over there and put you over his knee and spank your botty! kiss

All you tall hansom men out there wishing to perform the punishment form an orderly queue in my intro thread so I can check out your spanking abilities biggrin

ubblol


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:ubblol

That would be nice...


Getting to the other side smile

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darkness-before
GOLD Member since Apr 2007

darkness-before

Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
Location: The sea

Total posts: 197
Posted:How tall is tall? 6'1" spank ubblol

Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.

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mech
BRONZE Member since Jun 2003

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:a bit less than 6.2 and more than 6.0

Step (el-nombrie)

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georgemc
BRONZE Member since Oct 2006

georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 2387
Posted:me too short frown
But I got my spanks in earlier! smile

Clare hug
Girl, you got it in one - there's nothing left to be afraid of...
Don't go to your parents out of any sense of obligation - go because you want to see them at that time, or don't go and do your thing. You need time for yourself just as your folks do. (Ever thought you might be spending too much time with them lately?)
I feel another big rant coming on, so will stop here!

hug hug hug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Le breathe...

Well. A strange thing happened yesterday smile

My good friend came to visit. He does a lot of energy work and suchlike and for the first time, I did a bit of a clearing ceremony (I think that's what it was).

Anyways, it involved alot of crying, hugging, burning sage and suchlike and drum rhythm. It was a release.

It's left me feeling very odd.

Hmm... if you imagine all the sadness and darkness like a big ocean that I felt I was surrounded by and drowning in, then, it kindof feels like he's put up a fence around me... so all the sadness is still there, but i have a little space around me so I don't feel so crushed by it.

I feel stronger... more so than I have in months. It feels a bit strange because I was almost getting used to the sadness... I don't know how long this fence will hold up... but it's good for now smile

You can do so much more when you feel strong biggrin

Saw mum yesterday as well. She's doing ok... but the legs are still giving her alot of problems... it must be so frightening to feel your legs (and arms) stop working.

Anyways, we're going out for dinner tomorrow night, which will be nice.

have a good weekend
xx


Getting to the other side smile

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:it's like when you press your arms against the door and then you walk out and your arms rise because they are used to the pressure, right?
well, enjoy your birthday and your dinner smile hug


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:Great news missy!! hug

I find smoky quartz crystals to help me feel stronger. It's nice when you feel like you can handle things better.

I'm glad your friend helped! You can get through this, all the strength you need is inside you biggrin

hug ubblove


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Jo... do you know, he said the very same thing himself this afternoon.

That the strength is inside me... I just need to access it.

But it's easier to get perspective, when you have a fence biggrin

hug


Getting to the other side smile

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georgemc
BRONZE Member since Oct 2006

georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 2387
Posted:Yay for a fence! hug

and "Hippy Pappy Thuthdth Bethuthdth Bethuthday!!!"
(which the Pooh bear readers will know what it means)

Have a good one Clare.

George


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:hug

it's great to have a safety net of family and friends there for support, and it's even better to know that all that strength is inside you! biggrin

( I imagine my strength to be a big glowing golden ball in my tummy) smile


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:Thinking of you on your birthday!!( though my thoughts get all messed up when I try to figure out the time and date changes Eep!)

Loads of love to you

Hang in,

xoxox
a


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Thanks ladies...



And I'm sending lots of love back to you guys too hug



xx


Getting to the other side smile

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Times change... smile/ frown



I felt my strength leaving me yesterday... not much I could do to stop it, so I said goodbye and asked it come back soon. It hasn't yet, though.



Mum is getting worse... gradually.



Losing the power to her arms and legs is proving extremely difficult... she now finds it difficult to walk the four metres from their kitchen to the loo without becoming breathless.



She's finding it incredibly frustrating (as I'm sure you can imagine. Mark out four metres from where you are sitting now... how would you feel if you became very breathless after walking that short distance?).



For my dad, brother (who's home on a weekend visit) and I, it's very scary. Her lungs are bad and heart is weak... this won't get better and none of us want to face what's coming.



She still in good enough spirits though... doing much better than me, anyways biggrin





I'm not sure what's happened to me. It was nice when I felt strong... but I don't anymore, so that's the way it goes.



The few friends who are dealing with me are starting to find it hard. They haven't said, but I can tell. Understandable, really smile



I'm also finding myself being argumentative with the one or two closest people. Which is difficult for them, and confusing for me.



I, and worse, my mum, can't understand why I'm not coping better. I wasn't raised to be so emotional and weak.





Work is still taking over my life, and as the days go by I am beginning to resent the work, and myself, for letting that happen.



It's really not as easy as just 'prioritising' and 'letting it go' - as well-meaning people keep telling me.



People are waiting to be paid, people are expecting quotes and when I ask people to back off for a while they return with 'I know you're under pressure, but can you...'





My mum will go soon and she's as peaceful with that as one can be. I guess we are lucky she is not in hospital or suffering some other horrendous complication.



I will deal with the loss and regret because i have to (though I should try harder to stop myself thinking that she's already gone).



My friends can't be around me for a number of reasons, and I understand them all and appreciate their help up to now.



So. How are you all doing?



x


Getting to the other side smile

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