Forums > Social Discussion > My mum and cancer

Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that...

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side

-spinnin' to the rhythm of the new world order-

more hugs for you

Take care
Mairead.

You can only be young once but you can always be immature.

Hello again everyone...



Well then, it's been a few months so I thought I would write an update on how my mum is getting on.



Some of you may not find this appropriate (a spinning forum is maybe not the best place for a kindof diary of such an illness), and some of you who have been through this already may find it quite difficult...



However, there may be some people out there who could benefit from reading this experience (maybe even in the future)... which is why I've decided to write about it.



If it offends you, please either PM me or don't read the thread, because I don't want this thread to become an argument about it's appropriateness. If the mods have a problem with it, PM me, and I'll delete it.





So then...



Well, a couple of months ago the doctors agreed my mum could have chemotheraphy for the pancreatic cancer she was diagnosed with.



I received lots of advice about things she could do to improve her chances - reducing the chemicals around her and eating only organic food were the two strongest ones... but, it hasn't really happened.



She has made some steps towards that, but my mum is 65 and very set in her ways. She made some minor adjustments, visited a couple of faith healers... but really, it's been sheer, dogged determination and good spirits that have got her this far.



My parents have travelled often since my brother and I left home, and so after the chemo news they took the opportunity for a pre-chemo break in Sorrento, Italy, which they really enjoyed.



She goes for her appointments on a Wednesday morning...



Week One: No change... she was in great form, and despite a bit of bloatedness, was feeling grand.



Week Two: Feeling a bit tired, still bloated, but grand.



Week Three: Starting to swell a bit more... feeling tired.



Week Four: Lost the energy and power in her arms and legs. She can still walk a bit, but she can't go out much. The doctors don't know if this will last and is part of the cancer, or just part of the treatment.



Week Five: Still a loss of energy, and tiredness.



Week Six: Legs have swollen massively and started to seep. Local health care worker is visiting to bandage up her legs. It's very unpleasant, but she hasn't been feeling sick (as in nauseous) at all throughout the treatment, so that's good.



Week Seven: Chemo postponed for a week to give her legs and body a chance to recover.



Week Eight: Tomorrow morning... we'll see what happens.





Hmmm... writing it all down makes it seem so much worse



My mother has been in fantastic form throughout this... it's almost as if she's embarrased for being a nuisance. It is quite humbling how strong she is. When asked about it, she replies 'Everything is in God's hands and if I'm meant to go, that's how it's supposed to be, but I think I'll be around for a couple more years'.



I, on the other hand, have been rubbish. Since the EJC I've only seen her rarely. I could blame it on the amount of work we've had on (cos we have been busy), but that's probably just an excuse. I'm not seeing her often enough (maybe only once or twice a week)...



My mum said my dad is coping ok... which means not really ok. He seems drained and tired (because he will never talk about it). He's doing all the housework and should be getting much more help from me...



And perhaps this is why I am staying away. Not thinking about it. Expecting everything to turn out ok... because I don't want to think that it could be anything other than ok. Damn, that's really weak... and not at all as strong as I should be...



Anyhoo... after writing this and realising how slack I've been, I've just phoned them... so will be heading round tomorrow for ironing and dusting



The news of a tumour and cancer comes like a lightning bolt... and then hangs over you like a heavy cloud for a few weeks. But eventually, it just becomes another part of life and experience (albeit, not a pleasant part)... It threatens to become more, and I know that one day it will change everything forever...



But is the forewarning of the end really easier to deal with than if the end came suddenly? I'm not so sure.



Anyways... more news to follow.



Take care,

With love

Clare x



PS: Reading through this, it comes across as a bit arrogant - but I can only talk about my experiences of this, I can't write about how my mum is feeling and her experiences.

Getting to the other side

on each and every point maus made

Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant

Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.

'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi

talk away. some people are reading it. some people do understand.

i know that telling people helps, and sometimes it helps to tell people you dont know.

ive had some of my most refreshing heart to hearts with some strangers.

you dont come accross arrogant. its an ordeal for you as well as your mother.

just know that we are here for you

ready to listen when you talk

Owner of Dragosani's right side.

Ok then, thanks for the support m'lovelies...

Keep on sending love and best wishes to her... I'm sure it is working.

Getting to the other side

- Ho Sa -
kisses & peace & love to beautiful madges
*rever le temps le prendre*

Thanks Tina...

Getting to the other side

you rock

"...We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing......."

Hey Miss Firepurplefurrytreespoiseswings

I don't think it's inappropriate at all. It may be quite a shock for people who haven't been faced with sick people at all, but dying is a part of life, and so is being sick.

You are coping well I think, I'm sure that your mum understands how you feel and is grateful both for the time she can spend with you, and the time she can spend alone with your dad. Everyone needs to find their own way to deal with a situation like this, and you've already done so much for your mum! Don't feel bad, nobody's perfect but you're pretty damn close in dealing with it and helping her

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

For a long time I've believed that in many ways it is harder to be the person caring for someone who is sick than being the person that is sick.

When you are the sick person you have no choice but to just get on with it because you can't walk away from it. You quite quickly come to terms with the day to day because you have to.

If you are caring for someone else who is sick there is so much more stress involved with all the inevitable feelings of guilt about not doing enough or not being able to help the person. Stress over if you are doing the right things to help. Worry over how you will cope in the future. The upset of watching someone you love in pain. All these feelings and more are totally normal and sadly are very draining.

Clare hun, if you feel that posting any or all of the feelings you have on here makes things easier for you or helps you to clarify your thinking then go for it. Anything that helps you is worth doing.

If you or your family ever need anything other than a few cyber on here, just ask. Thats what friends are for.

To the question "is the forewarning of the end really easier to deal with than if the end came suddenly?" I guess that depends on the circumstances.

My dad died suddenly from a heart attack at 60. I would love to have had more time but for him I think it was the best way to go. He hated to be fussed over and would of been really upset to be dependant on people. I look back now and know that he knew I loved him. We told each other all the time. So for him a quick end was the best.

For others I think they need time to say all they want to to people around them and forwarning gives them that time to settle up and sort out stuff.

I guess it's swings and roundabouts....just like everything in life.

Love and to you and your family

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

none of that sounds arrogant to me claire

massive respect to you for having the strength to not only deal with this but to post about it here - i'm absolutely certain it will help others in similar situations to read about your experiences and know that they are not alone

with love and positive thoughts,


cole. x

"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

it's not inappropriate at all, this is a community, and while it may be a spinning based community, it wouldn't be one without the background and life experience of it's users, and through it i'm sure you've met many people who have the honor to call you a friend, and i'm happy to count myself as one of that number.

i think what you've said is far from arrogant, it shows integrity and strength of person, in that you're dealing with this, and not shying away from it.

i feel i can't really say much more, for fear of sounding repetative of the last 12 or so posts, but i truely hope everything works out for the best for you and both your parents

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

My mum died at home, after a three year struggle with the disease.
Like your mother she was a very strong woman, who raised me by herself and without whom I would not be the person I am today.
As our family consisted of my mum, my grandmother, my f*cked-up stepfather and me, I've seen every last detail a disease like that entails. The worst memories I have are the ones in the hospital, where I saw a husk of who she was and all the machines and tubes...
After a long talk, my mom and me decided that that was not the way to go, so I took her home and we were able to "enjoy" our last months together in the comfort of our home. Every day a nurse came by to look in on her and when finally the time came to say goodbye everything was already planned and we were able to have some long comfortable talks.
My mum was able to go peacefully, without to much pain, while I was sitting by her bed, looking through foto-albums of the travels we made together. Although she was fairly unresponsive by that time, I swear she could hear every last word I said.
I sat by her bed for about 6 hours and when I went to get a cup of coffee, she silently drifted away.
I know this is hard for you to hear, but the fact that saying goodbye is a reality, means that is has to be dealt with.

I follow Doc Lightning in that you should try to discuss this with her. Not only for the comfort of her passing away, but also because at that time nobody is making any illusions anymore and you start coping with the reality of it.
There is no use in trying to prolonging her life if she is in pain. In the last few months of my mums life, where we decided to take her of the machines and to take her home without treatment, but in absolute comfort, I saw the difference. I am glad she was able to go in the place she loved and knew, not in some sterile environment, with strange noises and strange smells.

Clare, I don't know you, but the situation you are in is all too familiar. Give a huge hug to your mum for me, she seems like an amazing woman.
If you ever need to talk, or you need an understanding shoulder PM me.

�A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.� - Oscar Wilde
Jointly owned by FreyaJ, Birgit and Aurinko

Furry stuff this forum has all sorts of posts and is about your need to talk and sort. Some people willhave been through similar and offer what helped them.

I tend a little to the side of less imvasive treatment and more dignity but probale accelerated demise. Although we want our loved ones with us as long as possible that loss of dignity is awful. You have time to communicate with your mum before she passes and you have to do what makes you most comfortable.
You are the one who will be dealing with yourself in 20 years time. Sometimes we make the choice to be with our loved ones as they die other ties we let other members of our family be there. I chose to sit with my Dad as he slowly slipped away until the last few hours when I left to go back to my young family. I knew the staff would call my mum and sister soon to call them in to be there at the end and I couldnt deal with the image I would have. I spent the days after immersing myself in photoalbums so the image I would be left with of my dad was more like the previous 35 years and less like the last 2 hours. I admire hospital staff who deal with people dieing regularly and keep their own dignity and personal faith.
My choice was what I was comfortable with and to some probably a selfish one but I am the one who lives with me the most. If that makes sense.
to you Furrynessness

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

my mum passed away two months ago from cancer, after three years of fighting. she was diagnosed with terminal cancer before i went away, and as much as i wanted to stay with her she wouldnt forgive me or herself if id not followed my dreams.. i came back early from my travels because she was in hospital and it wasnt looking good, but she got out about a week after i came back, and was more alive and active. we had already spoken about things alot before i went away and she knew we all loved her, and of course we still talked alot about it. she was always positive and had belief in herself, and i think that really helped, also having the family around her too. she ate healthily and also took dairy out of her diet and took vitamins..
we held a huge party for her and my dads 25th wedding anniversary a few weeks before it happened and then we went to the family home for the festival that we go to every year. she passed away at home there suddenly, which i think was the best place for it to happen, surrounded by the people she loved..

but she lived it up every day until then, and she told us she didnt want a funeral, more a celebration of life.
she had been told she had a matter of months to live and she lasted so much longer, but she had accepted it was there and fought it. my aunt gave her meditation tapes and she said to me a couple of times she had something that didnt belong inside her that she was going to get out. she believed in the power of the mind strongly and i think it does help alot,

to you and your family be strong

on spam robots - "Burn the robot! Melt him down, and then we can make lots and lots of money from his shiiiny juices!"

Owned by Brenn

Wow... I'm glad I posted it...



Thanks so much to everyone for sharing your stories and thoughts and support... it's been really lovely to read, and I appreciate it.

I think this might be helping other people too



Went to visit today... was cleaning things ... she's doing ok. Another course of chemo, but it's difficult to watch her slowing down...



I'm still holding to the belief that she's going to be ok once the chemo is done. I think we all are just now, which is ok for now. I think.



But thank you

Getting to the other side

LMSP... best wishes

Getting to the other side

 Written by: _Clare_


Wow... I'm glad I posted it...

Thanks so much to everyone for sharing your stories and thoughts and support... it's been really lovely to read, and I appreciate it.
I think this might be helping other people too





claire I just found out yesterday that my nana has breast cancer and its spread to the lymph nodes and also the lung... This post has helped me so so much because I didnt know what I could do to help nan (other than with my spiritual knowledge) much but now I see this, I have taken a lot of advice from it and I am looking into alternative medicines. Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart.... I also found this... I dont know if its any good but it may help... I was gunna run it past the doc...

cancer fighting strategies

lots of love to you and your family

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Valura, I'm really sorry to hear about the hard time your family's going through . But the site you've linked to is not going to help your nan at all. They're just trying to sell their OWN supplements while telling you all the pharma industry want to do is sell their stuff.



I've helped a friend of my mum's translate leaflets from supplements she bought for her father-in-law from English, and basically what they tell you is a lot of nonsense.



Don't get me wrong, I would probably try a few things myself if I were in your situation, but don't rest your hopes on it, and don't give vast amounts of money to people who claim to be able to cure cancer. As Doc says, if they could, people wouldn't be dying from it anymore. It's not like with HIV that is worst where protection and treatment are not available, cancer gets mostly old people everywhere in the world, and no amount of money spent on "western" or "alternative" medicine has been able to change that.



I am quite upset, especially after reading some of that "zeolite" stuff. Not only do they claim to have run a study (to which they don't even supply a link). If they actually had saved the majority of a group of terminally ill, stage 4 cancer patients, believe me, they'd not promote their product on such a crappy home-designed website. They exploit the hopes of sick people and their families for money.



I think their disclaimer says it all:

 Written by: website



Disclaimer: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The products and information contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any diseases or, medical problems.





Not evaluated, well I guessed that. But NOT intended to cure medical problems? Intended to link to shopping sites instead I'm afraid

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

 Written by:

And I don't want anyone to suffer from it any longer than necessary because their families were given false hope.





I hope I wasnt giving anyone false hope. Im really sorry if thats the case. Im just trying to do anything I can to help my nan. I would do anything.

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

hi claire, i felt i had to pop into this thtread because in a sence i know what your going though, my brother had lukaemia when he was 5 and i got ewing sarcoma (tumour which is usually on the bone, mine was in the middle of my pelvis about 4cm-ish) when i was 12.
im not very good at advise but im always happy to listen so ive u fancy a chat or a virtual hug then send me a pm

also heres a hug for you valura

I jumped into the river, what did i see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me.