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Forums > Social Chat > almost typical, social disease....

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single
member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:I was just thinking about it today and it has been bothering me all day....
how am i ever going to get someone, outside of my family, to love me....
i mean i saw two people hugging, not because they were happy to see each other or someone
they new was hurt or something like that....just cause...no one ever hugged me just cause before....is it my appereance, personality,
hair-color?
*shrugz*
ahh-well, some people just have all the luck...
mabey i was just destined to be this poor, fat, idiot...or something....no sympathy is needed here...i was just wondering what it felt like when you were hugged by a girl/boyfriend for the first time....mabey if i tried hard enough i just might someday have one...well,....


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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musashii
musashii

starring Skippy the green llama
Location: Seattle, WA
Member Since: 14th Dec 2002
Total posts: 1148
Posted:not quite sure what to reply with...hmm

social disease, hmm, sounds like a disease of the mind. I have seen healthy happy people oversexed no matter what nature has decided to gift them with, believe me...It's all in the attitude, the outlook, and the effort..I give no sympathy hehe, never give up!!!


First intention, then enlightenment..
Ars Pyronomica

" Life is programmed. Whether death is programmed or not is yet to be determined."

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Rozi
100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:Trust me, it will happen.

A good mate of mine went through a messy divorce, from the woman he had spent 15 years with. He met someone new, and he told me that part of him just couldn't believe that someone actually loved him, and was attracted to him.

I don't know why we are so inclined to believe that we are unworthy of love. Because each of us is.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:Hey, you know what..... you never know/....


trust me...


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Magickal_Kaleidoscope
member
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Member Since: 28th Dec 2002
Total posts: 119
Posted:dont't worry be happy. lifes to short to worry about everything. i sometimes wander if ill find love or just have lots of short sad realationships .
but dont be depressed my school is really sad at the moment so many people slitin there wrists.
that is bad dont go there


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fluffy napalm fairy
fluffy napalm fairy

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Brum / Dorset / Fairy Land
Member Since: 12th Dec 2001
Total posts: 3638
Posted:When I first hugged C@ntus I felt like I never ever wanted that feeling to stop - safe and secure and loved completely.

And you'll get it too one day. when you stop looking it just kinda creeps up on you. That's what happened to me - when you start thinking about yourself, achieving your own goals and making sure that what you're doing is pleasing to YOU then someone will pick up on that. Then ou get your perfect moment too.

Good things come to those who elieve they will



Geologists do it in the dirt................ spank

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)
Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California
Member Since: 31st Dec 2001
Total posts: 2905
Posted:Nobody knows what tomorrow holds. Wake up each day and tell yourself I am worthwhile and there is someone out there for me.

You may not find her tomorrow or the next day, but rest assured she is out there. Keep your chin up.


Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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Thistle
Thistle

old hand
Location: Nottingham UK
Member Since: 27th Jan 2001
Total posts: 950
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Mr.Box:
how am i ever going to get someone, outside of my family, to love me....
The thing is you cannot ever 'make' anyone love you. You don't get someone to love you they get themselves to love you. People love other people because they just do not because they are made to by anything we say or do. If you can see this then it will take any pressure off you that you feel to get love.

Ironically, if you are desperately seeking love you seldom find it. However, when you stop looking for love you find it frequently and sometimes in the most unlikely circumstances.



Life is a social disease.


Are we nearly there yet?

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single
member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:don't get me wrong...
i don't want to make anybody do anything that they don't wanna do...
what i meant was like...how is anybody ever going to love me, i have no special skills,
i'm broke, and i'm a hardrocker...in an 'country western' kinda town...I just don't fit here i need to move...somewhere, where peoples minds are open to new ideas....
sometimes i think being gay would alot easier ....


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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Spoonerism
member
Location: England
Member Since: 14th Dec 2001
Total posts: 31
Posted:what a lovely thread. dont worry about it boxy. Im at the other end, I dont think Im BAD looking, an expert fire spinner (I like to think,) intelligent (again, I like to think,) happy, kind, loving and available...everybody hates me. Especially nice girls. They all think im a friday night floozie, not good for anything serious, try that for frustrating. I saw a couple hugging before, properly gawping into each others eyes, at the time I just thought it was beautiful. They totally loved each other. It just looked like peace, to me. Get yourself an ad in lonely hearts mate and mention your post, thers loads of people like this out there, they just cant admit it to each other. Honesty will get you everywhere. Failing that, wipe your ass every now and then and maybe even shower, works a treat for me. I.S.M.


"AAAAAW...giz a cuddle" The EDGE...nuff said


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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single
member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:thats one of the problems at my school....
people judge me on my apperance...
so what, i wear baggy pantz and and gothic hoodies...
i listen to techno and gothic industrial...
and i happen to be a fairly decent artist...
so i hear....
girlz just don't pay attention to me, they are like all over the skateboarders, athletic kidz and the other kidz who don't do anything but just are popular....
Most of them think i do drugs even some teachers,
i got pulled out of class the other day cuz i had bags under my eyes, they thought i had been smoking pot...
i hadn't slept in like a week....
*shrugz*
i quessw it is like one of those friend/friend situation....where i'm good enough to be yur friend just not your boyfriend....


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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Gandhi Ganjamaster
member

Member Since: 30th Aug 2002
Total posts: 299
Posted:LOL, Mr. Box and Spoonerism,
how old are ya ?
Anyhoos, seems to me that some people are always attached, and others are not...
trying to find my point...hmm....yea,
it's definately true that some folk are certainly mostly attracted to the 'outside' of a person, that's why i, as a girl, i thought i won't shave my legs 'n armpits so the ones who think that that's way more important than heart or brains will stay away. doesn't always work tho. rather attracts those weirdo's who have clean shaven girlfriends or wives and wanna try the real thing (as long as their 'freinds' don't see)....yikes.
Give it time, move if you must, quit doing the liquid E (that's you, is it ?) - it really messes with yer chemicals
take time to talk, try and smell good,
and if you were here I'd give u a huuge hug.
Good luck !


Why?

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Krys
member
Location: St. John's, NF, Canada
Member Since: 30th Oct 2002
Total posts: 17
Posted:Box, you can keeo asking yourself those kind of questions for the rest of your life and never get any answers.
Why does that chick prefer that asshole over this really nice guy whose even better looking?
Why does that guy hang around with that crowd who do nothing but abuse him?
Truth is, you can see that seperation of cliques easier when you're in high school but it's still there when you get older.
The comfort you can draw from that is that, while the people who do things for popularity find themselves wandering the same, sad circles until they wake up, you - obviously a creative and free-minded individual - will be able to meet new people, from new cultures. . .see new things. . .experience new ideas. . .
Staying true to yourself can mean a lot of long nights where you lie awake, questioning yourself but in the end it's always worth it.
Trust me.
Cheers, Krys



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Magnus
member
Location: Bath, UK
Member Since: 5th Sep 2002
Total posts: 279
Posted:"maybe i was just destined to be this poor, fat, idiot...or something"

I believe we choose our destiny. We choose who we are, we choose who we spend time around, we choose how we spend that time. Maybe we even choose our parents and the time and place of our birth.

Can you imagine how powerful an idea that is? Can you imagine how if you take responsibility for that choice, and acknowledge you are responsible for your situation, you are empowered to change it?


Magnus... pay it forward

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Rozi
100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:quote: i'm broke, and i'm a hardrocker...in an 'country western' kinda town Well, if nothing else you have the best opening line for a country and western song

Ray keeps on telling me how image focussed schools can be in the USA, how much divided into distinct social groups it is. In the rest of the world, it is less so. Sure we have our "cool groups" and our "uncool groups", but these can come from any image type, dependent on the school. By the time we reached our final year at my school, yeah we didn't really hang out together in a major way, but we got along okay & stuff.

So, I have now told you two horrible things:

1. If you wait a bit, you can go see other parts of the world where it is not as bad as where you are now
2. If you wait a bit, things might improve as people get older and wiser

Both involve that horrid sentence "if you wait a bit".

So what can you do now? I would be surprised if absolutely no one shares your taste in music, clothes etc. They may not be as game to admit it as you are, but there are probably people who are fascinated by the way you stand out of the crowd. But they are also probably scared by the lack of care you have, or appear to have, for yourself. Take pride in the fact that you are different. But also take care of yourself. Eat regularly, sleep regularly , treat yourself when you are feeling terrible, instead of punishing yourself.

Love and like yourself first, then you will find that not only are you capable of loving others, but they will want your affection too.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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FireSpirit
FireSpirit

Classic 90's Fire Dancer... Poi, Staff, Doubles, and Breathing
Location: South Lake Tahoe
Member Since: 29th Mar 2001
Total posts: 743
Posted:You Need A Shirt That Says "FREE HUGS"
You will get alot of them then!
Love is always Free! and its all around you, you just need to open yourself up to it.
I had a good friend who was so big that the doctors said his heart coulden't keep flowing blood, if he got any bigger. His heart was to small However he was the most LOVING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!! He had such a big heart you wanted to hug him every time you saw him. He beamed with love for everything. We called him Big Dawg.

Its all about LOVE. The more you put out into the universe the more you will recieve!

So Go and LOVE!! (and get a "Free Hug" t-shirt)


FIRE IS ALIVE!
IT LIVES AND BREATHS!
IT CONSUMES, AND DISTROYS!
BUT WE CONTROL IT,
AND DANCE WITH FIRE!!

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single
member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:you know what no...cauz i already tried that...
i'm called gay now because of it...so no...
and if some day, sometime, anywhere.a girl likes me and comes up to me i'm gonna be like."ya' know what...no...."
i'm just gonna forget about ever having a girlfriend, i'll just be one of those people that are cold and defiant of fellings...
yeah that sounds like a good life....
see ya, and thanx for yur help....

[ 26. January 2003, 20:05: Message edited by: Mr.Box ]


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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poiaholic22
member

Member Since: 22nd Dec 2002
Total posts: 531
Posted:I'm in the same boat as you are dude but rather than focus on the negative or be so pessimistic you should focus on what you do have.You said your family loves you,how many people out there don't even have that?I know all to well how much it sucks to be lonely and sometimes nothing helps but just try to remember what you do have.And being cold and defiant gets really draining after a while.It will only make you feel worse.Sometimes some people just need a nudge to break from the pack and try different things.Maybe you should be that nudge.

You don't want someone who doesn't want you the way you are anyway.My advice grow a mohawk and dye it blue.It will keep those you don't want anything to do with away and make you a beacon for those who are also different from the pack.Besides nothing is more rewarding than getting dirty looks from whole families when you walk into the local supermarket with 6-8 inch liberty spikes.

BTW,Rozi whatever Ray told you about high schoolers in the states he was probably right on the money.High school was some of the worse years of my life.So many people I have met are like "I wish I was still in school" and I just think I wouldn't go back if I was paid to.All the clics and the wannabes and everyone is so afraid to be themselves.Then we wonder why things like Columbine happen.And with a sister in middle school I'm noticing it is only getting worse.


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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:"I wish I was still in school"

Actually, I loved HS and school in general. Anything that got me out of my crazy house was awesome. I'm sure that's one of the reasons that I gravitated towards teaching. School was the only "safe haven" from my crazy family life growing up. The answers made sense to me, reprocussions were logical for the most part, and hard work and playing by the rules was rewarded.

The tough part about HS is when you've been fooled into thinking that little things matter. Since my home life was so messed up, I didn't give a damn who the cool kids were or what they thought of me. I hung around kids I liked and that treated me well. Sure, there was friendship drama and girlfriend drama but it was so trivial in comparison to the rest of my life that I always kept it in perspective.

Perspective is one of the hardest things for my students to maintain. Most of the things that they get caught up and stressed about are the LEAST important things.

I know the worst thing you can say to someone who's depressed is "just have some fun" but there is an actual way to do that. I've found that it's impossible to ignore the bad things in my life. I've tried. I've pulled the "don't let it bug you" and it just doesn't work. A much easier way of putting things in perspective is to focus on the positive.

Find things that make you happy. Really truely happy. Not the quick fixes. They do exist. Find the people that are positive out there, even if they're not in your immidiate friend group and spend time with them. Start small with trying to have a good day or two. Make SURE you have positive things to look forward to, be it a poi spinning party or a guitar lesson or SOMETHING that will make you smile in the future. Build on that and you'll be a happier person. The rest will follow.

It doesn't sound like you can go directly from where you are right now Mr. Box to happily married to Mrs. Perfect. And perhaps you don't really want to. You've got a bit of a journey left and you can only start by making small positive steps in the right direction.

Also, despite all of the rumors, there are some really amazing people out there who's job it is to help you. In most schools there are counselers and I KNOW that some of them are idiots BUT maybe... just maybe you can find one that will give you a push in the right direction. You posted here to ask for help, which is the perfect first step. I just don't think an anonomous website is equipt and trained to support you. There are people who are in your school, and if you can stand them they'll be the most helpful links you can find.

It does get better.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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FireSpirit
FireSpirit

Classic 90's Fire Dancer... Poi, Staff, Doubles, and Breathing
Location: South Lake Tahoe
Member Since: 29th Mar 2001
Total posts: 743
Posted:Your gona tell me you got a 'Free Hugs' T-Shirt?

Hey man Its all attitude, Let them call you gay, you know who you are. Hug everyone girls and guys.(mostly girls though)

Love is the only way to break through hate.
No one wants to hang around someone who hates.
I'm telling you, it only takes a moment to change your attitude, SO LOVE!!


FIRE IS ALIVE!
IT LIVES AND BREATHS!
IT CONSUMES, AND DISTROYS!
BUT WE CONTROL IT,
AND DANCE WITH FIRE!!

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single
member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 536
Posted:it osen't matter to me if someone thinks i'm gay...i get called gay all the time....
i'm sorry all for being so deppressing...
i was listening to a "Coldplay" albulm the other day and i made me sad...
sometimes i think being sad is better than being happy...
*shrugs*
anyways...i see now that some people are gonna be like that...they will be all up in my face all of the time about what i look like, but you know what? Screw them man they are only bringing me down....
i think i'm gonna make some "special" brownies for my friends and spend the rest of the day whatching the superbowl...
Laterz....


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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Sepa
member
Location: London
Member Since: 24th Apr 2002
Total posts: 184
Posted:Mr Box, does this sound familiar??

"If you suffer from dependent depression you will have a constant sense of the lack of others in your life, with feelings of emptiness and loneliness akin to bereavement.... You are plagued by feeling no one loves you, however much those close to you protest to the contrary... At times you feel flat and empty, passive and hopeless."

That was from an article in last week's Observer Magazine, and when I read it I nearly cried because I feel like that ALL the time. I come from one of the most dysfunctional families on the planet, and was very badly bullied at school. I'm fantastic at downplaying my achievements and good points, at diverting attention away from myself if someone looks like they are remotely romantically interested, and generally making people feel they don't want to get to know me in any depth, despite the fact that they all say I'm a really nice person. I find it hard to believe that anyone likes me, or that anyone might be interested in me romantically, and I'm really good at not letting them get anywhere near that point.

I'm finding counselling is really helping me. Between the ages of 6 and 11 I went to 6 different schools, and I was bullied at most of them. Not unnaturally, I've been left with the feeling that there must be something just a little obnoxious about me that made so many different people in different places hate me, but when I ran through it in detail with my counsellor, it became blindingly obvious that the places where I was teased were the schools where I started partway through the year, often wearing the uniform of my old school because mum couldn't afford a new one each time we moved. I felt happy for two whole days straight (but then the depression set in again! Oh well, two steps forward, one step backwards).

So basically, you're not alone, but I can assure you that things do get much better as you get older. I went to university after leaving school, and to my suprise people become far more civilised and nicer the older they get!

If you're feeling really miserable, see if you can talk to a school counsellor, I'm finding that talking to a therapist is really helping me.

[ 28. January 2003, 01:44: Message edited by: Sepa ]


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_Stix_
_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land
Member Since: 15th Feb 2002
Total posts: 2419
Posted:No you are not alone at all.. I've been thru the same kinda thing.. bullied at school, not being in the pretty gang, feling really down on myself coz I thought I was no good..

I'm 26 now.. all of that is behind me, do you know what I realised? I'm an ugly duckling.. It's taken time to turn into a swan.. You sound like you may be the same thing.. trust me hunny- it gets a hell of a LOT better. Just learn to love yourself and be confident in yourself and it will come back - don't go searching, just let it come..


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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