Forums > Social Chat > The funniest thing you saw recently???

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ickleMatt
ickleMatt

enthusiast
Location: L.O.N.D.O.N.
Member Since: 4th Apr 2006
Total posts: 242
Posted:As a variant to "The funniest thing you heard recently???"

In Delhi, India I was visiting a mosque (as a tourist - I'm a huge fan of Islamic architecture), it was a Friday so it was super busy.

Everything and eveybody was serious and very pious. Then I saw a young guy (early twenties) with a turban on and his t-shirt it read:

"I love feminists
and cute lesbians too"

ubblol

I had to escape before turning into a giggling puddle on the floor.
Would have been a top photo, but I didn't feel comfortable wipping out my camera during friday prayer.

Whats made you laff out loud recently?


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afghan_bingo
afghan_bingo

member
Location: Calgary, Canada
Member Since: 20th Sep 2005
Total posts: 116
Posted:ha ha ha, "so strong it will hold any messiah to a crucifix"

we were somewhere near barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold...

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:i know it's possibly a little close to the nail (see what i did there;) ) i bet someone with no sence of humour will get offended and the mods will remove it ubblol


enjoy it while it lasts wink


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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:just found this on another site and had to share it


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school? did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


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Pen Draven
Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 1st Sep 2005
Total posts: 1363
Posted:Oral ubblol ubblol ubblol Class

Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:ubblol the last one is by far the best

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Pen Draven
Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 1st Sep 2005
Total posts: 1363
Posted:http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/5081744.stm?ls
br>
hehe thats funny smile


Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

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faith enfire
faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin
Member Since: 27th Jan 2006
Total posts: 3556
Posted:I passed the list on to all the employees at work...they fired me...I think I will do a few mass emails
I heard about that statue thing this morning

nothing funny...i'm not a funny person...not when i try to be...not even funny looking

ubbloco
that's the best I can do


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:>Scenario:

>

>You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

>

>On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fire

>engine traveling at the same speed as you.

>

>In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car

>and you cannot overtake it.

>

>Behind you is a helicopter traveling at ground level.

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>Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

>

>What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? .

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>. . . . . . .

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>. . . . . .

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>. . .

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>. ..

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>Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.


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Pen Draven
Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 1st Sep 2005
Total posts: 1363
Posted:lolol I got sent that the other day dude wink

how about this

Take just a moment. How cool are you?


Take the Cool Person Test .



http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm


Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:DON'T call me a 2 bit punk





biggrin ubblol





score one for the anit-chav crew


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GothFrogette
GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:*laughs at Rave* "ouch it hurts"

the funniest thing i have seen recently....

some of the Bits on the Play DVD


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:*shudders* step in a tu tu.......................but matty b in a pirate costume made me giggle

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KYYzyo4TO4&search=chopper%20read
br>

rip off of "chopper" read *WARNING contains foul lunguage.................also very funnyubbtickled


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Spanner
Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...
Member Since: 27th Feb 2003
Total posts: 2790
Posted:On Friday I saw a car from which "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder was being played loudly.

The two men singing it loudly were also wearing nun's habits ubblol


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:Paul McCartney is being interviewed on telly by Michael Parkinson.



Michael says " Well Sir Paul, given your recent history in the field of matrimony, I guess it'll be some time before you go down on one knee again "



Paul says " Actually Michael, I'd prefer it if you refered to her as Heather!"

-----------------------------------------------

A poem by Sir Paul McCartney

I lay upon a grassy bank

My hands were all a quiver

I slowly removed her suspender belt

and her leg fell in the river



ubblol ROFLubblol tongue


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liamcircus_boy
liamcircus_boy

member
Location: london
Member Since: 29th Jun 2006
Total posts: 33
Posted:yesterday i watched some people trying to put stakes in for our tent ha ha ha ha now that was funny.
liam


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liamcircus_boy
liamcircus_boy

member
Location: london
Member Since: 29th Jun 2006
Total posts: 33
Posted:oh i didnt see it but portugal winning and all this damn world cup crap gone wooohhhh*dances around strips of runs round then types some more*hhoooooooooooo

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Pen Draven
Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 1st Sep 2005
Total posts: 1363
Posted:http://youtube.com/watch?v=RUCZJVJ_M8o&feature=Views&page=1&t=a&f=b
br>
Odd Computer Bug smile


Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

Delete

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Draven, [censored]!

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Pen Draven
Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 1st Sep 2005
Total posts: 1363
Posted:angel2 you love me Really Doc wink

Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

Delete

RaveRepresent
RaveRepresent

addict

Member Since: 7th May 2006
Total posts: 567
Posted:Damnit Draven!!!!! I did NOT see that coming.. God bless america, i screamed like a girl scout at a cookie convention..

"I don't know what you are talking about"

"Cardinal!!! Poke her... with the SOFT CUSIONS!!!!"

"Its not working my lord!"

"Have you got all of the stuffing on one end?!"

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:sweet smell of success

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Page: 123

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