Forums > Social Chat > Pulling in the office... need a clever but subtle strategy
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Location: York, England
I must say the "related topics" the search engine came up with for this were really funny!
Now... here's the real rub. I'm a gel... and she's a gel. And its a (medical) office. So it needs to be obvious enough to her what I'm thinking and subtle enough for everyone else not to catch on. (This is by no means impossible as we frequently talk out of the hearing of other people. Just, needs to be kept in mind.)
This past week shes taken to calling me ma'am, yum.
But I just feel so lost. Guys are so much... simpler... like even its simpler to give guys compliments.
& 
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
not much i can really say kyri other than t offer you loads of hugs and hope things work out
x loads Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
Hey there, Im going for a drink afterwards I was wondering if you'd wanna come along? Might be able to make a night out of it what do you say *best flirty smile you can muster*
Thank you, ide love too
*drink drink, shag shag, smoke smoke, snore snore, fart*
Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat
'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
joe.................................are you coming on to me
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
@ Joe 
Kyri... heh. How many fit medical personnel are there??? I've never been a girl coming onto a girl, but I've been a guy coming onto a girl... anyone know if the same things work? E.g. Lots of smiling, eye contact, hugs, touching, nice conversation, flirty jokes etc etc. Generally seems to work...
You go girl!!
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
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I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
I would just suggest doing what you would expect someone to do to you in this situation?
For instance, if you think someone asking you out for a drink would be a "hint" then do it?
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
We never leave at the same time, alas, so many of the things that might typhically be done are out... indeed, my working five evenings a week makes any getting together at night type things tricky as i'm sure my friends would tell you.
But I'm afraid asking her out for a drink is too strong. Rejection is one thing- c'est la vie. But I'm worried about random homophobia. She doesn't seem the type- and obviously it would kind of break the feelings- but its nonetheless a valid worry and I don't want to wind up in a situation like that...
And the problem with open flirting is that other people, the gossips they are, will notice. I think if the situations were reversed I would want the other person just to say something privately, and know that they wouldn't because they were in a sticky situation because of the same-gender issue. I havn't gotten much beyond that point, Its clear the first move or two has to come from my court, I'm just not sure what they should be beyond a few well deserved compliments.
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
Member
44 posts
Location: swampea, United Kingdom
lesbianism = awesomeness.
sorry to be so shallow. but its true.
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Kyrian, you've not made it clear whether or not she's gay or if the know's you're gay...
Leave small gifts anonymously, and then make sly sublte allusions to them...
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
1,262 posts
Location: Cornwall & Oxford
I second what Neon said, do you know if shes gay or bi?
Find that out, ask about past relationships then ask her out, be yourself, thats all you need.
Aim high and you'll know your limits, aim low and you'll never know how high you could have climbed.
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
I don't know if she's inclined to girls. I do know that even if she isn't it isn't 100% I'd have no chance. I'm not actually even gay myself... I identify as straight although you have no cause to belive me here (Dr Lightning may stop by and stick up for me or not, we shall see
). Its just this random thing. I do know that she's single, but have not been able to figure out how to even get her opinion on girls + girls. (Even that would prolly set my mind at rest. But how does one fish that information out? I imagine my style of suddenly saying "so, what do you think of girls as lovers" probably isn't the best... especially in a work setting).
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Be really obvious and unsubtle and ask her if she likes KD Lang or Melissa Etheridge...
In my experience the best thing to do is to refer to yourself as girl-friendly. I don't mean say 'I'm gay' or 'I like girls'. Just make references to a past same-sex partner in a way that feels natural and unforced. You say you identify yourself as straight, so talk about them like you would casually drop in anecdotes about ex boyfriends. (don't go overboard otherwise she'll think that's all you talk about)
That's probably the safest way of fishing (no pun) for sexuality info. At the very least, if she's 100% straight but stays your friend at least you know that she'll just be a friend who feels comfortable with you. If she reacts badly then is that someone you want to have for a friend?
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
How did I KNOW this topic was going to be started by Kyrian.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
Pooh-Bah
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom
You could say something real subtle, like:
"Do you think girls kiss better than men?"
or:
"You ever fancied one of your friends? Like, girlfriends?"
Or you could go the un-subtle route and ask for her help in an abandoned room, then grab her...
Well, it's worked for me
After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Written by: NYC
How did I KNOW this topic was going to be started by Kyrian.
Because you're actually the 'other woman' in disguise?
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Why not get to know her as a person, without expectations of anything more, and then when you know her better, all that good stuff about what and who she likes shall be clear, and you'll actually have something to work with when you do make your move? Getting to know someone as a friend is not all that hard, or gossiped about or frowned upon, even in medical offices...
If it is just sex for a fling, then the ofice is probably not the place to pull from anyways, awkwardness will often ensue after, regardless of gender orientation issues!
Have fun whatever you do!
smiles
A
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
I didnt wanna say anything before, but im surprised no one else has said anything. Isnt it a bad idea to get into raltionships with anyone in the office, thats what everyone says isnt it? what if it goes wrong for whatever reaon itle couse alot of tension and could lead to one of you not being able to do your jobs.
Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat
'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Written by:
If it is just sex for a fling, then the ofice is probably not the place to pull from anyways, awkwardness will often ensue after, regardless of gender orientation issues
Have to agree here.....
If she isnt interested in girls subtlety wont work at all.
She must be pretty specail.
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
You could go for the news-route and mention same-sex marriage or something like that, and at least if she's homophobic she'll probably tell you when you mention the topic... or at least roll her eyes or something.
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
Got to agree that office relationships get messy!!
Also have to agree that you should find out subtely if she is into girls or what she thinks of homosexuality (the bringing up a same sex marriage you read about and finding out if she is open minded is a good one!)
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
Or just come into the office and talk about hoe you need a good rogering, and sex talk might soon become the topic. Your girls right, girls are supposed to talk about that sort of thing, and rampent rabbits and ex'es with funny shaped willys. It should be an easy topic to bring up
Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat
'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?
*slou?
6,554 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia
joe....how's things happening kyri?
hope all works out well 4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Hahaha. The definition of subtle has taken some mangling here I see! Altho good for a laugh. Nyc, what would I be if not predictable? She is indeed a sweetheart... I honestly can't see her fussing about it even if it bothers her because she's not like that, but you know i'd much rather know if it would bother her of course!
I had utterly forgotten that melissa ethridge is associated with being lesbian. This is what I get from being raised by a bunch of gays and lesbians. No sense of culture
I wonder what bizarre signals i've been giving people over the years... (I also listen to loads of lesbian comedians). Anyway, the gay marriage thing (or anything else newsworthy at the time) is a splendid idea. Its true that the office does wander into random sex stuff at times (and there were bantered jokes that involved a girl saying i was married to her... altho the true story of the joke gets very long and complicated as it involves things like us both being dead.) Nonetheless I think i'll make the move on the politics front.
I wouldn't bother with a girl for a sex-fling, its simply not interesting enough for me. She's just cool, and so I have my silly crush.... *sighs* but she's so awesome...
La la la I'm being silly arn't I? Anyway I shall see her today, most likely, so maybe I'll know something then :P
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Update~ Conversations today prompted some new strategies in the general compliment world, and a different coworker converasation gave me another way to get a reaction if I can't bring politics into play.
If anyone has any further suggestions to that end tho, do let me know. I know those of you who know me will be floored that I can't make a sharp conversational change sound natural but it all changes when you're nervous!
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Written by: Kyribug
I know those of you who know me will be floored that I can't make a sharp conversational change sound natural
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
QuackerJack
1,927 posts
Location: over your left shoulder, Australia
Am I the only one that took the title of this thread the wrong way? To me, "pulling in the office" sounds like a guy *erm* adjusting himself in the office...
Good luck on the picking up front though
Nutella Brigade Unite!
"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge
Owned By Steaks
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Hey Clarence
What you described has two benefits.
- Wakes you up if you work REALLY early
- Allows you to walk around the office without awkwardness due to the time of day...
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Maybe I don't want her to eat lampshades!
There has been more progress of sorts, but I'm afraid I won't have a real update for awhile for one reason and another.
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Office intelligence (a lesbian friend who's worked there for awhile) reports thats she is "very straight."
Nonetheless she's absolutely a doll to compliment, and lots of fun, so at least I get something out of it!
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
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