Forums > Social Chat > Pink's Guide to Not Working at Work
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Posted:
Ok. So here's my guide of how not to work at work. (really only applies to office jobs)
1) Drinks. Go get a drink often. About once an hour is acceptable. Any more then people start noticing.
2) Of course with all that drink, you'll need the loo at least 3-4 times a day
3) Organise your desk often. I mean, if your desk isn't 100% organised 100% of the time, how are you meant to work?
4) Check your outlook (if you use it) calender. Often. You never know if another meeting is due you have forgotten...
5) End of lunch, don't go to the toilet or get a drink, wait till you've gone back to your desk, THEN go get it. No point wasting your lunch time
6) Offer to take the post to the post point (if you have one). Accidently forget a letter or two so you have to go again.
7) Write post it's. Stick them everywhere. Looks like you're working, and you're busy.
8) Get into work 5 min late, and leave 5 min early.
Anyone else got any handy tips of how not to work at work?
Ok. So here's my guide of how not to work at work. (really only applies to office jobs)
1) Drinks. Go get a drink often. About once an hour is acceptable. Any more then people start noticing.
2) Of course with all that drink, you'll need the loo at least 3-4 times a day
3) Organise your desk often. I mean, if your desk isn't 100% organised 100% of the time, how are you meant to work?
4) Check your outlook (if you use it) calender. Often. You never know if another meeting is due you have forgotten...
5) End of lunch, don't go to the toilet or get a drink, wait till you've gone back to your desk, THEN go get it. No point wasting your lunch time
6) Offer to take the post to the post point (if you have one). Accidently forget a letter or two so you have to go again.
7) Write post it's. Stick them everywhere. Looks like you're working, and you're busy.
8) Get into work 5 min late, and leave 5 min early.
Anyone else got any handy tips of how not to work at work?
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
Posted:
Take the stirs instead of the lift, if anyone asks why tell them you need to get in some excersise doctors orders
Take the stirs instead of the lift, if anyone asks why tell them you need to get in some excersise doctors orders
Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat
'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?
BRONZE Member
Geek-enviro-hippy priest
1,858 posts
Location: Diss, Norfolk, United Kingdom
Geek-enviro-hippy priest
1,858 posts
Location: Diss, Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posted:
Go on HoP before you go to lunch - if anyone asks you're on your break...
Go get lunch for the full hour/half hour.
Go on HoP and eat at your desk - you're on you're lunch remember...
Go on HoP before you go to lunch - if anyone asks you're on your break...
Go get lunch for the full hour/half hour.
Go on HoP and eat at your desk - you're on you're lunch remember...
There's too many home fires burning and not enough trees
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Also, Bambam once told me that looking as if you are fixing a stapler is a good idea too.
You can get at least 30 mins out of t before peopel will start to realise what you are doing..
I also
that "Stumble" button..
Also, Bambam once told me that looking as if you are fixing a stapler is a good idea too.
You can get at least 30 mins out of t before peopel will start to realise what you are doing..
I also
that "Stumble" button.. BRONZE Member
Born on a green light daddy-o!!!
126 posts
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
Born on a green light daddy-o!!!
126 posts
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
Posted:
-Go and make sure all the copy machines and fax machines have paper that should take a good 15min.
-Then make sure your desk is stocked, that will take a good 15 min.
-Then the trip to the office supplies closet takes at least 10-15min.
-Sit back down and ooppps you forgot to get more paper clips back to the office supply closet.
-Now you have all this stuff at your desk...another good 20min of organizing.
-Check all your websites real quick like me, make a post like this,
-Then do your stretches can't sit down without stretching
After all this you've killed a good hour:)
It's 2:46 now just another 2hr. 9min. left (according to the leave 5min. early rule:)
-Go and make sure all the copy machines and fax machines have paper that should take a good 15min.
-Then make sure your desk is stocked, that will take a good 15 min.
-Then the trip to the office supplies closet takes at least 10-15min.
-Sit back down and ooppps you forgot to get more paper clips back to the office supply closet.
-Now you have all this stuff at your desk...another good 20min of organizing.
-Check all your websites real quick like me, make a post like this,
-Then do your stretches can't sit down without stretching
After all this you've killed a good hour:)
It's 2:46 now just another 2hr. 9min. left (according to the leave 5min. early rule:)
When you're already walking on thin ice...why not dance?
Pooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
Posted:
ahhhh, i don't envy you guys.
today i went to work at 1:30 and then told my boss i was leaving at 2pm.
yay for being a 'manager'. lol
ahhhh, i don't envy you guys.
today i went to work at 1:30 and then told my boss i was leaving at 2pm.
yay for being a 'manager'. lol
I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.
newbie
20 posts
Location: arvada, CO
20 posts
Location: arvada, CO
Posted:
i will have to make a copy of this list and keep it hidden in my desk so i can refer to it often
i will have to make a copy of this list and keep it hidden in my desk so i can refer to it often
but now i know that sometimes if love proves real two people who were meant to be together nothing can keep them apart
real love lives forever
veteran
1,359 posts
Location: London/ Surrey
1,359 posts
Location: London/ Surrey
Posted:
Open some of the photocopier compartments up, and be poking around. You're 'fixing' it, and people will notice and appreciate that you're the only person that bothers to try and fix the bloody thing
Remember to keep a torn, crumpled bit of paper in your hand, so that if someone calls your bluff and offers to help, let them have a look with the disclaimer that you 'think you got all of it out'. Brandish the torn bit.
Open some of the photocopier compartments up, and be poking around. You're 'fixing' it, and people will notice and appreciate that you're the only person that bothers to try and fix the bloody thing
Remember to keep a torn, crumpled bit of paper in your hand, so that if someone calls your bluff and offers to help, let them have a look with the disclaimer that you 'think you got all of it out'. Brandish the torn bit.
The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.
Always make time to play in the snow.
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
if you make the office hot drinks (tea boy/girl) why not take 45 minuites to make them :lol
if you make the office hot drinks (tea boy/girl) why not take 45 minuites to make them :lol
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom
Posted:
Do a David Brent and have imaginery conversations with the speaking clock everynow and again.
Do a David Brent and have imaginery conversations with the speaking clock everynow and again.
Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat
'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
classic joe
classic joe newbie
11 posts
Location: PA
11 posts
Location: PA
Posted:
just pretend to be doing paperwork. if u look busy with papers in ur hand, no one will question it.
just pretend to be doing paperwork. if u look busy with papers in ur hand, no one will question it.
if everything happens for a reason,
why are there so many excuses?
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
need to check email fairly often too... and always reply, work related or not... if you have high cubical walls or if noone sits behind you facing the same way people will hear you typing and think you're working... or even keep a notepad list of things you need to do later and add things as you think of them or something like that.
need to check email fairly often too... and always reply, work related or not... if you have high cubical walls or if noone sits behind you facing the same way people will hear you typing and think you're working... or even keep a notepad list of things you need to do later and add things as you think of them or something like that.
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
SILVER Member
coming to a country near you
4,696 posts
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear, Australia
coming to a country near you
4,696 posts
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear, Australia
Posted:
dont. get. an. office. job?
dont. get. an. office. job?
"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"
jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
But if you don't work in an office, you actually have to do work, you can't just pretend...
But if you don't work in an office, you actually have to do work, you can't just pretend...
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
SILVER Member
veteran
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom
veteran
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom
Posted:
Plenty of times I've been working in factories and the blokes who know how to fix the machinery would break it on purpose out of boredom.
If you do work in an office you should know what the Alt + Tab keys do when used together
Either that or work as IT support. You could be sat there doing anything, 'cause Windows installs:
1. Take ages (especially on the crap computers used in offices)
2. Need you to sit there until it's done to answer obscure questions at seemingly random points.
3. May need doing for any number of stupid reasons.
Plenty of people have written books while in this job
Plenty of times I've been working in factories and the blokes who know how to fix the machinery would break it on purpose out of boredom.
If you do work in an office you should know what the Alt + Tab keys do when used together
Either that or work as IT support. You could be sat there doing anything, 'cause Windows installs:
1. Take ages (especially on the crap computers used in offices)
2. Need you to sit there until it's done to answer obscure questions at seemingly random points.
3. May need doing for any number of stupid reasons.
Plenty of people have written books while in this job
You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.
Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
And for those who work in hospitality-
polish wine glasses.
then polish the wine bottles.
And for those who work in hospitality-
polish wine glasses.
then polish the wine bottles.
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
You're not wrong... Do people even read their emails!?
I was a trainee in IT at my local council office for a year... and we needed to push out a huge update (can't remember what it was exactly) and it was gonna be messy cuz we were running Novell 4.6 or something...
So we sent out this email a week before it was happening, and again the night before going, "we're doing an update your computer will take ages to start up in the morning don't re-boot it" in the most firm but untechnical way we could without offending anyone...
and yet about 150 of our 300 users rebooted didn't they? so guess who had to go around to each and every computer and run a system restore from the Windows CD, and then boot the machine and supervise it untill the update had been pushed?
That's right, that's what trainees are for.
Written by: polarity
'cause Windows installs:
3. May need doing for any number of stupid reasons.
You're not wrong... Do people even read their emails!?
I was a trainee in IT at my local council office for a year... and we needed to push out a huge update (can't remember what it was exactly) and it was gonna be messy cuz we were running Novell 4.6 or something...
So we sent out this email a week before it was happening, and again the night before going, "we're doing an update your computer will take ages to start up in the morning don't re-boot it" in the most firm but untechnical way we could without offending anyone...
and yet about 150 of our 300 users rebooted didn't they? so guess who had to go around to each and every computer and run a system restore from the Windows CD, and then boot the machine and supervise it untill the update had been pushed?
That's right, that's what trainees are for.
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
GOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom
Posted:
Organise a great festival and give various people your works mobile number, then, when you keep getting loads of calls that you "have" to take during the day everyone thinks it's for the work you're there getting paid for
Organise a great festival and give various people your works mobile number, then, when you keep getting loads of calls that you "have" to take during the day everyone thinks it's for the work you're there getting paid for
Let's relight this forum 
SILVER Member
veteran
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom
veteran
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom
Posted:
Well I guess you do have to make up somewhere for the huge amount of work it takes to organise an event
Well I guess you do have to make up somewhere for the huge amount of work it takes to organise an event
You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.
Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
"Attempt to teach High School children chemistry."
You can spend years of your life and get nothing done.
"Attempt to teach High School children chemistry."
You can spend years of your life and get nothing done.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
Sponge
883 posts
Location: Stevenage
883 posts
Location: Stevenage
Posted:
Someone I work with does the 5 mins late to start the day, takes 10 mins extra for lunch but then stays an extra hour after work????
I think she likes having our boss to herself. Damn shame he doesn't like her!!! Hehe
If you have asthma or a cough, dust a lot (you can't work if you can't breathe properly)
Actually do mess around until you get moaned at
Get someones kids to visit so you can swoon and aww over them
Ensure that you have a pants boss that you can moan about a lot.
Or the ultimate, get very stressed and get signed off of work.
Someone I work with does the 5 mins late to start the day, takes 10 mins extra for lunch but then stays an extra hour after work????
I think she likes having our boss to herself. Damn shame he doesn't like her!!! Hehe
If you have asthma or a cough, dust a lot (you can't work if you can't breathe properly)
Actually do mess around until you get moaned at
Get someones kids to visit so you can swoon and aww over them
Ensure that you have a pants boss that you can moan about a lot.
Or the ultimate, get very stressed and get signed off of work.
Monkeys monkeys and bananas
BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Posted:
Loads of great suggestions!
In respect of the IT one...our system is so shite, that it crashes ALL DAY. Seriously. I spent an hour printing off 4 letters today, it was that slow. The other day it took me an hour to log in.
I'm not complaining I reckon the IT dept. (sorry.. I.S dept?? don't ask me what it stands for) do it on purpose.
I thought of another one today;
When you need to ask a colleague a question, wait till someone else has just gone up to ask her one, then go. you get at least 5-10min of standing around daydreaming time untill you can discuss your "problem"
Loads of great suggestions!
In respect of the IT one...our system is so shite, that it crashes ALL DAY. Seriously. I spent an hour printing off 4 letters today, it was that slow. The other day it took me an hour to log in.
I'm not complaining
I reckon the IT dept. (sorry.. I.S dept?? don't ask me what it stands for) do it on purpose.I thought of another one today;
When you need to ask a colleague a question, wait till someone else has just gone up to ask her one, then go. you get at least 5-10min of standing around daydreaming time untill you can discuss your "problem"
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
when i used to work as a scaffolder i had a "bitch" basicly my trainee. if i wanted to chill out i used to get him to crawl into the tight places to finish off the job so i could just kick back and pass him the equipment needed.
these weren't massive technical jobs just little small ones, i'd take my time basing out and erecting the main part but i'd had 4 years of crawling around red hot steam pipes so i felt it was his turn
when i used to work as a scaffolder i had a "bitch"
basicly my trainee. if i wanted to chill out i used to get him to crawl into the tight places to finish off the job so i could just kick back and pass him the equipment needed.these weren't massive technical jobs just little small ones, i'd take my time basing out and erecting the main part but i'd had 4 years of crawling around red hot steam pipes so i felt it was his turn
BRONZE Member
old hand
1,107 posts
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Australia
old hand
1,107 posts
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Australia
Posted:
get stuck behind a slow-moving wide load on the way out to site. You can't overtaken them so it takes at least an hour extra.
Maybe...
get stuck behind a slow-moving wide load on the way out to site. You can't overtaken them so it takes at least an hour extra.
Maybe...
There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.
BRONZE Member
1 + 1 = 3
3,540 posts
Location: Bristol UK
1 + 1 = 3
3,540 posts
Location: Bristol UK
Posted:
If you work in an office, it's also mandatory to know what the 'Windows logo key' + 'M' do...
If your company has a warehouse, go and lose yourself in there for a while, pretending to 'check stock' or in fact anything else you can get away with...
put a dartboard in said warehouse.
Become good friends with your boss, so that you can always go and have a chat with him/her, and waste plenty of time, and you can't get in trouble for not working, because they're doing exactly the same!!
Shredding documents is both useful and a great time filler.
Go on the regular shopping run for teabags, coffee, sugar and milk
More will come when I remember them...
If you work in an office, it's also mandatory to know what the 'Windows logo key' + 'M' do...
If your company has a warehouse, go and lose yourself in there for a while, pretending to 'check stock' or in fact anything else you can get away with...
put a dartboard in said warehouse.
Become good friends with your boss, so that you can always go and have a chat with him/her, and waste plenty of time, and you can't get in trouble for not working, because they're doing exactly the same!!
Shredding documents is both useful and a great time filler.
Go on the regular shopping run for teabags, coffee, sugar and milk
More will come when I remember them...
Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.
newbie
20 posts
20 posts
Posted:
"One word has kept the human race from advancing, and that word is...meetings".
I've always found volunteering for focus groups gets you plenty of time away from your desk.
In regular meetings turn up 5 minutes late, hopefully they will wait a while for you to start then you get the whole meeting out of 5 minutes of work.
Make sure to always ask questions with lots of drawn-out "what if..." examples so as to use up the facilitator's time and prevent you and your colleagues from having to return to your desks.
Quarterly briefings can be fun too - particularly if attendance isn't mandatory. If you attend not only do you get out of work but you look like a really conscientius (sp?) team player who is interested in the future of the company.
Oh and men, when taking those 10 toilet breaks a day, if you're questioned about it, say you're sick. Ladies, say it's that time of the month. Female bosses should nod and understand, male bosses should be freaked out enough to ask no further questions.
"One word has kept the human race from advancing, and that word is...meetings".
I've always found volunteering for focus groups gets you plenty of time away from your desk.
In regular meetings turn up 5 minutes late, hopefully they will wait a while for you to start then you get the whole meeting out of 5 minutes of work.
Make sure to always ask questions with lots of drawn-out "what if..." examples so as to use up the facilitator's time and prevent you and your colleagues from having to return to your desks.
Quarterly briefings can be fun too - particularly if attendance isn't mandatory. If you attend not only do you get out of work but you look like a really conscientius (sp?) team player who is interested in the future of the company.
Oh and men, when taking those 10 toilet breaks a day, if you're questioned about it, say you're sick. Ladies, say it's that time of the month. Female bosses should nod and understand, male bosses should be freaked out enough to ask no further questions.
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
And we wonder why the human race isn't advancing....
I finally work in an intelligent job. Not that the job I have couldn't be done by a computer, except that people don't trust computers (much like I have to put people on hold to "go ask the doctor" things that I don't really need to ask the doctor...), but more so that the boss's understand the concepts of "uptime" and "downtime."
Instead of being one of those places where you "always must be working" instead they just want things to run smoothly. When its busy in an emergency clinic its very busy. When its slow, it can be excruciatingly slow. If I sit down to read before I've cleaned an exam room or somesuch, they'd be upset. If I did it before filing or faxing things they would only care if I stayed late to do it later (as it happens I file/fax things when I see them). And if I choose to read instead of doing a big project one night, but work on it another night, thats also my choice. Usually I try and find work to do the first two hours of every shift, and then spend as much of the rest of the time as is slow:
doing sudoku
reading sci-fi
reading textbooks (1.5 so far)
checking my email/weather.com/once or twice HoP
looking up song lyrics
reading the news (especially during the olympics)
.... its a good job
And we wonder why the human race isn't advancing....
I finally work in an intelligent job. Not that the job I have couldn't be done by a computer, except that people don't trust computers (much like I have to put people on hold to "go ask the doctor" things that I don't really need to ask the doctor...), but more so that the boss's understand the concepts of "uptime" and "downtime."
Instead of being one of those places where you "always must be working" instead they just want things to run smoothly. When its busy in an emergency clinic its very busy. When its slow, it can be excruciatingly slow. If I sit down to read before I've cleaned an exam room or somesuch, they'd be upset. If I did it before filing or faxing things they would only care if I stayed late to do it later (as it happens I file/fax things when I see them). And if I choose to read instead of doing a big project one night, but work on it another night, thats also my choice. Usually I try and find work to do the first two hours of every shift, and then spend as much of the rest of the time as is slow:
doing sudoku
reading sci-fi
reading textbooks (1.5 so far)
checking my email/weather.com/once or twice HoP
looking up song lyrics
reading the news (especially during the olympics)
.... its a good job
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom
Posted:
Aimée's way of skipping photography.
Go to photography.
Explain you need to go to the library to do research.
Sit outside on a bench in the sunshine with a friend.
Skin up.
Sorted
Aimée's way of skipping photography.
Go to photography.
Explain you need to go to the library to do research.
Sit outside on a bench in the sunshine with a friend.
Skin up.
Sorted
SILVER Member
veteran
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom
veteran
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom
Posted:
https://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/security/76ed/
https://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/security/76ed/
You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.
Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.
BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Posted:
That would be ideal, if i didn't work in an openplan office!!
That would be ideal, if i didn't work in an openplan office!!
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
Similar Topics
Using the keywords [pink * guide working work] we found the following existing topics.
- Forums > Pink's Guide to Not Working at Work [33 replies]
Show more..
© 1998 - 2024 Home of Poi
All prices converted to United States dollars using XE.com