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Forums > Social Chat > 11 facts about chuck norris

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S3KnoT
BRONZE Member since Oct 2005

S3KnoT

NomadicRhythmSimulator
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 204
Posted:check this out ubblol

1. Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you cant see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

8. Chuck Norris doesnt wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.

10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris beard. There is only another fist.

Additional Chuck Norris Facts

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Crop circles are Chuck Norris way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, Two seconds til. After you ask, Two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

* Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldnt stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

* Chuck Norris doesnt churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

* The quickest way to a mans heart is with Chuck Norris fist.

* A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

* Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the Street Fighter II video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this glitch, Norris replied, Thats no glitch.

* The opening scene of the movie Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, Bang!

* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earths atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks arent the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse horses are hung like Chuck Norris

* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

* Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.

* Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.

* If you say Chuck Norris name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

* Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

* Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

* Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

* Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.

* Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

* Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

* As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

* Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a Who has more testicles? contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

ubblol


Petey: "i just finished a rubiks cube, from completely shuffled to not, in 1 minute 57 seconds "

Experiencing people is the best experience of all.

Govenor of Flynt's Ass...

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hamamelis
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

hamamelis

nut.
Location: Bouncing off the walls., Engla...

Total posts: 756
Posted:He *is* his Dad.

THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE EARTH!


If that's okay with you?

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bodhisattva
SILVER Member since Jun 2008

my body is a tattooed temple
Location: halifax, United Kingdom

Total posts: 366
Posted:then ... when did he lose himself ? biggrin

when the body is happy the mind smiles

to live a single day and hear a good teaching is better than to live a hundred without hearing such teaching

and everything is measured by the hole it leaves behind

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by :Poje


Since we are on the subject, did you guys know that Chuck lost his virginity before his dad?



You know I actually mulled this one over for a sec thinking you were serious?

Don't hold it against me... I woke up 10 minutes ago. ubblol


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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bodhisattva
SILVER Member since Jun 2008

my body is a tattooed temple
Location: halifax, United Kingdom

Total posts: 366
Posted:ubblol ubblolnice one doc that made me chuckle ubblol ubblol

when the body is happy the mind smiles

to live a single day and hear a good teaching is better than to live a hundred without hearing such teaching

and everything is measured by the hole it leaves behind

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PinkNigel


PinkNigel

Pinker than thou
Location: A little pink world all my own...

Total posts: 336
Posted:You could read "before" in the sense of "in front of"...

A wise man once said: "You have two ears and one mouth, therefore you should shut the censored up and listen" (though, to be fair, he might not've put it _quite_ like that..)

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hamamelis
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

hamamelis

nut.
Location: Bouncing off the walls., Engla...

Total posts: 756
Posted:It could be technically possible.

I'll leave you to figure out how..


THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE EARTH!


If that's okay with you?

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Fire_Moose
SILVER Member since May 2007

Fire_Moose

Elusive and Bearded
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, USA

Total posts: 3597
Posted:It's happened before....



Philip J. Fry killed his grandfather and had relations with his grandmother....thus becoming his own grandfather and losing his virginity before his dad....it's all very simple...take a look.



hmm that link doesnt seem to work, its here...



http://theinfosphere.org/Philip_J._Fry



about 2/3 of the way down.







http://theinfosphere.org/images/thumb/6/69/Fry_Family_Tree.png/350px-Fry_Family_Tree.png


O.B.E.S.E.

Owned by Mynci!

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by :hamamelis


It could be technically possible.



I guess, but only with a fair amount of modern technology.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Sambo_Flux
GOLD Member since Jun 2006

Sambo_Flux

Introverted
Location: Norf London, United Kingdom

Total posts: 833
Posted:Chuck Norris once had sex in the back of an articulated lorry, and a bit of his man-juice leaked down into the engine.

That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.


My Mind is a Ship
Emotions become the Waves
Soul is the Ocean

If a quizz is quizzical, what is a test?

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