Posted:ok so its taken me so long to get round to writing this but things happened this week that gave me an extra push. For all the time i have been on HOP you guys have been some of the most supportive people i have had the pleasure to meet. I have been reluctant to post things so many times due to past events as i don't want to come across in the wrong way. i know we have some very knowledgable people on the boards and i am guessing i am asking for help/advice/support.
As some of you may know i have BPD so i have many things going on right now including DBT
well it seems that i am rather poorly, apparently i am suffering from malnutrition, which would explain alot. apparently if you don't eat right for months on end this type of thing happens. i can not afford to buy all the fresh fruit and veg i need (the kids are being fed healthy though after all they come first with every) it also seems i have an eating disorder, its taking alot for me to write this but i am petrified about getting fat again, despite being around a size 8 i am still convinced i am far too fat.i know logicaly this can not be the case but you try telling my brain that. so at the minute i have 0 energy, ulsers on my tongue, my glands are up and i am just uber tired. Yesterday is what did it though, i had chest pains, pins and needles, out of breath,not being able to move much for about 2 hours. scared the shite out of me so i went to bed (No i didn't go to the docs for many reasons fear being the main one) I have no idea what i am going to do. its not as easy as just startng to eat neither is asking for help off someone. as all i get is "Well you know you have to eat" on the plus side i could get scurvey so i could be true pirate...ok so misplaced jokes but they are needed. so today after much bullying from a friend i went to see the doc. i am suffering malnutrition and have a mouth and throat full of ulcers, i have been put on antibiotics and when i told the doc that i have finaly come to terms with the fact i do have an eating disorder she just told me to eat. If only it was that easy, i told my cpn and all she said was "Well you have to start eating" i know this but the thought makes me want to vomit, i sat there this morning looking at the food i had been cooked and just couldn't eat it. (Solids dont go down too well either with ulcers) i know i need to stop this cycle now before it gets too far and i guess thats why i am writing this. as i said my kids must come first but its going to them no good if i am not fit enough to look after them, it has not got to that stage and i do have some support at home from friends, and well i seem to of lost/forgot the point of this post so i am just going to click continue
Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows