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Forums > Social Chat > S.A.U.F.S.S.B.S.A.C.O.N.M.M.G.N.A.C.A

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onewheeldave
Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: sheffield
Member Since: 28th Aug 2002
Total posts: 3252
Posted:Once again I come across a list concocted by some new-age-herbalist-reiki-wizard, of symptoms indicative of poor chi-flow/squashed chakras/energy-blockage; which claims that one sign of health issues is 'foul-smelling stools'



What do they expect- it's sh*t, it's supposed to smell bad!



Speaking personally, the day I produce a stool that doesn't smell foul, is the day I start to worry about my health.



It's clearly a cynical money-making scam targetted at poor old biddys with more money than sense, who're going to be so concerned at the 'health implications' of foul-smelling stools, that they're willing to pay 50 for some Reiki on their bowels.



So, I propose setting up-



S.A.U.F.S.S.B.S.A.C.O.N.M.M.G.N.A.C.A



(Society for the Acknowledgement of the Undeniable Fact that Sh*t Smells Bad, is Supposed to do so and Anyone who Claims Otherwise is Nothing More than a Money-Grubbing New-Age Con Artist)



Check this out- an 'expert' telling us what length and colour etc our stools 'should' be



Written by: from http://altmedicine.about.com/od/gettingdiagnosed/a/stools.htm





Stools: What's Healthy and What's Not



An ideal bowel movement is medium brown, the color of plain cardboard. It leaves the body easily with no straining or discomfort.



It should have the consistency of toothpaste, and be approximately 4 to 8 inches long.



Stools should enter the water smoothly and slowly fall once it reaches the water. There should be little gas or odor.







Seriously?!



It sounds like he's training his stools for Olympic diving contests?



(and how does he know that his stools have 'the consistency of toothpaste- are his stools so perfect that he brushes his teeth with them?)



There should be little odor?



What rubbish, it's a stool, and it's supposed to smell really bad; nature designed it that way to make sure people don't eat it.



Let's get a proper definition of what criteria an ideal stool should conform to-



Written by: official S.A.U.F.S.S.B.S.A.C.O.N.M.M.G.N.A.C.A:- criteria for stool excellence




The ideal stool is dark and pungent, with a rich glossy finish.



if it decides the 'enter the water smoothly and slowly' then fair enough, perhaps it's just having an off-day. But certainly, when it's an 'ideal stool' it will do nothing of the kind; instead it will impact the water with all the vigour and drama of a 25-stone man doing a belly-flop off a high cliff.



As for gas and odour, the ideal stool will have both in abundance- this isn't some shy fellow who's going to go from orifice to water and leave no trace that it ever existed. No, it will live its brief life to the full, with a vigour, noise and reeking odour, that leaves no doubt whatsoever as to its presence.



Certainly, the toilet in which it has been deposited should be totally uninhabital to any species that possess a nose, for a good 20 minutes, and, ideally, considerably longer.









Spread the word- 'My stools reek, and I'm damn proud of it!'.



If the society takes off, I suggest it should host an annual competition for 'Foulest Smelling Stool of the Year'- so, if one morning, you churn out a stool of exceptional odour, pop it in a sealable sandwich box, wrap the whole thing in celephane (keep in that precious competition-winning stench) and unveil it at the Nationals.



Who's in?


"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!

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Moka
Moka

is a medium/large scary man
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Mi...
Member Since: 31st Jul 2005
Total posts: 420
Posted:ditto
Need I remind everyone about the flash fire's PG status post...
http://www.homeofpoi.com/ubbthreads/show...5/o/all/fpart/1


Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Poo is PG, I think...

But there's still only so much you can say about it, and most of it's been said rolleyes

Now can we move onto a different topic? tongue


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:Written by: Moka

ditto
Need I remind everyone about the flash fire's PG status post...
http://www.homeofpoi.com/ubbthreads/show...5/o/all/fpart/1




That's a joke yeah? Since when was poo not PG?!?!?! Or did you manage to keep all yours in until you were 14 umm You may aswell say hands and feet and wee and hair and feelings and eyes and hearing and blood and bones aren't pg rolleyes

But anyway, that really is off topic wink And changing topic would be off topic too so unless someone of higher authority decides to close the thread and folks keep it above the line of toilet humour there's no harm in the thread.


Let's relight this forum ubblove

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:Written by: Dunc

Since when was poo not PG?!?!?! Or did you manage to keep all yours in until you were 14 umm You may aswell say hands and feet and wee and hair and feelings and eyes and hearing and blood and bones aren't pg rolleyes




And since we were all born naked I guess by that logic posting nude pictures is also PG. And I guess we were all conceived also, maybe someone will post a vid of that natural phenomena as well. wink


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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coleman
coleman

big and good and broken
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay
Member Since: 29th Aug 2002
Total posts: 7330
Posted:Written by: UnbeatenChampionOfFighting

and they are phantom poos actually wink



ackchewleigh, i think you'll find its all about the invisible poo smile


cole. x

i felt it come out,
but it wasn't there...


"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:Written by: NYC

Written by: Dunc

Since when was poo not PG?!?!?! Or did you manage to keep all yours in until you were 14 umm You may aswell say hands and feet and wee and hair and feelings and eyes and hearing and blood and bones aren't pg rolleyes




And since we were all born naked I guess by that logic posting nude pictures is also PG. And I guess we were all conceived also, maybe someone will post a vid of that natural phenomena as well. wink



Who's talking about graphic pictures and videos? I doth think you miss the point. Please stay reasonably close to the realms of topic.


Although, to briefly answer your post, pictures of nude zero year olds, I see nothing wrong with that as I'm not part the mass media paedo fear hype brigade. Pictures showing the chemical reactions between a sperm and an egg, and the subsequent chain reaction and cell divisions I see nothing wrong with that either.

But seeing as I'm "talking" about the natural process of evacuation of human waste in a sensible, mature and educational manner and it's not exactly posting scat pictures or being lewd now is it, and well within the PG standard Monsior NYC. Don't you ever teach this in your schools in Biology for example to children under 14? I know we do (or certainly did when I was at school) in the uk


Let's relight this forum ubblove

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onewheeldave
Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: sheffield
Member Since: 28th Aug 2002
Total posts: 3252
Posted:It's so unlike HOP-ers to be arguing about sh*t confused

wink


"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!

Delete

Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:ubblol Yeah sorry ubbangel

Let's relight this forum ubblove

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:I think we can both agree that there are appropriate and inappropriate poo discussions.

My point was in response to you implying that it was automatically appropriate just because children do it.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Delete

Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:In fairness, there's foul-smelling and then there's...foul-smelling. And believe me, there's a difference.

When it's really bad it can mean liver dysfunction or bleeding into the gut.

Trust me...some of the smells that have come wafting down the hallway in the hospital are beyond description.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:Dunc & NYC... You crack me up! biggrin

Of course you can maintain your Written by:
talking" about the natural process of evacuation of human waste in a sensible, mature and educational manner and it's not exactly posting scat pictures or being lewd

, just don't start flinging it around the place. It makes me gag.


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:In Japanese class we were looking through a kids book and it was called "let's go poo". We thought it was a bit strange. But we put together the paper model anyway!

Then there is the kid's book "the little mole who knew it was none of his business" brilliant book. I recomend everyone in this thread to go and read it.


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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clarence_quack
clarence_quack

QuackerJack
Location: over your left shoulder
Member Since: 23rd Feb 2005
Total posts: 1927
Posted:I thought this would kind of fit in with the theme.....
do the what kind of s*** are you quiz-
http://www.thisisacryforhelp.com/shitquiz.htm


Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:and roarfire thought *i* was bored! ubblol

ps: i got floater ubbloco


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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_Aime_
_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings
Member Since: 2nd Jan 2004
Total posts: 4172
Posted:Written by: Rouge Dragon

Then there is the kid's book "the little mole who knew it was none of his business" brilliant book. I recomend everyone in this thread to go and read it.



I have that book, its fantastic biggrin


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Docta
Docta

member
Location: Brisbane
Member Since: 20th Oct 2005
Total posts: 81
Posted:Written by: Sethis

Poo is PG, I think...

But there's still only so much you can say about it, and most of it's been said rolleyes

Now can we move onto a different topic? tongue



How about farts.......everyone loves a good fart joke, and it comes from the same place as the poo does..........it's the only logical progression for this poo thread.


Doc ubblol


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flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:I'd say that to go from poo to farts is in fact regression, as opposed to progression. It's like drinking the chaser without having the beer first... wink

HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:i think farts are funnier than poo. except for the word. "poo" is a very funny word!

POO!!


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

Delete

fNi
fNi

master of disaster
Location: New York
Member Since: 8th Mar 2004
Total posts: 3354
Posted:you need a chaser for beer.....whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!?!

beerchug beerchug


kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

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PyroWill
PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines
Member Since: 4th Aug 2004
Total posts: 4437
Posted:Girls dont poo!!!!

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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Dunc
Dunc

playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:Someone gave me a copy of THIS the other week, and when my music collection is on random and suddenly you get a full on Rectal Bismal Wet n Wimpy ripping through the speakers I can't help but snigger biggrin

Let's relight this forum ubblove

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Dressed in Black
Dressed in Black

A Fire Inside
Location: portsmouth and sometimes oxfor...
Member Since: 28th Feb 2005
Total posts: 191
Posted:so..i forgot my password..finally remembered it, thought i would do some forum cruising, and what do i find? a thread about POO.

::: I LiKe pLeAsUrE sPiKeD wItH pAiN - MuSiC iS mY aErOpLaNe :::

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flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:Was your password poo related? Cos if it is that would be too uncanny. biggrin

HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

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Dressed in Black
Dressed in Black

A Fire Inside
Location: portsmouth and sometimes oxfor...
Member Since: 28th Feb 2005
Total posts: 191
Posted:Written by: flash fire

Was your password poo related? Cos if it is that would be too uncanny. biggrin



No eek


::: I LiKe pLeAsUrE sPiKeD wItH pAiN - MuSiC iS mY aErOpLaNe :::

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:So have you changed it now so it is?

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Adya Miriyana
Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide
Member Since: 4th Feb 2005
Total posts: 6554
Posted:So i'm sitting in the library at uni.. reading a thread about poo. trying not to laugh.
ubblol

thanks for making me laugh anyway ubblol


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