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onewheeldaveGOLD Member
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom


Posted:
Once again I come across a list concocted by some new-age-herbalist-reiki-wizard, of symptoms indicative of poor chi-flow/squashed chakras/energy-blockage; which claims that one sign of health issues is 'foul-smelling stools'



What do they expect- it's sh*t, it's supposed to smell bad!



Speaking personally, the day I produce a stool that doesn't smell foul, is the day I start to worry about my health.



It's clearly a cynical money-making scam targetted at poor old biddys with more money than sense, who're going to be so concerned at the 'health implications' of foul-smelling stools, that they're willing to pay 50 for some Reiki on their bowels.



So, I propose setting up-



S.A.U.F.S.S.B.S.A.C.O.N.M.M.G.N.A.C.A



(Society for the Acknowledgement of the Undeniable Fact that Sh*t Smells Bad, is Supposed to do so and Anyone who Claims Otherwise is Nothing More than a Money-Grubbing New-Age Con Artist)



Check this out- an 'expert' telling us what length and colour etc our stools 'should' be



Written by: from https://altmedicine.about.com/od/gettingdiagnosed/a/stools.htm






Stools: What's Healthy and What's Not



An ideal bowel movement is medium brown, the color of plain cardboard. It leaves the body easily with no straining or discomfort.



It should have the consistency of toothpaste, and be approximately 4 to 8 inches long.



Stools should enter the water smoothly and slowly fall once it reaches the water. There should be little gas or odor.








Seriously?!



It sounds like he's training his stools for Olympic diving contests?



(and how does he know that his stools have 'the consistency of toothpaste- are his stools so perfect that he brushes his teeth with them?)



There should be little odor?



What rubbish, it's a stool, and it's supposed to smell really bad; nature designed it that way to make sure people don't eat it.



Let's get a proper definition of what criteria an ideal stool should conform to-



Written by: official S.A.U.F.S.S.B.S.A.C.O.N.M.M.G.N.A.C.A:- criteria for stool excellence





The ideal stool is dark and pungent, with a rich glossy finish.



if it decides the 'enter the water smoothly and slowly' then fair enough, perhaps it's just having an off-day. But certainly, when it's an 'ideal stool' it will do nothing of the kind; instead it will impact the water with all the vigour and drama of a 25-stone man doing a belly-flop off a high cliff.



As for gas and odour, the ideal stool will have both in abundance- this isn't some shy fellow who's going to go from orifice to water and leave no trace that it ever existed. No, it will live its brief life to the full, with a vigour, noise and reeking odour, that leaves no doubt whatsoever as to its presence.



Certainly, the toilet in which it has been deposited should be totally uninhabital to any species that possess a nose, for a good 20 minutes, and, ideally, considerably longer.










Spread the word- 'My stools reek, and I'm damn proud of it!'.



If the society takes off, I suggest it should host an annual competition for 'Foulest Smelling Stool of the Year'- so, if one morning, you churn out a stool of exceptional odour, pop it in a sealable sandwich box, wrap the whole thing in celephane (keep in that precious competition-winning stench) and unveil it at the Nationals.



Who's in?

"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!


MokaGOLD Member
is a medium/large scary man
420 posts
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Milky Way...


Posted:
ditto
Need I remind everyone about the flash fire's PG status post...
[Old link]

Contact Juggling was invented by dung beetles.


SethisBRONZE Member
1,762 posts
Location: York University, United Kingdom


Posted:
Poo is PG, I think...

But there's still only so much you can say about it, and most of it's been said rolleyes

Now can we move onto a different topic? tongue

After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: Moka


ditto
Need I remind everyone about the flash fire's PG status post...
[Old link]




That's a joke yeah? Since when was poo not PG?!?!?! Or did you manage to keep all yours in until you were 14 umm You may aswell say hands and feet and wee and hair and feelings and eyes and hearing and blood and bones aren't pg rolleyes

But anyway, that really is off topic wink And changing topic would be off topic too so unless someone of higher authority decides to close the thread and folks keep it above the line of toilet humour there's no harm in the thread.

Let's relight this forum ubblove


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
Written by: Dunc


Since when was poo not PG?!?!?! Or did you manage to keep all yours in until you were 14 umm You may aswell say hands and feet and wee and hair and feelings and eyes and hearing and blood and bones aren't pg rolleyes





And since we were all born naked I guess by that logic posting nude pictures is also PG. And I guess we were all conceived also, maybe someone will post a vid of that natural phenomena as well. wink

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


colemanSILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: UnbeatenChampionOfFighting


and they are phantom poos actually wink




ackchewleigh, i think you'll find its all about the invisible poo smile


cole. x

i felt it come out,
but it wasn't there...

"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: NYC


Written by: Dunc


Since when was poo not PG?!?!?! Or did you manage to keep all yours in until you were 14 umm You may aswell say hands and feet and wee and hair and feelings and eyes and hearing and blood and bones aren't pg rolleyes





And since we were all born naked I guess by that logic posting nude pictures is also PG. And I guess we were all conceived also, maybe someone will post a vid of that natural phenomena as well. wink




Who's talking about graphic pictures and videos? I doth think you miss the point. Please stay reasonably close to the realms of topic.


Although, to briefly answer your post, pictures of nude zero year olds, I see nothing wrong with that as I'm not part the mass media paedo fear hype brigade. Pictures showing the chemical reactions between a sperm and an egg, and the subsequent chain reaction and cell divisions I see nothing wrong with that either.

But seeing as I'm "talking" about the natural process of evacuation of human waste in a sensible, mature and educational manner and it's not exactly posting scat pictures or being lewd now is it, and well within the PG standard Monsior NYC. Don't you ever teach this in your schools in Biology for example to children under 14? I know we do (or certainly did when I was at school) in the uk

Let's relight this forum ubblove


onewheeldaveGOLD Member
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom


Posted:
It's so unlike HOP-ers to be arguing about sh*t confused

wink

"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."

--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
ubblol Yeah sorry ubbangel

Let's relight this forum ubblove


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
I think we can both agree that there are appropriate and inappropriate poo discussions.

My point was in response to you implying that it was automatically appropriate just because children do it.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,922 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
In fairness, there's foul-smelling and then there's...foul-smelling. And believe me, there's a difference.

When it's really bad it can mean liver dysfunction or bleeding into the gut.

Trust me...some of the smells that have come wafting down the hallway in the hospital are beyond description.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


flash fireBRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia


Posted:
Dunc & NYC... You crack me up! biggrin

Of course you can maintain your
Written by:

talking" about the natural process of evacuation of human waste in a sensible, mature and educational manner and it's not exactly posting scat pictures or being lewd


, just don't start flinging it around the place. It makes me gag.

HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
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If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
In Japanese class we were looking through a kids book and it was called "let's go poo". We thought it was a bit strange. But we put together the paper model anyway!

Then there is the kid's book "the little mole who knew it was none of his business" brilliant book. I recomend everyone in this thread to go and read it.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


clarence_quackSILVER Member
QuackerJack
1,927 posts
Location: over your left shoulder, Australia


Posted:
I thought this would kind of fit in with the theme.....
do the what kind of s*** are you quiz-
https://www.thisisacryforhelp.com/shitquiz.htm

Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
and roarfire thought *i* was bored! ubblol

ps: i got floater ubbloco

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


_Aime_SILVER Member
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: Rouge Dragon


Then there is the kid's book "the little mole who knew it was none of his business" brilliant book. I recomend everyone in this thread to go and read it.




I have that book, its fantastic biggrin

DoctaGOLD Member
81 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
Written by: Sethis


Poo is PG, I think...

But there's still only so much you can say about it, and most of it's been said rolleyes

Now can we move onto a different topic? tongue




How about farts.......everyone loves a good fart joke, and it comes from the same place as the poo does..........it's the only logical progression for this poo thread.


Doc ubblol

flash fireBRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia


Posted:
I'd say that to go from poo to farts is in fact regression, as opposed to progression. It's like drinking the chaser without having the beer first... wink

HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
i think farts are funnier than poo. except for the word. "poo" is a very funny word!

POO!!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


fNiGOLD Member
master of disaster
3,354 posts
Location: New York, USA


Posted:
you need a chaser for beer.....whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!?!

beerchug beerchug

kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more


PyroWillGOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom


Posted:
Girls dont poo!!!!

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


DuncGOLD Member
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom


Posted:
Someone gave me a copy of THIS the other week, and when my music collection is on random and suddenly you get a full on Rectal Bismal Wet n Wimpy ripping through the speakers I can't help but snigger biggrin

Let's relight this forum ubblove


Dressed in BlackBRONZE Member
191 posts
Location: portsmouth and sometimes oxford, United Kingdom


Posted:
so..i forgot my password..finally remembered it, thought i would do some forum cruising, and what do i find? a thread about POO.

::: I LiKe pLeAsUrE sPiKeD wItH pAiN - MuSiC iS mY aErOpLaNe :::


flash fireBRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia


Posted:
Was your password poo related? Cos if it is that would be too uncanny. biggrin

HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.


Dressed in BlackBRONZE Member
191 posts
Location: portsmouth and sometimes oxford, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: flash fire


Was your password poo related? Cos if it is that would be too uncanny. biggrin




No eek

::: I LiKe pLeAsUrE sPiKeD wItH pAiN - MuSiC iS mY aErOpLaNe :::


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
So have you changed it now so it is?

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


Adya MiriyanaGOLD Member
*slou?
6,554 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia


Posted:
So i'm sitting in the library at uni.. reading a thread about poo. trying not to laugh.
ubblol

thanks for making me laugh anyway ubblol

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