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Forums > Social Discussion > Social "Rules": Picking up/Pulling People

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:So I was on the subway the other day and I saw a very fit boy, in fact the only straight one I've seen since coming to the city thats struck my fancy in any real way. Oddly enough he got off at my stop, as well, which *almost* led me to try saying something to him, altho I knew it wasn't considered socially ... well.. polite. Especially because he had headphones on (I might have otherwise).

So....

If a random girl approached you on public transport (assuming thats the normal way to get around there) would you be offended?
Would you give her a chance?
Would it make a difference if you didn't have headphones on?
Do you think new yorkers aversion to this is different to everyone else's?

Please understand I'm not trying to be gender discriminatory, but there's always added stuff when guys go up randomly to girls, and gay males seem to have their own convoluted rules....


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I'd think it was neat. Especially if it was you wink biggrin tongue

Seriously, I have a dislike of the assumption that a guy has to make the first move, and that you can't walk up to a complete stranger and talk to them.

I've had a couple of really nice conversations on train journeys that have lasted 7 hours, and some of the people are really nice. Some are also complete freaks, but hey... you play, you pay.

So to answer your questions, if a girl walked up to me, no I wouldn't be offended, yes I'd "give her a chance" whatever THAT means in your convoluted relationship-speak... wink ubblol

Headphones are irrelevant, and I don't wear headphones in public much anyway. They distance you from people, so I avoid them. Also they can be dangerous. It's much more fun to listen to other people's conversations anyway!

Oh, and the only time I've been to NY was when I was 1 and a bit years old, so shrug to the last question.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Wow - I'm getting hope that the old stereotypes actually may crumble somedays....

Kyrian clap nice approach! I too see no point in "the guy has to make the first approach"... (whereas we all know that it's the girl who lures him in the first place wink )

To the questions:

If a random girl approached you on public transport... or anywhere else - that's honesty and bravery, self esteem and much more - who could get offended by that?

Would you give her a chance? certainly would give her a chance to make friends smile

Would it make a difference if you didn't have headphones on? Nope smile

Do you think new yorkers aversion to this is different to everyone else's? Yepp - new yorkians are far more paranoid than anyone else on this planet wink

(*yikes! ouch!*) wink

Good luck - who knows maybe you run into him again? I'll keep my fingers x-ed 4 u

weavesmiley


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Written by: Kyrian

So I was on the subway the other day and I saw a very fit boy, in fact the only straight one I've seen since coming to the city thats struck my fancy in any real way.



You are absolutely crazy. They should definitely make a reality show about you. I would totally watch it. In fact, I'd buy the whole season on DVD.

1) You're picking up a guy that you haven't actually spoken to, judging him solely on looks.

2) You're picking him up on the New York City subway. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the subway more than most people... but that's GOT to be the sketchiest place in the world to pick up a guy.

3) I saw a New York City joke book of rules that stated "While on the subway, do not make eyecontact with anyone over the age of 4. Anyone under the age of 4 is at your discretion." I mean, since all of my friends and family members take the subway, there is a statistical probability that there are some lovely folks on any given train... theoretically.

If you were my sister, I'd yell at you... But since you're not, I think it's MUCH more fun if you go for it and then tell us about how it ended up (once you get out of the hospital, police station, white slave trade, etc...)

Oh, and a few years ago there was a ruling that, due to gender equity, it IS legal for both men and women to ride the subway topless. So I'd recommend taking your shirt off before asking him out. It's GOT to improve your odds.

[Sudden shift to on topic]

I find that good advice for asking someone out is: "Don't be afraid of getting rejected for doing something you believe in, because you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't respect that about you anyway."

That is... if you are an independant woman, and you show that by asking him out, and he can't deal because he doesn't want an independant woman, then you don't want him anyway and you just saved yourself a bad date.

"Being Yourself" from the first minute of a possible relationship will only help find out if you're with the right person.

If you want to be with someone who would accept a girl asking a guy out, then ask him out.

And now you can put out an ad in the Village Voice like all the other "I saw you on the subway and you were hot but I was to chicken to ask you out" losers... I mean people.

wink

hug


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Written by: NYC


You are absolutely crazy. They should definitely make a reality show about you. I would totally watch it. In fact, I'd buy the whole season on DVD.




ubblol
I feel loved.

Written by: NYC

1) You're picking up a guy that you haven't actually spoken to, judging him solely on looks.




this I do all the time tongue its a starting point. if they're stupid/annoying/etc you move on.

Written by: NYC

2) You're picking him up on the New York City subway. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the subway more than most people... but that's GOT to be the sketchiest place in the world to pick up a guy.



This is the only reason I didn't go up to him then and there. And as it stands, I still thought about it when he got off at my stop, but I wound up deciding the combination of "its the subway" "people think of picking people up on the subway as sketcy, me included" and "he's wearing headphones and moving quickly" (ok, most new yorkers are...) made me decide it wasn't a well thought out decision.

Obviously I am now contemplating whether this might be ok in the future. I think the answer people are saying is "yes" altho in some cases its only so that they can be entertained, not because they think its the slightest bit of a good idea tongue

A quick clarification- I not only have no problem making the first move but rarely (in fact twice ever) have I not... generally it seems to be that I move faster than the boys as I certainly get a fair number who are interested in me that I'm not so keen on. Its the specific enviroment (subway, tube, etc, big city public trans, and ever so specifically the new york subway altho I know not everyone's to know that.... Tho I wouldn't have done it on the tube either, not living in london....)

And as a really really freaky aside, I would just like to let everyone know that I saw a boy at the kings cross station in london in november who could very nearly have been this ones doppleganger. If it was in fact the same person, I'm scared. But I kind of doubt it.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:ubblol did that prove my statement or what? wink smile

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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fluffy napalm fairy


fluffy napalm fairy

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Brum / Dorset / Fairy Land

Total posts: 3638
Posted:I think it's exactly the 'don't make eye contact with anyone' that makes these places so sketchy.

I always chat to people on public transport. Male and female. And will be quite open to flirting etc if the initial chat goes well biggrin Mainly on trains, but also on tube, busses, waiting at bus n train stops etc etc..... I have made some wicked friends on short bus rides all over the UK who I bump into at parties and festivals and sometimes on a bus again in a totally different place. You wouldn't believe the number of people you are connected to by a few mutual friends - and you would never know if you didn't chill out and have a chat every now and again.

As for girls going up to guys - it answers your question itself. If the guy is sketched out by it - then he's not in the same mindset as you so no harm done. If it's all cool - then so is he - and therefore that's good too biggrin


Geologists do it in the dirt................ spank

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:Written by: NYC


I find that good advice for asking someone out is: "Don't be afraid of getting rejected for doing something you believe in, because you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't respect that about you anyway."




Oh that's awesome!!! I wish someone would have told me that about 2 weeks ago!!!


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:Written by: fluffy napalm fairy

I think it's exactly the 'don't make eye contact with anyone' that makes these places so sketchy.

I always chat to people on public transport. Male and female.



Ditto biggrin
It makes my train ride to college much more interesting. This 40 something man started talking to me the other day. He told me he was a jockey, on his way to Tokeyo for a race. On a train headed for Brighton I seriously doubt that was true..but it still made me smile smile

As for talking to men on the train? Go for it! You've got nothing to lose, besides your hand bag when they mug you wink


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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I don't tend to carry a handbag in new york, (or at all, altho less here) and in fact am often without or very low on cash. I also seldom have my credit/atm card. This has in fact proven annoying twice but by and large I figure its not a bad habit just because I tend to wander around looking lost after dark. Of course there's other problems with that but a girl needs food tongue

There must be something about HoPpers that only Lightning and NYC actually find it at all bad of an idea. Well, new mental note: "next time you see a boy in london have a go" biggrin
Still undecided about the safety of the new york bit but generally more pleased with the reaction/socialness of it.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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fNi
GOLD Member since Mar 2004

fNi

master of disaster
Location: New York

Total posts: 3354
Posted:Yeah, there's something about the New York subway system I still don't trust

kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Written by: Kyrian




There must be something about HoPpers that only Lightning and NYC actually find it at all bad of an idea.





You mean the only two people that actually live in New York? And you're forgetting fNi. smile



I also think it gets a bit desperate picking someone up on the subway. The only thing you've got in common is that you are one of the 7 million people that need to get from point A to point B. Then again, with the speed you go through boys, perhaps that's an effective strategy.



eek



In fact, those unlimited metro cards work every 18 minutes. You could meet a guy in the station, make out with him for 18 minutes and then buzz him through the turnstile just in time to meet your next guy. He gets a free subway ride, and you get a free snog.



I'm tellin' you... there's potential here.



hug


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Yes, let's go.
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fNi
GOLD Member since Mar 2004

fNi

master of disaster
Location: New York

Total posts: 3354
Posted:ubblol @ NYC

I think there's a difference between 'making eye contact with someone', having a chat on a bus/train ride, and going up to someone and making a move. Its not a question of a female making the first move, but IMO, the first thing I'd think of if someone were to come up to me is 'great', and immediately make sure everything was secure, and be extra wary of any extra nudges wink But maybe that's my paranoid New Yorker attitude

[aside]
and y'might want to carry a bit of extra cash with ya..just sayin. You never know when the next blackout will be biggrin


kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:You know, its funny that you say that NYC, because my three relationships have lasted nine months, nine months, and 7mos+..... Yes, I kind of flit between one thing and the next between relationships, but I don't have a different bf every two weeks, and even my last "between relationships" thing managed to last 4.5 mos.....

However, I am not going to make out with guys in the subway station!

Fni hadn't responded yet when I made the post.

Yeah, there's a trend here and on another board I posted on, which is that everyone thinks its a good idea unless they live in NYC!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:How much more dodgy can it be than hooking up with a total stranger you meet at a club? Rmembering that in clubs you have the added advantage of he could be on the prowl and sleazy, some rohipnohl (sp?) in his pocket just for your Sea Breeze, and some mates waiting outside for you both when you leave?

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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i8beefy2
GOLD Member since Mar 2003

i8beefy2

addict
Location: Ohio, USA

Total posts: 674
Posted:As a shy guy I just want to say that I am fully and completely behind the idea of girls coming up and making my aquantence randomly. Be forward, tell me you find me attractive and ask me out for coffee or something. Even if I have my headphones on.

I'd politely turn you down, because I am happily involved with someone right now, but you can at least know two things: 1) you made my day brighter anyway by making me feel attractive, and guys like that too ya know, 2) you have a definitive answer to your "what if" scenario here...

At least you know that it would or wouldnt work. And as a guy, I'd have to say that I would prefer it if this particular one, the "guys make the first move" one, didn't bloody exist. It would have made me happier a lot sooner if it didn't. smile


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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: NYC

In fact, those unlimited metro cards work every 18 minutes. You could meet a guy in the station, make out with him for 18 minutes and then buzz him through the turnstile just in time to meet your next guy. He gets a free subway ride, and you get a free snog.




Kyri, would you like me to smack him or would you like me to hold him down while you do it?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: Kyrian

gay males seem to have their own convoluted rules....



It's simple. "Don't ask a guy out unless you're either in a gay space or you're DAMNED SURE he's gay because getting bashed is bad, mmkay?"


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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animatEd
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK

Total posts: 3540
Posted:Written by: Doc Lightning

It's simple. "Don't ask a guy out unless you're either in a gay space or you're DAMNED SURE he's gay because getting bashed is bad, mmkay?"



ubblol

Not all straight guys are gay-bashers, you know...

Some of us find it a compliment.

On-Topic:

I would absolutely love it if a random girl on the street came up to me, told me I was hot, and then asked me out for a drink or coffee or something.

Such an ego boost, and us guys love Ego boosts. biggrin


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Written by: Doc Lightning

Kyri, would you like me to smack him or would you like me to hold him down while you do it?



I said it before and I'll say it again: Leave me out of your kinky fetish fantasys.

ubblol


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Lost83spy
BRONZE Member since Sep 2005

Lost83spy

Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
Location: Somewhere, out there...

Total posts: 587
Posted:When it comes to approaching guys, I get shy. Maybe because I'm scared of the reaction I'll get, or my fear of rejection. It's happened to me twice now, where I've messed up an opportunity to ask them out to coffee. Two years later, to my dismay, I found out that both guys liked me at that time, but because I didnt make a move I lost out. One of them has a steady girlfriend and the other is getting married at the end of the month frown

I think its totally ok for a girl to approach a guy, I have no problems with that...


It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others

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Lavatwilight
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Lavatwilight

old hand
Location: Wellington somerset, UK

Total posts: 834
Posted:I met my girly, at the train station and that was what 11 months ago biggrin

so train stations are perfect places to find some one!


Drawings by chalk minds, strech between the stars

Kyle Mclean-
Contact without dance is like sex without wiggling.
A) it does feel as good
B) it does not look as good on film

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: Leaning_Towards_Corruption

Not all straight guys are gay-bashers, you know...

Some of us find it a compliment.




1) You're hot
2) I'll remember that next time I see you. ubblol


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: NYC

I said it before and I'll say it again: Leave me out of your kinky fetish fantasys.

ubblol



See? It's homophobia. It's everywhere. wink ubblol hug


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:

Written by: Doc Lightning

Kyri, would you like me to smack him or would you like me to hold him down while you do it?
Written by:
Written by: NYC

I said it before and I'll say it again: Leave me out of your kinky fetish fantasys.



See? It's homophobia. It's everywhere.




I somehow assumed Kyrian was female and you were male. Which one was I wrong about?

ubbangel


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I think he's calling NYC homophobic by accusing him of being kinky by referencing the holding down and hitting part... I think...

But then, not all straight guys are kinky bashers you know... Some of us find it a compliment wink biggrin ubblol


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I imagine the implication, as much as NYC isn't going to admit it, is that Mike might have further involvement

This has gone ridiculously far off topic

I asked some other english boys and they all seemed keen enough altho they admitted it would make it obvious I was foreign, but were it london I would be foreign and they thought it would suit.

However, NYC (the city) is indeed its own bag of chips.

And NYC, the person, should be social smile tongue


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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