Forums > Social Chat > Walking alone at night, and the company you collect...

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:I walk places alot. And get the train. I don't drive, so walking and trains are my only choice. At 17 I'm old enough not to keep bothering mum for lifts, and my season ticket to college pretty much takes me where ever I want to go.



But walking home at 11pm+ by yourself holds it problems...



Men like to follow me. Foreign men.

Take last night for example. I'd been to Collington in Bexhill, to Colins house with LtC. I left at around 10.30 and trained back to St.Leonards.

I get off the train and start to walk up the hill in the direction of home when I spot man pushing a bicycle on the other side of the road looking at me.

He stays looking at me for a minute or two before crossing over and turning into a road I had just past. Thats ok. No problem. Hes gone.

I continue walking, up the big steps to the main road, then boof!, man pushing bicycle turns out of a road and starts walking next to me. He did this the whole way home making suggestions that I be his girlfriend, and if I did agree to it, he could make me very happy with descriptions of how he could make me happy. Ew. "I have a boyfriend, I'm not interested", dosn't get rid of him..and he continues.



Only when I said 'I have to cross over now' did this man stop talking to me. Instead he stayed 10 steosp behind me on the other side of the road. Stopping with his bicycle periodically as I slowed down/speed up.

Dude! I can hear the damn spokes! I know your following me!



I hit the turning to my road and practically run to my house, get in and collapse on mum.



This happens too often! I'm sick of it! It makes me so angry mad



I can't count on both hands the amount of times a foreign man has approached me and asked me for one thing or another...

I make a joke of it most times, but how many times is it going to be before one of them dosn't take no for an answer?



Mum has suggested getting me a rape alarm, and even a pepper spray, but it just seemes absoloutly absured that I need those things for a 10 minute walk from the station to my house, or from a club to the taxi rank.



I really really don't want to go back to your house/party/kebab shop, I don't care if you think I have very pretty eyes/legs/boobs, and really wish that you would leave me alone!

But I don't say that do I, I make petty conversation in the hope that you'll go away - but you never do!!! mad frown

Argh!







ubbcrying

EDITED_BY: Aime (1160074202)


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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:Damn your being totally irresistible!

hug


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:I dont think it's about Aimee being totally irresistable (even though she obviously IS!) These blokes although aren't doing you any harm, they're making you feel uncomfortable, and I'm 24 I'd be bloody scared if I was in your shoes.
I think a rape alarm and pepper spray are a good idea, just so you know you have them as a safety measure.
I'm sorry you feel unsafe in your area frown thats horrible


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:you can get a marker spray that you can spar in the face and a man with a bright orange face is easy for police to spot, best thing is.....it stays on for days biggrin


if you had pepper spray you would be calssed as carrying an offencive weapon


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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I'm all for the pepper spray. Aimee, please, honey. It takes much less than a 10 minute walk for someone to grab you, drag you into the bushes, and rape you.

Take the pepper spray.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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[noodles]


[noodles]

*Property of Pigeon Wigeon*
Location: Locked In Pigeons Chimney

Total posts: 893
Posted:Docs right (of course, he's a doctor tongue). Better to be safe than sorry. Get the alarm and maybe the dye foam spray. Pepper spray is illegal in the UK so you'd get charged for carrying it. Saying that a small can of hairspray might have the desired effect it sprayed in the face of an attacker.

Could somebody stop the room please... I'd like to get off

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:learning self defence is a step in the right direction too. Just holding your key between your knuckles is a sure fire way of damaging an attacker if you punch em smack bang in the eye! oh yeah! POW! gimp goes down!

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:These guys sound creepy rather than threatening (I'm not suggesting that they arn't threatening)

A few things pop into my mind.

Why do poeple actually do this? I can't imagine it ever working as a method "out on the pull".

Why are they all foreign? Or rather, why is it foreign men in particular that are going to do this? Do foreign resond favourable to this kind of crap, or how do they respond unfavourably?

Foreign from where?


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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Pigeon_Wigeon
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Pigeon_Wigeon

Say what?
Location: Surrey/Portsmouth

Total posts: 4760
Posted:Wave you arms around and chatter loudly.. smile Or phone someone smile

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:Kick 'em in the nads?

It'd discourage me, I can tell ya...


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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Pigeon_Wigeon
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Pigeon_Wigeon

Say what?
Location: Surrey/Portsmouth

Total posts: 4760
Posted:Ha ha ha how comes I never get these kinda approaches?

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:I never get them either...

But with all the whinging Aime's giving, I'm guessing this is a good thing... tongue wink

hug


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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steaks
SILVER Member since Dec 2005

steaks

former manc tour guide
Location: Manchester

Total posts: 1909
Posted:when i worked in a club in town a few of the girls would walk across town to the taxi rank/ train station/ bus stop or even home with their mobile phone next to their ear pretending to chat to someone, but also keeping their thumb over the number 9 button. people rarely gave them [censored] and if they did they just hit the button 3 times then call smile
id also recomend the personal alarm and the spray (not pepper though frown damn the law)

hug


Owned by the lovely SNOOPoi
Owner of Clarence_Quack

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Aimee, it isn't just Hastings that has such creeps. I routinely get the same thing where I live in the states, but they aren't foreigners doing it over here. It's not fun at all, and I fully sympathesize with you. I also think that steaks suggestion of seeming like you are talking on your cell phone is a good one.

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:smile

I don't know why its always foreign men..it just is..Hastings and St.Leonards especially is an asylum seeker hotspot..

I know Hastings isn't the only place. Its pretty much everywhere you go..which is bad..and annoying.
It makes me laugh sometimes at the way these guys talk..you've told me I'm very pretty - of course I'm going to sleep with you!

Have advised mum to get me a rape alarm thingy..and phone Idea is good smile Thanks guys hug

And to add insult to injury, somebody stole our potted orange trees from the front garden this morning, fantastic smile


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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Yeah ide say go for the rape alarm cousre it will get rid of them in a second.



'Hello sexy, will you be my girlfriend'



'im not interested piss off *ALARM ALARM ALARM*



(shock on the odd mens faces) eek *they run off really quickly and never talk to you again*



*you laugh* ubblol


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:Don't do the phone thing if you have a newish/ camera or expensive phone... it can make you a target instead. Keep it in your pocket with your finger on 9, you can dial or talk loudly.

Instead of the pepper spray, hairspray is good and places like superdrug do 'travel size' that are ideal, or perfume atomisers are even teenier for ickle pockets and stings like feck. biggrin


The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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the looney bean


member
Location: halifax uk

Total posts: 45
Posted:pepper spray may be illegal but deep heat isn't and it works just as well

those who are possessed by nothing possess everything

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Rape alarms? I dunno, it just strikes me that it's liable to be exactly as effective as a car alarm.

What non-lethal defenses are available?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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thegreatBJ


Woman! Not gay Man!
Location: Hull...ish

Total posts: 332
Posted:something very similar happened to me a wile ago whilst I was shopping... a guy stood behind me on the esculator in the shooping center and started talking to me... at first I pretended to ignore him but (being a STUPEDLY polite person) I couldnt do this for very long, I said hello and he gave me his name, I told him a fake name and attempted to walk away...

this guy followed me for about 4 or 5 shops waiting outside until I came out... eventually I whent into the best goth shop in town where I know most of the people who work their and one of my friends (a scaryish looking guy who works there) threatened to kick him out if he came in and that if he was still hanging around outside then he'd tell him to move away from the shop... I hung around in there for a wile and eventually he gave up and whent away

This happens to me a lot and Ive been thinking of getting a rape alarm but Ive been worried about it not having much effect what with everyone only minding their own buissness all the time

I cant understand how you'd feel in the middle of the night though Amiee, this was in the middle of the day


I AM NOT A GAY MAN!

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:One thing that a lot of people talk about in these situations is "changing the script". A lot of would be attackers have a picture in their heads of how things are going to happen, but if you can change the script, you may be able to get away. Having a rape alarm can be effective as it changes the script. Fighting, shouting for the cops, pulling out your phone and dialling, pretending you are about to throw up, all sorts of things can change the script.

As to the "foreign" thing. These guys are obviously not "psychotic men out to do evil". Rather they are displaced people who do not understand or appreciate the rules of the society that they are located in. It is a cultural difference.

I am not sure whether I would be brave enough to try this, however somewhere in the back of my mind I am wondering what would happen if you calmly said "Why are you being so disrespectful? I simply cannot afford to take the bus".


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:eek this must be sooo creepy! I really have no idea why some people do this! They don't know what they are doing and that's the scariest thing about it - fully unaware of the situation (one
hopes at l
east)...

I suggest as the others! But especially do not be scared.... haha I know... If you try to talk to him, be calm but certain: "Listen I'm not interested - I do have a boyfriend and what you are doing here is making me scared - (please) leave me alone or I would have to call the police!" You have to say it straight and decisive! Not much shivering in the voice. And you hav to do it then - I mean calling the police. He might actually be a nice guy with only problem is the approach to women... yet if he doesn't leave
you alone it's far better if the police knows who he is.

There are a lot of weirdos out there and this is so sad.

Unfortunately I'm not so sure about the keything though. As with all weapons - you have to absolutely be ready and willing to put them in use - so training would be recommended

Dunno really what to say - I'm happy in that respect to be a man... As long as I'm not willing to spend money - the counterpart is not interested anywahy\\ys and leaves me along with no problem...

I wish it would be the same with everyone....

enjoy th eholiodays and all the best for you and your family... happy holidays...


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I'm not sure about telling them that you're going to phone the police. I mean, maybe they'll get scared and try and stop you? Then violence has started, and damn if that isn't pretty. As soon as you try and pull out your phone then they've got 2 options: Walk away or stop you dialling.

Probably better to get the rape alarm. Also even if you don't go to clases, read up on some self defence (if you haven't already). The SAS guide to self defence is very practical, and easy to follow. You don't need to go to classes for a year to be able to do it.

My thoughts anyway. It's probably still a good idea to have your hand on your phone in any case.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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GeoffonTour04
SILVER Member since Nov 2005

enthusiast
Location: Oxford

Total posts: 360
Posted:You're 17, do a bike test & get a ped or a 125. Not only will you not get any more [censored] from weirdos, you'll be free from the shackles of 'public transport' *spits*

Failing that, you really really should get some sort of weapon/ self defence. If nothing else it'll make you feel better, and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable walking round your home town at night.


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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:I wont be seen dead on a moped.

I might as well get a skate board and attach a hair dryer onto the back of it wink



I did kick boxing for about a year, and got the white belt with the yellow stripe (whoo yeh!!) and iunno..i think I can do screaming and flailing my fists around lots pretty good..



Rozi is exactly right.

When I had blonde hair I seemed to get more interest..they kept wanting to stroke or touch it. Somebody mentioned to me that certain people, blonde hair is lucky confused Maybe somebody can clear that up..

EDITED_BY: *Aime* (1135436011)


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Blayze
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Blayze

Doesn't play well with others...
Location: CANADA

Total posts: 187
Posted:hug
I know how you feel. I work in the worst part of downtown and it's usually dark when I leave. The security guards in my building are so old I feel like they'd be in more danger than me if they walked me to my car.
The world is full of creeps and you have to look out for yourself! You should definitely get the rape alarm, and remember that if it ever escalates ot physical contact, your elbows will do the most damage (a little something I've learned in kickboxing)
Take care!


I smile because I have no idea what is going on...

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:In the nads!

The nads! If anything, you'll be doing the genepool a favour! wink


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:when I was out in Turkey a few years ago, the men would always make a fuss over my daughter, Steph. back then she was pretty fair but now she's gone darker and more mousy. She would freak out if she felt threatened.

I remember in '03, we were in kusadasi in a nice wee hotel, and the guys working there would always make a fuss of her. At first we thought it was sweet but then Steph had a real flip-out about it one day beside the pool. She just stood and cried and bawled.

She wasn't bothered much afterwards ubblol

Aimee, I think it is a luck thing - maybe you could google it biggrin


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Written by:
robably better to get the rape alarm. Also even if you don't go to clases, read up on some self defence (if you haven't already). The SAS guide to self defence is very practical, and easy to follow. You don't need to go to classes for a year to be able to do it.




Oh I dunno she prob knows abit from kick boxing still even if she might be out of practise, ide say learning some osrt of self defense that takes a while to learn could be pretty cool as well as practical. You'll learn something new and get loads of fun out of it.


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:following on from sethis, remembert the "soft" spots on someone. The throat, the eyes and the groin. attacking any one of these will give you the upper hand in a situation. a quick sharp jab in the throaght is enough to deter most people, likewise a swift kick in the nads is most painfull biggrin

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Lurch
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Lurch

old hand
Location: Oregon

Total posts: 929
Posted:Hmmm....

some 'good' advice in here, some not so good advice in here...

First off NEVER tell someone you're scared of them. You're just setting yourself up to be a victim when you do things like that. Don't walk down the street with your head down, if you look like a sheep then the wolves come out.

'Rape alarms,' hairspray, and even pepperspray do little to nothing against someone determined to do bad things. The same way locks are only there to keep honest people honest. If someone wants to do something, they will find a way. More often then not they are looking for an easy target though, if you look like you'll fight back they'll move on to find someone else.

The phone ideas are good, and that alone is usually enough to scare someone off. But cops on the phone don't help a whole lot when there is someone attacking you. The same way a rape alarm doesn't do you much good when they grab it and throw it, or when they just hit you for spraying them with something painful. It's just one of the reasons I'm glad I live in the states where I have the right to carry.

I'm not saying you need to attack them, but don't be scared of them, or at least don't show it. Look them in the eye, tell them to F* off. Posture yourself to show that you're ready and willing to put up a fight and you won't go easily and chances are they'll leave you be. Don't be timid.


#homeofpoi -- irc.newnet.net Come talk to us we're bored frown

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