Forums > Social Chat > What would your evil HQ be like, if you were a bond villain?

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mcp
mcp

Flying Water Muppet
Location: Edin-borrow.
Member Since: 20th May 2003
Total posts: 5276
Posted:Well, mine would have tigers, with metal claws and machine guns on their heads. And lasers that came from their eyes.

It would also have ninja leopards.

It would be situated on a lonely cliff on an island. With a square defending wall at the base of the mountain, and inside the wall would be a disney like villiage containing the stuff needed to support my henchmen. (wifes, shops etc.)

Obviously, volcano somewhere involved in that. And a helocopter bad, and massive tunnel with a runway for aeroplanes. Plus escape routes to the sea also.

Pop up turrets with anti-aircraft guns.

and most importantly, in my huge villainous office, I would have a detailed explaination of my plan for world domination, or at least, that's my FAKE plan...


"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.

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Asena
Asena

What a Bummer
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire
Member Since: 22nd Aug 2005
Total posts: 3224
Posted:*ducks a blast from the death ray which almost hits him*

Dont make me get the pins and needles gun out!!

*starts blasting rays of light from the gun which cause pins and needles to occur on impact!*

mwah ha ha


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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: Asena

I'd have a big pink palace on my own island... which i shall name gayland... and my palace will be big and and and have lots ot frilly bits and fluffy bits. And all my servants will be naked men (fit obvioulsy) and and and my cleaners will be those 2 ladys of how clean is your house.

And and and, I'd invite the gaygun, to which you point and someone, shout "zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap" all campy and then they fall over... GAY

Nuff said...



Mine would be something like this...except completely different. ubblol

Well except about the fit men, who would not be naked, but would be wearing uniforms because that's much hotter than naked. And the Gaygun, which I would immediately point and shoot at Jon, Ben, LTC, and several others who may or may not know who they are. devil

Let's see... Something out in the middle of the desert, around the region of Black Rock City. It would look something like Jabba's Palace from STAR WARS, but the interior wouldn't be so damned dingy. It would be properly deceorated and well-lit. And it would have a huge high-tech control room where I could surf the web (and HOP) on a massive 3mx3m screen. And I'd definately have the trapdoor into the pit with the monster in my throne room.

The place would be armed with high-powered lasers all over so I could blow to smithereens any approaching aircraft or tanks or what-not. Or I'd just shoot the gaygun and watch the ensuing confusion. ubblol

And I'd want that big sailbarge thing. How cool would it be to take THAT to Burning Man?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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SunnySammy
SunnySammy

Watching the Sky
Location: Cambridge(ish)/Bath Spa Uni
Member Since: 22nd Aug 2005
Total posts: 453
Posted:Written by: Harry_Potter

Do you reckon that not only do the 'Supreme Evil Lord's' fight with the 'Goodies'. But do they fight with each other? Or are they just best friends? They mite have some aliance going on.



all you guys are very welcome at my jazz club! we can all discuss our evil plots there! wink


sunny
I jumped into the river, what did i see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me. wink

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Asena
Asena

What a Bummer
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire
Member Since: 22nd Aug 2005
Total posts: 3224
Posted:Written by: Doc Lightning

Written by: Asena

I'd have a big pink palace on my own island... which i shall name gayland... and my palace will be big and and and have lots ot frilly bits and fluffy bits. And all my servants will be naked men (fit obvioulsy) and and and my cleaners will be those 2 ladys of how clean is your house.

And and and, I'd invite the gaygun, to which you point and someone, shout "zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap" all campy and then they fall over... GAY

Nuff said...



Mine would be something like this...except completely different. ubblol

Well except about the fit men, who would not be naked, but would be wearing uniforms because that's much hotter than naked. And the Gaygun, which I would immediately point and shoot at Jon, Ben, LTC, and several others who may or may not know who they are. devil



ooooh i agree on the gay gun thing. Didnt actually think I'd use it no people... more like a threat than a weapon.... but I agree to jon, and maybe LTC after he did tell me how to do pics.... hmmmmm biggrin


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Zauberdachs
Zauberdachs

enthusiast
Location: The village of Edinburgh
Member Since: 28th Jul 2004
Total posts: 220
Posted:No, i'm going to eliminate all the evil competition! That's what makes me so e-vil !!!!

*launches screaming suicide monkeys*
attack my pritties, ATTACK!!! mwuh mwuh mwuahahahahaha!


The insults of your enemy are a tribute to your bravery wink

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mcp
mcp

Flying Water Muppet
Location: Edin-borrow.
Member Since: 20th May 2003
Total posts: 5276
Posted:Written by: sunnysam

all you guys are very welcome at my jazz club! we can all discuss our evil plots there! wink



You're right, jazz clubs are a hotbed of evil!


"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.

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Zauberdachs
Zauberdachs

enthusiast
Location: The village of Edinburgh
Member Since: 28th Jul 2004
Total posts: 220
Posted:blah blah blah,

DIE, DIE!!!!


The insults of your enemy are a tribute to your bravery wink

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: Zauberdachs

No, i'm going to eliminate all the evil competition! That's what makes me so e-vil !!!!

*launches screaming suicide monkeys*
attack my pritties, ATTACK!!! mwuh mwuh mwuahahahahaha!



*calmly aims the gaygun at the monkeys and watches them fall into a pile on each-other*

Eww... That's gross.

Effective, yes. But gross.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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yoni
yoni

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bideford and Bath
Member Since: 4th Jun 2005
Total posts: 3099
Posted:*walks into jazz club, shoots a couple of nearby belgians, sits on keyboard, claims its progressive jazz, shoots more people


right now lets discuss evil


UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> devil stick -> juggling club -> juggling ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump

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Zauberdachs
Zauberdachs

enthusiast
Location: The village of Edinburgh
Member Since: 28th Jul 2004
Total posts: 220
Posted:hmmm.... must train GAY monkeys! They could resist the power of the gaygun smile

The insults of your enemy are a tribute to your bravery wink

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:2 Words:

Death.

Star.

(Except pyramidal shaped, because the original looked like a ping pong ball...)

Stormtroopers are a MUST. And a legion of Sith to do my stuff for me. Except none of this "There are only 2" crap. LOTS of Sith!!! All with Saber Staffs! ubblove


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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mcp
mcp

Flying Water Muppet
Location: Edin-borrow.
Member Since: 20th May 2003
Total posts: 5276
Posted:There's only two, because hen there's only one to backstab you!

(didn't stop the computer games)

The death star, I mean really, a weapon capable of destroying a planet? Why is it do big? Dead spock in a torpedo could do that in star trek! No messin'

Where you bought a death star, I bought a warehouse of dead spocks in genesis torpedos.

Silly.


"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Bought? No no no no...

Subjugated a planet's population then forced them to strip mine their own planet for the necessary raw materials, made them do all the construction work, then deposited them back on the planet after they had finished, to die slowly through starvation and environmental change...

THAT'S more like it... biggrin

And you can use the laser on low power and destroy any ship you want, like in Return of the Jedi.

Oh, and note it has a shield generator over the damned thermal exhaust port...

(On a side note, all of the computer games have been better than Episodes 1,2 and 3 so that's what I go with. ubbrollsmile)


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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yoni
yoni

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bideford and Bath
Member Since: 4th Jun 2005
Total posts: 3099
Posted:Written by: Sethis



Subjugated a planet's population then forced them to strip mine their own planet for the necessary raw materials, made them do all the construction work, then deposited them back on the planet after they had finished, to die slowly through starvation and environmental change...




well thats not very nice of you


UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> devil stick -> juggling club -> juggling ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump

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Asena
Asena

What a Bummer
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire
Member Since: 22nd Aug 2005
Total posts: 3224
Posted:he's evil.... hes not sposed to be nice

its very evil tho


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Nephtys
Nephtys

resident fridge magnet
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 835
Posted:Hmmmm so it's SLIGHTLY off-topic, but Sethis made me think of Eddie Izzard routine on the Death Star cafeteria:

"So, uh, yeah, but the Deathstar, the one thing about the Deathstar is that there was no food. No one had food at all. No food at all! No one said, "Hey, Darth Vader, Emperor, just nipping down to alpha beta 9. What d'you want? Couple of sarnies? Um, chicken, ham, ham, chicken, egg, what? Coke? Diet Coke? What d'you want? What d'you want? You weird bleeders!"

But there must have been a Deathstar canteen, yeah? There must have been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down
(Vader voice) "I will have the penne a la arabiata."
(canteen server) "You'll need a tray."
"Do you know who I am?"
"Do you know who I am?"
"This is not a game of who the [censored] are you. For I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought!"
"Well you'll still need a tray."
"No I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force - which is strong within me - even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor"
"No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on."
"Oh I see, the food is hot. I'm sorry I, I did not realise. Hah hah! I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death."
"Fight to the death? This is canteen, I work here."
"Yes, but I am Vader, I am Lord Vader. Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Lord Vader. Darth Vader, I am Darth Vader, Lord Vader. Sir Lord Vader, Sir Lord Darth Vader. Lord Darth Sir Lord Vader of Cheam. Sir Lord Baron von Vaderham. The Deathstar. I run the Deathstar."
"What's the Deathstar?"
(Darth is losing a bit of patience) "This is the Deathstar. You're in the Deathstar. I run this star."
"This is a star?"
"This is a [censored] star - I run it. I'm your boss."
"You're Mr Stephens?"
"No, I'm who is Mr Stephens?"
"He's head of catering."
"I'm not head of catering! I am Vader. I can kill catering with a thought." "What?"
"I can kill you all. I can kill me with a thought. Just I'll get a tray, [censored] it!
(Still Vader) This one's wet, and this one's wet, and this one's wet. This one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet. Did you dry these in a rain forest? Why, with the power of the Deathstar, do we not have a tray that is [censored] dry? I do not(someone has pushed in) No, no, no. I was here first."
"You have to form a queue if you want food. Can I have, oh, penne a la arabiata, that looks nice."
"No, no, no. D'you know who I am?"
(server buts in) "That's Jeff Vader, that is."
"I am not Jeff Vader, I am Darth Vader."
"What, Jeff Vader runs the Deathstar?"
"No, Jeff No, I run the Deathstar."
"You Jeff Vader?"
"No, I'm Darth Vader!"
"Are you his brother? Can you get his autograph?"
"I can't get it No, I'm All right, I'm Jeff Vader! I'm Jeff Vader!"
"Can I have your autograph?"
"No, [censored] off, or I'll kill you with a tray! Give me penne a la arabiata or you shall die. And you, and everyone in this canteen! Death by tray it shall be!" (scornful server)
"Do you want peas with that?"
"Peas? You don't have peas! You can't put red withIt doesn't work with penne, you don't put, unless you push them up the penne tubes, and then they'd be weird! Just(gives up) oh, all right, put some peas on."

That was cut out of the final film."

(transcript from http://www.auntiemomo.com/cakeordeath/circletranscript.html#20)


everyone's unique except me

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Zauberdachs
Zauberdachs

enthusiast
Location: The village of Edinburgh
Member Since: 28th Jul 2004
Total posts: 220
Posted:Hmmmm.... if I could get my floating rock space worthy we could have a decent scrap on our hands...

The insults of your enemy are a tribute to your bravery wink

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Amaturish but funny... biggrin

Imperial Design Flaws


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

Delete

Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8737
Posted:I would have a huge flashing neon sign that says..."Bond Villian Hide-out"
and another saying " Secret entrance"

It would be serious secret hatch action...

there would be nobody there and every door knob would have a pressure sensitive switch that delivered a lethal dose of electricity. I would have signs saying this way to masterplan.

and finally a bomb that exploded when the clock reached 1 minute and 10 seconds to go biggrin said bomb would also have all black wires that did nothing except cause detonation.

oh and a horde of flying ninja monkey transformers with shark teeth carrying atomic laser cannons....okay so all they would do is shreek and fling poo butthey would look soooo cool doing it ubblol


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:My secret entrance would be a cupboard in some elderly lady's flat (which I owned of course.) The back would be false and it would lead to an elevator and take me hundreds of metres below ground biggrin

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:One thing I noticed about the Death Star.



Galactic civilization achieved many technologic heights.



But never seemed to develop a key invention called "railings."



No, really. It's simple Earth design. When building a narrow walkway over a bottomless pit, place railings at the edge of the walkway to keep people from inadvertently falling off it. It's a very simple and cheap solution that saves lives. Even when said lives are expendable, a single cloned trooper must cost more than a railing!



Galactic civilzation that developed the hyperdrive, turbolaser, X-wing, and even the Force, never got this concept.



Odd, really.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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The Misguided Oracle
The Misguided Oracle

the floor is a sea of tigers...
Location: Brisvegas
Member Since: 31st Aug 2005
Total posts: 404
Posted:but bottomless pits with no railings are so gosh darn fashionable in the future! smile

"My body is a well tuned machine... It just needs a competent driver." - ?

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Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8737
Posted:It's the sleek Ikea design..hang on....anybody thought that maybe Ikea is the front for a supervillian...it causes much strife and suffering ubblol

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:My supervillain lair:



Hidden deep inside a volcano (to provide hot baths and also boiling pits of molten lava for torture *see later*)



Helicopter landing pad for my fleet of private helicopters and flying mechanical vultures. The vultures are for reccie missions... camouflage, y'see.



Inspiration rooms (for the planning of evil)... painted dark red with the Wizard of Oz and Mary Poppins projected repeatedly on the wall. CCTV of saturday nights out in belfast and weddings projected on the other (eek). Large, comfy furniture, mirrors and other assorted toys for hedonistic enjoyment. Puffer fish and sharks swimming underneath the glass floor. Glass ceiling. Stage for assorted funk bands and DJs. Rubbish performers to be fed to the fish.



Kitchen... full of long knives and Texas Chainsaw hooks. Also, a microwave for heating popcorn.



Entrance room... Decked out in a modern, unobtrusive style, with wooden floors and IKEA furniture, to fool the asinine Bond into a false sense of security.



Henchmen and women... no guns or lasers on site. Instead, every member of staff will be a black belt in at least 17 styles of martial art. My top 5 henchpeople will be able to read minds and telepathically confuse the enemy by power of suggestion.



When the enemy is confused they will be taken to the torture area.



Torture area... Several different rooms... one containing 24-hour extremist religious teachings. Played on repeat, with occasional interludes of juggling for jesus smile and constant playing of Shania Twain 'that don't impress me much')



One room where the enemy will be forced into a small tilted space with 15 staff and poi beginners who have no idea of spatial awareness. With mirrors on the walls.



Another room will contain a pit of slime... a mix of dirty parrafin, scrapings from the inside of smoking equipment and rotting food from tents at the end of a summer of festivals. Every now and again the enemy will feel something scaley brush past their leg and things nibbling at their extremities.



The volcano will be inside a forcefield that cannot be disarmed, with an energy ray that will suck all the joy from whoever I point it at.



Rupert Murdoch and all other media tycoons will be under my control.







Muhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah

devil

ubbloco

EDITED_BY: Firepoise (1134487267)


Getting to the other side smile

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Zauberdachs
Zauberdachs

enthusiast
Location: The village of Edinburgh
Member Since: 28th Jul 2004
Total posts: 220
Posted:smile

The insults of your enemy are a tribute to your bravery wink

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Harry_Potter
Harry_Potter

ToadStool Circus Acts
Location: Derbyshire
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2005
Total posts: 181
Posted:Sethis i am joining you. You have to take over the world with storm troopers and sith lords. No better way.

Yo-yoist, Staffer and 3 Ball and Club Juggling
'Its people like us, who make them feel talentless.'

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mcp
mcp

Flying Water Muppet
Location: Edin-borrow.
Member Since: 20th May 2003
Total posts: 5276
Posted:I with firepoise, except I'd want more illogical rooms to confuse people with. Like an ante-room filled entirely with poison arrow frogs. (just in case i get bored of my PA.) That's not illogical enough, but rooms coated in fluff that have such lo ceilings that you have to crawl through them, and they lead to the toilets.

"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Yay! A convert to the Dark Side!

devil

Here, have this lightsaber and take a legion of Stormtroopers to wipe out that rebel scum! The Ewoks have already been wiped out by a retrovirus, so you should be perfectly safe...


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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_Clare_
_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2002
Total posts: 5967
Posted:Meh... I think that's a splendid idea Meg...

Confusion is the way forward... and poison arrow frogs are cute.

We could make the low ceiling-ed fluffy room into a maze... to make that trip to the loo even more fun.


Getting to the other side smile

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:My torture area will have only one implement:

BEAMING POI.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Page: 123

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