Forums > Social Chat > 16 Things that took me over 50 years to learn
Login/Join to ParticipateSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
Posted:
Friends of mine sent me this, thought I should share...
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Friends of mine sent me this, thought I should share...
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.
BRONZE Member
member
47 posts
Location: Gold Coast, Qld, Australia
member
47 posts
Location: Gold Coast, Qld, Australia
Posted:
Thanks heaps, just woke up and gone on line, thought would check HOP, great start to the day
Thanks heaps, just woke up and gone on line, thought would check HOP, great start to the day
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
A bowl of soup with some one you love is better than steak with some one you hate. Proverbs 15, 17
BRONZE Member
enthusiast
315 posts
Location: Finland
enthusiast
315 posts
Location: Finland
Posted:
Thank you for this, i wouldn`t have wanted to experience No.7, now i am aware.
Great list!
Cheers
Thank you for this, i wouldn`t have wanted to experience No.7, now i am aware.
Great list!
Cheers
If we can`t live in peace then fu*k it, let`s die.
The owner of Chellybeans right arm!
Peace -Fyre-
Carpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees
Posted:
i love number 16
i love number 16 GOLD Member
What a Bummer
3,224 posts
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom
What a Bummer
3,224 posts
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom
Posted:
I think 3 applies to soooo many ppl on this site lol
I think 3 applies to soooo many ppl on this site lol
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
I have this printed out somewhere as well. It's one of those emails that surfaces every few years, and needs to. It not only is funny as hell, but it is full of great advice.
Not that doing #1 ever crossed my mind! lol ewwwwwwwwwww
And #13 and #15 are sooooooo true.
But not #12. I know alot of people who think they are shyte drivers, several here on HoP in fact (biting tongue to keep from naming names. ).
I have this printed out somewhere as well. It's one of those emails that surfaces every few years, and needs to. It not only is funny as hell, but it is full of great advice.
Not that doing #1 ever crossed my mind! lol ewwwwwwwwwww
And #13 and #15 are sooooooo true.
But not #12. I know alot of people who think they are shyte drivers, several here on HoP in fact (biting tongue to keep from naming names.
). Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
BRONZE Member
member
109 posts
Location: Back in the Future, United Kingdom
member
109 posts
Location: Back in the Future, United Kingdom
Posted:
#15's Good.... makes me feel slightly better about myself.......!!!!
#15's Good.... makes me feel slightly better about myself.......!!!!
It's a very interesting story, Future Boy....!
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
16 is... is... just great!
Tongue in cheek of course, I think a lot of guys have way too bruised egos to take actual stomping, but still could use some careful guidance, as it were....
16 is... is... just great!
Tongue in cheek of course, I think a lot of guys have way too bruised egos to take actual stomping, but still could use some careful guidance, as it were....
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
GOLD Member
the floor is a sea of tigers...
404 posts
the floor is a sea of tigers...
404 posts
Posted:
I dunno, I've stopped bothering about my bday (infact i almost forgot about it this year) but people around me still make a big deal out of it (and they always seem far more entertained by the whole episode that I am)
Written by: Domino
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
I dunno, I've stopped bothering about my bday (infact i almost forgot about it this year) but people around me still make a big deal out of it (and they always seem far more entertained by the whole episode that I am)
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
As a waitress - #13 is SO TRUE!!!
As a waitress - #13 is SO TRUE!!!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
In all fairness about #15, if the ark story is true, the chap did have the assistance of one omnipotent diety.
And that sort of help is right useful, really.
In all fairness about #15, if the ark story is true, the chap did have the assistance of one omnipotent diety.
And that sort of help is right useful, really.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
yeah, I think that's cheating. Count out the Noah one!
yeah, I think that's cheating. Count out the Noah one!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
BRONZE Member
Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
587 posts
Location: Somewhere, out there..., South Africa
Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
587 posts
Location: Somewhere, out there..., South Africa
Posted:
6, 14, 15 & 16 is cool!
6, 14, 15 & 16 is cool!
It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others
Founder and Official leader of the Curby Clan
*Owner of Brenn*
BRONZE Member
HoP mage and keeper of the fireballs
1,965 posts
Location: Palmerston North, New Zealand
HoP mage and keeper of the fireballs
1,965 posts
Location: Palmerston North, New Zealand
Posted:
12 is so true
so very true
12 is so true
so very true
May my balls of fire set your balls on fire 
member
117 posts
117 posts
Posted:
Joined: 23 Nov 2005
Posts: 7
Location: I don't really know ... if you find out please let me know.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:24 am Post subject: Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post Delete this post
One's I've learnt in the last twenty years (or heard from those I know):
1. One for the guys: never argue with a woman, when it comes to it she's right and we're wrong ... full stop, no if's, no buts, no maybe's. Regardless of the situation.
2. There are two types of people who can nag you and get away with it, those you are related to and those you sleep with (that one comes from the landloard at the ravern).
3. Your parents are the biggest liers that you are probably likely to know ... come on who do you think was the tooth fairy and father christmas.
4. If you think that somethings gona go one way then it usually goes completely the opposite.
5. Never pay attention to any of the advice people give you over the net .... hold on, may be best to ignore that one.
6. Expect the worst and hope for the best, that way you are never deluded.
7. Life's never as bad as you may think ... always remember that there's some poor sod somewhere in a worse situation, or with gum stuck in their hair.
9. Alcohole is the cause of and solution to all of lifes problems.
10. Never get soo drunk that friends may get ideas that you can't stop happening.
11. If the world is falling down around you and all seems lost, then curl up into a small ball and cry ... or rember 7 and go listen to Pink Floyd.
12. You lose
13. Pay attention to numbering systems - anyone notice the lack of a number 8?
14. Be carefull what you tell to who ... unless you want things to get out.
Joined: 23 Nov 2005
Posts: 7
Location: I don't really know ... if you find out please let me know.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:24 am Post subject: Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post Delete this post
One's I've learnt in the last twenty years (or heard from those I know):
1. One for the guys: never argue with a woman, when it comes to it she's right and we're wrong ... full stop, no if's, no buts, no maybe's. Regardless of the situation.
2. There are two types of people who can nag you and get away with it, those you are related to and those you sleep with (that one comes from the landloard at the ravern).
3. Your parents are the biggest liers that you are probably likely to know ... come on who do you think was the tooth fairy and father christmas.
4. If you think that somethings gona go one way then it usually goes completely the opposite.
5. Never pay attention to any of the advice people give you over the net .... hold on, may be best to ignore that one.
6. Expect the worst and hope for the best, that way you are never deluded.
7. Life's never as bad as you may think ... always remember that there's some poor sod somewhere in a worse situation, or with gum stuck in their hair.
9. Alcohole is the cause of and solution to all of lifes problems.
10. Never get soo drunk that friends may get ideas that you can't stop happening.
11. If the world is falling down around you and all seems lost, then curl up into a small ball and cry ... or rember 7 and go listen to Pink Floyd.
12. You lose
13. Pay attention to numbering systems - anyone notice the lack of a number 8?
14. Be carefull what you tell to who ... unless you want things to get out.
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
...number 12....mothe*&^%^*&^@*&^(*&#%$&*%*&^#@
...number 12....mothe*&^%^*&^@*&^(*&#%$&*%*&^#@
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK
Posted:
Yah man. That was mean.
Wish I'd done it first 
Yah man. That was mean.
Wish I'd done it first
Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.
burning from inside
165 posts
Location: anywhere but here
165 posts
Location: anywhere but here
Posted:
well...i know a bit different version of this:
life's never so bad, that it can't get even worse...
and sadly, it seems to be true...
Written by:
7. Life's never as bad as you may think ... always remember that there's some poor sod somewhere in a worse situation, or with gum stuck in their hair.
well...i know a bit different version of this:
life's never so bad, that it can't get even worse...
and sadly, it seems to be true...
that's YOUR opinion...
from fire we´re born, to fire we return...
© 1998 - 2024 Home of Poi
All prices converted to United States dollars using XE.com