Forums > Social Chat > not knowing, not acting... feeling bad (domestic violence)

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Psycho_lemming
Psycho_lemming

Running hippy spinning lemming
Location: Scotland
Member Since: 16th Jul 2004
Total posts: 15
Posted:just something that was on my mind... i always wanna be able to help people, or at least learn from things i experience... but tonight i had no idea what to do, if i could have even done anything, and i dunno what i would do if i found myself in a similar situation again.... frown

me and my friend are sitting in the car stopped at a roundabout, my friend says to me "hey look the people in the car behind are having a fight"... niether of us take it very seriously at first but then the mood seems to change pretty quick and we cant believe our eyes... cant believe whats happening...

so the guy in the car behind hits the girl next to him, at this point there just generally fighting... but it gets more intense

lights go green, we drive on both pretty wound up at what we saw.... but then they're behind us again at the next roundabout... she had blood all down her face from her nose

she's trapped in the car, trapped in the situation... who knows what else will have happened... and we did nothing... we couldnt ring the police without the number plate... and we couldnt read it cos of the car lights...

pretty sure noone else will have seen it... raaa... frown

my friend was so much better than me... i really had no idea what i could have even tried?... anything to help...

not sure what the point of posting was... i wasnt looking for people to justify us doing nothing etc

just wanna learn, and send out love and support for anyone who has found themselves in this type of situation or been affected by something similar...

i do care... people do care... so damn hard


Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering...

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:hug I know how it feels.

When I was in Romania I saw a guy punching and kicking the s--- out of this girl outside a half-built church and a block away from the police station. My friends I was with called the police and they basically said "and what are we supposed to do about it?" We just didn't know what to do after that.

So I just want to say I know how it feels and I hope the girl you saw found the strengh to leave the relationship.

have another one of these hug


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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dani_babyboo
dani_babyboo

addict
Location: Cannock, staffordshire
Member Since: 23rd Feb 2005
Total posts: 667
Posted:the fact is though so many ppl are living with domestic violence and sometimes it isnt of the physical kind which is so much harder to get out of as know one beleives you unless you have bruises to prove it...

im living down london because i left a similar situation i had to go to refuge for a year till i got my flat... i was with my ex partner 3 nearly 4 years and it was a varied amount of emotional taunting, physical punching kicking and hair pulling and general humiliation where his friend got involved and they were the easy parts to cope with it went as far as sexual abuse and im one of the ones who got off lightly from what ive seen of ppl who have been in similar situations.... the women and chldren coming in and out of refuge all the time, never knowing who ou are going to be living with next, ppls partners finding them and banging on the door and us being scared and having the police come out, 1 lady i was sharing the flatlette with cut her wrists and i had to get an ambulance and it feels like your the one in prison because you are the one who left everyone you knew and are having to be in that place and not have a life as much as you did know family can visit you, you are a number on letters not a name and have a po box address not an address...
and ppl are just too scared to get out and go back and stay with it thinking its best who else will love them...

its nice to know people care and want to help and although you cant help physically becuase that erson has to want to hel themselves first there is a charity you can help called womens aid who need funding and volunteers all the time as they put these women into safe enviroments at all hours day and night and have councellors and therapists and support workers there yet government dont fund them at all.


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Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:In that situation maybe pull out and behind the car so you can get a number plate then ring it through. To get out and try help invites personal danger and may provoke an already aggreesie situation. If you report it it should at least be on record that this man is an abuser so if she reports the abuse at a later date hopefully there will be evidence on file.

People seem to get themselves into a victim situation and cant break out of it until they are ready to. Is it like and addiction in a personality that you can only kick when you are truly ready. These abusers have a power issue I think, and I think childhood patterning is a big problem where men bully the women in their libes physically and mentally.

A close relative of mine was physically abused by his mentally unstable wife. She would sneak up behind him with peices of wood and hit him and he had to lock his room at night to make sure he was safe. 60 years ago there was little support for mental illness or spouse abuse.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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dani_babyboo
dani_babyboo

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Location: Cannock, staffordshire
Member Since: 23rd Feb 2005
Total posts: 667
Posted:gnor if the police went to a call out looking for that car though and pulled them and the woman denied anything they would just leave it. they cant do anything untill the woman wanted to press charges and thay would include it being on record.
i know from past experience, i had stuff on hospital records, at the time i denied it, later went to the police and they said cos at the time i had deined it they couldnt take that into acccount.


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Medusa
Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...
Member Since: 25th Nov 2003
Total posts: 1433
Posted:Yep unfortunately unless the person being beaten is willing to press charges there is not a damn thing the police can and will do....sad isn't

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Medusa
Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...
Member Since: 25th Nov 2003
Total posts: 1433
Posted:Yep unfortunately unless the person being beaten is willing to press charges there is not a damn thing the police can and will do....sad isn't

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polythene
veteran
Location: London/ Surrey
Member Since: 15th May 2003
Total posts: 1359
Posted:Actually... in the UK, I thought the new law was passed that allows the police to press charges, even if the abused will not, if there is sufficient evidence? I read about it being proposed, but could be completely wrong about it being passed... can anyone confirm or tell me I'm talking crap please? smile

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

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dani_babyboo
dani_babyboo

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Location: Cannock, staffordshire
Member Since: 23rd Feb 2005
Total posts: 667
Posted:no there is new laws where domestic violence is bein taken more serious but if someone doesnt press charges in anything there is not a dam lot the police can do about it what they can do is arrest someone in a call out and hold them for a calming down period if they suspec t someone is in danger in that situation but pressing charges and it being on record is down to the abused

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squarexbear
squarexbear

....of doom!
Location: Hastings, UK
Member Since: 17th Apr 2005
Total posts: 585
Posted:i think they can choose to ignore personal wishes and press charges if the injuries are severe...not sure though.

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dani_babyboo
dani_babyboo

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Location: Cannock, staffordshire
Member Since: 23rd Feb 2005
Total posts: 667
Posted:someone has to press charges in the first place


same as if you get beaten up in a normal situation if you dont press charges and say that person did it there is no evidence


enticed, entrapped, entombed.
intoxicated, impaled, ingested.
bewitched, beaten, broken.
enter the love realm...
insert ur token

o jej, ale bym ci wylizal ten pepek

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