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VampyricAcidSILVER Member
veteran
1,286 posts
Location: My House, United Kingdom


Posted:
Ok seen this done on another forum, and it was quite funny, so i thought i'd thief the idea. basically you put things that movies taught you

I'll Start

#1. Every phone number in the US starts with 555-.......
#2. The best way to take over a planet is to park giant space ships over major landmarks and blow them to bits

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Are You Sniffing My Mitten?


The_Pirate_Dyke_BoyHOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
1,079 posts
Location: Canterbury, UK


Posted:
To be honest guys I cant believe you forgot these sacred ruled as delivered to us by the great Jamie Kennedy in The ultimate teen slasher flick: Wes Cravens SCREAM:

RANDYS RULES TO SURVIVING A MOVIE:

1. One, you can never have sex. Big no-no. Sex always equals death.
2. Two, never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one.
3. And, three, never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say Ill be right back cuz u wont


Plus these that I thought of all by myself! (and they said I had no brain biggrin )
There is no posh or cockney accent, only a bad mix of the two:
alirgh mducky, ows bout a splendid cup of tea, what?

You can hold your breath forever UNLESS someone has their hands round your neck, in which case, you are Johnson, you are about to die nice n slow.
biggrin

ubbangel

D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program


Motaddict
666 posts
Location: Netherlands


Posted:
Always bring a spare flashlight.
Avoid walking backwards.

And that the sound that punching someone in the faces makes, sounds exactly like a turnip getting squished witha sledgehammer.

Come forth and thou shalt win enternal happiness. but he came fifth so he won an electric toatser.


DrBooBRONZE Member
I invented the decaffinated coffee table.
453 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom


Posted:
Any kind of martial art fighting sounds like two sticks being knocked together.
And people who do martial arts can move so fast you hear the sound of their hands whistling through the air.
No-one ever makes embarassing noises during sex redface

Boo x

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If it costs "a penny for your thoughts", but people give you their "two-pence worth", who is getting the extra penny?


alien_oddityCarpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees


Posted:
this one stems from watching jason x last night.


ok so you've found two frozen 400 year old bodies, one of a woman with a stab wound and the other of a 7 foot tall machetti wielding, hockey mask wearing psycopathic killer..........................ubbidea i know lets thaw them both out

emmainomember
57 posts
Location: Wilts


Posted:
I learned last week never to go to skull island and fall in love with a giant ape. It'll only end in distaster.

By the way, did anyone else notice / get annoyed by the girl not actually juggling? The stones were added in after aaah it looked so rubbish.

Nephtysresident fridge magnet
835 posts
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands


Posted:
If you are the cool, hardcore, sh*t-kicking female lead, don't worry: your skimpy halter-top/midrif & thigh-displaying cocktail dress/stainless-steel brassiere will provide you with just as much protection as the male lead's full body armour. Your 4-inch stiletto heels are as good as a pair of trainers or combat boots for running in any day.

everyone's unique except me


DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
Written by: stringmealong


I learned last week never to go to skull island and fall in love with a giant ape. It'll only end in distaster.




Don't EVER go to a place called Skull Island. What are you? Nuts? Actually, don't ever go anywhere near a place with Skull in the name - more than likely it'll be a bad move.

Written by: Nephtys


If you are the cool, hardcore, sh*t-kicking female lead, don't worry: your skimpy halter-top/midrif & thigh-displaying cocktail dress/stainless-steel brassiere will provide you with just as much protection as the male lead's full body armour.




And no matter how tattered it becomes during the adventure no 18+ flesh will be reveled, ensuring tittlation without getting a money killing NC17 certificate

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


ThumperabbitBRONZE Member
Zebberdy and Jack Daniels
278 posts
Location: Swansea, south wales


Posted:
Funny how computer's Pop, Fizz and Spark up when they get shot, but they still work afterwards...

The only reason i'm scared of little kid's is because I know in ten year's time they'll be mugging me.....


{anthrax}BRONZE Member
Look I've changed my title!
209 posts
Location: England


Posted:
This thread made me google ninjas..... check this site out, it roxors tongue real ultimate power

anthrax.... it infects, then spreads..... fast


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
* If it's between 1914 and 1945 and you're German - You're going to die.

* If it's between 1945 and 1990 and you're Russian - You're going to die.

* Unless, of course, you're an attractive female, then you get to sleep with the attractive male lead good-guy...then die.

* If it's 1990 to now and you're Arabic - You're going to die.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


Motaddict
666 posts
Location: Netherlands


Posted:
If it's your first time on an away team - your gonna die

Come forth and thou shalt win enternal happiness. but he came fifth so he won an electric toatser.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
* female exchange students will always get some.

* male ones are less lucky.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,923 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Oh, blankets for couples have an "L" shaped top end so that they cover the woman up to above the breasts, but only cover the man up to the waist.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Nephtysresident fridge magnet
835 posts
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands


Posted:
biggrin Doc, i was going to be all pedantic and say that one had already been done... then i went back to look for it, only to find that the person who mentioned it - Neon Shaolin - had also already made my point about the stilettos in the very same post biggrin

pedant, smack thyself in the head spank

everyone's unique except me


hexagonicClubbles Jugs
1,687 posts
Location: Manchester


Posted:
Talisa Soto is footinmouth ubblove

Also, whenever someone dies in a war/battle scene (who is "important") there's a brief moment when the battle stops and it all goes quiet.

That films in languages other than English are [nearly] always interesting.

ah wah wah wah a wah wah


ZeroGSILVER Member
Friendly Fire Fiddler
103 posts
Location: Munich, Germany


Posted:
All friendly Aliens speak fluent English, while mean aliens are mute.

When chased by a monster, hide in place that doenst allow you to escape, like a cellar or one-door shach in the woods. the hero will find you there in time, unless you're male or his brother.

The way to win the final fight against the mean guy is to wait until he has killed your brother.

Wise men utter advice that only becomes clear when the story is over. Do what they say word by word if you want to survive ...

Never compliment your mate in a war, as he will die.

Elevators are always there exactly when you need them, so are taxis.

The only place to read a love letter is in pouring rain.

ZeroGSILVER Member
Friendly Fire Fiddler
103 posts
Location: Munich, Germany


Posted:
when you look at a phone intensly, it will ring. dont worry, its never your mother.

all memories are balck and white, all dreams are foggy.

all surviving cops are your friends in the end.

laser guns dont need reloading

the good guy can swing on any rope or tree brach, it will always hold

the rope bridge in the jungle holds the hero, starts crumpling below the beauty while it breaks under the bad guy for the crocs

jungle warrier never find you behind a tiny branch

Pen DravenUnofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
1,363 posts
Location: Nuneaton


Posted:
Computers more often than not are running a weird OS that you've never seen before or since.

Or

Macintosh's are somehow always running windows

Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
Laptops have limitless power even when they're not plugged in and internet connection (pre-wireless days) without cables.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


kitemanFlying high!
245 posts
Location: At the beach.


Posted:
Car tyres will always screech when you Pull away, Stop, go round a corner.



There will always be a big pile of boxes or bins in the middle of an alley way for the above car to smash into.



The above car will always blow up at the end of the chase.



You can run up 10+ flites of stairs without getting tired, stopping of at every floor to see the elevator go past.



The camera man will never help out.



When you hear scarry music, something will jump out at you.
EDITED_BY: kiteman (1136882440)

If everything seems under control, your not going fast enough!

It's not the size of the wave, it's the length of the ride!


ZeroGSILVER Member
Friendly Fire Fiddler
103 posts
Location: Munich, Germany


Posted:
The fastest way to get from the roof of a building is to simply jump into a garbage container. Soft landing guaranteed ...

Cloth dry and stains disappear in a few seconds ...

Any decent hero can fly a helicopter, curse in Chinese or Russian at the mean guys if needs be ...

MokaGOLD Member
is a medium/large scary man
420 posts
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Milky Way...


Posted:
Crosses, Bibles and Zippos will stop a bullet anytime... (who need a kevlar vest?)

Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
So will anything your love interest gave you.

And I was watching cartoons this morning and remembered that the object you want or the object that will move, is a slightly different shade to the ones around it.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
A cough is a sign of terminal illness....

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


MokaGOLD Member
is a medium/large scary man
420 posts
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Milky Way...


Posted:
Listen for uplifting music... It always means you can do something you've never been able to do before

*"The Chase" plays* I think I'll go and try catching my staff with my teeth now... ubblol cool

Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
Written by: Neon Shaolin


A cough is a sign of terminal illness....




Not to mention, consumption is a very romantic way to die!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


MokaGOLD Member
is a medium/large scary man
420 posts
Location: Victoria, Australia, Earth, Milky Way...


Posted:
*Copious ammounts of asprin are a cure for just about everything...
*The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris
*If being chased through the streets, you can usually blend in to a passing parade. (There always just happend to be one)
*Anyone can land a plane if there's a manual or someone in the tower to talk you through it.
*If you're a cop DON'T RETIRE, You'll be killed less than 3 day before you do...
*All zombies roaming the streets have only been bit once or twice, yet when a zombie gets someone on screen they always tear them to pieces
*Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead

Contact juggling was invented by dung beetles.


VampyricAcidSILVER Member
veteran
1,286 posts
Location: My House, United Kingdom


Posted:
you can fall out of a plane for any distance, and land on another plane/bird/hot air ballon/anything that isnt touching the floor completly unharmed

Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?


alien_oddityCarpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees


Posted:
going sci-fi............has anyone noticed how alien space craft always have the correct docking clamps that fit human space crafts air locks????


is it a universal law that all space craft must have these fitted???

DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
All space ships (for all species of creature) use the same orination for "up"

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


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