Forums > Social Chat > 101 things I learned from movies

Posted: 21st Oct 2005
Have a butter fithg.

Always remember... one MUST protect thy bread....

Posted: 21st Oct 2005
if you are part of the troop of gun weilding guys (good or bad) NEVER go off in the distance to pee. you will only get your neck broken or get a knife in the back.
if you hear a noise and turn around and can't see the guy/any of the guys who were behind you, you are screwed, prepare to die.
if you are the last guy from the above rule, you will still die, it will just take longer and be more entertaining for the audience
if someone kills/maim/hurts your close friend/relative/mate you will have to hurt/kill them back. However this can not be accomplished until you have gone through at least one training montage.
addendum to above rule. In the final fight scene you will start out by getting your arse kicked until the previously injured person shows up to support you. At which point you will drop all weapons, immediately get a new spurt of energy, not be affected by any wounds gotten in the first part of the fight, and you will beat the snot out of the badguy with your bare hands.
if you are a lowish level worker for the government or some government subsidised corporation, your boss or one of the higher ups you know, will be corrupt and only YOU will know about it.
if the good guy walks into the bar where you and all your bad guy buddies are hanging out, expect to get your arse kicked. No good guy every loses in a bar fight in a strange bar (expecially if he is fat and looks like he cant fight like steven segal)
if you are a bad guy on the run and in a car chase, don't bother throwing stuff out the back of the car, or forcing other cars to block the path of the pursueing policemen/good guys as the REAL good guys will never get tripped up by such diversions.
Cops are extremenly bad drivers and can flip a car at a moments notice.
ALL cars have REALLY high front bumpers, allowing them to hit any other car or object just off center and get thrown into a flying roll (instead of just hitting it and crashing)
Cars only explode JUST after you get out of them and ar e ALMOST to safety.
Driving any kind of car/truck/tractor trailer/farm equipment/tank/military vehicle (automatic or stick) is the same. In fact, flying ALL aircraft is the same. Even if you've never done either before, you will immediately know how once you sit in the drivers seat/cockpit.
being shot by even a low caliber gun is enough to send a full grown man flying backwards. Even though the person holding the gun barely even feels any kick.

I once learned every move that there was,
Every style, Every technique.
Then I woke up, and forgot it all,
So now I struggle to dream.

Posted: 22nd Oct 2005
Always be suspicious of any woman who resemble highly respected British actresses that say almost nothing for the first half of your ordeal...

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
guns never need reloading, but guaranteed you'll run out of bullets at the most crucial time...

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
You can make fire with ice: take a piece of ice and fashion a lence out of it, simply by melting it with your hands, use the lence to create a fire.

^that actually works!

If we can`t live in peace then fu*k it, let`s die.
The owner of Chellybeans right arm!


Peace -Fyre-

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
Computer screens have high enough contrast to show whatever's being worked on on the operators face.

All computers, worldwide, be they government, home user, or medium office, use exactly the same disk size, type, format, capacity and weirdness (Ever seen a movie where they save important stuff onto a bog-standard 3.5" floppy?)

Hacking into a system will display a nice, shiny 'hacking' progress bar.

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
this is a 2nd degree things....ive learnt that MiG spends way too much time with computers & movies - his back has some appalling knots below his shoulder blades - his entire mid-torso is a veritable hotpot of tension - no doubt from too much bad posture at the computer and at movies.

anywys back to the actual topic....
EDITED_BY: Dentrassi (1130081015)

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
. When flying anything, especially spacecraft, after a direct hit you will experience a phenomena known as random sparks and fires. If you speak english dont worry youll be fine, unless you have a posh accent/your an ensign e.g. Ensign Johnson. If you dont speak english worry! Your about to die, probably screaming and cursing in Klingon/Russian/Arabic.

. Tom Cruise is a pretty good coctail waiter/racing driver/pilot/brother, has a crisis of confidence, meets a beutiful woman, recovers his confidence and becomes a great coctail waiter/racing driver/pilot/brother.

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
death stalks people

kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

Posted: 23rd Oct 2005
They are not real, just partly.

POI THEO(R)IST

Posted: 24th Oct 2005
you can punch a cars window out and not cut your hand or experience pain
you can hold your breath for any amount of time while underwater if you are the hero, but if your Johnson, you can only hold it for about 30 seconds.

Do we sleep when we die?

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
grenades!!!!!

you can always pull the pin out with your teeth (please do not try it!!)

you can throw a grenade 10feet infront of you at the enemy, hide behind a dust bin and live to tell the tale....(i have seen the effects of real grenades on a millitary range)

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
if you are the hero you will nevber get shot in a gun battle

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
Or if you do, you'll get hit in the arm with a .45 and still be able to shoot your pistol dead accurate for about a mile.

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
you partner always ends up shot or dead

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
car doors on all cars are totally bullet proof

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
your gun never runs out and if it does you have like 50 cartriges in your pocket

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
Somehow, you can see the laser beam coming at you before it hits you.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
No matter where you are, or what you are doing, if nobody is talking, there will be "mood setting" music playing from an unidentified source! (even if your under water)

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
*sends thread to everyone@hollywood.com*

No matter how many times you get smacked upside the head in a fight, the most you'll ever bleed is either:
From a blood nose
from a cut lip
Maybe from a cut on the cheek

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
The extreamly pretty, young woman (who is a biatch) that is married to the wealthy, powerful old guy is having an affair with the handsome, muscular, tanned gardener/pool boy/personal trainer.
It's an exact science!

Posted: 25th Oct 2005

Written by: Doc Lightning

---

16) Stay away from certain geographical locations, which include but are not limited to the following: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania,nilbog, (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine or Massachusetts.

---

nilbog=goblin backwards,from troll 2 if i remember correctly....

oh the shame!

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
If you're stranded on a desert island (see lost and others) womens armpit hair fails to grow and mascara is always present.
Men will grow designer stubble and it will remain for ages then will metamorphose into a grizzly beard with no in between stages.
and
Fat people on a desert island don't lose weight.

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
Oooh, rockin. I like omnipresent mascara, and the idea of not shaving my armpits for awhile is brilliant. I'm not sure I really want to get strandered on a desert island tho... there might be side effects

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
Downloading a 40GB hard drive to a USB key is possible and takes 30 seconds.

All buildings are constructed of materials with sympathetic explosive tendancies. A small grenade will cause a whole 3 bedroom house to blow up bit by bit, including the walls and roof.

Never use the term "I'll be fine."

The more computer screens you have the better your computer is.

If it growls, leave it alone.

Names of places can be a clue. for example don't go to Blood Lake, Murder Mansion or Death Mountain.

"Whats wrong with the cat?" - Mrs Schrödinger

Posted: 25th Oct 2005
When you type a password into a computer, it beeps loudly and then displays in large letters: "PASSWORD ACCEPTED." (Funny, every computer I've ever typed a password into just took me to the next screen).

Light can penetrate hundreds of feet underwater.

Spaceships need to bank when they turn.

Sometimes, the kind of plane you take off in isn't the kind of plane you land in.

There is a nonstop Sydney-Atlanta flight.

It's possible to take a flying leap off a tall building...and yet somehow manage to grab a ledge with the tips of your fingers and hang on until the bad guy fails to notice you hanging there when he looks over the edge.

Women only go into labor at the most inconvenient possible times. Dressing rooms, taxi-cabs, and crowded elevators are particularly tocogenic (meaning causing labor).

Advanced alien computer systems are susceptible to 20th century human computer viruses.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura

Posted: 25th Oct 2005

Written by: Doc Lightning

---

It's possible to take a flying leap off a tall building...and yet somehow manage to grab a ledge with the tips of your fingers and hang on until the bad guy fails to notice you hanging there when he looks over the edge.

---

Funnily enough Doc, I've done this, not with a tall building, but a ditch, it was very ninja, and very cool, and completely possible, and saved me from all kinds of trouble

Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?

Posted: 30th Oct 2005
If u want to learn anything, and become really good all u need is a montage....even rocky had a montage (quoting team america)

also no one ever needs to pee ever. BLADDERLESS PPL!!!

Posted: 30th Oct 2005
the plain/ugly person is always a super lush sexy person sans glasses and altering their barnet slightly

Let's relight this forum

Posted: 30th Oct 2005
Once you have scanned in a photo (or stolen it from a camera) you can enhance the crappiest, low-res, out-of-focus images to reveal impossibly intricate details, like the serial number on someone's hearing aid. This feature is always voice-actuated, unless the hero's nerd buddy is on hand.

During a sex scene, you can change positions instantaneously and you never have half a sock hanging off your foot.

Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.