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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Hello, for those of you who know me, and those of you who don't, for years shyness has been a major inhibitor for a lot of things, and although i have made myself aware of it, it still is a day to day battle.

I am currently in my last year of a BA in illustration, an have decided to specialise in the area of illustration for children (still deciding on my age range), and want to write an illustrate a book proposal(manuscript) based on shyness and social anxiety to make kids of today aware of its presence and how to help people combat it.

I will be grateful if anyone could share their experiences with shyness, combating it and you might have help your friends be more confident in themselves.

I would also be grateful if anyone could suggest any helpful sources of researce i could get, like a good book you once read or a website, or tv/radio programe etc

Thank you loverly people biggrin

Oh and if anyone has any tips on story writing i would be very grateful too biggrin


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jeff(fake)


jeff(fake)

Scientist of Fortune
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 1189
Posted:I used to be painfully shy. Then it just stopped about a year after I come to university. I think it was me meeting and talking to so many more people that did the trick, although at first it was a chore.

According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Dynamics, we may already be making love right now...

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Poi meets, and university was a saviour for me............you are forced into meeting new people smile You have no choice but to face your fears, and realise you are worth knowing.

I have found that the more you achieve, whether it is being able to cook a new meal, or pass your degree, the coformation, on paper or by someone congratulating you or thanking you is a massive way to feel good about yourself.


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DrBoo
BRONZE Member since Oct 2005

DrBoo

I invented the decaffinated coffee table.
Location: Cornwall

Total posts: 453
Posted:It seems, especially from what others have said, that the answer is in exposure.
This, combined with positive self-talk may be a good place to start.

Basically, think about what you're afraid will happen - get to the bottom of what causes your fear and why you are shy. Is what you fear likely to happen? Is it something that happens to you on a regular basis (for example, a lot of people with shynes are afraid people will, for example, laugh at them - in order to challenge this they'd have to ask themselves, do people often laugh at me? - unless they are a comedian, the answer is prabably no). Once you have challenged these thoughts that you have (you could keep a record of them on a daily basis - ie everytime you are due to go into a social situation write down your negative thoughts), start to slowly go into social situations.

Maybe make a list of social situations that worry you - starting with something you find easy and at the top the thing you find hardest, and slowly work you way up the list - challenging those negative thoughts if they crop up as you go.

This is really basic CBT. I'd recommend you read a self-help book such as "Overcoming Social Anxiety: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques" by Gillian Butler - she is really good.
Social anxiety is just a label for shyness that gets in the way of people's lives so much so that it causes a major problem to everyday functioning - you could use the techniques in the book to help overcome your shyness.

Hope this helps.
hug


Boo x

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If it costs "a penny for your thoughts", but people give you their "two-pence worth", who is getting the extra penny?

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jeff(fake)


jeff(fake)

Scientist of Fortune
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 1189
Posted:Very much so. I suppose it would be nice to say that other peoples opinions don't influence the way I feel about myself but that would just be a lie. Keep your chin up kitten. wink

According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Dynamics, we may already be making love right now...

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:I used to be soooo shy, even waiting for a bus and having to talk to the driver gave me panic attacks! I hated going places on my own!

I've overcome it little by little and recently I've been able to actually ask people directions if i'm lost!
Although I still kinda have eye contact issues - especially if the other person is extremely good looking!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:
When I was young I was extremely shy. Not so bad these days, but still bad with large groups. I think achieving tasks /feats/things/(can't think of the right word), especially those which are appreciated by other people, can play a big part in overcoming shyness by building up self confidence. Also I find I envisioned a massive gulf between me and other people, when there was in fact a lot of common ground I could walk across to connect with them.

And then there's just learning to leap. When we're young other people's opinions mean a lot, and day to day events mean a lot, even though they're disposible. As I've grown older I've realised that most people don't care if you mess up a bit; and most importantly that I don't care that much about what other people think unless I know and respect them already. And I don't know how you learn that except through life experience. You can't tell people that what's upsetting them or limiting them is actually really, insignificantly minor when it's causing them such problems.


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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:believe it or not (and you probably won't) i used to be pretty shy. now i don't care what anyone thinks!

i started off by deliberatly saying stupid things to people i knew i would never see again, or practicing telling them things about myself (which was a thing i found really hard)

i used to think i was really hard to get to know, but then i realised that actually a lot of people knew me better than i thought, and realising they know who i was made it easier to talk to and so on in a big circle...

let your mouth catch up with your brain, sometimes, when you've been sitting thinking something for ages it just gets harder and harder to say, so just say it stright away, without thinking. sometimes you will say something stupid, but the thing is that everyone does that, and they soon forget.

ha ha, warning to anyone who follows this advice, you will probably end up a loudmouth who never thinks before they speak and always talks about themself. just like me. smile


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I'm generally not shy. Generally. But I have a realy hard time in large groups where I know just one or two other people... (If I know no-one at all i'm fine tho, oddly.)

And I started to have a hard time in england as well. When almost everyone else knows each other and you don't its always a bit intimidating, and somehow by the time I got up to scotland I was just nervous nervous nervous... I tried to go around and talk to people, but as things got more and more overwhelming I tended to spend more time sitting down and wrapping my head around sudoku or some such to combat all of my nervousness.....

I think I was just scared of dissapointing people, and confused because I didn't know anyone else very well. I probably did dissapoint a lot of people :/
But the best I can say is keep trying, take breaks when you need to. (I.e. don't keep forcing yourself to go out and meet people when you're getting overwhelmed) and, well, things sort themselves out eventually, if you work at it long enough.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Krad
BRONZE Member since Oct 2005

Krad

member
Location: Portsmouth, England

Total posts: 60
Posted:I've had problems dealing with people since I was seriously young, some of the issues I will go into..some I wont. But a part of the problem was that I had a serious speach impedament, only a stutter but a bad one. Allmost every word was a chore and I was laughed at when I spoke, so basiclly I didn't.

After seeing doctors, phsyciatrists and speak experts the problem was a serious lack of confidence in myself. The main thing that helped me through was my friend (at the time I only had 1, he had speech probs too), but realising that I did matter to some1 atleast. But friends have been there for me now, and I wouldnt be where I am 2day wiith out them... Sorry for the essay shrug


"Hold on tight to what you love and cherish, allways stand up for what you know to be right. Live everyday as if it were your last, and dont forget to smile!"

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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:Written by: Kyrian

I'm generally not shy. Generally. But I have a realy hard time in large groups where I know just one or two other people... (If I know no-one at all i'm fine tho, oddly.)



i think that's quite common - it was certainly the case with me. i think it's because when you know no one the stakes are a lot lower, you're making a first impression, but when there are people you know around, you've already got that thing of 'are they judging me? do they think i'm behaving unusaul, or different'.

i think that when you're shy, meeting people for the second time is way harder than meeting for the first time, because you have to back up everything you tried to show about yourself the first time round.

or maybe that's just me smile


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:biggrin

thankyou so much, keep them coming smile


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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:I vividly remember the day i sat in bed thinking 'why is it everyone else seems to have fun and lots of friends but i have neither?'

I realised the happy-go-lucky people were the ones who had both and that made sense - people like being around happy, smiling people, not shy, scared ones.

So i acted it - it was difficult to start with but I kept at it and eventually it became second nature and as a result I've had a pretty full life.

I'd recommend it - except it's not real, it's only acting and I still have to deal with the self-esteem issues only now no-one sees it or believes it. So now I'm fighting hard to find 'me' in the middle of all the mask. HoP's helping alot biggrin


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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pricklyleaf
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

pricklyleaf

with added berries
Location: Manchester

Total posts: 1365
Posted:I was a shy child, grew out of it but I think it's very closley linked to insecurity and I have been battalling that a lot all through my life and more recently. I went through a really low period but I'm slowly pulling myself through, and I'm finding my confidence is improving bit by bit, although i've always been confident meeting people, I worry afterwards about things I've said or did. I think shyness and insecurity are very individual experiences, everyone has different situations that trigger it, and different areas that it affects. I would suggest maybe trying to pinpoint the ones that will be relavent to your market area (the kids) but also affect adults maybe, so everyone can relate to it.

Incidently I'm in my final year too, I'm doing ceramics, but for my project I'm doing 3D illustration, Iwant to create an object that is really nice to handle, until you look at the illustration and realise it's true meaning\implication. It's a bit tough going at the moment as I know very little on illustration, but I'm particulary looking at the work of Edward Gorey and Tim Burton at the moment. I'm just starting to try to find the story for the object (I don't know what the object actually is at the moment by the way), bu its quite hard not to make it cheesy. I'd also say that try not to make the story predictable, think divergently and see where it could take you. How much you do this depends on how random you want the story to be.

Good Luck! hope everything works out well, keep us posted!
(and feel free to pm me if you want).


Live like there is no tomorrow,
dance like nobody is watching
and hula hoop like wiggling will save the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Yeah there is definatly, for me, a worry that if you suddenly be all loud and outgoing, people will think you are schizophrenic or feel they don't know you anymore, but the loud you and the quiet you are both you, just a negative thinking and a popsotive thinking you I think.

I think people are always pleasantly surprised when you are on a confidence level.


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polarity
SILVER Member since May 2005

polarity

veteran
Location: on the wrong planet

Total posts: 1228
Posted:I could probably write the book on shyness, so I won't go into details here, just edit / add more to my intro .

You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:I'm still extremely shy even at 25 years old I haven't been able to relax around people and actually be myself...which makes it hard for me to make friends.

People have told me that I come across as being a total snob because I don't talk to people but it is simply because I am too scared that I will say something that they won't like and end up with them hating me...so I just stay quiet till they approach me and even then I can have problems saying things.

Once you get to know me I totally open up and then have troubles shutting up.

I guess it all comes from when I was younger and was judged by the way I look and was given a lot of hell from so many people. Now I am just scared of the same thing happening.


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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:I was a very shy little girl 2 years ago..then this funny little thing called poi entered my life smile



On sunday, I got a text from a fellow hopper, asking if there was a spin in the park today. There wasn't, but I decided to go down anyway and meet him and his 2 friends.

I stayed for about an hour with them, taught them some things, and talked them all through there first burn.

As they left I began to walk to the pub to meet other friends, in the pouring rain. I began to think.

This time 2 years ago I would have never had to confidance to go and meet somebody I've never met before bymyself, or even with a friend!

I think poi, and the um..increasingly better-ness (umm) of my home life have made my confidance shoot up.

At PLAY I was walking around, recognising people and just saying hello and giving them a hug. It's ace smile

I still have small problems..for example taking a bus..I'm scared shitless! ubblol

And I've only just got over the scaryness of odering a taxi for myself biggrin

"Good afternoon town taxi's"

"Hi could I have a taxi for half eleven going to Bexhill station, from blah blah etc.."

Why did I find that so hard before?!

And trains..trains too. On the way to Clapham Junction by myself I curled up in the end of the carraige for 2 hours , buried myself in a Sudoku book and pretended I wasn't really on a train.

If I don't get on the train, I won't get to where I want to be, Clapham for example, so I have to deal with it smile

Paranoia, a great thing isnt it? rolleyes



As for the story writing - beginning, middle and end tongue hug

EDITED_BY: *Aime* (1129718948)


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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:smile

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:i was never shy until i started school when i was 4 and i got bullied by the other kids!
Over the years lots of nasty things have happened to make me believe i'm a rubbish person and that no-one should be as unfortunate as to meet me!
But after lots of help from lots of nice people, and realising that I rule, like lots of other shy people, i find that its best if we let our lights shine. Bullies are just cowards, and they suck!! biggrin


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:I have looked at this, and I'm finding it useful

www.shyness.com

I wonder if there is a British equivalent?......................


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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Ok, I have reached a point when I must make a decision on writing the story myself, but really i am not an author. So I am setting a challenge for somone to write the story for me so I can spend more time illustrating, (which is what i am really being marked for). This is purely because I'd love to work with, fresh text.

Ok so I have a few names in mind (in no particular order)

Lost Surfer
JoRhymes
Polarity

If you'd like to seriously have a go at this, please please pm me as soon as you can, and I will send you the general story line with some visuals to get some of the creative juices going.
I'd like to have the text ready pretty soon, in one or two weeks.

And if a nice bit of writing is made, of course you will be named within my project, and i will NOT pass it of as my own writing! It WILL not be published, as it is a uni project.

Thanks smile


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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:hey jem, have Bluefeathers macaw
i can post it to you if you like? smile x x x


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:I think lost surfer has won clap bounce2

but any more ideas are still welcome but get them in fast cool

jo: do you want to snail mail it?


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LostSurfer
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

LostSurfer

I'd be in trouble if I had to eat an antelope now
Location: The Isles of Scilly

Total posts: 278
Posted:eep! now i have to get writing! biggrin

"Everything in moderation. Even moderation itself. From this it follows that you must, from time to time, have excess. And this is going to be one of those occasions"

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Yup how exciting
Non-Https Image Link
, sorry ignore the frog.............. ubblol


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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Bump


I had an attack of shyness again today

I realised just how crap I am at speaking up for myself, when a tutor said are you ok? and I said "yup", then I realised oh crap I needed her help redface grr it makes me feel like i'm in school again rolleyes


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misscorinthian
SILVER Member since Sep 2005

misscorinthian

old hand
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 784
Posted:I am terribly shy- but fine once I get to know people. I am also o.k 1-2-1, even with a stranger, but find it impossible to have a conversation with more than 2 other people (I will just clam up, and then people think I am antisocial and don't talk to me either frown).

Over the years I have tried different ways to deal with it: pretending I am outgoing instead, confronting my fear etc. Now I just accept it is part of who I am.

People that know me are amazed to hear I am shy, as once I am familiar with someone I am quite the opposite- very talkative/touchy feely.

I do find it hard meeting new people, as I am a "speak when you are spoken to" kind of person- I rarely initiate conversation. It's not like I don't have anything to say. Sometimes I think of all the people just like me, and all the missed opportunities for friendship I have probably had. If only I had made the first move and started talking, maybe I would have really got on with that person.

So there you go, that's my angle on it. Oh, and if you see me at any meets- talk to me, please!!


XLenX

Devoted although mostly absent owner of the 1, the original... Asena

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:ditto
Funny story
How did I get over my public speaking fear...
joined a public speaking club and every week had to get up in front of people and give speeches. I spoke in front of 2k people once

On the otherhand, if I am at a party, I can stay for about 20 min before hyperventilation starts to set in and I need to run outside. That's how I started smoking really.
Where are you going?
Outside to have a smoke.
Do you mind if I join you?
*sigh*


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:Maybe i should start smoking ubblol

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:Smoking gives you something to do if you're too busy being shy to talk to people. So if you want to get over being shy I don't think smoking will help... (Trust me, I'm a smoker...)

I definitely have no trouble being entertaining but when it comes to engaging someone (new or old) in conversation I have alot of trouble... Whether its just a block or fear have having nothing to say it can be quite debilitating...

I have noticed that alot of HOPpers have said that starting poi helped overcome their shyness but do they find it just as easy when encounter a new group of people who aren't spinners?


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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