Forums > Help! > Live with a monkey on a boat in London?

hello hop people



due to unforseen rubbish evil landlord stuff...



...i've had to move out of my place in Clapham which i moved into only a week ago...



...and into a very lovely canalboat in Southall (West London Zone 4)



Thing is, i'm gonna need someone to share it with from mid-november ish

The rent is £325 a month (or £75 a week)

and an extra £20-ish a month to cover bills, council tax, etc...



SO:

Does any HoPper fancy living with on a boat with a monkey?

i'd sooo prefer to live with one of you idiots rather than with an "Ordinary Mature Adult"

so i thought i'd ask here before looking for people from the *shudder* "Real World"...



so if you or any friends you have are looking for a place in London then PM me. And feel free to ask questions and stuff in here. i don't even mind if you just wanna talk rubbish, cos it'll keep it bumped



oh yeah, about the boat... It's newly refurbished, i'm the first tenant to rent it. Here's some details:-



IT HAS:



Central Heating

from beautiful big iron radiators, reclaimed from a school i think... Heating bills inclusive in rent



Electricity



Broadband is available

(i reckon i'm gonna get it connected pretty soon)



Awesome Bathroom + Shower

with antique bathtub originally belonging to James Murray (who wrote the Oxford English dictionary) and huuuuge great shower head which makes it feel like you're being rained on. Did you ever have a shower at HellzBellz & Bambams' palace? Then you'll know what i'm talkin about



Kitchen with most mod cons

microwave, gas hob, electric oven, fridge/freezer & washing machine



Moored in a beatiful "Gated Community" in Southall

Secure... postbox for mail... Grassy... Space for play & fire... So pretty you wouldn't believe you're in London... Geese and Swans and that... very nice



erm... did i leave stuff out... oh it has lovely wooden flooring.

i'll see if i can sort out some photos so you can all see the lovliness.

awww go on, you'd love it. It's really really nice.

The only disadvantage is you'll have to live with a monkey



Details again:

Move in mid-november, earlier is negotiable.

Rent is £325 a month (or £75 a week) + bills (£20 ish)

Interested? PM me if you wanna come check it out. I'll make you tea and everything

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I had a dream that my friend had a
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I had a dream that my friend had a
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I had a dream that my friend had a
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RE: The ZETA Sanction (Procedure for deployment of):

We must accept and prepare for the possibility, that while in residence of the abode hereby known as "The Inconceivable Doomsday Contraption", we may come under missile or verbal assault from "unknown hostiles".

eg. Young males of diminished mental capacity, intoxicated perpetual itinierants, aggrieved waterfowl etc.

If the hostile individual or organisation refuses to cease their assaults through a reasoned exchange of views, then the necessification of Sanctions will necessarily be made necessary.

Upon the necessification of Sanctions by unknown hostiles, but before the commencement of deployment of Sanctions, there must be a formal verbal notification to cease hostile actions, and a forewarning of the consequences of non-cessation. This "Verbal Notification and Forewarning" should follow the following form:

"We are required to warn you that if you do not cease your current actions, then we are authorised to deploy Sanctions against you"

Then await response. If response is negative, then the second warning follows:

"Is there anything we can say, or any reasonable course of action we can take, that will cause you to cease your current actions?"

Await response. If response is negative, then the use of the Zeta Sanction is Authorised.
(under the auspices of The Ineffably High Council Overseeing Utilisation of the Inconceivable Doomsday Contraption)



AN OUTLINE OF THE STRUCTURE OF THE ZETA SANCTION

The Zeta Sanction makes use of a variable pressure hose, running from a highly efficient 12V(DC) electric pump, which is attached to a large container, into which the Inconceivable Doomsday Contraption's Unfathomable Bathroom Facilities drain their effluent.

This variable pressure hose will ordinarily be deployed in low pressure or "Wide Stream" mode to drain the Unfathomable Bathroom Facilities effluent into chemical toilet dumping stations. In its use as The Zeta Sanction it will be set onto "Narrow Stream".

CARE MUST BE TAKEN WITH THE VARIABLE PRESSURE HOSE ONCE SET TO NARROW STREAM
as the consequences may have a hazardous relevance.

When deploying the Zeta Sanction, the hose should be trained upon the Hostile Target, taking into account any risk factors. Innocent bystanders or wildlife must be clear of the target area, keeping in mind any probable deviation of the stream and "splash factor".

Approved firing method is in short, controlled bursts, fired from the hip. Though due care and responsibility must be observed in use of The Zeta Sanction, it should also be noted that laughing maniacally is not only approved, but fundamentally intrinsic to the use of The Zeta Sanction.

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