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Forums > Social Discussion > Disciplining young children

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Location: Little Rock, AR
Member Since: 26th Aug 2005
Total posts: 145
Posted:Ok! I've been a mom for quite a few years, now.

My son is 5, he began kindergarden just a few weeks ago and is not adjusting well.
Before kindergarden there was preschool - he was an angel. The summer went by, he roughhoused and played. Now - well, his halo's a bit tarnished.

Everyday for the past two weeks he has been sent home with a note: "he was playing all day..." "he was talking and fighting..." "he was pushing another student..." on and on the list goes.
This past week on Wednesday he didn't bring a note home - wonderful! For the first time in two weeks he behaved well all day. Great, celebrate to boost the repitition of this possitive behavior.
The next day, Thursday morning, taking him to school. He opens his door to step out and then goes, "Here, Mom, this is for you." and hands me another note!
He stashed this note, knowing he'd be in trouble if I found out.
He hid the note and let me believe that he was good at school.

so - this is what I did, and this is what I want some opinions on...

I drove him home and put him to work. My instant reaction was that his teacher has had enough of his antics and could use a break. Perhaps a day home working and not playing or having fun would straighten him up.
He helped me with all of my daily chores. (I'm a housewife with one child still at home, I keep myself busy, get online for a break, and make jewelry)
He helped me scrub the carpets and vacuum, he cleaned the bathroom, helped me water the lawn and other yardwork, dishes, laundry, dusting, on and on. I made him write the alphabet, numbers, names, etc, so he wasn't completely lacking any school-work.
At first he was happy to be home, by the afternoon he wasn't so happy. By evening time, he was miserable. His work-day stopped at 5:00 to eat supper, and after supper he hit the books - writing his alphabet and numbers until it was bath and bed time.

Bedtime - kisses goodnight, tucked the boys into bed. And what happens - a fight. If I didn't storm into that room and pull the boys apart - Brandon would have beat his brother to a pulp.

So - he obviously wasn't ready to go to school the next day, in my opinion. So - Friday was another day of cleaning and writing.
He started the day unhappy but didn't become absolutely miserable and angry.
Saturday - he did pretty good, one or two small problems but nothing out of the ordinary.
Today, Sunday -still no serious issues.
So - tomorrow he's back to school.

Every child is different. My two sons are day and night. Brandon, my 5 year old, does not respond to physical punishment. He's very stubborn and keeps his mouth quiet the second that something bad happens. He's far more difficult to deal with. He's a cute sweetie, though, but a pain in the butt.

Now - what would someone else have done? Has anyone had similar issues in the past? Advice?

"I'm your Huckleberry."

The muse spake her thought and then there was silence. Thy spiked tongue had melted, only a bitter heart remained.


Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey
Member Since: 7th Nov 2004
Total posts: 534
Posted:I remember being spanked once. My parents were big on time outs too. Little ones, it made me and my sister think. Personally, I think it's easier to reward good behavior than to punish bad behaior. You can get into the whole psychology of that, but I won't. When we went shopping with mom when we were little if we behaved we would get a candy bar. If we threw a tantrum, mom would ignore us, she said we were only embarresing ourselves and she wouldn't make a fool of herslef by yelling back. As for the hitting thing, when your shild REALLY messes up, a little slap is fine, but only when it's really horrible.

Don't mind me, just passing through.

Colin J
Colin J

small member
Location: Hastings
Member Since: 24th May 2005
Total posts: 116
Posted:Doc Lightnings on to it.

I've seen parents who know the score, have they're kid (we are talkin 2 years old here so not kids that should neccesary know any better) maybe have too much sugar or get into a state where they're running about like mad screaming throwing s**t or whatever, basicly not knowing what they are doing. The parent just gives them a little smack on the bum, not to hurt them but to snap them out of it. And hey presto they are back to normal in an instant.

My uncle has a mad technique for disiplining his kids, he never hits them. He has this idea that some conversations with your kids should only happen once(like after catching your kid shoplifting) And he makes sure he never has to say it again. He puts on this tone of voice which just scares the crap out of you, and makes it seem like this is a life threatening situation and its your life thats threatened. Traumatising to the point that his kids even now they are grown couldn't bring them selves to even think of petty theft.

And they're worse things then being hit by your parents. An over protective mother has got to be up there.


Pancake Maker
Location: south wales
Member Since: 3rd Dec 2004
Total posts: 151
Posted:i wasn't going to say anything in this thread...but,
when i picked the kids up from school today there was a 4 yr old throwing a hell of a tantrum, (aparantly his friend had said he could go to his after school, the mums had decided not today but maybe next week) as a 4yr old he was understandably upset, but the mum had him grabbed hard by the wrist up against the wall trying to get him to shut up, after about 10 mins of this she started giving him the odd bum smack to still try and stop the tantrum, then talking to other mums around, and in earshot of the kids ahe was saying what a whalloping he was going to get when he got home....and she wondered why he was screaming his head off, poor kid.

I'm not saying that i have never given my kids the odd smack, but i have regretted the few occasions, i've only ever tapped them and it has normally been if they had seriously wound me up, and i had had no sleep ( been up with a baby for months on end), been emotional being a stressed single mum etc etc. I suppose i am trying to justify it as i think there is very little use in using violent punishment with young kids.

Mine are now 5 and 8 and for the last few years the "naughty police" have worked wonders. Basically if the kids are being naughty they get till the count of 3 to sort it out or i call the naughty police, i very rarely get past 2, and have only had to pick the phone up a few times. Purely by fluke but it was great...in the supermarket the little one was being awkward, i'd got to 3 and was just getting my phone out to call the naughty police when a security guard who figured what i was doing came up and had a word with my son...he is now so convinced the naughty police are real that he is much easier to manage, he is by no means an angel but life is sooooooo much better.

Someone said that getting parenting ideas from shows like supernanny was crap way to parent, i totally disagree the more forms of input you have as a parent the better position you are in to make informed decisions. I have the added bonus of having studied child psychology and I think that these sorts of programmes have a lot of interesting techniques for stressed out parents to try.


Location: Little Rock, AR
Member Since: 26th Aug 2005
Total posts: 145
Posted:Children become muckabouts when a few things go wrong...mostly on the parents part and it's usually unintentional...
One of the biggest things is that some parents try to avoid having to yell, correct or otherwise be strict in anyway with their child in public for fear of scrutiny and foul looks from other people who might not agree with the situation...
That type of parent sees their child misbehaving and quickly goes through a messy list: a: tell him to be quiet, or force him to be, and then have him throw a bigger tantrum because he's in trouble. or b: let him throw this fit because this fit isn't as bad as things would be if I did A....
And so the kid is allowed to throw his fit.

that type of poor parenting is a peve of mine - as well as children who can walk and talk and are still on a pacifier or bottle. And children who are allowed to romp around on the floors and such (not throwing a fit, even - just playing) in the stores.

The other day I was grocery shopping and a young kid was following right behind me - just to annoy me. He was right on my heels, I almost tripped over him - His mother did nothing for a minute or two until he tripped. Then she said "leave her alone..." and that was it - he didn't leave me alone and she didn't say anything until I told him to listen to his mother and gave him a nasty look.
She gave me a nasty look! (the nerve of her, really - I have the right to protect another child from me running him over with my shopping cart) So - harsh words were exchanged and hopefully she'll think twice when she lets her child bother someone in public.

Hmmm - I take that same stance with my three - if non-family company comes over, the last thing I'll let them do is butt into a conversation or act up. It's a rule, I stick to - with a look or a motion of my hand quietly and discretely, they know what lines not to cross. They still do cross them, but they at least understand that the lines are there and it's best to stay on one side.

"I'm your Huckleberry."

The muse spake her thought and then there was silence. Thy spiked tongue had melted, only a bitter heart remained.


.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas
Member Since: 13th Oct 2003
Total posts: 3776
Posted:like becci, i wasn't going to post here...but here i am! smile

i work in child protection...i've seen the horrible things people do to their kids to get them to behave. grabbing the kids fringe & pulling their head up to look at the parent is a personal cringe...

from the good bits i've seen (i.e. the foster carers) what seems to work is boundaries, consistency & very limited (if any) physical discipline. it's a huge no no to hit kids in care anyway, but a light tap on the hand or nappy is okay. super nanny has her merits too...but her techniques don't always work either...i think it depends on the kid, the parent & how early they started with the rules & repercussions...

but i don't have any kids myself, i'm just going from what i've seen at work...

smile i'll be going to bed now...gnight all!

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!

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