Forums > Social Chat > Getting married! Good idea or bad idea?

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LMSP
LMSP

veteran

Member Since: 23rd Aug 2005
Total posts: 1588
Posted:Is getting wed a wonderful show of affection or just a waste of time?

plaese, your thoughts........


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UCOF
UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel

Member Since: 17th Apr 2002
Total posts: 15414
Posted:*finally puts two and two together and gets the same answer as the calculator got*

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Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8737
Posted:really UcoF whats that....PM's on a postcard to.....

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:"boobies" upside down was it? ubblol

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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UCOF
UCOF

Carpal \'Tunnel

Member Since: 17th Apr 2002
Total posts: 15414
Posted:no.. It said "Hedgehog"

smile


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blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:If you find the right person,I believe that marriage can be a beautifulthing. One of the ultimate commitments to make to a person.Its often gotten wrong and thats why we see a lot of the ugliness we see today. But when its gotten right, it can be one of lifes most beautifulthings. Ive just spent a few days with a couple who's undying love for each other restores my faith in humanity and makes me sometimes ponder that which i deny or take for granted.(Theyve been together forever)

Hope your doing ok lilmiss hug


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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screech
screech

circling on the edge of madness
Location: away with the faeries
Member Since: 22nd Apr 2005
Total posts: 889
Posted:it does happen blu but is marriage really necessary to declare your undying love for the person you're with.

can't you be just as happy living together forever without getting married


finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

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Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8737
Posted:And save the cash for something you can both enjoy.

Marriages are soooo expensive why have them at the start / middle of a relationship? I know the legal argument but still.


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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Helz Bellz
lovin' it...
Location: Bristol!
Member Since: 21st Aug 2002
Total posts: 2444
Posted:Marriage totally depends on the people involved.

I've been lucky enough to see two of my best mates get hitched this summer - and to see two couples so in love and excited and happy and totally ready for this commitment - well it bought a tear to my eye. For them, true love really does exist.

I, on the other hand, am not so sure about the whole wedding thing.

LilMissSmartyPants: hug I've not posted here before, but I've been lurking. It sounds like you've totally made the right decision. Hope that you're doing ok, and dont let the b*stard grind you down. You deserve a million times better!!

grouphug


Live well, love much, laugh often...

Official O.B.E.S.E. cheerleader

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LMSP
LMSP

veteran

Member Since: 23rd Aug 2005
Total posts: 1588
Posted:awww thank you so much hunny hug

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ZeeBoo
ZeeBoo

member
Location: Melbourne
Member Since: 10th Aug 2004
Total posts: 167
Posted:Written by: screech

it does happen blu but is marriage really necessary to declare your undying love for the person you're with.

can't you be just as happy living together forever without getting married



But that is marriage, some people like to make it more official than others, some people get married in church some in the registry office, some in a hand joining ceremony and some in a joint decision to be with that person for the rest of their lives.

They are all equal forms of commitment hopefully made in the heart ubblove and should be respect as such.
Lots have been said on this thread about marriage eg
Written by:

marriage is just a piece of paper and a band of gold

which I disagree with strongly and find that it's ideas like this that undermines one of society's oldest traditions which should be respected.
And if you treat it with the respect it deserves mistakes shouldn't happen.

On a side note I have friends who have lived together for 20 years and even their families now (took them a while) respect there decision to live their lives how they want to.

& for those out there who think they will never get married I always thought that and so did my wife biggrin and just remember to do it your own special way not the way the media or your family tell you to do it.
It is something truly special.

Om shanti.... rant over... for now!


hug LMSP hug


Just because I'm an adult doesn't make me responsible.

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Leysh
newbie

Member Since: 4th Oct 2005
Total posts: 3
Posted:As Lilmiss has taken my boy from me i would like to put this message up to tell u a bit about her.

Here goes

The reson why i get upset with her is because

1. I came home one day and found the boy running riots when there was dog urine on the floor and she was on the net.

2. I came home one day and found that the boy haddent been changed and he was drawring all over him self with a permanet marker pen while she was doing her makup and on the web.

3 I broke Her engagment ring coz i found out that she was having txt sex with her x txt i know but is the prinsable.

4 The other one was when she left me.

5 The 3rd one was whe she lied to me and i dont like liers

6 I would have never physically attacked her as i am dead against treating women it that manner i would have killed my self before that happend.

7 I love lilmiss and my boy more than anything in the universe and i would have not hurt them in anyway I think i have valid resons to get upset with her dont u expecially when there is a child involved and health risks.

Doing this is probably the worst thing i can do but as i said she took my boy.


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animatEd
animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK
Member Since: 31st Aug 2004
Total posts: 3540
Posted:Written by: Leysh

Doing this is probably the worst thing i can do but as i said she took my boy.



You hit the nail on the head there!!

To be quite frank, I (and I'm sure many others) don't want to be involved in any 'feuds' (for want of a better word) between the two of you.

This sort of thing is just gonna turn into a slanging match with each of you trying to get one better on the other. That's not a good thing for a child to go through. I know because it happened to me when my parents split up when I was 2 years old, and had each of my parents telling me the other was Crap and useless (again, for want of better, stronger words). I ended up feeling unwanted by both of them. Believe me, you don't want this happening to your kid. (not that I'm saying it's a definate outcome, just speaking from my own experience). There's nothing a child wants to hear less than someone badmouthing their parents. especially when it's their parents that are doing the badmouthing.

You need to talk about things, and not bring your child into your arguements, or use him as a tool against each other. You may think he doesn't understand what's going on, but believe me, children pick up on more than you realise. The main thing is to let your child know that he is loved by both parents. If it is a definate break-up (I don't know details) you need to both accept this and move on. arguing isn't gonna do your son any good, and, IMO, he's the most important one in this relationship.

Hope it all works out.

smile

Sorry if I seem interfering or accusing here. I'm not accusing anyone, I just don't want another child ending up like me if I can help it.


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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Leysh
newbie

Member Since: 4th Oct 2005
Total posts: 3
Posted:Thanx dude but she wont talk to me so i cant sort things out im not saying shes a bad mother or person but she cant run from her problems she wont even let me talk to the boy.

Thats all i want to do is sort this out.


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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:Posting that really isn't going to solve anything is it?
You're upsetting a few people on here, including me.
And before she took the little one, were you not getting my mum to look after him? or were you drowning your sorrows during the day while he was in your care?
She's left you - deal with it, but not here!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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_Aime_
_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings
Member Since: 2nd Jan 2004
Total posts: 4172
Posted:The internet
The worst place to solve family/relationship issues.

Like Tink said. Deal with it, but not here.


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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Marriage is a moot point for me.

I'm not allowed.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8737
Posted:hug 's doc awww dude....why do ypu want to get married doc?

Have you found Mr right ?


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:No, but I'd like to.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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linden rathen
linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK
Member Since: 2nd Mar 2005
Total posts: 6942
Posted:hug doc

ill marry you wink

but youll have to share as im wife number two to pete as well ubbangel


back

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Narr
Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step
Member Since: 15th Apr 2003
Total posts: 2568
Posted:i watched my bestest childhood friend get married this year, and it completely changed my veiw on marriage i was alway kinda on the fence like alot of people saying its 'just a piece of paper' ' if it aint broke dont try to fix it'. but i realised it a beautiful ceremony to be enjoyed and shared with the people you hold dearest. i had never see my best mate smile soo much (and yes i cried like the big girl i am) and i felt bless to have been there to witness it.
but i do think still that weddings do get out of hand, you know havign to have the biggest and the best etc etc which completely overshadows what the day is all about.

smartypants - i feel you have done the right thing getting out of that relationship, it sounds like things havent been right for a wee while. i dont want to sound preachie or anything but i would say maybe you need to go to a councellor just to get everything off your chest. i have had depression myself and i found it helped a great deal, also stand back and look at the way you live your life, i found changing small things like what i ate, how much i slept adn how much exercise i did lifted me also. i recommend you do this not only for yourself but your son too. i wish you all the best. :hugs:


she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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LMSP
LMSP

veteran

Member Since: 23rd Aug 2005
Total posts: 1588
Posted:I AM NOW TRULY AND TOTALY HAPPYubbrollsmile

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blu_valley
blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton
Member Since: 8th Apr 2005
Total posts: 197
Posted:biggrin hug Yay to the lilmiss!!!!

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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daize
daize

member
Location: Falmouth, Cornwall
Member Since: 29th Dec 2005
Total posts: 175
Posted:

Frankly, marriage isn't a topic to be considered lightly!



If things are really going bad then divorce is inevitable, as there's something far worse than divorce! Parents "staying together for their kids". I'm proof of that. frown Practically feuding divorced couple, living in the same house together.



I'd say if you really love him, then waiting is not going to hurt. You may think you're sure now, but wait maybe even just 5 years, and it could all change.



But whether a marriage will or won't work is really down to each individual, and your character traits. A relationship can be doomed from the start, whether you hope to marry or not.



You will know whether you are one of those dedicated to stick through hard times, will always make an effort to transform a bad situation to good, will accept change in the other, not have stubborn expectations, be understanding...and so on. Then you're chances of things working out are increased.



This may sound clich or simple, but the best way to keep a relationship good, is honesty!! Tell you other half no matter how insignificant or significant... even if it may hurt your partner, it's always better in the long term. Also, always try to be emotionally mature, and reasonable.



Haha, sorry for all that agony aunt advice redface Hope that made sense.



Ah crap, tongue should have read all the posts before commenting...

Question: Getting married! Good idea or bad idea?

Answer: Definitely a bad idea! In this situation.



My opinion is to: spend some time getting to truly know yourself and mature, working to make both yours and your child's life happy and secure.



shrugs, hope that helps...



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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:Daize - running off to the south coast of england with another hopper to start a new life is what you can do to make things better smile

Good on ya sis! (Mynci is the only one of your boyfriends that I've actually liked. Plus I knew him first lol)


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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daize
daize

member
Location: Falmouth, Cornwall
Member Since: 29th Dec 2005
Total posts: 175
Posted:Has she found herself a new man then?
smile


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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:yeah - mynci!

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
LMSP

veteran

Member Since: 23rd Aug 2005
Total posts: 1588
Posted:I am a monkey lover.........Ooooh yeah! ubblol

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