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Forums > Social Chat > Getting married! Good idea or bad idea?

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:Is getting wed a wonderful show of affection or just a waste of time?

plaese, your thoughts........


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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton

Total posts: 197
Posted:depends..its a nice idea, a form of celebration and commitment, but I suppose you need to be 100% to do it....or accept that you may get married many many times or never. Its all down to the two individuals involved. I mean every girl dreams of her 'big day', but life is not always the fairytail you propose for yourself.

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:Marie - i dont wanna say this
dont do it - i know its all booked and u been with him for years - (since steph's christening?) but look at the mess i got into! wait til you're at least 25!!!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:blu - my mum never came to mine - i wore a purple tent (ok a reduced priced evening gown) - my total outfit including jewellery n clothes cost under 40!

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:I do wanna do it and i been wiyh him 4 yrs. (theres always divorce) we are doing it now coz mam n dad leyshon are putting up the funds. I just wanted to know what the people of HoP's take on the subject was. hugtanx for caring hun

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

(theres always divorce)



I really, really wouldn't take divorce lightly.

It's a painful mess, and it changes people.


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton

Total posts: 197
Posted:ergm...Well I guess if someone else is shelling out for it...any excuse for a party right?! Although, using the phrase "theres always divorce" before youve even decided to get married...doesnt sound very promising...
hug


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:I dont intend to get divorced. we would probably get re-married within the year ubblove whats the point? smile I know divorce is bad. my mum did it 3 times

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:and me once - and our sis lol

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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DragonFury
BRONZE Member since Mar 2005

Draco Iracundia
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 784
Posted:Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

(theres always divorce)



comments like this are why the divorce rate is so high over the world, people now enter marraige with the thought that its a simple thing to get into and out of. People get divorced over the smallest things. What happened to sticking it out "through good times and bad"

If you are in love with him and want to show him that your commited to your love, then get married. biggrin


Do we sleep when we die?

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:i thought that - but its a team effort, if he keeps taking the money down the pub, then taking more without your knowledge (as in my case) Its bye bye...

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Umm, if you love each other then I'd say that a piece of paper saying you're officially together is a bit insignificant. Married or not, you still love each other and you don't need a cleric to tell you that.

Basically, it's your decision... whatever you want. hug


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:a well known simpson quote by (i think the rev. lovejoy's wife)
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??! lol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:Hes an awsome provider and dad and I love him so ......
EDITED_BY: LilMissSmartyPants (1126350925)


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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:I think that was Moe wink

Indeeed, kiddies can get messed around with in marriages (divorces etc)

I was lucky, and my mum refused to use me as leverage to get anything from my Dad, to which I will be eternally greatful for.

To be honest, I don't much agree with the way Court sympathises with the mother. I think its horribly unfair frown


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Agreed, but thats off topic here.

I've seen some interetsing things resulting from marriage/ divorce etc. And not just in older generations, or in a way that hasn't affected me...

but thats neither here nor there entirely, there's just one thing I personally have to say ....

If you have ANY doubts, don't do it. Postpone it, whatever. But that one little doubt which you're a bad person for having blah blah blah doesn't really matter anyway.... its amazing what it might become.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:Written by: Fine_Rabid_Dog

Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

(theres always divorce)



I really, really wouldn't take divorce lightly.

It's a painful mess, and it changes people.




Parents divorcing and all that shiznet made me a very sad person for a very very long time.
It's not pretty.

If both of you are happy and want to be with you for the rest of your lifes, then go for it!
But if its jsut becuase somebody else is paying for it..then no no bad


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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:i was too young to remember my parents actually living in the same house, all i remember i the odd saturday he'd come visit us but spent most the time up the road at his mums, and after she died it was next door but one at his sisters house.

oh and i remember lots of Rowntrees fruit pastilles....


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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thelost
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

thelost

mmm...i feel all warm and fuzzy... 'no dude, that's your hair on fire'
Location: Birmingham

Total posts: 355
Posted:Wow, this thread started off pretty cheery and now it's just depressing frown

Views on marriage in my family have changed over the years. You marry if you really want to, but if you're satisfied with knowing that you're with the person you love, everyone knows about it and you don't really need a ceremony for people to acknowledge it, even though it would be amazing to have a special day devoted to you and your other half.

It's a way of saving money too biggrin (sorry girls, but being chinese, the guy's side has to pay for the wedding traditionally and most girls' families would LOVE to keep that tradition eek).


It's better to burn out than to fade away

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:my (now) ex-best friends parents arent married because they believe that they dont need a little piece of paper to show that they love each other. And I think that sounds like a pretty fair reason to me. `especially these days when a defacto reltionship is seen legally almost the same as a marriage anyway.

but on saying that; noone can take away the feeling a girl gets when she dresses up!
(although my deb ball was stress enough for me! who wants the stress of a wedding after that??)


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Nucleopoi
BRONZE Member since Nov 2004

Nucleopoi

chemical attraction
Location: Ilkeston, Derbyshire, England

Total posts: 1097
Posted:I think its a good idea,go for it.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I've planned/organized I am not sure how many weddings (it's what I used to do and loved every moment.)

I've never met a bride or groom who didn't have cold feet at some point, so saying any doubts is really not valid.

So answer these questions (not on here, just for yourself)....

1. Do you trust him?
2. If he does something to upset that trust, would you be willing to try to work it through?
3. Do you feel there is anything you can not tell him? (if so, why not?)
4. If, gods forbid, something were to happen to all your money or to him where he couldn't be a lover anymore...would you still be there with him?
5. What are the worst things about him? Those things that really get under your skin? Can you live with those things on a day to day basis?
6. What are the best things about him and will that wear off?
7. Years down the road, when you know one another inside and out, do you feel he will still inspire you, challenge you, and make you laugh?
8. Not using him as a reference point, what are the things you feel will make you happy in life and in a relationship? Where does he fit into all that?

Answer these honestly, and if you are satisfied with the answers...then go for it.

Not all people are made to be married.
Not all relationships are meant to be.

But to categorize someone else's relationship by our personal experiences is unfair. To say that *all* marriages are bad is really too much. I've been burned but it isn't stopping me from looking and trying.
My parents have been married nearly 50 years. Both sets of my grandparents made it over 50 and one set over 60, seperated only by death. My sisters have both been married nearly 20 years, and one of those was previously divorced.
And I know people who are divorced, three of them actually, who found new partners and remarried this summer. There is alot of hope in the world, you just have to remember that it takes work and compromise from both partners.


Only you can make this decision. If you are so in love and are willing to work to make it a success, then I say go for it.
Don't even think about divorce. Someone once told me that if you have a safety net you will eventually need to use it because you will not fight to stay in the air as much as if it wasn't there.
In the case of marriage, divorce should never be a safety net.

Best of luck.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Julie2022


Julie2022

member
Location: Little Rock, AR

Total posts: 145
Posted:I'll say this for my flights into marriage:

I was married at 17, had two kids - divorced at 20.

I was married at 23, had one kid - left him for 9 months - just not moved back in with him.

So - 3 children, a neanderthalic thick-headed military husband.

I'd be a happy spinster in about 25 years.


"I'm your Huckleberry."

The muse spake her thought and then there was silence. Thy spiked tongue had melted, only a bitter heart remained.

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Mr_Chutney
SILVER Member since Apr 2003

Mr_Chutney

Tosser
Location: Herefordshire

Total posts: 1711
Posted:Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

(theres always divorce) we are doing it now coz mam n dad leyshon are putting up the funds



Speaking as someone whose parents broke up when I was 16 and my little sister was 13, I think going into marriage even thinking about divorce is a quite rediculous notion. My sister, now 21, has only recently been getting over depression and my mother still cries when digging through old letters and photos of family life before the divorce, all 17 years of it. She is now happily remarried but that doesn't change the bitterness she feels.

I hope that your choice, whatever it is, brings you happiness, but PLEASE do not do it unless you absolutely love this person, and absolutely not because there is money being fronted for it.


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Lemonkey


Lemonkey

Stalking amidst the desert, carrying an oversized scalpel...
Location: Huddersfield + Hull Uni... UK.

Total posts: 1019
Posted:Weddings are pointless.

Willy - is bad for your health...

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Good questions Pele, I need to keep them in mind if I ever get married. biggrin However, I have one question:

Written by: Pele

4. If, gods forbid, something were to happen to all your money or to him where he couldn't be a lover anymore...would you still be there with him?




So the loss of the Female's money and the Male's sexual prowess are considered equal? ubblol ubblol

Please clarify ubbangel


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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aka rita queen of cheese


aka rita queen of cheese

member


Total posts: 80
Posted:i think marrige is a to bigger promise to make to the partner, because what if in a couple of years time you dont feel anything for this man then your a bit screwed reli

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thelost
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

thelost

mmm...i feel all warm and fuzzy... 'no dude, that's your hair on fire'
Location: Birmingham

Total posts: 355
Posted:People understand that it's a huge commitment to get married, but a lot of people nowadays do go into a marriage thinking that divorce is a good 'way out' so I actually believe marriage today means less to some people than it did say 20 years ago or something.

A lot of things nowadays isn't sorted out by discussion between the people involved, it's a lot of settlements made between lawyers and solicitors umm


It's better to burn out than to fade away

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:JUST TO CLARIFY, Mentioning divorce WAS A JOKE. (Granted, not a funny 1 redface) The inlaws are giving us the money INSTEAD of my guy getting a payrise for 2 yrs and There is not a doubt in my mind about us getting hitched. I just wanted to hear the wonderful people of HoPs veiws. I am sorry if I have upset ANYONE my mentioning the D word and I appologise.


You may punish me! spank


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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:I would, but it seems you're getting married ubbangel

wink


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:No no, I INSIST! I HATE rubbing people the wrong way(No, not like that ubblol) and I would feel a lot better if I was repremanded and then forgiven for my immaturity! grouphug

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