• You must now select Courier Delivery if you wish to receive items before Christmas.
 

Forums > Social Chat > Giving up being nice?????

Login/Join to Participate
Page: 123
SmallBoy - x


SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London

Total posts: 2737
Posted:Prepare to laugh your asses off at my latest theory........but don't think by it that I'm in need of a new girlfriend coz you're all far more evil than guys are - lol

Right, having made a monster out of myself yesterday with a friend (or maybe ex-friend now) I felt the need for a minor rant and some advice from other nice fluffy bouncy peeps.

OK, I've devoted a large proportion of my life to being nice (, excludes rants and losses of temper). I don't like not being friendly with everyone and although I wouldn't lose any sleep over it if someone didn't like me, I don't act in an unfriendly way without some provocation EVER.
It's just not at a base level who I am. (Especially having met u guys)

Right:- Here's the dilemma:-
Total wankers end up with sweet, caring, nice, fluffy, cute girls.
Nice guys end up with mates.
Correct me if I iz wrong........

Up until I gave up the shagging around principal 6months ago (OK semi-gave it up), and started with the whole "run round getting hugz whilst hanging round for Miss perfect" ideology. I'd heard "no, can't do that we're mates" as an excuse about once a month since I moved here 2 years ago.
This I feel is the worst excuse I've ever heard....but hey...that's probably a misguided guy thing.
Why would having a mate as a boyfriend be bad?
This leads to.....Theory 2.
Nice guys = boring
Wankers = Exciting/Dangerous

My mate Justins theory is that women aren't happy unless they have a "fixer-upper" that they are under the VERY MISGUIDED view that they can change for the better - Muhahahahaha (99% of the time - It doesn't happen, I'm really sorry)

I have at current count 10 really close "shoulder to cry on" female mates and about 30 who wouldn't ever consider me anything but a mate.
(I think I've more or less fucked it up with every girl I know, so this is all academic at the moment anyway,) but I've asked my girl mates what I'm doing wrong and they reckon I'm "being too nice".....this I was assuming was a blatant attempt at making me feel better but having not acted on it I now feel like I should have.

As things are headed now, I may just be destined to be "classic mate material".....
Which is not the end of the world but at some point, I iz gonna have to fill up the big space in my life that is currently being plugged with hugz and mates.

I have to laugh at the amount of girl "mates" that I have, especially when they only ever go out with idiots that aren't any good for them.

My view up until recently was that I didn't want someone who I didn't get on with on a friendly matey level, but that doesn't appear to be the way most of yous females types think. (I could be wrong, I do it a lot)

I am now destined to be single forever (cue violins/melodrama - ) unless I stop making friends with all the girls I meet, but does this mean I have to start acting like every other guy I know and start screwing women over?
I'm really hoping someone can just turn round and say "no man you've got it all wrong", u need to do this.....
Failing that I'm going to China to be a budddhist monk. - hehehehe


Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Delete Topic

Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:quote:Originally posted by SmallBoy:
My mate Justins theory is that women aren't happy unless they have a "fixer-upper" that they are under the VERY MISGUIDED view that they can change for the better - Muhahahahaha (99% of the time - It doesn't happen, I'm really sorry)

I have at current count 10 really close "shoulder to cry on" female mates and about 30 who wouldn't ever consider me anything but a mate.
(I think I've more or less fucked it up with every girl I know, so this is all academic at the moment anyway,) but I've asked my girl mates what I'm doing wrong and they reckon I'm "being too nice".....this I was assuming was a blatant attempt at making me feel better but having not acted on it I now feel like I should have.Hoooboy do I feel you there. I keep hearing about what a great catch I would be "if I wasn't such a good friend."

Wait a sec...you're supposed to marry your best friend!!! But it seems like not many other people get that. *sigh*

Not that I'm in any headlong rush to get married, mind you.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete

ivan..


ivan..

member
Location: Halifax, NS

Total posts: 165
Posted:celibacy ! it's not just for breakfast anymore !

it depends on what you want in a partner , i have a female friend who is only attracted to straight girls.. disasterous ! I know a guy who loves a particular beautiful attractive woman .. and she like athletic guys who dive nice cars.. he takes the bus everywhere and is about as athletic as i am ..( which is to say not at all ).

my friends are 50/50 male/female almost all of the guys are dating now , and none of the girls are .. they constantly complain about being single and not meeting the right guys.... i tell them to open their eyes , lots of guys hit on them buut they are the "WRONG" guys ...

i always suggest the same thing.. find someone you like who likes you .. and worry about looks later ...

ugly folks are better in bed ... sleep with an ugly person ....life and love are only as complicated as you make it .

perhaps you shouldn't worry about all the girls who won't sleep with you because you are their friend , and find a girl who want s to sleep with you ... in the end sex fades and all thats left is whats left when ther is no sex.. and thats a relationship !

( on a side note , my girlfriend is also my best friend , she is beautiful and kind and forgivving and fun .. and we got toether because for a short time she dropped her "list" and opted for the fat guy .. we live together now and things are going smoothly ... although the celibacy thing tends to make her grumpy at times ... but thats the way i am )

good luck
ivan


thats right i look like an albino ape that has had a bad day.. go ahead say something stupid... i dare ya !

Delete

Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Depends on how old you are. Younger women tend to look at the wanks as dangerous and exciting, yup. So, we date the assholes. But after awhile (usually) assholitis gets old and we start looking around for the nice guys. Now, here's the catch to this, the nice guy is the one who starts off as a mate and who usually sticks around through the assholes, despite how much he doesn't like them. Us girls don't see the mate as the guy we want until it one day strikes us in the most unusual place that we have fallen for him. It is a very strange phenomenon, much like getting hit by lightening, but without the static electricity.

There comes a time when a girl doesn't want to be pushed around and treated like a trophy anymore. I strongly feel that is when she becomes a woman and is ready for a real man, not a jerk!
Hang in there, it'll happen. It's taken me 29 years to realize I want a nice guy, or even what constitutes a nice guy, to tell you the truth, and I have all "nice guy" friends so you'd think I woulda learned sooner!


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

Delete

Magnus


member
Location: Bath, UK

Total posts: 279
Posted:You need to spend a few hours reading the material at Fast Seduction .com.

Yes, it's oriented on how to pull women in the shortest length of time possible, but it also offers the best take on the workings of the female mind that exists anywhere.

You're right though;
Arseholes end up with girlfriends.
Nice guys end up BEING girlfriends.

I seem to be going the other way to you. Female friends that I have currently remain as my friends, but new girls that I meet, I am starting to act a certain cocky and funny and aloof way, even if I don't fancy them at all. This is essential to keep romance as an option with them in the future.

It's a different side of me, it's almost not me, and some days I hate it, it can feel like an act. But the best way to get a girl is to make her work to get you, so that's what I do.

The moment I meet a girl who I can be NICE to and still wants my babies, I'll marry her.

In the meantime I seem to be doomed to superficial flings. Although I think this is also due to not being able to find a girl who is as truly spiritual, creative and outgoing as I am.

Magnus
(lonely, sometimes)


Magnus... pay it forward

Delete

SmallBoy - x


SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London

Total posts: 2737
Posted:Ok I suppose it works both ways, I've got 4 or 5 mates that I'm happy with just being my mates.
(My flatmate, Bams and My mate Em being a few)....This is all an obsevartion at the moment.

The thing that was pissing me off yesterday in specific was that a lot of my mates always bitch about "guys" being tossers. - my theory being, nope you picked him out of a line-up coz he was wearing a "gonna treat u like shit" t-shirt.

Pele - Wicked point......
This is probably why I haven't had a younger partner for the last 7 years.
Me is 22 and anyone that has been attracted to me ranges between 24 and 32 (currently).....I'm probably noticing it now coz I've been looking for someone younger than me.(One that doesn't want to have kids and settle down etc....)

Magnus:- I love you - muhahahahaha


Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Delete

Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:"Just marry an ugly girl, keep the oyster not the pearl, cause a bonnie lass will leave ya...if an ugly girl should leave ya, you find you don't really mind! Raise your glasses high and toast to love and marriage, which we'll never understand till they slide our coffins from the carriage....."

-exerpt from "Toast to Love and Marriage".

It's a Rennaissance Pub tune we sing at faire Pub Sing Shows. I thought this lyric might fit!

Remember: Beauty fades, and so does stamina, but intelligence lasts forever. (I have to say that since I'm a relatively smart girl! )


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

Delete

Dirty Marmite Spider


Dirty Marmite Spider

Climbing up my leg
Location: England

Total posts: 141
Posted:I'd just like to say that it happens to girls too. I overly compensate for the bad relationships i've had in the past by being too nice and get nothing in return. In fact most guys broke up with me saying "You're just too nice to me, you make people feel like they can take you for granted." I feel like it's bitchy girls who always have good boy friends.

I hope you find someone who appreciates your time and your affection and don't ever stop being who you really are just to get a gf because it wont make you happy. Being nice will pay off in the end.


Delete

_Stix_


_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land

Total posts: 2419
Posted:ur-huh..

I have no luck either- I'm everyones friend..


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

Delete

flowingchalice
BRONZE Member since Jul 2002

flowingchalice

member
Location: Leicester, uk

Total posts: 180
Posted:Hey Smallboy

Just my perspective here...
I've got about 99% guy friends, and if truth be known I don't fancy them or stuff would've happened by now with a couple of em! (they're guys, they're frisky, what can I say). I kind of have a feeling about who I really connect with on a deep level, and if that isn't there then it just isn't. I have amazing male friends that I love to pieces but I'd never take it further (even when drunk + horny ) because then that's always gonna be there.

I think that to find someone you truely connect with and feel passionate about on every level is quite a rare thing. Personally, I don't want to go around having just ok relationships with "nice" guys or wankers because I'll only get hurt by the half hearted effort and the knowledge deep down that it isn't going to last. Compatibilty's a BIG thing too.

I've only been madly passionate about one guy in my life, (although I can say I've been in love at least twice) and it's worth waiting for. There's nowt wrong with you sweets, you just haven't clicked with that special gal yet. It rocks being with someone that you can be best friends with, don't give up being nice... I fell for a mixed up arsehole when I was 16 and he treated me like crap. We grow out of it. Honestly.

Whew... don't normally go off on one... is it a full moon?

May love trip you head over heels real soon

~lovedupchalicehighonlife


Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside wakes C G Jung

Delete

coleman
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

coleman

big and good and broken
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kin...

Total posts: 7330
Posted:i'm going to say absolutely nothing helpful here at all. i'm just here to say that the problem you're having is not unique to just as you've obviously realised by taliking to your (very insightful) friend justin

check my sig - if i had any advice to give, i would be helping myself as much as i would be you!
the only reason i'm not down on it yet is i'm still under the false impression that being nice gets you better girls. BAAAALLLLLAAAXXXXX!

hugz (ha!) and knowing nods from a just as coleman.


"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood

Delete

SmallBoy - x


SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London

Total posts: 2737
Posted:Errrrrrm apparently it gets you sensible, older, sensible, intelligent, sensible and wholly grown up sensible girls.......which is where I've been since I was 15.

Where's the fun in that? - lol

[ 02 November 2002, 09:33: Message edited by: SmallBoy ]


Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Delete

Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:*hugs Smallboy in a "just a friend" kinda way, then kisses him & slips the tongue in *

At 23 I am definitely over the "dating assholes" bit. However I am still trying to cure myself of dating what my friend calls the "pained possum". This is the kinda guy who has had some trauma in his life, most probably fairly recently, and so is all reflective & soft & sweet. It isn't that you think of them as a fixer upper, its that you meet them at a time where they are more talkative about emotion and more open than at any other time in their lives, and that is attractive. And if you are attracted to someone, you want to see them happy. Unfortunately this stage is not always the best one to judge the character of a person. And you can make some pretty stunning mistakes Avoid the man who's fiancee left him the week his mum died at all costs!!!

At a conscious level I really want a relationship with someone which is just about going out and having fun, plus some passion. Basically a good friendship plus sex. But it is very hard to fight the appeal of the possum...

(And someday I will start another thread about what a pain in the arse it is that some guys freak out as soon as you show interest of any form. )


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

Delete

lolli


purple penguin- soon to be
Location: playing with the pixies at the...

Total posts: 478
Posted:heya gorgeous

i think everyone here has written pretty much my own views on your dilema. all ill say is that some times us gals (as well as guys) get deluded. they want to be deluded. they want to see whats not actually there, and by concentrating so hard on this they fail to see who's really there for them.
wheither or not you get the girl is not dependant on "niceness or not" but on the set image we give ourselves on what our initial attractions in someone are, thus we are nearly always disproved of these.

sorry if this doesnt make sense, 2 in the morning isnt often seen (or at least not whilst being in) by some of us silly uni students.

be happy sweety, you desearve it

lots of hugs and fluff



My spelling wobbles. its very good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong place

Delete

Distorted Silence


member
Location: Melbourne

Total posts: 217
Posted:Okay maybe I'm a bit too young to give the fullness of good advice, but here's my two sence from another chicks position:

I can't stand the majority of chicks. Sure I can talk to them, etc, but I can't understand them and no matter how hard I try, the majortity of them look like lost ditsy chicks who wouldnt know a nice guy from a axe-murderer. I can connect with a few chicks, the ones who also see how I do, but the majority of my mates are guys. Some of them are the nice guys, but nice to the point where it looks like they'd be obsessive, (and we hate that)... The others are like the brothers I never had.

I went for a nice guy once. Turned out he was a complete asshole underneath... I also went for an asshole who turned out to be perfect underneath, but then the assholeness kicked in.

Now Im currently after an asshole who acts like a nice asshole and could be really nice underneath but theyre assholeness means too much to them.

Keep in mind, none of them are wankers. all of them, in fact, hated wankers.

But what i have to say, is that you shouldnt give up. There are chicks out there who learn from their first mistake, and will go for the nice guy. Just dont be too nice and scare them off. Show that you'd take risks. Be a friendly and nice asshole when appropriate.

Thats what I think works


You've got to move fast to beat the Devil - Your arm's too short to box with God.

Delete

Raymund Phule (Fireproof)


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California

Total posts: 2905
Posted:In highschool I was told "Your the type of guy women want to marry not date!"

Your right though, women do seem to fall for the jerks, and I have seen it countless times when a guy only wants sex from a chick and they fall for it.

My advice is to just be you and keep on keepin on. There is nothing you can do about what women want, guys have no clue what they want, but the catch is, is that women dont know either!

So quit trying to figure things out and just go with the flow.

One thing I can say is dont join the military, it is a terrible place to pick up women hehe


Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

Delete

Surloch
SILVER Member since Dec 2001

member
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 64
Posted:Unfortunatly, everyone here seems to have the same opinion. It must just be a sad fact of life that nice guys always finish last.

I think most young women are simply insecure, and don't think they deserve a nice guy until they are much older. I know my sisters best friend has been with this one guy for 2 years, and she just can't break it up even though he is an asshole and all her friends hate him. She just can't seem to tell him know - maybe fear, maybe insecurity. Nobody knows.

Maybe women are just afraid of falling in love when they are young, as they look at their parents and see what they would look like when they are old, and they are afraid they will just rush things if they find 'Mr Right' too early.

Hell, I'm not a woman, so really all this is just conjecture. But there has to be a reason for something that has been observed world wide and is nearly fact.


N mar a sltear a btear

“Things may not be as they seem to be”

Delete

Kali
BRONZE Member since Apr 2002

member
Location: Berlin, Germany

Total posts: 577
Posted:I think a lot of this depends on what your talking about. Speaking as a woman that has had her share of assholes and nice guys, I have to say that my connections with them were completely different.

The assholes I was involved with were based simply on attraction, adrenaline, and a false sense of power. The nice guys were based on deeper, stronger connections than that. In all honesty I really don't think the two are comparable because they were based on completely different feelings and worked to fulfill completely different parts of me.

I think it should also be pointed out that I dated a lot of guys like my father (who is King Asshole Supreme) because I didn't know any better. He was the first man I was exposed to and I didn't know any other way to relate to men except for how I'd seen my parents. So I think one of the issues is that people are coming from more and more dysfunctional backgrounds these days and it influences us on every level.

It took a lot of really hard work for me to get passed this basic programming and maybe its because I worked in rehab for so long and grew up in such a screwed up area, but I know very few other people that have done this as well. It makes me really sad to be see my beautiful friends (male and female) getting involved with people that will probably never cherish them the way they should. But, what can you do? People will almost invariably do what they know until they know any better.

So there's my $.02 and then some.


Beauty is the conscious sum of all our perversions.-Salvador DaliHope without action is hopeless.

Delete

Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:Just wanted to clarify a little bit, cos of what Surloch said:

quote: Unfortunatly, everyone here seems to have the same opinion. It must just be a sad fact of life that nice guys always finish last.
If you think of it as a race, just a straight line time thing, then nice guys sometimes do "finish" last. They are the last ones to find a relationship, because all people have baggage, and they need to work through it, and this takes time. After they have worked through it, they come to realise that they deserve, and want, relationships with the nice guys. (And ny the way, I am applying the generic term of "guys" that means both sexes, cos I know a hell of a lot of males who are only attracted to weird warped baggage ridden evil assholes).

In time terms they may finish last. In real terms, they get the prize. Because they are the ones capable of building lasting relationships. They are the ones who understand mutual respect, and equality in a relationship.

It sounds like a very hard road for all of us. That we have to wait and strive and try to find the ideal partner over time. But maybe we should also enjoy each relationship along the way for what it is, (friendship, lesson, adventure, a short fling, whatever) without expecting every person to be "the one" especially when they are not ready to be.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

Delete

NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I think that there may be two issues here... at least IMHO. And let me preface this by saying that I've had the exact thoughts you are having now and pretty much lived my life being the "nice guy" (I specifically remember being in a hot tub in 7th grade in California with 5 cute girls who preceeded to pull the "you're like a brother" crap... UG!)

Since this is a pretty common scenario for me, I've thought about it often. Then again, I also often get women who THINK I'm in love with them, but am actually not.

Firstly, one has to ask one's self "what kind of women do I want?"... If you just want someone to shag (ooh look, I'm speaking British!) the by all means: GO out and buy the fast car, find the most insecure women you can and treat them like trash. They'll come running... But do you really want women like that? Honestly my answer was "Well, if she's cute and sweet and chooses to be with me, then YEAH!" for a while. But then I got bored of them. Actually, bored of the drama. If you actually want to be with quality women AND you want your relationships to be friendships as well THEN, by definition, you're going to be in less relationships. But better ones.

Second point: Maybe, somehow, you're not sending out a sensual/sexual/flirty vibe to the women you're meeting. There must be SOME attraction for anyone to be interested. Some of my friends often don't send out that "I'm kinda interested in you" vibe towards the people that they're interested in... and then wonder why nothing ever happens.

I DEFINITELY don't think you need to start screwing over women. UNLESS you just want some shallow, physical, manipulative fling. Which is always tempting, but never worth the time in the end...

Sadly, the higher you raise your standards, the less people we're going to meet that will meet those standards. We just need to decide how high we're going to set the bar vs. how badly we want someone to wake up next to. It's an individual choice and it does often change as we progress though life.

I've had the bed full for quite a good chunk of my life and am happy now setting the bar high. But that's not right or wrong, it's just where I am right now.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Delete

smiley_dup1


member
Location: Essex

Total posts: 108
Posted:I can't really give any advice that has not already been given but here are a few of my thoughts anyway.

1) Girls do fall for nice guys, its just hard to tell sometimes who is the asshole and who isn't.

2) You should never change your personality to try and "get" a girl. If you don't project the real you into the world, how are girls looking for a nice guy supposed to recognise you?

This may be garbled and possibly a bit simplistic, but its how I feel.

Best of luck in future romances
Smiley


I don't like living below the tropic of Capricorn..... and now I seem to be in England...... how did I get here???

Delete

AardvarkOnAcid


member
Location: San Francisco Bay Area

Total posts: 92
Posted:quote:Originally posted by MikeGinny:

Wait a sec...you're supposed to marry your best friend!!! But it seems like not many other people get that. *sigh*
Yeah, you generally do. Its relative strangers you fuck like a sex crazed rabbit.

My take on this is that there is a certain point in a relationship where you define yourself as either a friend or a potential lover. If you're still a friend at that point, chances are thats where the relationship will stay. Sometimes you find yourselves drunk under an apple tree in the rain and you re-evaluate things, but that seems to be damn rare.

So if you haven't set up the "lets go back to my place and fuck like rabid monkeys" question by that point, chances are you'll either drift off or be hearing about guys who did ask her that question. Just to make things complicated this "point" changes from person to person, and this is all assuming you're a potential lover in her eyes in the first place.

[Huge, potentially offensive jump here]

Now, women seem to be hardwired in terms of being attracted to confidence. [Exceptions exist, this is what worked for me, etc etc. If anything, girls specifically *not* looking for confidence are probably looking for an asymmetrical relationship. I.e. bad news] The reason that "assholes" always seem to get the girl is that if nothing else they're usually self-confident. Note that this isn't "I'm an ok bloke, will you be my friend" confidence... its "You should fuck me, I'm a god" confidence. [Exaggerated somewhat] The whole alpha male thing comes up here.

It took me a couple years to realize this, but I can honestly say it's changed things pretty dramatically. Yes how you look, what kind of shape you're in, how much money you appear to have, how intelligent/well read you appear all matter. However, unless you're exceptional in one of those, confidence seems to be the main factor. I.e. if you look like Brad Pitt, you can probably get laid even if you as assertive as a mouse, but for mere mortals, it doesn't work out as well.

Now, this doesn't mean you need to be an asshole to every woman you meet. It simply means you need to be sexually assertive to women you meet *that you want to sleep with*. What I mean by sexually assertive is to make it clear that you want to have sex. Not be friends (though thats an option), not talk about knitting, but sex. This is more about the way you say things, looking someone in the eyes, and body position than in what you say. Again, to make this even more complicated you need to feel out just how sexually assertive you need to be with the person you just met. Too meek and you're mate-material. Too cocky and you're just another horny asshole to brush off.

The key point is to make sure you let her know you want her without making her uncomfortable. If you get the "you need to calm down" vibe, then do just that. Be charming, polite, and distanced. But make sure you give the impression that you got the "no", but still find her interesting. After all, she may well be an extremely cool person. She may end up becoming your best friend. She may have really hot friends.


Is that all life comes down to? To be lying face down with an overenthusiastic guy in pink pin-striped pants sitting on top of you and grunting? -- Random MusingsSex, Drugs and Psytrance.

Delete

SickpuPpy


SickpuPpy

Ninja Rockstar!
Location: Denver, Co. U.S.A.

Total posts: 1100
Posted:Basicly what defines what people look for in a relationship comes down to a combination of just a few things.

One: simple animal attraction
Two: learned behavioral responses (like what sort of relationship your parents had)
Three: basic human instincts
Four: what you think you want
Five: what you actually want

It has been scientificly proven and documented that women have a basic nesting instinct, meaning that they find something/someone/someplace and they change it into something comfortable that they can make a home of sorts out of. So a girl may see a pretty looking mean guy and think that she can change him, tame him, and so on. I am going through something similar at the moment with my girl friend, though I'm not exactly mean she feels that after seven months of a relationship now is the time to try and change me. This behavior almost never works out.

What I have noticed affects relationships most, however, is how a girl's Dad treated her mom. It really is true that girls subconciously seek out their fathers and boy seek their mothers. So if her Daddy beat the crap out of mommy it gets implanted in her head that this is how relationships are supposed to work. If you don't believe me listen to Love Line some night (it's a radio advice show geared toward teens, for those who aren't in the states, but as it's in national syndication and had a tv show for a while I'm sure you can find a web cast of it) some girl will call in complaining how her b/f beats her and every time, every time she ends up haveing been abused by her father or step father or some important male figure in her life.

Another reason that relationships don't work or happen in the first place is our generation of people tend to seek the things that they are brought up to think that they want, rather than spending the time to honestly and objectively outline what it is that they want in a partner and a relationship. They tend to seek out properties that aren't very important to them, but may be important to their parents, or may be gratifying to show off to thier friends, while they end up totally neglecting the properties that really are important to them.

But when it comes down to attracting a girl it isn't as hard as you think. There isn't any mystery or magic formula. It is as simple as this: be the person that you want to attract. If you want to date a fun, outgoing riot grrrl than you have to be the crazy fun riot boy. If you want a layed back easy going girl than you need to be layed back and easy going.

After that its all patience. And don't be afraid to make a move, just be respectful. If she says no than she says no. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Just think what would James Bond do?
And remember that there is no spoon.


Jesus helps me trick people.

Delete

Prometheus


Prometheus

Diamond In The Rough
Location: Richmond, Virginia

Total posts: 459
Posted:Speaking from a 'nice guy' perspective, I have put a great deal of thought end energy into this particular quandry, and through careful analyzation of the facts have deduced that:

BEING A NICE GUY SUCKS.

I actually tried a sociology experiment in college where I was my typical 'nice' self and tried to pick up 5 women at random. As you might have guessed, one attempt was successful. The experiment was then repeated, but the persona was switched to '@$$hole guy' and bickety-bam, four out of the five encounters were successful.

While the theories of self-confidence and dangerous, exciting men are certainly plausable, it can also be an esteem issue. As often as I've been told that I'm like a brother, a good friend, or I'm too agreeable (whatever the Hell that is), I've also heard that "I don't deserve someone as nice as you." They then proceed to date some self-important nimrod who either doesn't appreciate them or treats them like complete dirt. Pisses me off to no end.

I also have the curse of being a great sounding board. I listen to women's problems and laments, occasionally offer logical advice, and I inadvertantly help her hook up with someone else. Instead of dating her myself, which is what a person without genuine concern for others would do. Problem is, I'm lousy at deception. Makes me a terrible actor. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeve. I wear all my internal organs out there. I have no choice but to be myself...

"I'm tellin' ya lads, it's true
No longer will I woo,
My heart is black and blue,
I leave this game of love to you,
I'm going off to become a priest!

-Another exerpt from "Toast to Love and Marriage".



Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Delete

bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:wow alot of different viewpoints here!

don't give up being nice, cus no matter who you end up loving, you'll need to love yourself too!

It may not hurt to just not worry too much about this and be the Smallboy you are (you are the best person to do that!!) Something important is lost in the translation to 'ideal mate' persona - your identity! If i wanted to role play, I'd play leisure suit larry (in the land of the lounge lizards)
misrepresenting oneself leads you down a path with a dark horizon is all i'll say.
keep it simple is my advice, it's a happier path.

life is easier, happier! when you rip up the script-book!


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

Delete

NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I like your '5 factors' SickPuppy, I never quite thought of it exactly like that. I always knew that we are fundamentally attracted to what "home" is because we are used to it. That's why disfunctional people are attracted to disfunctional relationships. There are times when we are simply excited because someone feeds into a disfunction of ours.

As for relationships, MY disfuntional personality is the "rescuer". I used to find women who were feeling weak and feeble and try to "make everything better"... Until I realized that it's impossible to make someone else strong. You can support them in a time of need but most people in crisis are simply there as a lifestyle choice. Fortunately, after only a few long years of having my heart sapped by feeble, insecure women I swore off of them. It sounds harsh but my first question that I have to ask myself is "does she have her sh!t together"... I know I only want to date an equal. But sometimes I need to remind myself of that when some cute girl is being all clingy and needy.

And to reitereate, and contest Promethius' point. I don't think you WANT the kind of girls that are attracted to a$$holes. Unless you do, in which case, go for it.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Delete

queen of wands


member
Location: Melbourne

Total posts: 127
Posted:OK, flipside...

What about guys?
Do guys necessarily want a NICE GIRL or a BITCH?

Hmm?


I'm not vegetarian, but currently I'm off my chops!

Delete

Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:quote:Originally posted by queen of wands:
OK, flipside...

What about guys?
Do guys necessarily want a NICE GIRL or a BITCH?

Hmm?We don't care as long as she puts out.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

Delete

Prometheus


Prometheus

Diamond In The Rough
Location: Richmond, Virginia

Total posts: 459
Posted:Wait a minute...just because a person will put out is NOT the main criteria. (OK, OK, It's in the Top 5)

I think the ideal woman is primarily a nice girl, but has the ability to conjure up and release The Bitch when necessary. Let's face it, The Bitch Factor resides in everyone...but it doesn't need to be ever-present. She should be nice at heart, but not afraid to speak her mind or stand up for herself when needs be. Guys are attracted to confidence just as much as girls are. I would much rather be with a self-sufficient, confident woman who knows what she wants, than a meek, frail ego. The most attractive women I know have passion and confidence in spades. But they are not nasty or spouting attitudes.


Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Delete

Flynt
SILVER Member since May 2002

Flynt

Intrepid Penguin
Location: , Australia

Total posts: 5635
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Prometheus:
I think the ideal woman is primarily a nice girl, but has the ability to conjure up and release The Bitch when necessary....... not afraid to speak her mind or stand up for herself when needs be. Guys are attracted to confidence just as much as girls are. I would much rather be with a self-sufficient, confident woman who knows what she wantsey? im sorry? i know PLENTY of nice self sufficient confident women, who DONT have the "bitch factor". it seems to me, that being a bitch has and always will mean being nasty, cruel, or mean to someone. Whether that be their boyfriend at the time or some other poor unfortunate that crosses their path.

Since when does being confident and an individual make us a subscriber to the "bitch factor". Please, find another term for it. I dont think thats what queen of wands meant when she asked, i think she was genuinely asking what about chicks that are just plain mean. Same way SmallBoy was referring to guys that are absolute tossers...

btw. SmallBoy. stay as you are! You are loved and wanted for it. And if the people in Pommy land dont realise that.... come to australia!


Currently on the right side up of the world.

Delete

Jade Lynx


member
Location: Laguna Beach, but i live in De...

Total posts: 239
Posted:Wankers get laid
Nice guys get loved


We got the MikeZ in the house, woot!Glue the ham, hat baby!

Delete

Page: 123

Similar Topics

Using the keywords [giving nice] we found the following similar topics.
1. Learn > Cartoons, Fun, Jokes > Pictures, Cartoons, Meme > A nice hoop makes all the difference *help/resource
2. Forums > A nice little game for all the goths [78 replies]
3. Forums > The last nice thing you did? [42 replies]
4. Forums > Giving up being nice????? [60 replies]
5. Forums > FAL4 ESSENTIALS - READ ONLY! [15 replies]

     Show more..