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Forums > Social Chat > my lifes a mess...please help

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bubblegumpopelectric
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

newbie
Location: england

Total posts: 7
Posted:hey my name is jen im 18 from derby. i have been seeing a guy for nearly 2 years now n we have had an wierd relationship. i dont know who will understand this but we dicovered drugs together when we first met. our relationship was amazing and beatiful, he was so romantic and sensitive. we sould spend a whole 3 days in his house with eachother, caning ectasy and cociane loving eachother's company and feeling amazing. i was so in love. things didnt stay that good for long though, we both got angry desperate and irritable and began arguing a lot. even though the relationship wasnt good i kept seeing him, watched us both go down in everythin that we did. now im pregnant! im nearly 5 1/2 months gone and things are awful. im not taking drugs myslef but he still is. he has no job (neither do i) and he's living with his grandparents who resent him. im trying to make things work out for us because i dont want to be a single mum. ive done evrythin i can to make things good but hes done nothing. I think hes gone crazy. drugs send ppl crazy dnt they? is there a way of reversing it? i want the old matt back but it feels like im stuck with this crazy druggy because i dont wnat to be on my own.
i dont kno what to do anymore. i dont know who to turn to. i dont even want to get out of bed in the morning. the thought of having a beautiful little girl makes me happy (ier) and hopefully when matt sees his child he will change (he keeps saying he will and im foolish enough to beleive him) i wish id never got myself into this mess. im still a child myself. frown has anyone else been in similar situation? i need help/advice/friends. please help x


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PyroWill
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines

Total posts: 4437
Posted:Firstly well done for being strong and giving up the drugs. hug

Secondly if he says he will cahnge when the baby arrives personally i wouldnt believe it, in a weird way tis like me with my dieting, if someone says i'll give up monday it hardly ever works simply cos its basically saying i'll give them up but im not prepared to give up now, its unlikely he'll stick to it if he syas that, he shouldnt have to see his baby face to face in order to kick this habit, the thought thats its growing inside of you should make him change.

Im afraid im not the best at giving advice, but i can assure you plenty of lovely people will be along soon to help you out smile

Try going to http://www.ivillage.co.uk/boards
its a social forum like this one but there are many supportive people who would have been through what you have, and its a womens forum, dont ask how i know about it smile

Be strong hug let us know how things go


An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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GothFrogette
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton

Total posts: 3999
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

i am not going to answer here or now so hugs will do for now. if i have not PM'ed you hun later pm me and give me a kick up the ass and we shall get talking ok?

hug hug hug hug


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:If you haven't been to see a professional councellor of some kind, I strongly suggest that you do. Even if you are opposed to them/ are distrustful of them on a personal level, they know the options you may have, how to achieve them and what help you're entitled to to do so. Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes on the situation from an objective point of view can work wonders (I know you have to agree with me on this, or you wouldn't be on an internet forum asking strangers for advice!), and a professional is much more experienced in these kind of situations.

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Dont let him see his baby unless he is clean. If he wants to see his child he has to show he is a responsible adult who can make the right choices in life.



This might get him to give up the drugs (one can only hope) but be preapared to stick to your guns because ir probably wont. I dunno what else to say about getting him clean but he's got to want it for it too happen, try not to get yourself dragged down to much if it turns out he dosent in the end, its all up to him...well thats how I would see it if it was me, does my advice sound abit too Trishar-ish (love that show)



But oh yeah see a councilor deffinatly hug hug hug hug hug hug hug


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:I agree with Brit_Joe.

Your main concern should be the child not him. I know you want to make it work with this guy but seriously it sounds like the relationship is toxic for you at the moment and only causing you stress...maybe if he realises you are serious and will take away his right to see his child if he doesn't clean up his act he will seek the help that he needs.

If not then he is seriously not good news for your child anyway and you should not want someone with his problems hanging around and influencing your child's life.

I hope it does work out for you!


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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Hey Bubblegum hug

Any stress for you means stress for your baby, unfortunately. So if you're unsure what to do, go and see someone who can help - I'm not familiar with the UK institutions but try Will's link! If you have a chance to just get away from it all for a day or 2, maybe with a friend or seeing a relative or something, do that, think about the whole situation when he's not around.

I'll not tell you to dump him, because I don't know what you've been through together and what he is actually like. But I have been in a situation with a boyfriend who wouldn't stop drugs and who got me down so much that in the end I had to kick him out of my flat. I would have done it sooner, not later, if I had been pregnant I think. I only realised when I stopped the spliffs for a while and I wasn't chilled out so much how annoying and aggressive he really was! Maybe it's the same thing for you. One thing though - if he ever gets aggressive instead of just irritable, please go and don't make yourself and your child suffer that.

I can't begin to understand how you feel - but well done for leaving the drugs. Please go and talk to people who can help you, you won't regret it. The worst thing that can happen is you won't like what they tell you and you just won't do it, there's no way counselling will make you do something you don't want. Good luck with everything hug


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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GothFrogette
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton

Total posts: 3999
Posted:PM on its way hun. hold in there ok hug

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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roarfire
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

roarfire

comfortably numb
Location: The countryside

Total posts: 2676
Posted:Maybe you should see someone...

.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.

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bubblegumpopelectric
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

newbie
Location: england

Total posts: 7
Posted:thankyou all for your support
i guess i really should seek proffessional help (it was on the back of mind anyway)
still i wish things were simple n everythin just fell into place.
but i gotta be strong n do what best for baby - right?


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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:Right. smile

AND for yourself, thinking in the long-term.


The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I second everything said here, and I *know* that everyone here really wants to help your situation.

After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Deviant_thinking


Deviant_thinking

member
Location: Edenderry, Co. Offaly

Total posts: 36
Posted:im one of those ex-[censored] up drug heads. so i may be of help if you want to talk, i've had serious addiction problems and come back from them.

try getting matt to go to a narcotics anonymus meeting. if he's as messed as your saying he probably won't go...

that's where i would say you should try go to Al-Anon,
its for the family/friends/partners etc of an addict and they'll help you cope with all the bs you'll get from him, how to maintain your own serenity throughout (which it really sounds like your lacking)
and maybe how to help him clean up. but for him to stop drugs, he has to WANT to stop. i'm not going to say much more in an open forum, pm me anytime at all if you need to talk. chin up hun, your going to have to be strong throughout the coming months and stay clean yourself if things are to work out.

there is nothing better for helping an addict stay clean than being around other addicts that are trying to stay clean. thats what na meetings are about... just a thought, those meetings have changed my life.


Give a man a fire and he's warm for the night,
Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

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Blayze
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Blayze

Doesn't play well with others...
Location: CANADA

Total posts: 187
Posted:Wow....It's like reading my own life story (except the pregnancy bit). I am actually engaged to an addict right now. He has been clean for 11 months, and we've been together for 6.5 years, so it's been tough, and I really know where you are coming from!
As far as Al-anon or NA meetings, you really should go! I didn't find I got much out of Al-anon, because I was the only one there dealing with cocaine, and not alcohol, but try it out anyways! I also go to the NA meetings with my fiancee when he is in town. I can't begin to explain how much I have learned from the people in those rooms. It might be uncomfortable to walk in there at first, but know that the poeple in those rooms really do care.
Okay, I'm going to send you a PM now, but if anyone else in this kind of situation is reading this, please PM me. I know where you're coming from and I know there is hope!


I smile because I have no idea what is going on...

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:hug stay strong honey. and good luck with everything

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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