DeepSoulSheep
DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Sep 2002
Total posts: 2617
Posted:What is friendship?

What is friendship to you? Everyone has had the experience of growing away from people as you get older. Sometimes when you think about it, you might wonder why you were ever friends in the first place. Were you on the same rugby team? Was it to do with geographic convenience? Do you have common interests? Are you the same kind of person?

The friends we keep tend to be the ones we have more than superficial conversations with. I think that friendship is an opportunity to focus on the part of yourself that you would most like to grow A true friendship is something that should provide you with the opportunity to grow as a person in order for it to be fulfilling.

Should we actively seek out to meet and tighten bonds with people who will be good for us and should be try to distance ourself from our more destructive friends Id imagine anyone who has kids doesnt want them hanging around with the wrong people, its only now that I am realising a deeper importance behind this now

What do you tongueointingfinger: think? smile


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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spritie
spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX
Member Since: 9th Sep 2001
Total posts: 2014
Posted:I think friends come and go for reasons. Sometimes, people enter our lives because they have something to give us - whether it is a lesson we need to learn or just to make us smile. Some of these people leave our lives when we have learned that lesson or when they have made us smile. It's as simple as that.

There are also ones that stick around much longer. Those friends will see you through the thick and the thin. They become your family. They know you inside and out and trust you completely.

I think both varieties have their place and are wonderful to have around.

Destructive friends, those that constantly bring you down, are constantly asking you to go out of your way for them but yet never are willing to return the favor, in my opinion are not worth the time. It's usually simplest to let them gradually fade from your life over time.


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thegreatnoname
member
Location: under your bed
Member Since: 6th Jun 2005
Total posts: 58
Posted:Well I think you all have said exactly what a good friend should be, but I think you have under played the importance of destructive type of friend. In small doses the bad friends can help you grow and move on as much as the good kind will.

Isn't sanity a one trick pony? Rational thought is all you get but when you are crazy the sky is the limit.

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spritie
spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX
Member Since: 9th Sep 2001
Total posts: 2014
Posted:Noname, I do agree with you that one can learn from the destructive friendships too.

Actually, this poem sums up my thoughts very nicely. Sadly, I have no idea who the author is, but if anyone does know, I would be very happy to find out.

RELATIONSHIPS

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. I know why you are in my life and I love you for that reason . .


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DeepSoulSheep
DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Sep 2002
Total posts: 2617
Posted:By destructive friends Im not talking about people that bring you down or ask something of you whether its too much or otherwise. A bad friend might be someone who you smoking dope with when youre around them even though you know it makes you paranoid. They are not necessarily bad people, they could just bring out the parts of you that you dont want to focus on.

The point Im trying to make is that if say for example you are trying to develop spiritually then it seems prudent to seek mentors, role models who can help you. If your trying to quit smoking maybe you shouldnt hand around with your friend who does for a while Im talking about making a higher decision based on selfish reasons above day to day interaction


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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Pele
Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA
Member Since: 15th Dec 2000
Total posts: 6193
Posted:I have acquaintences and friends (though I more widely use the term "friend" to be all encompassing).

Acquaintences are those people I am comfortable enough to have a conversation with but do not invite them into my life, nor make them part of my world in a permanent capacity.

I have friends who enter for a period of time. It could the length of a show or years before we lose touch. But they were never meant to be permanent. They were there long enough to leave an impression. To change me, to teach me something that I will carry with me forever...and I hope that I might have done the same for them.

Then there are those who are for a lifetime. Those with whom I not only share my deepest and darkest but my best and brightest. Those who I know that no matter how much time passes between our last conversation and our next, it will seem like no time at all. Those who I know that if I need them, they will be there...in any capacity at any time. Just like I am for them.

My friends are people that I trust not only with my life, but with the life of those most precious to me (my son).
They are people I respect (which is HUGE for me) and admire.
They are people I feel comfortable with being fully honest, and know that they are so with me...even if it means telling me something I do not want to hear.
My friends inspire me to be better, to learn more, to grow as a person and to be the best that I can be...and to share that with them.

We are born to families to raise us...we *choose* our friends as they help us to grow throughout the rest of our lives.

And the bad ones...I do not concider them friends, but I fully agree that they are necessary relationships.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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DeepSoulSheep
DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Sep 2002
Total posts: 2617
Posted:Written by:
They are people I feel comfortable with being fully honest, and know that they are so with me...even if it means telling me something I do not want to hear



Aha! That's a good one.

Strange how everyone finds it difficult to confront friends with good advice yet everyone really appreciates it when someone confronts them like that! smile


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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Aryth
Aryth

in a beautiful daze....
Location: Liverpool, England
Member Since: 25th May 2005
Total posts: 134
Posted:I think the best types of friends that you could spend every day with and have a good time, however if they have to go away for a time, moving house, job, going to uni etc... and you don't get to see them often but when you do there is no awkwardness, eerie silences or difficulty speaking, its just like it alwyas had been. There is also no bitchiness like you haven't spoke to me for two months, why haven't you called, why don't you write. Its a mutual low maintenance close friendship that you know you can trust.

Whatever happened to my green and pleasant land?

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MiG
MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG
Member Since: 16th Apr 2004
Total posts: 3415
Posted:a real friend? i really don't know that i've had one. I'm not sure if its the australian part of me or what, but i've had, and still have, mates. And i think they're usually the seasonal type people keep mentioning.

An acquaintance, to me, is someone that you say hi to in the street when you pass them. You wouldn't cross the street to say hi, nor would they. Sometimes, they're 'destructive' friends, sometimes they're someone you chat to at the local shop. Don't know how well you'd trust them, but probably not a great deal, maybe a few bucks here and there (maybe $20). I'd say this is the 'reason' type of friend, though there isn't always a reason behind it. Maybe its just circumstance (school/work mates etc.)

A mate is someone that you'd cross the street, say hi, have a bit of a chat with, and keep going with whatever you're doing. You might invite them to a party, If they're hosting one, you might go along, but chances are, you don't spend a lot of time with each other. Probably not the most trusted person in the world, you might lend them a reasonable amount of cash to get out of trouble (say, $200AUD), but not heaps, in case it didn't come back. More seasonal than an acquantaince, but probably still reason based. Perhaps that one person at the office you get along better with than any of the other. Maybe a couple after a few weeks, 2 months sorta thing.

A close mate/friend is the sort of person you really go out of your way for. The sort of bloke that you buy a 6 pack/carton of beer on their birthday. That you'd let stay in your house for a week or two if they needed to. You catch up regularly, you hit the pub together on a weekend, that sorta thing. The sort of person you'd say 'hey man, you really shouldn't to that/them/whatever', and they'd understand that you're helping, rather than trying to control. You trust them, almost with your life, in that you'd be fine with them looking after stuff, and what lend them is going to come back, probably better than it left. You might let them borrow a grand to help buy a car or something. This'd be the guy from school that you've kept good contact with for the last couple of years. Possibly about the same level as a couple (dating) after a year or so.

Then your close friend/best mate. These are the people you'd lay your life down for. The kinda person that you'd want to look after your house while your away for a year. The sort that you know inside out, and that knows you inside out. And that you both trust each other with that information, even if it could land you in deeeeeep hot water. You'd let them borrow whatever they needed within your means, and you don't really care if you get it back or not. The sort of person that takes over driving if you feel like crap, crashes your car, and you don't care. I don't think i can give a dating sort of timeline to this, having never really been there, either with dating or with mates.

To sum it up:

A friend bails you out of jail.
A close friend is sitting in the cell with you, saying "MAN, that was AWESOME!!"

my bit...


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:I think you can feel like that (best mate) sometimes with friends or SO's ... like you can give them whatever and they can take whatever... even when its not true, or shouldn't be.

How do you tell the difference? My best friend in the whole world and I were like that from when we met each other, there just wasn't any question. And sometimes I've done things like that whilst feeling different, so surely thats different. But there is once or twice been a person I've really felt like that about and either (now) I don't know if I should or it could really last- or before- we're still quite close, but its not quite the same thing, its about a level down....


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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flid
flid

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Warwickshire
Member Since: 27th Aug 2002
Total posts: 3136
Posted:I think it's a mutually beneficial agreement between people for companionship. It's mutually beneficial because most people want companionship, and also because it's no fun being friends with someone who is miserable, people will try to make their friends in times of misery happier. Some people don't want companionship and either prefer to do things alone or can't be bothered with the whole courtship thing involved in gaining friends. Frienships break appart when people don't need the companionship (moved away, changed hobbies etc), can't be arsed with the maintenance side of things (always taking and exploiting rather than doing favours etc), both parties need maintenance at the same time and don't have time, decide they don't need companionship (e.g. they find it's actually a lot funner to play golf on your own because you get round the course quicker and don't have to wait for slow people) or simply find better people to have frienships with. Politics get in the way of things too, but it's generally arogance that's the key in those cases, it is perfectly possible to have friends with opposing views to yourself, as long as you agree not to make too big a deal of them whilst sharing your companionship.

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Seye
Seye

Geek
Location: Manchester, UK
Member Since: 27th Mar 2005
Total posts: 1261
Posted:To me true friends are the ones that you can turn to when you need advice. The ones who will never look down their nose at you no matter what you do but are still able to tell when you are wrong.

They are the people that help you become who you are. The ones that you learn from and and feel truly comfortable being with. They are the people who make you laugh and at the same time the ones who make you stop and realise when you have gone too far. They can take you to new heights of happiness but also bring you back down to earth when you need it. (this has happened to me more than once and I am truly grateful to them for this)

They are the people that you feel have qualities that you yourself respect. Most importantly they are the people that you would do anything for and who would do the same for you.

True friends are the ones who you share your life with, that you have no secrets from and who probably know you better than you know yourself.

I feel extremely lucky to have lots of people that I consider 'true friends'. I'd never want to lose any of them and I dont think that I ever will. I dont know where I'd be without them.


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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:I have never really had a best friend that would stick with me through thick and thin, I've always hovered between groups of three or more. My social life is non-existant thanks to the bairns, and the amount of friends I do have is limited to three or four, even then I've met them through the boyfriend, who still doesn't truly understand me and i dont think he or anyone else ever will, apart from my good buddy Sarah, hug friends since nursery, never had a fight, and is the only friend from school who still makes the effort - even if she is 600 miles away. I love her like a sister ubblove,
(my actual sister's aren't nice) and to top it off, when I told her I was into poi, she told me she played too! weavesmiley
We ain't seen each other for over three years and our interests are still so similar - that's weird and cool!! ubblol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Akashla
Akashla

member
Location: On the far left of sane
Member Since: 28th Jul 2005
Total posts: 72
Posted:
They fill the spaces in your life, as you fill a niche in theirs. Maybe they are the person who's shoulder it is you cry on, maybe they are the people you celebrate your good times with, maybe they are the person you use to make yourself feel better, maybe they are the people who make it okay to be who you are.

Friends change as you change, some with you, and some without you. Some will walk beside you on your travels, some will wave you good bye, and still others will greet you when you get wherever it is that you are going.

Whoever they are, they are important to you, for that brief moment in time.


I am not a bitch.
I am THE bitch.
And Im Miss Bitch to you.

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Loewan
Loewan

and behold!
Location: Liverpool
Member Since: 11th Aug 2005
Total posts: 464
Posted:For me, what makes a friend a friend is the fact that they in some way share common ground with me on various aspects in life. I have friends who have the same taste in music as me, friends who share my place of study/work, friends who I have lived with and friends who have shared the same experience with me. All these people are connected to me because we share the same feeling about something. But the people who I would consider to be my good friends are those, with whom, I share the same moral, views and ideals in life. When I am with my true friends, we could look at the world and each other and smile... without words. And I guess thats why we grow apart from friends sometime, our values, goals and view in life changes as we progress.
EDITED_BY: Alien_Concept (1123992424)


Why let your body be a temple? When it can be a theme park?

Wii Console Number: 3294 0297 7824 7498

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AceOfHearts
AceOfHearts

newbie
Location: Newfoundland. Canada.
Member Since: 15th Aug 2005
Total posts: 15
Posted:I think true friends are the ones that you can tell absolutly anything and not have to worry about them having a bad reaction. Ultimate trust.

without trust a real friendship can't exist.



I've had alot of 'casual' friends over my lifetime. The kind of friend that talks to you in school, occasionally invites you over, but then when the school year is over they stop calling you. Then by next year you dont even say "hi" in the hallways, fearing that the conversation would become awkward.



I think a 'bad friend' is someone that will pressure you into doing whatever they want to do. Like, say yournot allowed to hang around with this person because your parents dont really like them, but yet you want to hang out with them. So they tell you to sneak out and lie about where your going. Then when your with them you feel really bad and guilty about lying all the time. I have one of those friends, and I'm sure everyone else has had a friend like that some point in time in their lives. Those are the kind of friends you stop talking to.



I think in your lifetime you only have a few really close friends that will actually remain your really good friend for a while. But they'll always be this one person that will be your friend forever.



well .. thats my .. 3 cents. smile



- Alyssa bounce


Nine feet of rope .. one ball of fire.

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Can you have a best friend who's also your lover? I can tell this girl *anything*. And I hope she feels the same about me. I think that communication is *the* single most important factor in *any* relationship, and it's such a relief to be able to spill my fears, hopes and secrets to someone who will unconditionally love me.

So, anyone else got a significant other who is also their best friend?


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Laday
Laday

member
Location: In UK for now, but born an liv...
Member Since: 9th Jun 2005
Total posts: 75
Posted:A friend to me is that some one who you can look at and because u know them so well u know what they thinking and you laugh along with them. Its some one you know that you can be totally honest and open with. A true friend is the one you tell everything because u not sure what someone else might say but know they accept and love you for anything. Some one you've shared life experiences with and continue to do so. You pick eachother up and you help each other through the day. A friend is some one you dont have to see for years but when you do its like you've never been apart,not even for an hour.
''You stay my friend cause u know too much about me''


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VampyricAcid
VampyricAcid

veteran
Location: My House
Member Since: 27th Jun 2005
Total posts: 1286
Posted:EDIT: bad day yesterday sorry, everything is brights and happy today, i love my friends really!!!
EDITED_BY: Vampyricacid (1124315179)


Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?

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Villet13
member
Location: London
Member Since: 15th Aug 2005
Total posts: 47
Posted:A friend to me is someone i can trust with my Cookies and cream Hagen-Dazs with!

Life is but a DREAM!

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Hey Villet, I'll be your friend, honest! wink

biggrin


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Villet13
member
Location: London
Member Since: 15th Aug 2005
Total posts: 47
Posted:Written by: Sethis

Hey Villet, I'll be your friend, honest! wink

biggrin



lol only if you buy the Hagen-Dazs sethis! I will bring the spoons!


Life is but a DREAM!

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Noddy
Noddy

Toe Poking Bad Boy
Location: Lake District UK
Member Since: 25th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2865
Posted:they are the one you can tell all your deep and intimate secerts as they do to you and you can get along with them with no problems with what so ever, and also you can get drunk with them and they wont mail you off on a train. biggrin

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

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ZeeBoo
ZeeBoo

member
Location: Melbourne
Member Since: 10th Aug 2004
Total posts: 167
Posted:Written by: Sethis

Can you have a best friend who's also your lover? I can tell this girl *anything*. And I hope she feels the same about me. I think that communication is *the* single most important factor in *any* relationship, and it's such a relief to be able to spill my fears, hopes and secrets to someone who will unconditionally love me.

So, anyone else got a significant other who is also their best friend?



My wife. biggrin
(although we both have other best friends if you see what I mean.)


Just because I'm an adult doesn't make me responsible.

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pricklyleaf
pricklyleaf

with added berries
Location: Manchester
Member Since: 7th Mar 2005
Total posts: 1365
Posted:I think you can have a best freind as a lover, otherwise, if you don't get on as well as that then will it ever be a compleatly honest and fufilling relationship? Thats what I hope to find one day.


No-ones really discused this bit in deatail, so I thought I would, especially as I am experiencing a lot of it at the moment.I think there are two types of destructive relationships, but I think both are important to people short-term as often they can make you learn more and stronger than positive relationships.

One is as mantioned before, when a person makes you feel bad about yourself. This can occur in many different, but usually very subtle ways, sometimes you can't even understand the erason. I'm experiencing this currently (mainly down to my low self esteem) where there are certain people who are so good they make you feel inadequete. You know the ones, they always get chosen for that trip, job. promr, whatever, over you. They also however, tend to have just a hint of arrogancy, not anything obvious, and certain comments can make you feel worse. I have tried to distance myself from people like that in the past but now I've realise tat if I can turn that into a positive relationship then I can conquer my own insecurities.

The other is when the person is being incredibly self-destructive, particulary when they have been this way for the whole time you have known them. You can try to be a freind and be strong for you, and they will take advantage of you, not knowingly but they will. In the end when it is you making all the sacrifices, and being hurt, you have to let go and realise the only person who can help them is them. (if it's someone who is trying to ercover, or someone you know who has started to slip into this then it is different).

I have the mutual low-maintance relationship with my best friend from school and its the most positive relationship to have as I know she will always be there for me and visa versa.

I have friends at uni who I'm very close to now but are probably just seasonal relationships. I've been thinking about this subject a lot recently so thankyou for the enlightenning thoughts.


Live like there is no tomorrow,
dance like nobody is watching
and hula hoop like wiggling will save the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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DarthMeaux
The artist formerly known as Phae'xorl.
Location: South-East Ohio (the foothills...
Member Since: 28th Jun 2005
Total posts: 145
Posted:A definate quality to look for in a friend is someone whom you can speak candidly with about flatulence and poo.

"...heaven is ordering a six piece chicken nugget and getting seven...and a switchblade."

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:Erm, I haven't tried talking to her about flatulence and poo, but i'll be sure to bring it up wink

Villet: Hope you don't mind Belgian Chocolate! ubblol And they'd better be big spoons!


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Kyle McLean
Kyle McLean

Living it up
Location: Brisbane/Berlin
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2003
Total posts: 364
Posted:Nice thread DSS...
I was riding in a good friend's car the other day and noticed a little thingy hanging up that said something along the lines of:
"Friends are the people who look over your broken fence and admire the flowers you have planted"

Then to look at it from the other side of the coin
Written by: DeepSoulSheep

A true friendship is something that should provide you with the opportunity to grow as a person



This really reminds me of something Dali's Lama said:
"your enimies are your best friends; they help you grow"


Contact without dance is like sex without wiggling.
A) it does feel as good
B) it does not look as good on film

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PsychoTronic
stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens
Member Since: 1st Jun 2004
Total posts: 80
Posted:WHAT IS THE SHIP THAT NEVER SINKS?????




FRIENDSHIP!


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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