Forums > Social Discussion > Is Love Blind............ Or Worth it

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Jastapus
Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex
Member Since: 17th Feb 2005
Total posts: 39
Posted:Another happy post. I have just been majourily screwed over last night by my girlfriend when I found out that she was sleeping with someone else, (isnt she nice). looking back now i can see all the signs but i was to inlove to accept them. So is love blind????? or worth it if you just end up getting hurt?

Cogito Ergo Sum

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king"

Does that mean if I never fall in love, I can rule the world? biggrin


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
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I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:yes it does Sethis!!!! and i look forward to the day you become king of america.



Anyway, sounds like you playing it safe Jastapus, i like it.



Giving yourself time and space from her will let you know how YOU feel about HER. Then you'll know whether what she did really matters that much to you in comparison to being without her, if thats makes sense? remember everything now is on your terms and you terms only...dont take no sh*t from her.



Good lad. a very mature response to the situation in hand.



Sethis, you rock at relationship rappor!!!


You'll find me on the dance floor

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:^^

Thank you! I do my best.

ubblol ubblol "King of America"

Very good response as well, Arty.

I think really, if you close your eyes in Love then you lose your situational awareness. In the haze of ubblove then it's easy to wake up and think "Hang on, where are we now?" And realise that you've changed, your partner has changed, and the relationship is teetering on the edge. It's much better to remain aware so you can anticipate problems and adapt. I know it can be difficult, but so many arguments could be avoided if people simply paid enough attention to their partner's body language, tone of voice, etc.

It's like me asking someone "Are you alright?" and they say "Yes" and I wander off thinking they're fine. But if I stopped and said "Really? you know you can tell me about any problems, right?" then maybe they'd break down in tears and actually tell me that they're sick of me taking corners too fast in my car (for example). Only then could I actually begin to try and solve the problem. Ultimately, you need to know how your partner feels, so you can accomodate their needs and desires.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
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I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:J-J has a really good point... people get too caught up in ideals, or in what they think they have, and then they wake up and wonder what happened.

In my case, recently, I got caught up in a commitment I had made- and I finally realized that the best way to honor the commitment was to leave the relationship. I've since realized that there is no way I can truly honor it- there has been too much of what is essentially abuse visited upon me for me to ever want to be in a close relationship with the person involved. I don't really know what to do- I don't want to break my word but I wasn't expecting anything as severe as what I got.

But thats a bit off topic- altho everyone else seems to be doing a brilliant job advising the current situation.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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J-J
member
Location: Perth, Australia
Member Since: 14th Jul 2005
Total posts: 41
Posted:Without knowing any of the details of your current situation, the only comment I can make here is:

Don't forget you have a commitment to yourself and your wellbeing too. I believe this is the most important commitment anyone can have; not only because you are important but also because taking care of yourself enhances your ability to help others, rather than detracting from it. By putting others first and not taking care of yourself, you ultimately (in the long run) limit both the help you can give and your own growth.

hug

Apologies if this is irrelevant or inappropriate to your particular situation hug


"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by" - Douglas Adams

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:no, its brilliant hug hug

sorry, im still feeling lovey dovey after reading doc's baby thread *sigh*


You'll find me on the dance floor

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J-J
member
Location: Perth, Australia
Member Since: 14th Jul 2005
Total posts: 41
Posted:big hugs for all the people who've told me my posts are insightful/brilliant

Thanks guys, it made me smile to know that you appreciated them smile

And an extra special big hug for Kyrian, who even sent me a pm to tell me so. hug


"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by" - Douglas Adams

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:biggrin

You'll find me on the dance floor

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:You're appreciated!! How could I not let you know?

hug

-Kyribug


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Jastapus
Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex
Member Since: 17th Feb 2005
Total posts: 39
Posted:Thank you all so much for the ever growing advise. Also thank you arty for the lovely, kind words.
I agree with J~J, wise words!
The whole situation isnt bothering me that much anymore now. tis nice to just get it all out of my hair for a while. however i miss her........ which sucks!
pfft aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways more questions because you now have nothing else to ponder on. Can you fall in love more than once, also what is love, is it just some select brainwaves reacting, your soul found a partner or something else?
thank you for all the comments again. hope to hear soon


Cogito Ergo Sum

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:At the end of the day it must be chemicals but i can't say I understand it!

sorry for being so horribly unromantic.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:first we must realise that body and mind are two seperate entities.



love cannot be a chemical reaction soley in the body, otherwise any random connection with jimmy bloggs will be made, and we wouldnt have fantasies or turn-ons, (which come from our mind)



so therefore love must exist in the mind.



i wonder how do the two intergrate? how are we able to move our limbs etc?no-one knows and thats the beauty of it.



how, when you see that special someone, can they make your heart speed up til you think your gonna burst? or give you erect*ons or make you w*t?



its utterly amazing



glad your feeling better about the whole situation jastapus biggrin


You'll find me on the dance floor

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Groovy_Dream
Groovy_Dream

addict

Member Since: 26th May 2005
Total posts: 449
Posted:Written by: Jastapus

Thank you all so much for the ever growing advise. Also thank you arty for the lovely, kind words.
I agree with J~J, wise words!
The whole situation isnt bothering me that much anymore now. tis nice to just get it all out of my hair for a while. however i miss her........ which sucks!
pfft aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways more questions because you now have nothing else to ponder on. Can you fall in love more than once, also what is love, is it just some select brainwaves reacting, your soul found a partner or something else?
thank you for all the comments again. hope to hear soon



You MISS HER!?!? how you can even consider keeping her in your life is beyond me. @#$% her. I'd rather die than cheat on someone.


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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:All things change in the right situation... do not be so quick to judge either her or jastapus, psy rush...

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:We'd all love to agree with you PsyRush, but unfortunately our hearts are never ruled by our heads.

People hurt us, but you cant help how you feel or care for someone. The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.

Its not that easy to actually let that person go, even if you always told yourself you chuck them in that situation.


You'll find me on the dance floor

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Pyrolific
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Member Since: 10th Jan 2001
Total posts: 3288
Posted:The way I see it, is in terms of compatitbility. If you are the type that cheats, you are probly compatible with someone who is capable of it. If on the other hand, you are not that kind of person, then you probly dont want to be with someone who is, as you wont be compatible. when I was young I thought the sky would fall if I broke up with my love, now I know that if youre breaking up for legitimate reasons the sooner the better. Mate - unless you have serious involvement eg kids with the girl you are talking about dont waste your life chasing what patently isnt going to work out, look elsewhere. Her cheating is proof that she's quite different from you on a fundamental level as far as I can see, and youd be happier and be able to have a deeper trust with someone else...

--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!

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Laday
Laday

member
Location: In UK for now, but born an liv...
Member Since: 9th Jun 2005
Total posts: 75
Posted:I read this quote in a card that got sent to me and thought back to this post-
''3words,2hearts,1love''


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Groovy_Dream
Groovy_Dream

addict

Member Since: 26th May 2005
Total posts: 449
Posted:Written by: arty farty

The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.



Unfortunately it's not as simple as that.

I agree with the stuff about compatibility, but how do you know that she's a cheater until it's too late?


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Mynci
Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...
Member Since: 27th Apr 2005
Total posts: 8737
Posted:You can't KNOW if someone is going to cheat on you..that would be prophesy and thats not common...
I am currently starting a new relationship and am in that beautiful honeymoon period where we each find each other irresistable. the biggest problem is she lives 120 miles away. But we still manage to see each other down to the fact she is looking at intensive driving courses to pass her test quicker.

I do however feel i couldn't trust a person I knew had been "diddling" another guy, it would break my trust and crush me. It's happened before to me to the extent I kicked her cheating ass out of the flat we owned together, if she truely loved me she would have spoken to me first if she was thinking anything like that....


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:Written by: PsyRush

Written by: arty farty

The reason why it hurts, is because we cared for them so much in the first place.



Unfortunately it's not as simple as that.

I agree with the stuff about compatibility, but how do you know that she's a cheater until it's too late?



What are you jibbering about? my quote relates diddly squatt to your chaffings.

i still think im right. the more you care for someone who f*cked you over big time the more it hurts, compared to dating someone for a week, who you dont have many feelings for at that point in time- thats not gonna hurt much in comparrison, is it really!!

the more emotion you put into something, the more you get hurt if it falls apart.


You'll find me on the dance floor

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Jastapus
Jastapus

member
Location: UK, Essex
Member Since: 17th Feb 2005
Total posts: 39
Posted:this thread relaly uses the word diddling alot.
well, i am dubbing arty as the wise man for this situation. Have you been through this kinda thing your self or are you just good at giving advice?
well the situation has come to a head now. Weve decided to just be good friends. Im more relieved in the fact that i now have an answer and im not just stuck in the middle. But i do feel surprisingly empty. im sorry for saying this as it seems to offend Psy but alas, helps spilling my feeling on here.
So has any one else been through this kind of situation. If so what was the outcome?
thank you for all the replies, keep um cummin, i also wish you all love life prosperity.
Jastapus


Cogito Ergo Sum

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:One of my closest friends wound up giving his girl another chance after she cheated (mainly, in his mind, because she was drunk at the time and upset about the situation- even, it seems, partway through it happening.) He had a fair amount to deal with- he couldn't understand how she could have done it if she really loved him! But none of us, him included, doubted that she did. They broke up later over religion or some such, but they're still on good terms smile It was a special situation tho- She wasn't really a typhical girl, things didn't mean what they often do, and he's at least several degrees less possesive than the average guy.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Arty Farty
Arty Farty

I wear yellow on monday
Location: Farnham Ahoy
Member Since: 5th Jul 2005
Total posts: 551
Posted:Written by: Jastapus

well, i am dubbing arty as the wise man for this situation. Have you been through this kinda thing your self or are you just good at giving advice?
Jastapus



unfortunately i dont have a photo gallery. If i did you would clearly see that Im Trisha Goddard from the popular morning TV chat show 'Trisha' and 'Trisha Goddard' which appears on ITV2.

seriously tho, im glad i can be of assistance. I would suggest staying away from her if you still have feelings for her, as i can only see them confusing you further. but still, its your decision. wink


You'll find me on the dance floor

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